So last night while watching Sweeney Todd, my mom jokingly mentioned something about them all being on Myspace. Which gave me the random idea to write this. It's just for fun, seriously.
Part I: Sweeney Todd.
Do
you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
Seeing
how she took arsenic and died
without having the courtesy to call first…
Can
you fill this out without lying?
If
I feel like lying, I will, and you'll deal with it.
What
was the last thing someone bought for you?
Judge
Turpin bought me a trip to Australia. Does that count?
What's
the last thing you put in your mouth?
Some
blood got in there a bit ago.
Have
you ever kissed anyone named Timothy?
What?
Last
people you rode in a car with under the age of 21?
You
know, I really tend to avoid cars. It's much more effective to
skulk about menacingly and sing to people on the street.
Name
someone that made you laugh today?
When
Mrs. Lovett asked if her dress made her look fat. I mean, really…why
would she even have to ask?
How
late did you stay up last night and why?
I
tend to stay up all night…and all day. Because I'm consumed with
thoughts of revenge.
Ever
been kissed under fireworks?
What
are fireworks?
Which
of your friends lives closest to you?
I
don't believe in friends. The closest thing I've got to that is
that Mrs. Lovett lives in the bakehouse below my room.
Do
you believe ex's can be friends?
This
is the Victorian era, buddy. Ex's get conveniently run down by
carriages.
When
was the last time you cried?
I
don't have tear ducts.
Where
is your biological father right now?
Well,
seeing how no one nowadays lives very far past age 40…
When
is your birthday?
Why
do you care? It's not like anyone buys me presents.
Was
yesterday better than today?
No
day is a good day. The only good day is a day when you're dead. Am
I dead? No. So was today a good day? No.
What
are you listening to?
Madonna.
Do
you think relationships are ever really worth it?
No,
because if you get anyone hot you get sent off to a penal colony and
they merrily ditch you before you get back.
What
are you wearing?
I
never change my clothes.
Where
do you wish you were right now?
Not
in the Great Barrier Reef, I'll tell you that.
Is
anything bothering you right now?
Oh,
hell. You couldn't guess that from the last fifty questions you
asked me?
What
items could you not go without during the day?
These
razors right here. I'm typing with them, it's great.
How
do you feel about your life right now?
Do
I need to spell it out for you? Life sucks.
Do
you hate anyone and why?
I
hate everyone. No reason, really.
Have
you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
I
made Lucy cry by getting bashed over the head by that cop's
nightstick.
Have
you ever been cheated on?
Does
it count if she was all high on apple cider at Turpin's
place?
Have
you ever had your heart broken?
There's
a giant hole in my chest where most people have their heart. So
no.
If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
Well if that's not the most pointless question I've ever heard…
Do
you believe that you are a good girlfriend or boyfriend?
I'm
a wonderful girlfriend. (rolls eyes)
Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
No, we all deserve to die. Even you, survey-writer!
Do
you believe in love at first sight?
Well,
considering the only reason I liked Lucy was because she was hot and
blonde…
Ever want to get married?
Perish the thought! The only single female around here is Mrs. Lovett, and I'd eat glass before doing that!
Do
you like anyone now?
I
told you. I
don't like anyone.
Who
was your first love?
You
mean Lucy, Lucy, or Lucy? Do you get that I only ever dated one
person?
When
did you last kiss someone?
(sigh)
Who
did you kiss?
Beadle
Bamford, who do you think?
What
school do you attend?
I
went to beauty school for like a year.
You
like your phone?
What's
a phone?
What
is your favorite number color and animal?
13.
Black. Crow.
What
is your MSN name?
demonbarber13.
Hit me up.
Plans
this week?
Lure
people up to my shop, cut 'em up, make meat pies…you know, I do
what I can.
Your
mood?
Same
as ever. Blank.
What
is your mobile number?
Mobile
what?
You own an iPod?
Where else would I keep my soundtrack?
What
did you do today?
Pretty
much what I usually do. Stare into space angrily, stomp around, and
then take care of business.
Missing
someone?
Even
if I was…
You
regret anything that has happened in the past week?
I
have practically no moral standing as of now. So no.
What's
the greatest thing that happened to you today?
I
sliced this guy's entire head off in one go.
How
many TRUE friends do you have that you can tell anything to?
I
never say anything. Anything. I really do just sit there.
Would
you rather get up early or sleep in?
I
told you, I don't sleep. I'm nocturnal…and dayturnal.
Tell
me about the shirt you're wearing?
Well,
it was white before I got all the blood on it. Which reminds me. I
need to buy some more Shout.
Last
hair cut?
Ironically,
I'm a barber but I don't get haircuts.
Would
you rather be mad or sad?
I'm
always mad. I find it more intimidating. Do you think anyone here
would take me as seriously if I went around crying and sharing
feelings?
Does
the thought of marriage scare you?
Well,
now that I associate it with Mrs. Lovett…
Who
was the last person in your bedroom besides family?
I
didn't catch his name before I kicked him down the chute.
Do
you get bored easily?
Of
course not. Being absolutely insane takes all day.
What's
something that someone can do that really bothers you?
Send
someone to jail on false charges. Kind of rude, if you ask me.
Do
you wish you were famous?
I've
got a Broadway play and a movie named after me. What more could I ask
for? Bobbleheads?
When
you go to the beach do you swim or lay out more?
Last
time I was at the beach was during that bloody By the Sea song,
during which I just sat there waiting for it to be over.
Can
music affect your mood?
Oh,
definitely. Start singing Pretty Women and I'll go from
passive-angry to murderous-angry.
Do
you pray at night?
Thanks
for the laugh.
Is
someone missing you?
Ugh.
The only one who openly ever misses me is guess-who down there.
Did
you enjoy this survey?
It
took a lot of time out of my usual revenge-plotting. I hope you know
if you were here in person, I'd have killed you by now.
Like I said, just for fun. :)