Chapter 1 - Agony
The rising sun set the waves alight.
Bright crimson, edged with gold, danced across the surface of the ocean, blinding the sky. Dawson Leery stood on the shore, bare feet grounded in the cold sand, letting the waves lap across his legs. There are few sights, if any, that are more moving than a perfect Florida sunrise. But, as he stood there, Dawson barely noticed it.
The events of the last 48 hours kept replaying themselves over and over in his head, like a bad movie that just wouldn't end. Again, he went over his decision to meet an agent in New York, the only one who'd answered their letters and calls after watching the movie. To Dawson and Oliver, his partner, it was the lifeline they'd forgotten to hope for.
Then Joey and the others had decided to go to Florida for spring break, without him. Once more, Dawson heard himself relent to Oliver's goading on the long drive. He gave in and told him their story. The tale of Dawson and Joey, the good times and bad, how it all came down to her. Oliver was convinced they he had to postpone the meeting and rush down to Florida to tell Joey how much he still loved her.
Or maybe, he just wanted to be convinced.
Maybe, he was searching for an excuse to do what he'd done – get his heart broken all over again. He could not shake his earlier conversation with Pacey.
-----
"You gotta give this thing up," Pacey told him, "That thing that you guys do to each other – the heroes of bad timing. You've got to give that up, its over."
"No its not."
"Aw, come on Dawson, how many times are you gonna do this to yourself? How many times are you gonna keep on coming back?"
"Until there's nothing left to come back for, I guess..."
-----
Dawson sighed, trying to lose himself in the crisp ocean breeze. Pacey was right. He knew it. He had to stop.
-----
"Joey, it hurts to be around you. If I see you, even from across a room it brings back a thousand memories. As long as I can remember everything has always come back to you, and no matter what was happening between us the thought of you was at least a constant comfort but... I can't go back. It just hurts..."
-----
"I can't go back," he said aloud, "It just hurts..."
"What does?"
The voice yanked him from his thoughts, and he turned around. Oliver strode up to him.
"This hurts," said Dawson.
"You talked to her?"
"No."
"Then what's going on?"
For a second Dawson didn't answer, instead letting his eyes trace the horison.
"She spent the night with Charlie," he said, eventually.
"Jesus!" Oliver cursed, "You guys just can't catch a break, can you?"
"Doesn't seem like it," Dawson admitted, "But maybe, maybe that's the way it's supposed to be, you know. Maybe coming down here... Finding out about this – was a good thing. Maybe I can finally get some closure."
"Uh huh, yeah," Oliver nodded, "But let me ask you a question. During all your years together, all your little melodramas; how many times have you told yourself those exact words?"
"About a million."
"That's what I thought. So, what makes you think it'll be true this time?"
"I don't know," Dawson shrugged, "I guess I just feel like its finally too much. I thought, after Pacey, I could handle anything but..." he trailed off.
"Pacey?"
Dawson looked at him, puzzled.
"Didn't I tell you that story?"
"No."
"Oh, okay then..."
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"Last year, you had the opportunity to go to Paris and study, and because of me you didn't."
"Dawson, that wasn't your fault."
"Yes, it was my fault Joey. I should have made you go. But I was selfish. I wanted you to stay here with me, and I refuse to make that mistake again."
"Well, Dawson, I mean... What if it's my choice? What if I want to stay?"
"Joey c'mon. Even I can see it. Pacey is this year's Paris, and this time you have to go. You have to see for yourself, alright? I can stand here and tell you it's a colossal mistake, and that all roads lead back to me, but that's not gonna make any bit of difference. Words and speeches sound great, but, they don't add up to anything. All that matters right now, is what you want."
"I don't know what I want, Dawson."
"Yes you do! You want him! You want him, like I want you; you love him, like I love you the only difference is, he loves you back the same way. And you deserve that, okay? And I'm not gonna be the one who stands in the way of you getting that. You're free, you can do whatever you want."
"But Dawson, I want us to still be friends... I want to know that you don't hate me..."
"They're just words, Joey, they're just words. Coz after you're done dispensing your pleasantries here, you're gonna turn around, and you're gonna walk away from me, aren't you?"
"I have to. Otherwise, I'll never know."
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"And she did," Dawson looked at Oliver, and grinned, "Are you crying again?"
"Damn you man!" Oliver looked away, "Damn you and your tragic stories. Geez! Don't you guys have any happy memories? I'm starting to wonder what you see in each other."
"Nah," Dawson began to walk along the beach, "We had good times. Its just, its just hard to remember them sometimes, that's all."
"Where to from here?"
"I have no idea."
"I know."
"What?"
"For once in your all-too self-aware life, you should act the Neanderthal."
"What are you talking about?"
"Go over there. Drag that poor excuse for a hair gel commercial out by his perfect mop – beat the hell out of him – then declare your undying love for Joey."
Dawson stopped, threw back his head and laughed.
"You've got to be kidding," he said, "I'm not gonna beat the hell out of Charlie."
"Okay granted. He may get in a few shots here and there, but you can win it by TKO, I know it."
"Even if I did, it wouldn't solve anything."
"No, but it'll make you feel better."
"True."
They carried on walking. The beach was waking up. Guys were surfing, groups and couples were already lazing about. Oliver rested his hand on Dawson's shoulder.
"Listen man, I'm sorry," he said, "I'm the one who dragged you down here. I'm the reason you're feeling like this."
"No worries man," Dawson assured him, "Like I said, maybe it's a good thing."
"Thanks. Hey, wanna grab some breakfast?"
"Nah. I think I'll stay out here for a while. You go ahead, I'll catch up with you later."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
Oliver walked away, leaving Dawson alone with his thoughts.