Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil Outbreak file 1 or 2, or Capcom, the show Jeopardy in any way, shape or form.

Luna: I'm back! AGAIN! This week's victim is Kevie! MWAHAHAHAH! Ahem. Anyway, it's a parody off Outbreak, and the scenario 'Wild Things', which is, sadly; the only scenario I ever beat. Also, there are some references to my RE4 Infected w/ Dumbness fic here, so those who haven't read it won't get some comments. Read and as always, REVIEW!

Chapter 1: Where the Wildly Stupid Things are, or Default Chapter for short because I'm too lazy to change the title.

Kevin Ryman was at the zoo. Not just any zoo, the Raccoon City zoo. It was night. It was scary. And there wasn't anyone selling the cotton candy that Kevin looked so forward to gobbling down. Oh, and the place was crawling with the undead.

" This is the worst. Day. Ever." said Kevin, as he surveyed his surroundings.

Cindy, the waitress from J's Bar, was there. She stood in the corner, eyes far away.

The student girl, Yoko was there, looking confused and hopeless. And so was the mysterious plumber dude, David. You could tell he was mysterious because there was a ? for his age. So he could be 50, or 100 or immortal…you never know…Or maybe I read into things too much and Capcom simply couldn't make up an age so they put a ? to make him seem mysterious…Then again, what's mysterious about a plumber? The man fixes toilets for a living! What was that? The fic? OH…sorry I got carried away with my observations again. Anyway…

" Y-You think we'll make it out alive?" asked Yoko, uncertainly.

" Nah. I bet the helicopter will be crashed and everyone will be burning and undead and we'll be left there as zombie chow," said Kevin.

Yoko gulped and looked down.

" Hey! I was kidding!" said Kevin, unsure if he really was kidding.

Kevin began to run off and explore the area, Yoko close behind. David suddenly disappeared, and Cindy was still in the same position as before.

He opened the door to the very ironically titled, 'Elephant Restaurant', looking for items and clues.

" Is this useful?" asked Yoko, holding up a piece of lint.

" No…" said Kevin, blinking.

" Is this useful?" asked Yoko, holding up a charm.

" No." he answered, " Yoko, let's look for clues. The sooner we get out of here, the better."
Wondering if Yoko was that stupid or just nervous, Kevin went to the back of the restaurant and found a diary.

" A diary, eh?" asked Kevin.

He looked both ways before opening it up and reading its 'juicy' contents. Then he realized it was the diary of a senile old man.

Dear Diary,

I had pudding today. Vanilla…yum. Then I watched jeopardy for 4 hours straight. I went to the monkey house to say hi to George, but he threw poo-

Kevin flipped a few pages, disturbed and bored.

Dear Diary,

I had oatmeal today. Mushy. I wrote the combination for the gate on the back of the lock because I forget things. I had oatmeal today.

" Booya!" cried Kevin, happy, " I know how to open the gate!"

" Yes that's good," said Yoko, " I…can be ready to fight in case they come back."
To prove her statement, she held up her weapon. The lethal. The deadly. Scrub brush.

Thinking he was home free, Kevin exited the Elephant Restaurant. He was confronted by a lone zombie. Not wanting to waste ammo, Kevin delivered a sharp kick to the zombie's stomach.

" That this!" he said, " And that! Feel my 'Ryman Super Kick Of Destruction!"

" You copied that off Leon," I said.

" The hell? A survivor?" asked Kevin, " Who are you? Where are you?"

" Wait…this was 6 years before the incident so that means…" I said, " LEON GOT THE KKD OFF YOU!"

" KKD? Yoko…you hear that?" asked Kevin, confused.

" N-No…Was I supposed to?"

"…"

The bewildered Kevin pressed onward, as the fallen zombie rose. Yoko let out a shrill scream and smacked it upside the head with the scrub brush. Kevin turned to see Yoko savagely beating the zombie.

" Die!" she cried, " Um…please die?"

" Yoko, that's enough," said Kevin, " It's dead."

" No, it isn't. It must pay for its crimes!"
With those words, Yoko got an odd glint in her eye; and began to bludgeon the dead un-dead. Again.

Kevin decided to go on ahead and leave the psychotic Yoko behind, just in case she turned on him with the scrub brush.

Luna: Done! Next Chapter: Dumbo gone wild!