K&PxRWBY Anger Translator

Today was finally the day. The day for Ozpin's annual address to the Kingdoms of Remnant. Unfortunately this year would be abit more serious after the recent terrorist attack in the City of Vale. He needed to reiterate the ideals he held on national security and the activities of other Kingdoms. These topics never blended well with Ozpin's stoic persona. He would need someone to express his undying rage without tarnishing his own image, that is if he wanted to keep his job.

"Headmaster, this is quite possibly the stupidest thing you've done in a long time." said a certain bronze hair bully.

"Mr. Winchester you know our deal, you do this now and I'll let you pass Dr. Oobleck's class. He and I wouldn't want you to be held back now would we?" Ozpin said before taking a swig of coffee. Cardin let out a sigh and took position behind Ozpin's chair. The gears above their heads churned and hissed as the noon bell began sounding throughout Beacon Academy. It was nearly time to begin. Ozpin and Glynda worked the graveyard shift to create a set for the address to take place, it was comprised of his desk chair, a lovely fireplace behind him and a black ursa rug beneath his feet. It was hard to tell that this was going to be shot from his own clock tower.

"Are we ready yet Professor?" Glynda asked while poking her head out from behind the camera.

"Yes, you should start rolling."

As preparations for the address met completion Team RWBY was in the cafeteria discussing dull topics.

"I dunno Weiss, I think if Humanity ever does find a Grimm T Rex they should probably call it Grimmlo-" Yang was quickly cut off from what would have likely been a really shitty pun when all the scrolls in the cafeteria began to ring. Ruby was the first to open hers.

"Oh, Ozpin's starting his Kingdom Address! Get out your scrolls, let's all watch!"

"He better discuss the rising concerns about getting the Kingdom of Vale nationalized Healthcare so we can fin-"

"Shut up Blake, we want to hear what he has to say about us saving the day from the Grimm!" Yang said quickly.

"Ugh, don't come crying to me when your health insurance doesn't cover third degree burns to the cranium..."

As the camera rolled Ozpin took a deep breath and began with Cardin standing behind him, hands tucked behind his back, with a stern expression on his face.

"Good evening my fellow citizens of Vale, now before I begin I just want to say that alot of people out there seem to think that I don't get angry. That's simply not true. I get angry alot. The way I express my passion, however, is different from most. So just so there is no more confusion I brought Mr. Winchester of the freshman class to be my anger translator".

Cardin gave a slight nod of the head in response. Ozpin continued.

"First off, concerning the recent developments in the southeastern region outside the Kingdom, I just want to reiterate our intention of ending any terrorist attacks before they occur."

Cardin took that as his cue to begin 'anger translating.' Well, it sure as hell beats failing freshman year... He began walking toward the camera slowly as he began to talk.

"Hey! All y'all White Fang members out there! Keep messing around and see what happens! Just see what happens! WATCH!" He said, pointing at the viewers with his index finger.

"Also, to the governments of Atlas, we once again urge you to discontinue your dust enrichment programs."

"Hey Ironwood! Councilmen! I think I already damn told both y'all to 86 your shit bitches! Or I'ma come over there and do it FOR Y'ALL! Please test me! And see what happens!"

"On the domestic front, I just want to say to my critiques over the Breach incident, I hear your voices, and I'm aware of your concerns."

"So maybe if you could shut the fuck up and chill the hell out for like a second then maybe I could focus on some shit! Ya know!?" With every statement that escaped Cardin's mouth he seemed to grow more exaggerated in his translating, getting more excited as the address moved forward.

"And that goes for everybody, including members of the Council and General Ironwood, who recently has taken my position as Head of Security for the Vytal Festival." Ozpin's words slightly stuttered at mention of his loss of position, obviously it still bothered him. Cardin noticed this and became electrified with his next words.

"Oh don't get me started on these motherfuckers right here!" He quickly dashed behind Ozpin's chair and off the left of the screen in a fit of rage, perfectly expressing Ozpin's disdain for the situation.

"Now I want to assure you that we will be looking for new compromises with Atlas and her military." As Ozpin said this Cardin began entering the frame from where he left, speedwalking across the shot as he began.

"And you know these motherfuckers are gonna say no before I can say yes and shit!" He said, throwing his arms up in disgust as he exited stage right.

"Now I know that alot of people say I haven't done a good job at communicating my accomplishments to the public." Suddenly Cardin reared his big head mere inches from the camera.

"BECAUSE Y'ALL MUTHAFUCKA'S DON'T LISTEN!" And just like that he was gone.

"Since being Headmaster of Beacon we've gained 3,000 new students."

"THREE! THOUSAND! NEW! STUDENTS!" Cardin said, now behind Ozpin.

"We ended the Breach incident with minor injury."

"Ended the Breach y'all! We ended the Breach! REMEMBER THAT!?"

"These achievements should serve as a reminder that I am on your side."

Cardin moved his hand behind Ozpin's chair and pulled out a megaphone. "I AM NOT A TERRORIST!" He yelled before quickly tossing the megaphone across the room, breaking a vase in the process.

"Um, Mr. Winchester, let's rope it in a bit shall we?"

"Oh fuck you're right, dial it back Cardin, damn!" Cardin said in the third person.

"Moving on, some of my opponents go so far as to believe I am a member of the White Fang."

"Oh see that shit's fucking cray right there."

"Indeed, Mr. Winchester, that shit is relatively cray." Ozpin said, somehow keeping his stoic demeanor throughout that whole sentence. "Now to conclude, last night I had a conversation with Professor Goodwitch."

"I says biiiiiiiiiitch!"

"Um, no, I did not say that, I did not say th-"

The stream quickly cut off, leaving the message 'Technical Difficulties' on all streams of the address. The girls all sat staring at their scrolls in disbelief of what they just saw.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...What the fuck was that!?"

This request was from ArrogantWhale of reddit. Thanks for the idea! It was fucking fun to write! Thank you for reading, If you enjoyed please Fav, Follow, or Review. If you have any idea for a K&PxRWBY one shot please leave it as a review and I'll see what I can do, but don't recommend the substitute teacher sequel, it will be done and enough of you want it. Thanks again for reading, I love you all!

~ Grimm