Sakura in this story, especially in the early chapters is pretty much depressed and whiny, but I assure you that she will mature once she finds a new path in her life.
lol so here goes~!
Mannequin
Chapter 1
"Love is the feeling we have for those we care deeply about and hold in high regard. It can be light as the hug we give a friend or heavy as the sacrifices we make for our children. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, fleeting, everlasting, conditional, unconditional, imbued with sorrow, stoked by sex, sullied by abuse, amplified by kindness, twisted by betrayal, deepened by time, darkened by difficulty, leavened by generosity, nourished by humor and "loaded with promises and commitments" that we may or may not want or keep."
"All of these songs aren't really helping," I said after skimming through the boring, outdated music in my iPod and just decided to just turn it off. It was one of those days again. It hits me like a flu, a fever, a disorder that comes then goes, worse than a period, worse than a broken bone. It shuts me down and makes me lose all hope. It eats me up and crushes me and I lay hopeless, defeated. I've tried eating, but it just made me feel worse, I already think I'm so out of shape.
I've tried calling Ino, but she was busy, getting her nails done and so on, it's amazing how she gets the time to do that when both her and her husband are working so much. I wonder if her child is okay… Well, seems like they are, I mean who gets to go to college, work, party and shop all at the same time while raising a baby and not looking any older at all. My best friend has always been so… blessed. I'm happy for her but I also cant help to feel so jealous of her. How her life turned out to be, no matter how many screw ups she wound up in, she still has more friends, more money, more clothes, more attention and pretty much, always had everything that I've wanted.
I wonder when I could actually get up from this bed.
I have been this way for days, its been so hard, I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe, my skin has been paler than it has ever been, my throat is hurting and my eyes and cheekbones grown deep. I look around and all that I see is my room, all messed up in ways I never could have possibly imagined. Writings, holes, scratches, spills on the carpet, clothes scattered everywhere, I cant even find my pillows…
It's two in the afternoon, nobody's home, nothing new… Mom's probably gone with that guy again. Oh how I miss Dad. If he was here, I'd probably be eating some meat for breakfast. Fridge is empty. I guess I'm just gonna go and get some takeout. I slipped into my black hoodie, plaid miniskirt and boots and walked out the door.
"Same thing," I said as I dumped money on the counter. Ayame gave me a smile and said "Okay, Sakura" before turning to her dad Teuchi, the cook.
The part I hate most about going out is conversation. I don't want to sound rude but if I had a choice I'd rather just be left alone instead of doing these formalities. I sighed impatiently while waiting for the food to be ready.
"So, where's Sasuke? Not here?" Ayame inquired, ever so cheerful.
"No, he's not," I muttered with a fake chuckle.
"Where is he?"
Do you really need to know? "He's home. Eh, I don't know where he is actually"
As if saved by the bell, my order was up and she gave it to me in a bag.
"Don't forget chopsticks."
"Oh, yes thank you for reminding me!," Ayame said as she dumped them in the bag.
Finally, I said as I walked away from the store, taking as much time walking back home.
I dumped the food on the living room coffee table, grabbed a bottle of water and sat on the couch. Great, I don't feel like eating anymore. Thanks to Ayame, who reminded me of him.
Sasuke.
It's been days since we last talked. I can never find the words to say how devastating it was hearing everything that he said, when all I did from the start was cling to his every word and to his every being. In the end, he just got rid of me, with a side of accusation and disappointment.
"To tell you the truth, I am so tired of you Sakura,
you never really tried for me at all,
I don't really care what you do anymore,
I'm tired of feeling so crappy being with you."
How foolish of me. Believing him.
Everything he told me, did for me, was all a lie.
I feel so stupid for buying his shit, thinking that he would stay this time around. When I thought everything was looking up, but I guess I'm just a big fool. I don't even know why I keep on checking my phone. Stupid me…
But anyways, I don't really want to think about him right now.
And as if in perfect timing, my cell phone rang. The screen displayed "Hinata". I wonder what she's calling me for, shouldn't she be at school?
"Hello?"
"Sakura, I'm at Luster ri-right now w-with the ga-gang. We… skipped school, and Ten-ten wanted m-me to ask you if you want to come," she said with loud noises in the background.
"Ah, I'll see if I can go," I said, not sure if I want to socially interact right now.
"-Sakura-chan! Better stop spending time in your little vampire coffin! God damnit! I'm barely in town you better show up!" someone yelled through the receiver, it sounded like it was...
"Temari? You're here?," I yelled enthusiastically.
"Yeah biotch, Semester break for meez! My whole family from Suna is here for a vacation, they want to check out some houses and shit! We might move here! Isn't that great!"
"Yeah! that's great!" It really was great, Temari could distract me somehow, shes such an upbeat friend, might help a lot.
"So forehead you better be here! In 10 minutes!"
"Alright," I sighed in defeat.
I changed into a black corset dress and red heels, wore a black headband, took my messenger purse and locked our front door. It didn't take long to haul a taxi since I lived in a busy part of town.
Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I begged
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, "
Every second that passed inside the taxi cab was hell. The driver wouldn't stop singing along to the depressing song playing on the radio. I forgot to bring my iPod since I tossed it on the bed this morning.
Well, its not like playing that stupid thing will help me anyways either.
The car pulled up to the front of the mall. I gave him exact fare, no tip, shook my head and slammed the door shut. I rushed to the elevators and pushed "3". The bell ding-ed and I walked towards the arcade Luster. I hope this day wouldn't be as bad as I thought it would be.
Beep Beep BEEP BEEP BEEP
The alarm clock has never sounded so annoying. My hangover is worse than any other I've had. I don't even know how I ended up back in my penthouse.
I looked over to my end table and there was a note:
"You're welcome, Tsunade-sama!"
I didn't even need to see the name below. I know who exactly the handwriting belonged to. I picked up my phone and started typing.
"Thanks, again, for the millionth time, Shizune."
Time to get up, or I will be pulverized by Sarutobi once again. That bastard. Couldn't he understand that ideas don't just pop out of my head! I can't believe he gave me a deadline! And it ends in… two months.
HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO COME UP WITH A NEW LINE IN TWO MONTHS?
My headache was hammering. I turned my iPod on and put my Pandora on the Tchaikovsky station. Swan Lake went on. Oh, how it soothed my mind. I entered the bathroom to take a warm shower.
It's a new day, time to get my game on. Maybe if I go out, I will find some inspiration, and some new shoes.
The latter excited me more than anything else. I turned the faucet knob and got dressed.
"What a horrible location for a Starbucks," I said as I was having my daily doze of coffee. The crew member recommended this new blend called the "Blonde Roast". It was rather bland for a normal day but today I think it is just fine because I don't want it to have war with the sake, soju and soda inside my stomach. I took a seat outside their store as I looked around. This Starbucks branch was in front of a noisy arcade called "Luster", I believe; with lots of kids running around and such. Looked rather distressing.
As soon as Temari laid eyes on me, she started sprinting to where I was and glomped me. Oh, God. she got heavy. Ten-ten, Hinata, Shino, Kiba and Lee were the people who I recognized so far. They were all wearing their school uniforms. I wonder why they all cut class today?
"So, why did you guys leave school? That's not very nice," I muttered to everyone. They were all surrounding me now.
"Well, its senior ditch day! You are not cool if you are at school today," Tenten cheerfully said while shoving some pink cotton candy to my face.
"Oh, I see, then I guess you guys wont get in trouble then," I stated as I pushed the cotton candy away.
Everybody else gave their greetings, some said hi and Lee, of course had that weird look on his face and gave me a thumbs up and a wink. Everyone stared when Hinata hyperventilated and turned tomato red.
"G-guys! Uh umm, look, err...," Hinata whispered ever so shyly, pointing her thumb behind her.
And right there, my world almost stopped, like a trance, like a dream, like a hallucination, no- a movie. When everything turns into slow motion and he comes, walking like, he is walking on air, on clouds, on water. There he was...
Sasuke.
He walked past me. Didn't even look, didn't even flinch, or blink. No nothing...
I looked down and went into my own little petrifaction. Someone gripped my shoulder which woke me up a little.. It was Naruto. He was walking behind Sasuke, along with Gaara and Shikamaru. They all headed inside to where the Guitar Freaks game was. There wasn't anything else that Sasuke would play but that anyways.
Tenten shook me, and I noticed that everybody else was staring at me. I felt so embarrassed so I looked down and then there was an awkward silence.
"Guys! Come on! I'm barely here! Let's take a picture outside!," Temari said to lighten up the mood as she raised her camera. She dragged me and Hinata to the front of the arcade and waved her hand back and forth to gather round everybody. I was the odd one out, the only one wearing a black strappy dress with red heels while everybody else were in their uniforms.
-Flash!-
"What the hell, guys? You look like the clouds have fallen down on you, whats wrong? Give me smiles! Poses!" Temari shouted after seeing the preview on her camera screen. She asked a random guy to take the camera so that she could be in the picture as well. She twirled and put her hand on her waist looked back to the camera and smiled. Seeing her gesture, we all tried to do a creative pose ourselves. Hinata, for example did a peace pose, Tenten did a nyan pose, leaving me with nothing. I just stood there, and so I just decided to pose like a supermodel. Hah, after a couple of shots I just had fun with it and went with the flow.
New Ideas... Thinkthinkthink...
It's relatively hard to come up with a new idea of fashion, I think I'm losing my touch. Am I getting too old for this? Should I just give up my dream and retire?
I stared at the blank screen of my Macbook Air.
I looked around the area of the Starbucks I was in. Looked at the beautiful lights.
Ah, colorful, innovative, symmetrical...
Too overrated.
Looked at the people.
They all look so... alike- bright, cheerful, traditional. Jeez, does anyone here have a darker side to fashion that I can connect with?
And what are these delinquent teenagers doing here? They are supposed to be at school aren't they?
Ah, what is wrong with the generation today... Giving up knowledge in exchange for posing .. for... the –
I stood up. Gathered my things and impulsively approached her. My heels clicked as everyone she was with stepped aside and out of my way. I crossed my arms in front of her and said:
"I am the famous designer Lady Tsunade, one of the Prestigious Konoha Troika. Would you do me the honor of being my mannequin?"
The pink haired girl looked at me in disbelief with her mouth slightly open. I tapped my foot as I waited for her reply. "Well?"
"I am the famous designer Lady Tsunade, one of the Prestigious Konoha Troika. Would you do me the honor of being my mannequin?"
Her words echoed in my head. I didn't think it was real at all. Did she say "mannequin"? What the hell is that supposed to mean? I think I've heard her name somewhere, she must be really popular in the rich folk's world. But I wondered, why me?
"Well?"She was getting impatient now.
I shouldn't let her wait for me like that. I should be given time to think though, shouldn't I?
This is unfair! But what is there to think about? Who knows, maybe this would even be a good idea to distract myself, and since she said she was a designer and hiring me I might get good money. That would be nice... right?
And also I don't go to school...
God, I talk to myself too much.
I took a step forward and gave her a smile. I nodded hesitantly and said yes.
She immediately grabbed her purse and pulled out what looked like a business card. She wrote something down and handed it to me.
"Here, this is my card. I also wrote my address and floor number. I expect you to be punctual. Our first meeting will be on Monday, two days from now, at twelve o clock sharp. Call me beforehand if anything came up. Understood?" Her voice was authoritative. Looks like she will keep me on check.
I nodded again and she walked away ever so gracefully, coffee in hand, the clicking of her high heels gradually faded.
I was still in shock. I didn't know what I just got myself into. It looks pretty serious to me. I never really take leaps of faith like this.
What if I mess up? Being the failure and quitter that I am? What should I do? Should I believe in myself?
What if I just make a fool out of myself? That would be disappointing...
But there's nothing left in me to upset.
I saw Hinata slowly approaching. "Sakura," She said as she poked my hand, waking me up a bit from my self-conversation.
"Yes?"
"Sakura, that lady, um, she was the designer for, my p-parents um, wedding, she is really famous..." She said, trying not to sound too boastful, when she wasn't even a bit to begin with.
"Oh, she is? Then I'm screwed", I said while covering my face with both hands. "I don't think I can do this."
Tenten shook me by the shoulders, "Come on Sakura! You have... unique style! And your hair stands out too! I have a good feeling about this! Don't worry about it! You'll be fine!," She yelled with a huge grin.
Oh great, should I feel better with that? I shook my head. Self- esteem levels were decreasing...
I looked around and noticed that Sasuke was standing by a wall... looking at me? I threw him a glance and then tried to walk away from his sight.
I wonder what you're thinking, Sasuke-kun.
A tear almost fell from my eye, but I tried to stop it from falling. I want to talk to him and just pour my heart out, I wanted to tell him that despite everything that happened I'll always be here, I will stay to break into his walls, I will be blind to every bad thing that he has done, and that he is the only reason that I wake up and hope for even when there is nothing left in me... He is the only one who can crush my heart to bits but at the same time he is the only one who can put them back together again perfectly.
I can't stay here.
Maybe I should just go home and give Ino a call.
I excused myself and bid my goodbyes to the gang and took a cab home. Thank God this one didn't have the radio on. I dialed Ino's number hoping she would pick up. After a few tries she finally did. I didn't know exactly why I called her. I just needed some mature advice I guess. So I started narrating about the Tsunade thing while looking at her card in my hand.
"Oh, wow, that's great I think, at least you wouldn't be bored at home all day and you'd also get some money since your mom doesn't really give you shit," She said. I mumbled a "uh huh" in agreement.
"I mean, you might even get famous! Just don't be a porn model now, that's not really good for my image as your best friend!" Ino chuckled.
"Don't worry, I don't even think I'll be qualified for that. I will not go that far either," I responded. We both laughed.
"So, you think I should do it?," I asked again for reassurance.
"Why yes, Sakura, its not too hard, trust me, I have done that too remember?"
Oh yeah how can I forget, I am after all talking to miss perfect popular party girl cheerleader Ino. What hasn't she done?
"Yeah... I remember," I sighed.
"Well what else do you need to know? I mean all you have to do is stand or sit there while a bunch of people make you pretty then do some crazy poses and look cute for the camera and voila! You get some money. Just don't eat so much, I know you have been and missing the gym lately too. What's up with you?," she asked, with a slight bit of concern.
"Well, I just been..." I said louder than a whisper.
"You guys not together anymore for sure this time?"
I took a short moment to gather myself and replied.
"Yeah, I don't know, I just can't let go though, I want to prove to him that I'm always going to be here for him, and that he has someone to go after everything. I know he's having a hard time dealing with his family and I think I'm the only one who can understand. His family doesn't even like me and I'm not even allowed in his home. But it's okay as long as he sticks with me. He told me that they don't matter as long as I'm here. So I will believe in him and I think he's just having some personal troubles," I thought aloud.
"If he doesn't have the balls to stand up to his family or at least talk to them for you then I don't think he's worth it, Sakura. You don't want to be wasting your time. You should try to find out what you really want. Nothing's perfect, but if you cant trust him and he keeps you hanging it also hurts me to see you suffer. Try to find out what you want to do... Just gotta hang in there, okay?"
It wasn't meant to be?
"I guess. Thanks, Ino," I said with a smile.
"I guess our little competition over Sasuke was all in vain. He wasn't worth it after all. Haha! Just kidding!," Ino said a wee bit bitterly.
"Well, gotta go Sakura, my baby is crying, congrats on your new job," She groaned.
"Okay bye-bye," I frowned and hung up.
2 days later...
I woke up at 9 am, which was just the right time for me to be able to get ready and pick something fashionable to wear. I still don't know what got into Tsunade's head for asking me- a size 0-1, five foot one girl weighing a hundred and five pounds to be a model. I am so out of shape and I eat nothing but take-out from Ichiraku across the street. There was so many doubts in my mind.
You can't start your day like this! I hit myself in the head.
I put on some light make up and slipped into my mom's four inch black suede pumps, wore a white lacy body contouring dress with a camel-colored waist belt. I got this dress from the clearance section of this really expensive boutique and never wore it, thinking I would break it but I guess today would be the perfect day for me to use it. I grabbed a matching camel colored purse and aviator sunglasses and locked my apartment door.
It was still quite early so I decided to make a stop for a morning tea to wake me up. I had enough money for just the taxi fare and that. Damn, I'm running low on funds.
I bought a raspberry Tazo Tea and walked back into the cab. I took a sip and felt very refreshed and happy that my day has started so great. A few moments later, I noticed that the meter was getting higher and the cab wasn't even moving. We were stuck in traffic. Great, did I just jinx it? I facepalmed.
"I'll get off right here," I said, not wanting to pay any higher than what I already owed. I stepped out of the car and started walking down the street, looking at the signs. The street was crowded with people rushing to work and school, vendors, beggars and there was traffic everywhere. My heels were getting more difficult to walk in by the minute. I didn't know where Tsunade's building was, so I kept walking, Tazo tea in my hand.
"The card says... Number Eighteen Sky Loft Penthouse, Mori Street, I am by Park Court Drive and Mori so I guess all I have to do is...-oh excuse me sir, I'm sorry," I said, noticing that I've bumped into somebody while crossing the street. The person didn't say anything so I looked up to repeat myself.
I noticed that the man wasn't happy at all. He was standing there, in the middle of the street, shaking his head in disbelief. I have spilled my Tazo tea all over his shirt, and on my dress. My white dress. The dress that I've only worn especially for today! And now it's ruined!
"Hey! You!" I pointed my finger to his face. His eyebrow twitched slightly. I think he was trying to play it cool, but I was not really pleased about what had happened. I inspected him behind my sunglasses. He had auburn hair, long eyelashes, nice porcelain skin and his lazy, hazel-colored eyes were gorgeous. He was inches taller than me and looked like he was a little older than I am. He had a gig bag around his torso, from the way he was dressed he looked like a laid back type of guy, but he really seemed pissed right now. And so was I.
"You! What's your problem? I have an important appointment today! Look at me now! Are you just going to stare? You.. dickless bastard!" Dickless? What ?How'd I come up with that? My legs were shaking in anger, I was stomping my feet like a child.
"You weren't looking at where you were going, little girl. You're not the only one who got his clothes ruined," he said calmly as he took something out of his gig bag. It looked like a black bandana. "Here, take this," he said as he handed it to me, his voice sounded velvety and sweet.
I shook my head. "What do you expect me to do with that little girly scarf you have! What kind of guy carries a little hanky around, jeez, you're gay aren't you! No thank you! Ruining my day is enough thank you very much!," I yelled.
"Look here, little girl, don't be acting that way," he said with an amused look on his face. "You were the one who wasn't looking at where you were going and now you ruined my shirt and you blame it on me, I think that is quite unfair," he said oh so smoothly. His choice of words was very old fashioned.
"Look here! Old man!," I hollered while pressing my index finger on his chest, "If you know everything then why didn't you avoid me huh? You so tall and mighty! Couldn't you see that I was looking for an address and obviously I am having a hard time! Its my first meeting to get this new job and look at my first impression!"
He didn't seem interested at all but he took the card from my hand. "Your place is right across the street. Now if you excuse me, I don't to be here blocking traffic any longer."
He handed me back the card along with the bandana and walked away, just like that. I was a little shocked until a car honked at me. I saw myself standing in the middle of the road, with five or so cars impatiently waiting for me to cross the street. I gave the road ragers a goofy grin while waving and rushed to the path walk.
I looked at the bandana he gave me, then back to the other side of the road but the mysterious guy was gone.