Title: What Iffs
Author: Slea Blau
Rating: T
Pairings: Sam/Jack
Spoilers: A lot of things.
Summary: "This isn't what I thought my life was going to be like."
Warnings: Just a very emotional Sam
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A.N: Sorry about before. I can never get FanFiction to do what I want.
"This isn't what I thought my life was going to be like." It was the only thing she said when he opened the door. Jack ushered her in. It wasn't a cliché night when all things were going to hell, such as pouring with rain and that. It was a cloudless night. Jack ushered her in. He knew her fathers' death was hard on her and didn't ask what she was doing on his doorstep at one in the morning, instead he offered her a beer, which she declined, and sat beside her on the couch. He looked at her quickly, took a swig of his beer and turned back to the Ice Hockey game on T.V. He pretended to watch it for an hour, till he felt her move over to him on the couch, reached for the remote and turned the T.V. off, "Thank you for pretending." He knew she meant so much more than just the T.V. pretending he liked her with Pete, pretending they were just friends, a lot of things.
"You'll see Sammy. You'll have men falling over you soon.' That was the last thing she said to me. Yeah, men falling over dead. She forgot to mention that part. I mean it wasn't all that many but still everyone, dead. It's like the fates', if there is such a thing, are telling me I'm not allowed to have true love. The air force certainly is. They won't allow it. 'You can still have everything you wanted.' It was one of the last things he said to me. How? How can I with these damn regulations?" By now Sam was up and pacing. Jack didn't have to ask who he or she were. He could tell they were her parents. Sure she was rambling but Jack knew her well enough to know. "I mean this is insane. I'm 37 and I'm not married, have any kids. I've come close, twice, and both times I've called it off. Am I that much of a failure Jack? That I can't have a life outside my job." Jack was a tad shock that he called her by his first name but quickly got over it, "Sam, listen to me. Hansen was a psycho. You had to break it off with him or else you more than likely wouldn't be here. And Pete. Pete was a moron, he had a background check on you. He couldn't accept your pace. I mean Jesus, Sam, think of your future if you had stayed with him. You had to break it off. The other males, Martouf, Narim, Orlin, their deaths weren't your fault. You did what you had to. If you want to discuss Fifth, well he was like a little child he didn't really understand. He was a replicator and he more than likely turned out like Reese. We couldn't have that. With me. Carter you will always have me. Besides I love my job and I know you do to. You're not a failure." It was all he could do.
Sam started sniffling and spoke again, "We've lost so many. Janet, Abydos, so many SG teams. And Daniel. We've lost Daniel so many times I don't know if he's alive or dead. I mean what if he's still dead and we just keep hallucinating him. I'm afraid of losing him forever and what if the tretonin is stopped being made. What will happen to Teal'c?" She was crying all over again. Jack grabbed her shoulders, "Carter. There are so many what iffs. We just have to accept them. We'll get through this. C'mere." And with that he pulled her into a hug. Sure there were a lot of what iffs out there but now is now and there is no what iffs.