Title: Masks and Faces.
Author: Adi (dz_crasher@yahoo.com)
Archive: Email me we'll talk.
Category: Episode Tag
Spoilers: Secrets
Season/Sequel info: Season 2
Rating: PG
Content Warning: None.
Summary: After the death of her mother, Sam had spent hours in front of the mirror trying to find pieces of the woman in herself; She had found pieces of her father too.
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Beta Thanks: The readable state of this fic is due to Seldear and Cassie.
Special Thanks: To Denise, who challenged me.
Sam entered the confined space of the airplane bathroom about two seconds after the 'fasten seat belt' sign had been turned off. Avoiding her reflection in the mirror, Sam washed her hands and face and dried them with the paper towel. Then, unable to put it off any longer, she looked up.
After the death of her mother, Sam had spent hours in front of the mirror trying to find pieces of the woman in herself. She made a few discoveries during those hours. She discovered that she had her mother's mouth, her hair, her nose. Her fingers were like her mother's too, long, elegant, graceful. She found her mother in herself and held onto those fragments as tightly as she could.
She had found pieces of her father too. Her eyes were just like his, just a different color, the slope of her forehead, the hue of her skin. Her posture, probably more from nurture than nature, screamed of Jacob Carter.
Before she could forgive her father for something that wasn't his fault, before she followed in his footsteps and joined the air-force, she had hated those bits of him within her. She cut her hair, and let her bangs grow to hide his forehead. She began to wear makeup to cover his skin, slouched to get rid of his posture. She avoided looking her reflection in the eye when she was in front of a mirror. She didn't want to see him looking out.
Eventually, as she learned to live without her mother, she found it in herself to understand that he was not to blame. It was a slow process, but eventually she learned to live with him in her.
'I have cancer, Sam.' The sob, when it finally escaped, was harsh and painful, and the tears which accompanied it were hot and acidic, burning her eyes and cheeks. She leaned back against the wall, her hands fisted, pressed against the sink. 'I want to see you fulfill your life's dreams before I die.'
'Bastard.' Her knuckles were white, and her stomach threatened to heave. 'You god-damn rat bastard!' Her teeth were clenched in pain, or bared in anger, and she looked into his eyes in the mirror, and called him every name she could think of, and then made some up on the spot. 'Just once in your life, can't you offer me something with no strings attached? Just once, god damn it!'
'I want to see you fulfill your life's dreams before I die.' Another sob then, less harsh, but no less painful. "Daddy," she whispered.
A knock at the door shattered her illusion of privacy. "Is everything alright in there?" came the far too friendly voice of the flight attendant.
"Fi-" Sam started to croak out, then cleared her throat. "Fine. Everything's fine. I'll be right out."
She would not do this again, she knew, would not indulge in this stupid display of weakness. Jacob Carter would be fine, or he wouldn't. That's all there was to it.
Sam grabbed one of the paper towels and blew her nose, then she washed and dried her face, and took a few moments to reapply her make up, rebuilding her mask. No one asked questions when you looked happy.
Sam returned to her chair, gave a small smile to General Hammond as she passed him. She put on her earphones and closed her eyes. They'd be home soon, then they would go get Daniel and Teal'c from Abydos. She would travel the stars, and she would not think of her father, or his offer, except, maybe, when she looked in a mirror.
Author: Adi (dz_crasher@yahoo.com)
Archive: Email me we'll talk.
Category: Episode Tag
Spoilers: Secrets
Season/Sequel info: Season 2
Rating: PG
Content Warning: None.
Summary: After the death of her mother, Sam had spent hours in front of the mirror trying to find pieces of the woman in herself; She had found pieces of her father too.
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. This story may not be posted elsewhere without the consent of the author.
Beta Thanks: The readable state of this fic is due to Seldear and Cassie.
Special Thanks: To Denise, who challenged me.
Sam entered the confined space of the airplane bathroom about two seconds after the 'fasten seat belt' sign had been turned off. Avoiding her reflection in the mirror, Sam washed her hands and face and dried them with the paper towel. Then, unable to put it off any longer, she looked up.
After the death of her mother, Sam had spent hours in front of the mirror trying to find pieces of the woman in herself. She made a few discoveries during those hours. She discovered that she had her mother's mouth, her hair, her nose. Her fingers were like her mother's too, long, elegant, graceful. She found her mother in herself and held onto those fragments as tightly as she could.
She had found pieces of her father too. Her eyes were just like his, just a different color, the slope of her forehead, the hue of her skin. Her posture, probably more from nurture than nature, screamed of Jacob Carter.
Before she could forgive her father for something that wasn't his fault, before she followed in his footsteps and joined the air-force, she had hated those bits of him within her. She cut her hair, and let her bangs grow to hide his forehead. She began to wear makeup to cover his skin, slouched to get rid of his posture. She avoided looking her reflection in the eye when she was in front of a mirror. She didn't want to see him looking out.
Eventually, as she learned to live without her mother, she found it in herself to understand that he was not to blame. It was a slow process, but eventually she learned to live with him in her.
'I have cancer, Sam.' The sob, when it finally escaped, was harsh and painful, and the tears which accompanied it were hot and acidic, burning her eyes and cheeks. She leaned back against the wall, her hands fisted, pressed against the sink. 'I want to see you fulfill your life's dreams before I die.'
'Bastard.' Her knuckles were white, and her stomach threatened to heave. 'You god-damn rat bastard!' Her teeth were clenched in pain, or bared in anger, and she looked into his eyes in the mirror, and called him every name she could think of, and then made some up on the spot. 'Just once in your life, can't you offer me something with no strings attached? Just once, god damn it!'
'I want to see you fulfill your life's dreams before I die.' Another sob then, less harsh, but no less painful. "Daddy," she whispered.
A knock at the door shattered her illusion of privacy. "Is everything alright in there?" came the far too friendly voice of the flight attendant.
"Fi-" Sam started to croak out, then cleared her throat. "Fine. Everything's fine. I'll be right out."
She would not do this again, she knew, would not indulge in this stupid display of weakness. Jacob Carter would be fine, or he wouldn't. That's all there was to it.
Sam grabbed one of the paper towels and blew her nose, then she washed and dried her face, and took a few moments to reapply her make up, rebuilding her mask. No one asked questions when you looked happy.
Sam returned to her chair, gave a small smile to General Hammond as she passed him. She put on her earphones and closed her eyes. They'd be home soon, then they would go get Daniel and Teal'c from Abydos. She would travel the stars, and she would not think of her father, or his offer, except, maybe, when she looked in a mirror.