We were as different as night and day, he and I, both in the literal and
the figurative sense. I am the sun, and he was the moon. I am warm, and he
was cold. I am brighter, while he was darker. I laughed while he brooded, I
walked in the daylight while he glowered in his corner.
We were partners in the game of life, partners in protecting the cards and their Guardian. We were partners in a love of Sakura.
I was quick to move on, while he was so much slower. I loved my previous master, but he would never forget, nor forgive him. He did not want to trust the girl, while I was too quick to trust.
It is truly said that one often feels regret only when one is too late to fix one's mistake. I must admit, I am guilty of this. Things I could have said, ways I could have changed, advice I could have taken, it's all very much pointless now.
Sakura was quick to befriend him, so ready to give herself in, too trusting, too giving. And yet, she barely knew him, while I had known him for years and years. Perhaps it was it then, we having such a deep mistrust of each other. And yet, we should have been closer. We were more similar than any other creature on the earth, and the only ones that the other would have in the end.
So I thought, anyway.
That must have been my hamartia, my tragic error. I took for granted that we were enemies in all the aspects of earth, while working together for a common goal. I say enemies.but it's not what I mean. We were more at odds than at war, if that makes any more sense. I so wanted to show him, to show the memory of my master that I COULD find the guardian, that I COULD defy him, and show her how to be who she was destined to be.
He was always so cold to me.
Sometimes I wondered if there was any emotion in him at all.but then, there were those few times when he revealed just that piece, that tiny element of fear that kept me wondering if I'd been wrong all along. His attraction to the brother, his eventual loyalty to Sakura.it was all there, those little bits that broke through that shining, callused shell of his.
I never wanted to admit it.
I wanted to believe that I was the shining one, the hero, Sakura's true protector, and true friend. I wanted to be the only one. I can only see it, can only admit it now, now that it is too late. Too many past comments, past experiences, past grievances long kept in prevented me from warming to my task, again working as his partner.
I assumed that he felt the same.
Perhaps he did, perhaps he did not. Perhaps his silence was caution, perhaps it was distrust, or perhaps it was simple disinterest. He'd never tried to forge any sort of bond with me, he'd never tried to break the barrier that kept us so detached. Did he know, then, that this would be how it turned out in the end?
He was always a mysterious one, that one.
The mysterious moon, they called him. Keeping his silences, keeping his thoughts. How I would love to know what went on in that serious face, a face that I always managed to assume was mocking me.
We probably went through more together than we ever thought about. One master, his trials, his tribulations, his creations, and then his death. Being sealed for years in the book of cards, with nothing but each other and the possibilities of the future for company.
We went through the loss of the cards, the discovery of Sakura, and the resurrection and re-incarnation of Clow as Eriol Hiragizawa. There was no one else who could quite understand what I went through during all of that. I never quite thought that he did, but I wasn't sure. He didn't share his thoughts, often, as I've said.
And then, one day, he simply wasn't there any more.
It was such a shock, I wasn't exactly sure how to comprehend. We were going to live forever, beyond the lives of any mortal man, and once Sakura was gone, we would both live in the book, until a new captor of the cards was found. It was our destiny, our purpose, our lot in life.
Except, one cannot always provide for everything.
If left to our own devices, the plan would never have gone awry. But humans are frustrating, unpredictable creatures, as are their emotions. And so, after his life had been taken from him, there was only me to protect Sakura and the cards. There was only me, the soul guardian, the golden lion, the sun.
There will be another judge, perhaps, someday. But I can't help feeling that perhaps I should have tried a little bit harder, while he was alive.
I can't help feeling that perhaps I was the cold one. Perhaps I was the one who didn't try hard enough.
Perhaps the sun wilted too readily the flower of friendship.
And now, it's far too late for that sort of regret, you know. It's just.well, I don't know. I'm losing myself now, I shouldn't think so much about such things. There are other things to worry about, in my role as protector and guardian. There are life goals for me, and a girl that I care very much about, and who I would readily die for.
And that's the one place that Yue and I always agreed.
We would die for Sakura. So.why did it play out this way? Why him, and not I? It seems so much more sensible, that the two of us, linked in so many ways, would die together. I supposed that's how I always envisioned it. Because he was always there, even if I did not care for him. Even if we did not speak, he was there, and he would always be there.
Except, that now, he isn't. And I regret.
But we were like night and day, he and I.
Like the sun and moon.
Or the earth and stars.
Although, in all honesty, what is the earth, without the star to keep it living?
It's going to be very lonely for a while.
We were partners in the game of life, partners in protecting the cards and their Guardian. We were partners in a love of Sakura.
I was quick to move on, while he was so much slower. I loved my previous master, but he would never forget, nor forgive him. He did not want to trust the girl, while I was too quick to trust.
It is truly said that one often feels regret only when one is too late to fix one's mistake. I must admit, I am guilty of this. Things I could have said, ways I could have changed, advice I could have taken, it's all very much pointless now.
Sakura was quick to befriend him, so ready to give herself in, too trusting, too giving. And yet, she barely knew him, while I had known him for years and years. Perhaps it was it then, we having such a deep mistrust of each other. And yet, we should have been closer. We were more similar than any other creature on the earth, and the only ones that the other would have in the end.
So I thought, anyway.
That must have been my hamartia, my tragic error. I took for granted that we were enemies in all the aspects of earth, while working together for a common goal. I say enemies.but it's not what I mean. We were more at odds than at war, if that makes any more sense. I so wanted to show him, to show the memory of my master that I COULD find the guardian, that I COULD defy him, and show her how to be who she was destined to be.
He was always so cold to me.
Sometimes I wondered if there was any emotion in him at all.but then, there were those few times when he revealed just that piece, that tiny element of fear that kept me wondering if I'd been wrong all along. His attraction to the brother, his eventual loyalty to Sakura.it was all there, those little bits that broke through that shining, callused shell of his.
I never wanted to admit it.
I wanted to believe that I was the shining one, the hero, Sakura's true protector, and true friend. I wanted to be the only one. I can only see it, can only admit it now, now that it is too late. Too many past comments, past experiences, past grievances long kept in prevented me from warming to my task, again working as his partner.
I assumed that he felt the same.
Perhaps he did, perhaps he did not. Perhaps his silence was caution, perhaps it was distrust, or perhaps it was simple disinterest. He'd never tried to forge any sort of bond with me, he'd never tried to break the barrier that kept us so detached. Did he know, then, that this would be how it turned out in the end?
He was always a mysterious one, that one.
The mysterious moon, they called him. Keeping his silences, keeping his thoughts. How I would love to know what went on in that serious face, a face that I always managed to assume was mocking me.
We probably went through more together than we ever thought about. One master, his trials, his tribulations, his creations, and then his death. Being sealed for years in the book of cards, with nothing but each other and the possibilities of the future for company.
We went through the loss of the cards, the discovery of Sakura, and the resurrection and re-incarnation of Clow as Eriol Hiragizawa. There was no one else who could quite understand what I went through during all of that. I never quite thought that he did, but I wasn't sure. He didn't share his thoughts, often, as I've said.
And then, one day, he simply wasn't there any more.
It was such a shock, I wasn't exactly sure how to comprehend. We were going to live forever, beyond the lives of any mortal man, and once Sakura was gone, we would both live in the book, until a new captor of the cards was found. It was our destiny, our purpose, our lot in life.
Except, one cannot always provide for everything.
If left to our own devices, the plan would never have gone awry. But humans are frustrating, unpredictable creatures, as are their emotions. And so, after his life had been taken from him, there was only me to protect Sakura and the cards. There was only me, the soul guardian, the golden lion, the sun.
There will be another judge, perhaps, someday. But I can't help feeling that perhaps I should have tried a little bit harder, while he was alive.
I can't help feeling that perhaps I was the cold one. Perhaps I was the one who didn't try hard enough.
Perhaps the sun wilted too readily the flower of friendship.
And now, it's far too late for that sort of regret, you know. It's just.well, I don't know. I'm losing myself now, I shouldn't think so much about such things. There are other things to worry about, in my role as protector and guardian. There are life goals for me, and a girl that I care very much about, and who I would readily die for.
And that's the one place that Yue and I always agreed.
We would die for Sakura. So.why did it play out this way? Why him, and not I? It seems so much more sensible, that the two of us, linked in so many ways, would die together. I supposed that's how I always envisioned it. Because he was always there, even if I did not care for him. Even if we did not speak, he was there, and he would always be there.
Except, that now, he isn't. And I regret.
But we were like night and day, he and I.
Like the sun and moon.
Or the earth and stars.
Although, in all honesty, what is the earth, without the star to keep it living?
It's going to be very lonely for a while.