Disclaimer: We don't own Star Trek. We do own Doctor Death, and PearlGirl owns Snodgrass.
Alania: Look! Look! It's here!!!! The sequel to 'Read This or Else'!
PearlGirl: If you haven't read 'Read This or Else', you should before you read this. You can find it from Alania's account.
Alania: Yes, I know. It's taken us long enough already. So let's get started!
Chapter One: Doctor Death's New Evil Plot
Narrator: We are in a gloomy, underground cavern, with lights flickering on the walls. There is an evil person in the shadows, bent on the destruction of one man, and one man alone. He has been working for weeks, perfecting his experiments. His name is......
(insert evil-sounding thunder and lightning)
Narrator: DOCTOR DEATH!!!
Doctor Death: Muahaha- (cough, cough) Ugh. My maniacal laugh isn't what it used to be. I'm getting old! Not really. Actually, I'm just two months older than last time. I need Evilaid! Get me Evilaid. (pause) NOW!!
UBP (unidentified backstage person): Get this! Do that! Oh, of course, master Death, whatever you say.
Narrator: UBP comes back with a bottle that says: Evilaid. "Want to sound as evil as Dr. Frankenstein? Drink Evilaid! The real mad scientist drink!"
Doctor Death: (takes a huge drink) Ahh! That hit the spot! This is the best drink invented.
Scotty's voice (from backstage): Not as good as me Scotch!
Doctor Death: MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I want to kill KIRK!!
Narrator: (rolls eyes) That's original.
Doctor Death: I have been plotting and planning for.... how long?
UBP: Two months, I think. Give or take a day.
Doctor Death: Yeah. Two months, and I have made the perfect machine!! I have overcome my..... technical difficulties from last story, and this time I will not fail!
My plan is to...
UBP: Commercial break! I always wanted to say that.
Doctor Death: (clears throat) My plan is to ...
Kirk's voice: Is this idiot's scene over yet?
Doctor Death: Ahem! My plan is to...
Narrator: Will you hurry up and finish?
Doctor Death: MY PLAN IS TO..
Yoda: (comes onstage) Beware the Dark Side.
Doctor Death: ARRGH!! BE QUIET!!
Yoda: Patience you must have. (leaves)
Doctor Death: My plan is to- (pauses, looks around, lowers voice) clone the authors! Don't tell them. They haven't figured it out.
(snickers are heard from outside the plot line)
Doctor Death: I will use their mindless clones to control the script! And the ENTIRE PLOT!! Kirk is as good as dead! BUAHAHAHAHA!!!
(evil music plays)
Narrator: Now we switch to the Enterprise.
(happy, bouncey music plays)
(the Enterprise is shown zooming around in front of a background of stars, making "zoom" noises every time it gets near the camera, despite the fact that
there is no air in space and therefore no sound)
Kirk's voice (from offstage): Space: the final frontier! These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise, the best starship in the cosmos! Its five-year mission: to
explore strange new worlds, many of which have Roman Numerals in their names-
Uhura's voice: Don't talk to me about Roman Numerals!
Kirk's voice: -to seek out new life, much of which is humanoid, and new civilizations; to boldly go where no starship has ever gone before!!
Narrator: The scene changes. We are now looking at the bridge of the Enterprise. All normal bridge crew are present.
Uhura: Have you changed your opening speech, Captain?
Kirk: Yes, I was getting bored with it. I decided to spice it up a little.
Narrator: The doors open and McCoy walks in.
Kirk: What is it, Bones?
McCoy: I sensed that a plot was about to form.
Uhura: There's a distress signal coming in, Captain.
Kirk: (to McCoy) Wow, you're psychic.
McCoy: It's my sixth sense.
Uhura: Um.... about the distress signal....
Kirk: Oh, right. Where's it from?
Uhura: The planet Baltan V. (starts muttering about Roman Numerals)
Sulu: Isn't that the planet with the evil mad scientist who tried to clone us and create an army of mindless slaves in order to take over the universe?
Kirk: Yes.
Sulu: Oh. Okay.
Kirk: Mr. Chekov, plot in a course for Baltan V.
Chekov: Aye aye, Keptin. We will arrive in about twenty minutes.
Kirk: Good. Anyone who wants to be in the landing party, be in the transporter room twenty minutes from now.
Sulu: Sir, don't you worry that this could be part of some diabolical plan of Doctor Death to lure us back to Baltan V?
Kirk: Of course not. What a ridiculous suggestion.
(Scotty enters)
Kirk: Scotty! What is it?
Scotty: We're havin' a wee bit 'o trouble down in Engineering, Cap'n.
Kirk: What kind of trouble?
Scotty: Red-shirts, sir. We've got too many of 'em. You haven't been taking 'em down in any landing parties to be killed off lately, and we've got quite a buildup.
They're starting to clog up the Jeffries tubes.
Kirk: All right, we'll take a bunch down in this landing party and get rid of them.
Scotty: Thank ye, Cap'n.
Narrator: We are now in the transporter room. Present are Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, and a group of about ten rather confused-looking red-shirts.
Kirk: All right, let's beam down. On to the transporter pads, red-shirts.
One of the Red-Shirts: Where are we going? How long will be gone? Will there be danger? Are you just trying to kill us all off?
Kirk: (groans) Don't tell me. It's that ensign with the impossible name.
Snodgrass: Who? Me?
McCoy: Yes, you.
Snodgrass: Couldn't be!
Sulu: Then who?
Kirk: All right, let's beam down.
Narrator: Spock, Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, McCoy, Kirk, Snodgrass and the nine other redshirts beam down to the planet. It's a barren waste without even any weird looking cactuses. Wait, cacti? cactus? Whatever. It has nothing of value on it.
Kirk: Nothing that's dangerous for red-shirts?
McCoy: Nothing illogical?
Chekov: Nothing to eat? I'm hungry.
Snodgrass: Nothing that's dangerous for clumsy red-shirts?
Narrator: No. As I told you, nothing valuable.
McCoy: Nuts.
Spock: I do not believe it has nuts, or seeds of any kind, Doctor.
Kirk: Now we've got to find where the distress signal was coming from.
Red shirt 9: Hey! I just realized! I made it onto a planet without dying!
Narrator: Just then, a rock falls down from a nearby cliff and hits the red-shirt.
Red shirt 7: Nooo! Now we're jinxed!
McCoy: He's dead, Jim.
Kirk: One down, nine to go.
Ta daaa!! Please review NOW!!! We're going to be in New Jersey for about a week, but we'll update when we can!
Alania: Look! Look! It's here!!!! The sequel to 'Read This or Else'!
PearlGirl: If you haven't read 'Read This or Else', you should before you read this. You can find it from Alania's account.
Alania: Yes, I know. It's taken us long enough already. So let's get started!
Chapter One: Doctor Death's New Evil Plot
Narrator: We are in a gloomy, underground cavern, with lights flickering on the walls. There is an evil person in the shadows, bent on the destruction of one man, and one man alone. He has been working for weeks, perfecting his experiments. His name is......
(insert evil-sounding thunder and lightning)
Narrator: DOCTOR DEATH!!!
Doctor Death: Muahaha- (cough, cough) Ugh. My maniacal laugh isn't what it used to be. I'm getting old! Not really. Actually, I'm just two months older than last time. I need Evilaid! Get me Evilaid. (pause) NOW!!
UBP (unidentified backstage person): Get this! Do that! Oh, of course, master Death, whatever you say.
Narrator: UBP comes back with a bottle that says: Evilaid. "Want to sound as evil as Dr. Frankenstein? Drink Evilaid! The real mad scientist drink!"
Doctor Death: (takes a huge drink) Ahh! That hit the spot! This is the best drink invented.
Scotty's voice (from backstage): Not as good as me Scotch!
Doctor Death: MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I want to kill KIRK!!
Narrator: (rolls eyes) That's original.
Doctor Death: I have been plotting and planning for.... how long?
UBP: Two months, I think. Give or take a day.
Doctor Death: Yeah. Two months, and I have made the perfect machine!! I have overcome my..... technical difficulties from last story, and this time I will not fail!
My plan is to...
UBP: Commercial break! I always wanted to say that.
Doctor Death: (clears throat) My plan is to ...
Kirk's voice: Is this idiot's scene over yet?
Doctor Death: Ahem! My plan is to...
Narrator: Will you hurry up and finish?
Doctor Death: MY PLAN IS TO..
Yoda: (comes onstage) Beware the Dark Side.
Doctor Death: ARRGH!! BE QUIET!!
Yoda: Patience you must have. (leaves)
Doctor Death: My plan is to- (pauses, looks around, lowers voice) clone the authors! Don't tell them. They haven't figured it out.
(snickers are heard from outside the plot line)
Doctor Death: I will use their mindless clones to control the script! And the ENTIRE PLOT!! Kirk is as good as dead! BUAHAHAHAHA!!!
(evil music plays)
Narrator: Now we switch to the Enterprise.
(happy, bouncey music plays)
(the Enterprise is shown zooming around in front of a background of stars, making "zoom" noises every time it gets near the camera, despite the fact that
there is no air in space and therefore no sound)
Kirk's voice (from offstage): Space: the final frontier! These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise, the best starship in the cosmos! Its five-year mission: to
explore strange new worlds, many of which have Roman Numerals in their names-
Uhura's voice: Don't talk to me about Roman Numerals!
Kirk's voice: -to seek out new life, much of which is humanoid, and new civilizations; to boldly go where no starship has ever gone before!!
Narrator: The scene changes. We are now looking at the bridge of the Enterprise. All normal bridge crew are present.
Uhura: Have you changed your opening speech, Captain?
Kirk: Yes, I was getting bored with it. I decided to spice it up a little.
Narrator: The doors open and McCoy walks in.
Kirk: What is it, Bones?
McCoy: I sensed that a plot was about to form.
Uhura: There's a distress signal coming in, Captain.
Kirk: (to McCoy) Wow, you're psychic.
McCoy: It's my sixth sense.
Uhura: Um.... about the distress signal....
Kirk: Oh, right. Where's it from?
Uhura: The planet Baltan V. (starts muttering about Roman Numerals)
Sulu: Isn't that the planet with the evil mad scientist who tried to clone us and create an army of mindless slaves in order to take over the universe?
Kirk: Yes.
Sulu: Oh. Okay.
Kirk: Mr. Chekov, plot in a course for Baltan V.
Chekov: Aye aye, Keptin. We will arrive in about twenty minutes.
Kirk: Good. Anyone who wants to be in the landing party, be in the transporter room twenty minutes from now.
Sulu: Sir, don't you worry that this could be part of some diabolical plan of Doctor Death to lure us back to Baltan V?
Kirk: Of course not. What a ridiculous suggestion.
(Scotty enters)
Kirk: Scotty! What is it?
Scotty: We're havin' a wee bit 'o trouble down in Engineering, Cap'n.
Kirk: What kind of trouble?
Scotty: Red-shirts, sir. We've got too many of 'em. You haven't been taking 'em down in any landing parties to be killed off lately, and we've got quite a buildup.
They're starting to clog up the Jeffries tubes.
Kirk: All right, we'll take a bunch down in this landing party and get rid of them.
Scotty: Thank ye, Cap'n.
Narrator: We are now in the transporter room. Present are Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura, and a group of about ten rather confused-looking red-shirts.
Kirk: All right, let's beam down. On to the transporter pads, red-shirts.
One of the Red-Shirts: Where are we going? How long will be gone? Will there be danger? Are you just trying to kill us all off?
Kirk: (groans) Don't tell me. It's that ensign with the impossible name.
Snodgrass: Who? Me?
McCoy: Yes, you.
Snodgrass: Couldn't be!
Sulu: Then who?
Kirk: All right, let's beam down.
Narrator: Spock, Chekov, Sulu, Uhura, McCoy, Kirk, Snodgrass and the nine other redshirts beam down to the planet. It's a barren waste without even any weird looking cactuses. Wait, cacti? cactus? Whatever. It has nothing of value on it.
Kirk: Nothing that's dangerous for red-shirts?
McCoy: Nothing illogical?
Chekov: Nothing to eat? I'm hungry.
Snodgrass: Nothing that's dangerous for clumsy red-shirts?
Narrator: No. As I told you, nothing valuable.
McCoy: Nuts.
Spock: I do not believe it has nuts, or seeds of any kind, Doctor.
Kirk: Now we've got to find where the distress signal was coming from.
Red shirt 9: Hey! I just realized! I made it onto a planet without dying!
Narrator: Just then, a rock falls down from a nearby cliff and hits the red-shirt.
Red shirt 7: Nooo! Now we're jinxed!
McCoy: He's dead, Jim.
Kirk: One down, nine to go.
Ta daaa!! Please review NOW!!! We're going to be in New Jersey for about a week, but we'll update when we can!