I still remember the look on your face / Lit through the darkness at 1:58 / The words that you whispered / For just us to know / Told me you loved me
His grey-blue eyes shone in the light coming off the street posts outside Tommy's apartment. His lips parted after stating the secret he'd longed to share. I love you. I love you. I love you. Adam had finally said it to Tommy. I love you. Not as a friend. I want you to be mine.
Only mine. Just us, in this perfect little world. That's what he'd told Tommy. No interruptions. Just you and me. Together. In love.
So why did you go / Away?
Tommy was heartbroken. He was shattered, broken in the kind of way where his nose stung from tears and he couldn't feel his feet. He didn't move, just sat in self-pity and self-loathing. Flashes of that empty house running like a movie through his head. No warnings. Just gone. After all they had gone through...
I do recall now the smell of the rain / Fresh on the pavement / I ran off the plane
Tommy was glad to be home from visiting his parents for their 'celebratory annual summer trip' to Hawaii. Pale boys in the sun? Never a good thing, but as the plane landed, his sunburn was the last thing on his mind. He grabbed his bag from the cabinet above him and slipped his phone in his pocket. Standing anxiously in line to get off, he teetered from one foot to the other.
Waving at the attendants, he skipped out of the plane and ran – ran – off of the plane and toward the waves of people looking for their loved ones. He stood on his tiptoes, panicking and looking for a tuft of black hair that belonged on Adam. He jumped and panicked. at feeling arms tight around him.
"Miss me?" Adam breathed into his ear.
He missed being in a car with Adam, especially seeing the shiny black tar speeding past them. This here was happiness.
That July 9th / The beat of your heart / It jumps through your shirt / I can still feel your arms
They, along with both Adam and Tommy's friends, were celebrating Independence Day late. Tommy'd been gone on the fourth, so they moved the party forward a few days. Tommy had told him not to, to just go on with the production without him. But Adam denied.
So here he stood, back against Adam's chest. Adam's heart pounded whenever he and Tommy touched, and it made the blonde smile. Arms laced around his petite waist, and Tommy rested his hands over Adam's. "I love you."
But now I'll go sit on the floor / Wearing your clothes / All that I know is that / I don't know how to be something you miss
Thinking of these memories, the early morning confession of love, the greeting at the airport, and the fourth of July party. Tommy shook his head, staring at his feet that settled on the floor. His knees were pulled up to his chest as Adam's shirt hung around his torso. Never before had he felt so alone.
Adam, he was sure, didn't miss him. And Tommy wanted to do anything to change that.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss / Never imagined we'd end like this / Your name, forever the name on my lips
If Tommy had known that the kiss they shared that night outside of his apartment, he would have made it last forever. Would have made it more than a basic brush of the lips, and small hug goodbye. Would have been sober, too. But no. Adam was gone, and their kissing was banished. Their last kiss was over, and he hadn't even known.
I do remember / The swing of your step / The life of the party, you're showing off again
Tommy watched Adam strut around that night, flitting from person to person. Laughing loudly, glass of wine in his hand. People gathered around him as he began telling a story. Tommy stood back, already knowing the story, he figured. He was smiling softly at Adam's happy stupor.
Then Adam's eyes locked on Tommy's, before he started walking toward him.
And I roll my eyes and then / You pull me in / I'm not much for dancing / But for you I did
"Dance with me?" But Tommy didn't have time to decline before he was being dragged onto the dance floor, where soft music was playing. Biting his lip, the blonde stared up at him. They stood swaying, arms placed on each other, Tommy's crossed behind Adam's neck in a feminine way. "I don't know why you only dance with me."
"You're the exception to every rule, Lambert." And with that, Adam laughed.
Because I love your handshake, meeting my father
At his father's bedside was somewhere Tommy hated being. His father was bedriiden and suffering, and Tommy didn't know if he could stand sitting here alone with him. He didn't want to cry. He didn't. "Tommy boy, don't look so sad. I'm gonna be alright." His father's voice cracked through the silence.
"I know, dad. I know." Then a knock on the door before it opened, revealing Adam. "You came." Adam nodded, biting his lip nervously. Tommy hadn't expected Adam to show up here, not for a man he'd never met. Tommy'd only told Adam out of greif in the first place.
"You must be Adam." He nodded. "C'mere." Adam stepped closer, standing next to Tommy. They put their hands out, giving a firm grip. "You mean a lot to my son. I'd like it if you didn't hurt him." Adam smiled.
"Never, sir."
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets
Adam had a habit of walking hunched over, hood up, and hands in his hoodie pockets. Especially when in public, doing what he could to avoid crazy, freaky fans."Only pussies are scared of their own fans," Tommy would always say. Even though Tommy himself knew how fucking insane they could be. Following to their hotels, somehow figuring out their phone numbers. Adam would just shrug as Tommy looped his arm around Adam's, walking down the street.
How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something / There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions
"...and I'm just so stressed, and I can't sleep. And I feel like you don't even listen to me. Are you listening to me?" Yeah, maybe Tommy was being a little psychopathic then, but he couldn't relax for the life of him.
"I'm listening to you." Adam muttered. Tommy sighed dramatically. He continued to put away dishes from their dinner – that he had to make. Tommy kept rambling, yelling at Adam. He was telling him that it was Adam's house, so Adam needed to do more around it. When Tommy finally turned to face Adam, he realized how much closer Adam had gotten.
Adam leaned down, gripping the back of the blond's head before capturing his lips. Pulling away, Tommy smiled.
So I'll watch you life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep / And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe
He hated this. Everything about it. Getting on the internet, seeing the man he loved happy with someone else. Clamping his eyes shut, he tried – and failed – to hold back tears. He was watching Adam live his life, while Tommy sat in his shitty apartment crying and alone.
He could tear his eyes away from the spot where Adam's fingers laced with the other man's. He shook his head, taking ever speck of will-power in his system to not throw his computer across the room. Adam had forgotten him by now, he was sure.
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are / Hope it's nice where you are
"He's doing well, Tommy." Tommy just shrugged, acting disinterested. "He asked about you." Rolling his eyes, he stood and tried to walk away from Monte. "Don't be an ass."
"He left me. I'm entitled to act however I damn well please." He wanted to be bitter. He wanted to go to his crappy apartment and sulk. He wanted to cry and curse Adam. Hell, Adam had left Tommy jobless and alone. But he was happy that Adam was happy. He was happy that someone got something good out of the relationship.
And I hope the sun shines / And it's a beautiful day / But something remind you / You wish you had stayed / You can plan for a change in weather and time / But I never planned on you changing your mind
He took a deep breath, stepping away from his now closed laptop. He had to move on. He couldn't be Adam's anymore. He was Tommy. He was himself. No one owned him, and he owned no one. No, he didn't imagine ever having to do this. To get over Adam was one of the last things on his mind a handful of months ago, when they shared that last kiss in the archway of Tommy's apartment.
But now, he was done.
Your name / Forever the name on my lips / Just like our last.