Mending Wall

by Aubram

After the end of the series, Touya and Yuuhi try to find some answers for themselves

Mending Wall

Ayashi no Ceres belongs to Watase Yuu, not me.  Which is too bad, because if Touya were mine, I'd treat him proper.

Anyway, this fic takes place a few months after end of the series, focusing on Touya and Yuuhi as they struggle to find some resolution in the little time they have left.  Enjoy!

---"Before I built a wall I'd ask to know, What I was walling in or walling out."---

            Robert Frost

Touya sighed as he closed the door behind him and wandered out onto the sidewalk.  A slight movement of his hand lifted a few tangles from his eyes even though the wind returned them a moment later.  He soon gave up.  Doing his best to ignore the unruly state of his hair, he continued down the street, following the spiraling decent of burning daylight.  

He…hadn't meant to say those things to her.

Across the street, a few women paused to watch him—and maybe they had a right, given his condition.  After returning home from a long shift at the hospital he'd only managed to change into a pair of old khaki pants and a white button-down shirt, only half clasped, sandals replacing any real shoes.  He looked unusually sloppy that evening, unlike the young doctor, husband and father that had appeared so suddenly in the otherwise quiet neighborhood.  Some part of him wanted them to see, guiltily, to know what he had done.  He had spoken harshly and he regretted it, though nothing could help that now.  So he kept walking, ignoring the breathless ache that was seeping already into his chest. 

The past several months had passed as a blur to him; long hours moving among white walls and harsh, rectangular night—restless nights of waking to care for a newborn child, returning to too warm sheets and anxious murmurs.  He was wearing down.  He could feel it in his body with every passing day, creeping into his mortal flesh and drawing what precious little strength he had.  They knew it would be like this.  From the moment he surrendered his holy gift, he had known the full weight of that sacrifice.  At first as a dull tingle spreading through his flesh, as if for the first time experiencing the death of millions of tiny cells throughout his body.  Now, as the cold that lingered too long in his lungs, the pains that slipped into his joints after too much exercise. Nearly once a month it was something new—something as simple as a spring flu, and it was as if his systems had ceased comprehending their function.  The hospital had started to become even too familiar to him.  And Aya's tears.

He…hadn't meant to make her cry like that.

Touya followed the sidewalk down toward the ocean, to the parks that lined marine docks and seaside restaurants, closed by now against the night.  He ignored them and kept going, tracing the lines of side streets to where the sand was allowed to meet the water.  There were small parks here, with thick colored rope stretching out into painted water, lifeguard towers and small snack shops for the children.  He hadn't realized where he'd been until now, and saw with some dull surprise that he had been walking for over an hour.  The sandals were making his feet sore—without another thought he slipped out of them, leaving them set off to the side beneath a flickering streetlamp.  And…he kept going, out onto the beach.

The sand felt good between his toes. Touya sighed quietly to himself, still not understanding how something as simple as the waves cresting gently against his ankles, the smell of saltwater, the low dip of a twilight horizon could heal him. And maybe he shouldn't have come here--Aya would never be able to find him along the miles of coastline. And maybe...he liked it that way. Just to have some room to himself, to think and breathe--God, just to breathe in the ocean air. It freed him.

He couldn't blame Aya--she hadn't been the start. But lately, he had come to realize that she was half of the stress wearing him down.  Her face, day after day, filled with anxious, almost desperate questions; the way she looked at him in reverse through the bathroom mirror when she thought he couldn't see.  He was losing the courage to meet her gaze, little by little, and it pained him in a way he hadn't imagined before.  To think that there were times when he couldn't even bare to speak to her… 

But even more terrifying than that was the cold agony that swept over him when she was gone.  When he was ill and she busy with their child—when he was working, when she went out—he almost couldn't bear it, to the point it became frightening to think he couldn't live without her.  Her breath seemed to fill him until he was suffocating.  So he came here, to the ocean where it had all begun.

The salt air tasted good, and after a while he finally just sat down in the sand to watch the sunset.  It was beautiful that evening, all mixed, vibrant oranges and a few dotted pink clouds.  He wasn't sure how long he was out there, staring blindly into the water, before his senses were alerted.  Sighing quietly, he glanced over his shoulder at the approaching figure.

So much for peace of mind.

"Oh, it's you," he greeted simply, turning his attention seaward once more.  After having come all this way, only to be discovered by someone so familiar.  He didn't speak again until they were all but side-by-side. "You're pretty far from home."

"I could say the same about you," Yuuhi said, shrugging slightly. "I don't think it's so bad…"  He laughed nervously. "Mind if I sit down?"

"Free beach." Touya leaned back on his hands, and his toes curled faintly around the sand at his feet. And maybe it was a long way from home. But Yuuhi was right--it wasn't so bad. "It's kinda nice out here," he murmured. "Guess I'm not worried about what anyone else'll say right now."

Yuuhi dropped gratefully at his sides, stretching his legs out before him. "You? Worried?" He chuckled faintly, leaning back a bit and tilting his face upward. "Somehow… I have a hard time picturing you being worried about much of anything."

Touya snorted. "You don't know me all that well," he replied pointedly, turning his chin up to watch as the first stars began to poke out lazily overhead. He only counted three. "What's your excuse for being out here?"

"Hey, I thought it was a free beach," Yuuhi said.  When next he spoke, however, his voice had softened considerably. "Can't a guy just want to spend some time alone without getting the fucking Spanish Inquisition?"

"I was just asking," Touya said with a shrug. It didn't really matter, anyway--they were here, and for a while at least, he had tasted a bit of what could have been freedom. And he paused suddenly, turning his gaze on the boy. "You came alone, right?"

Yuuhi nodded. "Yeah. Sure." He looked back, meeting Touya's eyes with what might have been a stirring of unease. But he didn't look away. "Who else would come with me?" he asked, lifting his eyebrows pointedly.

Touya snorted, turning his gaze toward the ocean. "Forget about it," he muttered. He...didn't want to talk about it right now, least of all with Yuuhi. Of all the people that wouldn't understand his ill ease.... He sighed, running a hand briefly through his hair. "It's nothing."

"Hey Touya…" Yuuhi asked abruptly, and he waited until the man looked back to him before turning once more to face the ocean. "If we were sitting here, just like this, and all of a sudden… a huge wave came and swept me out to sea, and I couldn't get back because a shark swam in and chewed my leg off, and all the other sharks along the coastline were drawn by the smell of my blood and were circling, ready to move in for the kill…" His eyebrows peaked inquisitively. "Would you swim out and save me?"

Touya stared at him blankly, and blinked. He lifted his chin a little. "I might," he muttered. Just because Aya would be upset if he died. The thought made him cringe a bit, which only served to worsen his disquiet. His expression darkened.

Yuuhi surveyed with a tiny frown the sudden gloominess that crept into his countenance.  "Cause… I'd save you," he offered a moment later.

"Why?" he countered instantly, fingers curling around a fistful of sand. Yuuhi...didn't know what he was talking about. "It's not like I even have that much time left. It'd be a waste."

"Hell, I don't know…" With a quiet sigh, Yuuhi flopped back onto the sand, folding his hands behind his head. "Leave it up to you to turn a perfectly innocent question into another cryptic self-pity fest."  With a sudden snort of injustice, Yuuhi turned on him. "You won, you know," he said poisonously. "I don't see what you have to complain about."

Touya's eyes thinned as he sat up a bit straighter. He knew it would come to this between them--it always would. Which was why he'd never be able to explain himself. "Whatever," he muttered in reply, tossing a stone halfheartedly into the waves. "You wouldn't understand. But go ahead and complain about it, if that makes you feel better."

Yuuhi shook his head. "No. No it doesn't make me feel better, actually." He pushed himself up again, as though he expected Touya to try to flee at any moment. "Look. I'm not… I don't want to be bitter, all right?" He sighed quietly. "And… I don't regret any of it. I won't, as long as you're trying your damnedest to make her happy."

 Touya sighed hoarsely. "I should have known you'd say something like that," he muttered, not without bitterness, as he pulled his knees in to his chest. If only the ocean sounds, calming as they were, were more effective. "How noble of you."

Yuuhi snorted. "Fuck you, Touya. Are you that insecure? That you can't even… handle the thought of anyone else caring about her?" He rolled his eyes skyward. "Well, it certainly wasn't your sophisticated maturity she fell for."

"No, it wasn't. And that's not what I meant. It...." Damnit, he wasn't going to say it. He hadn't come here to pick a fight, or to be laughed at. But Touya was already shaking his head, and the words bubbled to his surface. "It just....feels wrong."

"What do you mean?" he demanded sharply, but then his eyes narrowed slightly, and he leaned a bit closer, lowered his voice. "What do you mean?"

Touya wrapped his arms loosely about his knees. "I'm not sure," he admitted, just as he'd promised he wouldn't. "You....never stood a chance, you know. She'd decided before I was even born...." He chuckled, but it was a thin, cold sound. "Literally. I know that doesn't make any sense." Of course it wouldn't--Yuuhi would probably think he was crazy. But it almost felt good to say it out loud, now that he remembered.

Yuuhi shook his head.  "Bullshit," he said, half-heartedly, and he didn't pursue the train of thought. "You should be happy, then. Congratulations."

Damnit, he just had to keep saying that. "No, you don't get it." But he was quickly running out of vehemence, leaving him with only a kind of dull resignation. There wouldn't be any way to explain without reminding him of the source of his ill ease. So he turned his head just enough to meet Yuuhi's gaze--and held it, unwavering. "I'm not human. Remember?"

Yuuhi lowered his eyes.  "How could I forget?" he said softly, and a faint smile touched his lips.

"Ceres made me," he murmured unnecessarily. Yuuhi had heard it all before. But he didn't want to believe it, no matter what some part inside him was telling him, and speaking the words made it sound too ridiculous to believe. He closed his eyes as he leaned forward against his folded legs. "So...I really am hers. I was made for her."

Yuuhi whistled faintly, tilted his head back to stare at the stars. "Wow, those are some pretty big shoes to fill…" And he turned abruptly back to Touya with a mysterious gleam in his eyes.  "And Ceres honestly thought a fairy like you was going to be right for the job?"

Touya glared at him sharply. "I didn't come here to take your bullshit." His fists tightened--all of this was putting him on edge. But… he wouldn't apologize. And whether or not Ceres thought he'd be able to fulfill her intentions...he could only wonder at that.

Yuuhi smirked, but backed off.  "But…" he asked quietly, not really challenging anymore, "what about now? You took the Hagaromo off, right? What does that make you now?"

"I...don't know." He settled once more, and his shoulders crept up on him, just a bit. "I'm human now, but even being out here...is painful." He stopped, realizing that he was merely exposing more truths for Yuuhi to mock. "But it doesn't matter. You were right--she has me, now, so there's really no use worrying about it."

"Who's worrying?" Yuuhi glanced at him sidelong, shrugging, and then fell back against the sand once more.  "If it's so painful… why are you out here?"

Why was he here? He had been hoping for some peace, some escape. "I like the ocean," he replied, swallowing hard. A grim smile twisted his lips. "And I guess I wanted to see if I could make it go away, just for a while. Normal people in love can do that, can't they? If I trusted her, it shouldn't hurt when I'm not with her." He shook his head--he was just confusing himself.

"Maybe," Yuuhi agreed quietly. "What would a guy like me know about love, though?" He smiled bitterly, though at the same time he let his eyes slip shut, let the roar of the ocean fill his senses. "I do know… that it's okay to want to be away sometimes."

What about more than sometimes? Touya wanted to ask, but he didn't dare. He didn't want to push Yuuhi's patience for this too far. "I guess it just bothers me," he confessed at last. "Thinking...that I never had a choice. I would have chosen her...probably...but knowing that I never had the chance...that's what bothers me."

Yuuhi opened his eyes abruptly, but he didn't react with anything more intense than a quiet, deep breath. "You really think… that's true?" he asked quietly.  "It's okay. I mean… you're happy aren't you? Most of the time? You're happy with her, and that's what counts."

"Yeah, I guess so." Touya snorted quietly. A perfect, created happiness. Yeah, that was what it was. Shaking his head, he let himself fall back onto the sand as well. "It just doesn't feel real. Though...sorry." He closed his eyes. "You're not the one I should be telling stuff like this, I guess."

"Oh, come on," Yuuhi snorted quietly. "Who else are you going to tell it to? They don't exactly make a support group for this kind of thing." He laughed softly. "Fatalists Anonymous." But a moment later he sobered again, turned on his side. "I don't mind listening. Really. I like to feel… like I'm a part of it, you know? Like I was… important."

Touya smirked humorlessly. "I suppose." And though there shouldn't have been much more to say, he found his voice leaving without him. "It's not that I'm not happy. Just lately, I wonder a lot. If it's real...." He still sounded crazy, but knowing that Yuuhi was honestly listening improved his spirits somewhat.

Yuuhi shook his head. "Well… maybe you should try to figure that out. Don't you think?" He licked his lips, carefully choosing his next words. "I know you haven't lived… a whole lot of life. Everything considered. I think… it would make someone vulnerable in a lot of ways." He tilted his chin back. "Or maybe you're just the same nutcase you always were, hmm?"

"Vulnerable, huh?" Touya turned his head slightly, trying to make sense of the expression Yuuhi was fixing on him. He rolled his eyes. "Well, if I could figure it out as easily as that, I wouldn't be out here," he reasoned. "But I don't suppose you have any worthwhile suggestions."

"Have you told Aya you're lousy in the sack yet?" He bit back his grin for as long as he could, but the expression that flickered in Touya's eyes was too much, and before he knew it he had wrapped his arms around his middle, curled in on himself giggling.
 

Touya covered his face briefly, and sighed in annoyance. Though...he hadn't thought of that. Groaning in frustration he sat up once more--mostly to hide that he was blushing. "Whatever."

"Hey…" Yuuhi composed himself, followed Touya's retreat with his eyes. "Come on, you know I'm only kidding." He indulged in one more soft chuckle, and then sat up to join the other man. "Okay. I'm done now." He poked gently at Touya's elbow. "I'll bet I can think of something. Just give me a second."

"Sure, okay." This place was beginning to lose its charm. But at least it was a little better than being so unsure at Aya's side. He still couldn't think straight with Yuuhi here, but at least he wasn't quite so motivated to try. The two of them...had been through a lot together, in many ways, so maybe it was only natural that he could relax like this a bit.

Yuuhi tilted his head back.  "All right, try this… When was the last time Aya made you laugh? I mean really laugh. You two were always so serious… and I wondered, you know? There had to be more to it than that."

"Laugh?" Touya frowned--it seemed like such a simple question, and yet he couldn't quite think of the last time. "She...smiles a lot," he murmured, eyes thinning. "The same kind of smile. But...I haven't made her laugh in a long time." If ever. That was simply the kind of relationship they'd always had. Wasn't it?

"That… wasn't what I asked, Yuuhi reminded him gently.  Frowning a little, he closed his eyes.  "Well," he reasoned slowly, "I don't see… how you can say you're happy when you never laugh."  He raised his eyebrows slightly.  It sounded too harsh.  "I'm sorry, but… Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Touya snorted quietly.  "Yeah.  And...I never said I was happy, did I?"  Because that was the problem, wasn't it?  Sometimes...he felt happy.  When he was with Aya, and he could forget the rest.  But even that didn't feel real.

With a weary sigh, Yuuhi flopped back to the sand.  "You say you're unhappy, but you don't want to do anything about it.  You ask me for advice, but then you blow me off when I try to question you."  He plucked distractedly at a few grains of sand.  "What do you want, anyway?"

"Well damnit, I don't know."  Touya pushed abruptly to his feet, wanting to feel the pressure of sand beneath him once more.  He swept his toes half-heartedly at an incoming wave.  "I didn't ask you to come out here.  I just...."  He sighed in frustration.  "You don't know what it's like--knowing you never had a choice.  Never had a life."

Yuuhi sighed quietly, watching Touya's retreat though he made no attempt to follow him.  "No.  I guess I don't know what it's like.  We both know I could have walked away any time I wanted…" He rolled his eyes, chewed thoughtfully at his lower lip.  "But… don't tell me you never had a chance, Touya.  You can't tell me you have no free will."

"I just...."  Touya slumped, wavering a moment on his feet.  "I don't want to make her sad," he admitted.  "Just the thought of seeing her face...."  But then he shook his head, and smiled bitterly.  "Maybe I'm not everything she wanted me to be after all.  I don't think she even knows."

"Well, she certainly never wanted a coward," Yuuhi snorted, but then he was rising, touching Touya's arm gently.  "Listen," he said quietly.  "I think… a lot of people don't know what they want, okay?  Sometimes it seems like you could look forever and still not have a clue. So I don't think… you can really blame her if she got it wrong."

"But what good does it do me?" he retorted, tilting his head back.  God he was tired of this.  This...ache, deep in his stomach, whenever he envisioned her face.  "I do love her, but it feels so wrong, and I can't even tell her that.  I can't even begin to tell her that."

"Why not?" Yuuhi demanded, pushing himself into a sitting position at last, raking a hand back through his hair to shake some of the sand from it. "Damnit, Touya, you owe her that much, wouldn't you say?  It's no good if you just… waste away for the sake of some promise you could never keep."

"You're right. And I wouldn't." Touya frowned, feeling a flash of indignation at having been called a coward. He pushed it aside quickly--things like that didn't matter. And though he couldn't say he felt any better for having talked to Yuuhi...there was something to be said in the confidentiality of it all. To think that he was able to discuss all this, with someone... He turned toward the other. "Hey, Yuuhi...."

Yuuhi blinked, and his hand slipped down the man's sleeve, lingered just above his wrist. "Yeah?" His voice was a little too quiet, subdued. Breathless, almost, as though in anticipation.

Touya hesitated--he hadn't realized that Yuuhi was standing that close. "Um..." He held Yuuhi's eyes a moment, searching for the words he'd planned a moment ago. "Thanks," he managed at last. "Just...thanks."

Yuuhi chuckled softly, lowering his eyes a little. "I think you're confusing 'thank you' with 'you're an asshole, Yuuhi'." He glanced up a little. "What did I tell you about that, huh?"

Touya couldn't help but smile faintly. "Yeah, maybe you're right," he replied easily. It felt a little funny, trying to joke with him this way, but...he didn't mind. He turned his wrist slightly in Yuuhi's grasp, so that their fingertips brushed, and the touch of skin made him straighten a bit.

Yuuhi glanced down, lifting an eyebrow curiously at the tiny friction of skin against skin.  His eyes glinted slyly, and he flexed his fingertips against Touya's, poking at him. "Damn. Now we're practically going steady." He smirked, winking at him almost… playfully.

Touya straightened, and couldn't help the subtle flush of embarrassment in his pale cheeks. "Hey, cut it out," he said, leaning back a little. He shoved his hands into his pockets. But...he was still smiling. "So...now what?"

Yuuhi shrugged. "I don't know. I don't think that far ahead." He shoved his hands into his pockets as well, wandered a few steps further down the beach, to where the sand grew damp. "Does this mean our date's off?"

Touya snorted, glancing past Yuuhi at the way the sunset reflected off the water. "Are you hungry?" he asked suddenly. "I guess...we could go somewhere. If you didn't feel like going back yet."

Yuuhi tilted his head back a little, hesitated for a moment and then nodded. "Sure. All right….  We can take my car, but it's a hell of a walk back…"

"I don't mind." Touya turned, heading away from the fading sunset and softly illuminated waters. "It was a long walk here, after all." He paused to wait for Yuuhi to catch up, glancing briefly over his shoulder.

Yuuhi jogged a few steps after him, stumbling a little on the loose sand, frowning as it slipped into his tennis shoes. He fell into step at Touya's side and dusted the sand from his palm as he walked. "Thanks, by the way."

"It's not like I'm going to pay for you," Touya replied crisply, though he was feeling a bit better now--perhaps he should have been the one offering thanks. But he said something, curling his fists in his pockets as they continued up the beach.

Yuuhi made a face, pausing just long enough to kick some sand after him. "You know what I mean." He quickened his pace long enough to catch with Touya once more, but once at his side he fell oddly silent.

Touya continued to stare straight ahead, having caught onto the strange silence himself. It was as if the wind had ceased, now that they were further away from the water, and he undid a few of his shirt buttons to stay cool. "Not to make this any more incriminating," he said shortly, "but do you want some ice cream? There should be a place out here somewhere, and it's so hot, so...."

Yuuhi raised an eyebrow at the proposition, swaying slightly on his feet as he walked as though to some unheard melody. "Sure

"Good." Touya glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, wondering...what he must have thought of all this. It felt strange that they would be acting so casually together. "Though you're still paying for your own."

Yuuhi chuckled quietly. "I didn't bring my wallet," he admitted around a sly grin. And when Touya rolled his eyes he nudged him in the arm. "Come on… just this once?" He bit his lip to keep from laughing.

"You drove here without your wallet? That's responsible." Touya dug out his wallet from his back pocket and flipped through the bills. "I have enough. So all right, this once." He tucked the money back in place. As if they would do this again--he hadn't had ice cream in a long time, there was no telling when he'd have the chance again.

"You sound like my sister." Yuuhi made a face. "I was in a hurry and I forgot, all right?  Besides, you're supposed to be the responsible one."

Touya snorted, though a wry half-grin tugged at his lip. "More like the one always saving your ass," he replied. "So, I guess there's no helping it." Though...he was the one with no shoes, he realized dully. Maybe...Yuuhi wouldn't notice that.

"Yeah." Yuuhi rolled his eyes again. "I hate think what kind of horrible fate would have befallen me if I couldn't get ice cream tonight."

Touya snorted. "I didn't mean that. But...you never know." He had no idea what that meant, really, and couldn't help but chuckle at how ridiculous is sounded. "Never mind."

"I know." Yuuhi glanced at him and grinned, faint but sincere. "Don't worry, you're still my first line of defense in case of demonic possession or alien invasion."

"I suppose that's a comfort." Touya tilted his head up slightly. He was...definitely feeling better, whatever it was that Yuuhi had done. "But don't get cocky, just because I said I'd save you from the sharks." He reached up to flick a few strands of hair out of his eyes.

"It's just you and me against those man-eating sharks, you know. We have to stick together."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." They continued on down the beach, until at least sand was replaced with wooden plank, and then paved sidewalk beneath Touya's yet bare feet. He soon spotted the tiny shop he remembered passing earlier--a small ice cream stand, lit brightly against a darkened night. "Ah, see? I told you." He picked up his pace a bit.

"You're awfully excited about this…" Yuuhi chuckled quietly, shaking his head as he quickened his steps to keep up with Touya. They stepped into the little shop, and the eyes of the young girl working the counter snapped to them. She was staring… Touya had probably made her night.

Touya flinched a little as his bare feet hit cool tile. "Good evening," he greeted the girl as he stepped to the counter. After a moment of pondering over the selection he pointed to the Blue Moon that they'd tried to tuck away in a corner. "I'll take a double," he said, indicating the ice cream and a sugar cone. He waved Yuuhi forward, and motioned to him vaguely for the clerk as he removed his wallet. "We're together."

Yuuhi grinned faintly as he stepped to the counter at Touya's side. He elbowed him in the ribs.   "Umm…" Yuuhi swallowed his smile, shaking his head faintly. "I'll have the black cherry." He turned away a little, smirking as Touya paid for them.

Touya turned away from the blushing counter girl, a little confused, and led the way outside. It had been a while since he'd had ice cream like this...and he couldn't help but grin nostalgically. "It's not bad," he murmured, taking a few licks.

"It really isn't," Yuuhi agreed, snaking his tongue out to catch a few stray drips of ice cream. He plunked down on a bench near the edge of the little courtyard, one facing away from the beach so he could watch the moon come up.

Touya sat down heavily beside him, the sudden movement spilling a bit of his ice cream over his knuckles. He frowned slightly and paused to lick it off. "I should have grabbed a few napkins," he said thoughtfully.

"Come on, I think it's more exciting this way," Yuuhi said sarcastically, spiraling his tongue around his cone to catch the stray drops. He glanced sidelong at Touya.

Touya returned his gaze with eyebrows lifted. He...wasn't going to be outdone. Even if it was....really silly. He leaned his head back, nibbling off the bottom of his cone and sucking the ice cream out the bottom.

Yuuhi laughed, surprised he had actually taken the bait.  He fit his lips over the top of his ice cream, and sucked until a good portion of it dissolved in his mouth. He leaned back, licking sticky lips, and raised an eyebrow.

Touya snorted, leaning forward once more as he tried to think of something more. But then he felt something cold and wet slid over his fingers, and he swore quietly when he realized his mistake--now without a bottom, the cone was leaking. He tried to cap it with his thumb, shaking his other hand, which was now sticky and blue.

Yuuhi watched for a moment, his lips gradually twisting into an amused smirk. He chuckled quietly. "I think that means you win…" He shook his head, tried to muffle his laughter with another bite.

"Yeah, yeah." Touya's face twisted as he flexed his fingers. "Shit." And there wasn't much else he could do, but lick them clean, being careful to keep the sugar cone stopped in his other hand.

Yuuhi watched him carefully as he licked his fingers, and when Touya turned back to him he smiled slyly. "I'm really surprised, by the way," Yuuhi muttered, returning to his ice cream.

"Hm? By what?" Touya finished, wiping his hand on his jeans. He should have known the answer to that--he felt the same way--but he wanted to hear Yuuhi say it. Just...to hear him put a name to it.

"I didn't know you had a sense of humor buried under there.  I'm glad you do, though. So… thanks." He flashed him a smile.

Touya snorted. "Well, it's not as if I'm here to amuse you," he said, nibbling at the proper end of his snack this time. "But you're welcomed." He smiled faintly. "You're not so bad yourself."

"Well, you know…" Yuuhi said wryly, shrugging. "I try." He hummed softly, without melody, tilting his head back to watch the stars poke out.

Touya nodded vaguely, continuing to nibble down his ice cream, until at last able to pop the last bit into his mouth. "Mmm...I guess my idea was pretty good," he remarked, licking his other fingers clean.

"Guess so…" Yuuhi agreed, nodding faintly. He finished his ice cream and turned to face Touya once more, pulling one knee up on the bench. "I'll have to think of something good for next time," he said, just because it was late and he wasn't tired anymore.

Touya straightened a bit, intrigued by the concept of a next time. "Yeah, you will," he said, just to make sure Yuuhi knew how pleased he was, even though his voice never changed. "This...wasn't so bad."

Yuuhi smiled.  "It really wasn't," he agreed brightly. "I don't mind telling you… everything has been a little strange lately."

Touya's expression faltered briefly. "I know what you mean," he confessed, glancing away. "Everything...it's a little odd, now." He flicked some hair out of his eyes with a toss of his head. "But I'm glad. We can still...well, we can talk like this." Because they had never talked before--not like this, and it was a greater comfort than he would have imaged.

Yuuhi leaned a bit closer, trying to catch Touya's eye, to gauge whatever emotion he might find there. "I am too, I think.  I mean… as much as I want to forget it, I know it's probably better that I don't; that I keep it alive."

"Yes. Alive...." Touya lowered his gaze. He...didn't want to think of his failures. But Yuuhi knew better than to judge him, and that was a great comfort to him. "I don't want to forget anything else--even if it's painful, even if I suffer for it. It's better, than....living with a lie..."

"Touya?" Yuuhi sighed.   "I know you don't. But… you can't live in the past either. That's even worse than forgetting, don't you think? Never moving forward?"

Touya's eyes thinned. "Yeah. You're right, but...." He sighed, leaning against the bench and letting his eyes fall shut. "Sorry, Yuuhi. We're through with all that for tonight. Let's...not worry about that anymore."

"Fair enough." Yuuhi withdrew a bit, subdued now that the quiet intensity seemed to have faded from Touya's eyes.

Touya sighed quietly, taking a moment with his head leaned back to feel the warm night air against his face. "We...should probably go back soon," he murmured absently, lips still slightly parted as he finished speaking. But he didn't make a move to get up, or even open his eyes.

"Yeah…" Yuuhi nodded.  "But I figure… Suzumi's already gonna kick my butt, so a little longer couldn't hurt." He blushed faintly with the admission. "She runs a pretty tight house, after all," he said faintly, humorously.

"Oh?" Touya opened one lazy eye. "So what did you do to get kicked out, hmm?" he asked curiously. He had, after all, not yet heard Yuuhi's excuse for being out this far this late.

"Well… I wouldn't necessarily say kicked out…" Yuuhi laughed softly.  "More like… I just kinda wanted to get out. It's just… wanderlust, I guess."

"Then we have that in common," he replied, arching his back a moment as he stretched. He relaxed again with a sigh. "Maybe it's just the heat tonight--it's got us acting anxious."

"I think you're right," Yuuhi agreed amiably.

Touya sighed. He wished he could have thought up some other excuse to stay there, but he was out of ideas, save blatant procrastination. Aya was probably worried by now...really worried. He pushed slowly to his feet. "Well, I guess we can't just sit here all night," he murmured.

Yuuhi climbed to his feet, narrowing his eyes slightly at Touya. "I suppose… I can drive you home if you want?" But he didn't move.

"Yeah, I'd appreciate it." He curled his toes against the pavement, only just now realizing how sore they were from walking so long without shoes. He...hadn't even considered that when he came out here. Things like sore feet never used to apply to him....

Yuuhi smiled faintly, leaning forward a bit, as thought to see his eyes.  Touya turned his head toward him faintly, returning the stare with a look of puzzlement. And before he'd realized it, he'd reached, just to make sure this was all real, and squeezed Yuuhi's hand gently. "Thanks, Yuuhi. For all of this." His voice was softer than it should have been, and he wondered for a moment if Yuuhi could even hear him.

Yuuhi's fingers curled around Touya's slowly.   "It's okay," he assured. "I didn't mind."

Another moment of silence passed between them, though oddly enough, not as awkward as he would have thought it should be. His hand was even...tightening. But he paused when he realized that it should have still been a bit sticky from the ice cream, and a low chuckle escaped him as he gently withdrew. "Sorry about that," he said, scrubbing his palm against his jeans again.

"Hmm?" Yuuhi jumped a little when he pulled away, when abruptly the night flooded in to fill his senses once more. He shook his head fiercely. "No, it's… it's okay."  Yuuhi laughed nervously as brushed passed him. "Come on."

Touya nodded vaguely, falling into step beside him again. And, he thought with a little twinge of what might have been guilt, he probably wasn't going to tell Aya about any of this. She might not believe him anyway--eating ice cream on the beach with Yuuhi at this hour. It was laughable, even, and...he shook himself as they made their way back to Yuuhi's car. She...didn't need to know everything, after all.

~To be continued