Disclaimer: Obviously I own none of the guys and only part of my OC's. Thanks to my muses for allowing me to exploit them shamelessly. Nothing I write about them is any way a reflection of them in real life…except for their obsession of our men!
Warning: This is a smutty story and nothing but fluff. Maybe a tad bit of drama but mostly just eye candy!
"Are you fucking insane Edgar?" bellowed Sig Hansen, shaking the paper he clutched in his brother's face.
Edgar laughed, "Well yeah. Just a little. What's the big deal?"
"A bachelor auction? Where the hell did you come up with this idea? Hell, why would you want to do this?"
Edgar rolled his eyes, "For Christ's sake Sig. It's a benefit to help the Children's Hospital of Seattle. Not like they're expecting us to marry these women."
"No. Absolutely not. No tux, no date, no way," huffed Sig crumbling up the paper and tossing it in the trash. "I AM NOT whoring myself out for anyone."
"Whoring? Oh, I see," teased Edgar, " You're afraid no one will buy you and you'll be up there all by your lonesome."
"No," blustered Sig, actually thinking that no woman in her right mind would pay to go on a date with crusty old man like him. "But I can assure you that I'll bring more than you will little brother."
"Is that a bet?" asked Edgar, raising an eyebrow in challenge.
Sig spat on his hand then extended it, "You bet your ass. Loser doubles the winners price and gives it to the hospital."
Edgar repeated the gesture and shook the offered hand, "Deal."
~DC~
"Hell yeah I'm in!" crowed Jake Harris. He flashed a cocky grin, "Hell yeah, girls should pay to go out with me."
Josh looked incredulously at his brother then shook his head, "Seriously? No wonder all you have are one-nighters. You're so full of shit, mushrooms should sprout from your ears."
Jake Anderson laughed at the Harris brothers, "Dude, it's for the hospital. Natalie spent time there as a kid, sure I'll help."
~DC~
"Auction? How long would we be owned?" asked John never looking up from his cell phone text.
"Uh, we just take them out for one date. Planned by the event emcee. Not long I would think," answered Scott Campbell uncertainly.
"I don't know," hedged Johnathan, still texting.
"Dude, Cara or Fara or Sara, or whatever the fuck her name is won't be a blip on your radar by the time we do this," snarked Andy.
"What are you saying?" defended John finally looking up.
"That you, my friend, are a man whore. Come on, it's for the kids. Free booze…" Scott taunted.
"Sure, I'm in. And I'm not a man whore. I'm sowing my oats."
"You must be selling those oats to Quaker then," chortled Andy. "I'm in. Should be fun."
A thought occurred to John, "Wait, Do I have to wear a tux?"
~DC~
"Can everybody hear me?" asked Allyson shouting at the speaker phone in her office.
"I'm here," said Ronnie.
"Yeah, why the fuck did you wake me up?" muttered Ireland murderously.
"Don't worry, it'll be worth it, promise!" replied Allyson cheerily. "Anghared? Jamie? You guys with us?"
"Absolutely hun," answered Jamie.
"Come on, I've got an appointment anytime now." The tapping of Anghared high-heeled boot could be heard over the conference call.
Allyson clapped her hands gleefully, "Oh my God girls! You'll never guess who's signed up for the hospital's charity auction?"
Jamie shook her head in confusion, "Wait. What kind of auction?" .
"The Bachelor Auction? You've got that on line now?" answered Ronnie excitedly. "You've been trying to get that off the ground for a while now. Congrats chica!"
"Thanks! And yes, it's happening, next month. So who's coming to Seattle for it?"
"Sorry."
"Nah, don't think it'll happen."
"I'm in Dubai."
"It's too soon…"
Allyson shut her eyes and composed herself. "Girls. Every. Single. One. Of. You. Will. Get. Your. Ass. Here!" gritted out Allyson. She inhaled deeply. "Let me read you the roster…"
~DC~
Heads turned in the SEATAC airport as the five friends shrieked in unison. Jamie, Allyson, Ireland, Anghared, and Ronnie had become best friends during their college days. Allyson and Ronnie were hometown girls from the Seattle suburbs, Ireland a transplant from the east coast. Anghared and Jamie were exchange students from across the pond. After college they had gone their separate ways but stayed in close touch via the internet and whenever they could vacation together. After gathering their luggage, the girls piled into two cars and headed to Ronnie's house for a long overdo slumber party.
"So he says "What? I was just looking?" Can you believe the nerve of that man?" bawled Allyson after relating the events of her recent break up.
"He's an ass," replied Jamie emphatically patting her on the knee.
Ireland reached across the table to snag the bottle of red wine and shrugged, "All I'm saying is I know people."
Allyson sniffed back her tears, "He's not worth it."
"Amen," agreed Anghared and Ronnie in unison.
"But my cartilage will dry up…"sobbed Allyson, the alcohol turning her into a crying mess. The girls all looked at each other in confusion. Ronnie was the first to get it and began laughing, "Honey, that's just a book. There's no truth in that. Look, my knees are fine." She looked at her friends, "Did you read Elizabeth Gilbert's book Eat, Pray, Love? A healing woman tells Liz, the main character, that her cartilage is drying out because she isn't having sex."
The women began laughing and Jamie playfully shoved Anghared arm, "I guess you're always wet then huh?"
Anghared flipped her off and shot back, "Fuck off!"
"Pass the cheese puffs," said Ireland swapping the bag of chocolate with Jamie. "And just so you know ladies. We are getting these men. I just deposited the pre-nup check from asshole number three and no ho bag giraffe is going to keep us from our fishermen! So run up your bids however high you have to 'cause Hanukah and Christmas are coming early!"
So what do you think? It's paperwork time again, so this is my treat to myself. Bust out some pages then write some fanfic. Yeah, this was little choppy, but things will smooth out as I go. I'll update during my lulls when I need some time to let my brain cool off. Hope you enjoyed it!