Jacob's POV
I had ended up in the worst place possible. Curled up in a ball in the middle of an unfamiliar forest, I was weak and tired. My heart ached so much. I couldn't walk and my vision was getting blurry. As it became harder to breathe, I remembered the events that had brought me here…
o0o0o
I saw them walking toward me. The anger in her eyes was apparent. I looked only at her as they got closer to me. She was everything to me and my heart broke to see her next to him, the bloodsucker, the vampire she loved so much more than she loved me.
"Why Jake? You know how Charlie feels about bikes? Why would you do this to me?" Her voice was sad, but I did not regret what I did. Lying to her father was not a good idea. There was some more conversation where I realized I had been wrong to tell Charlie about the motorcycle. But the words were not what was important, it was the feels conveyed among the three of us.
"Jacob, I wanted to say thank you for keeping Bella safe while I was gone." Edward had not spoken much except to expose my thoughts to Bella. This caught me off guard. He sounded so sincere.
"I didn't do it for you." I growled, turning to look into his eyes for the first time. That is when it happened. I felt my heart stop beating for a fraction of a second. I couldn't breathe and everything but his face seemed to disappear. It was like I had walked right into a soft, nicely scented wall that had been there all along and I just had not seen it. When my eye sight returned to normal, I realized I was on my knees.
"Jake?" Bella took a step toward me. They both looked at me curiously and both, yes even Edward, had concern in their eyes. I lurched back to my feet and started running farther into the forest. I stopped turning back to look into the eyes of my newly found imprint before I phased and ran as far away as I could.
I continued to run trying hard to block out the questions of my pack brothers. My head was so full of mixed thoughts and feelings that they could not make out what was wrong. I was glad for that. I crossed the treaty line, finally on my own side, I felt I could breathe a little better but I could not shake the feeling that I had left a part of myself behind. When I reached the small pond I referred to as Swan Lake. It was my haven, the place I went to, to wrap my head around things, to be alone. I phased, but I did not dress. I walked straight into the water. It was too chilly for a normal human, but it did not bother me.
When I had completely submerged myself, I let go. The gravity that was keeping my feet firmly on the ground was no longer there and I was rising. My body even out at a horizontal angle and the water effortlessly supported my weight. I closed my eyes letting reality drift away with the gravity. All I heard was the beating of my heart and the swish of the water in my ears as I drifted back and forth.
What was happening to me? That was a stupid question. I knew exactly what was happening to me, but what I was really asking was; what is going to happen to me now? It's not like this was going to be as easy as it was for Sam, although he did not really have it easy in the first place. How would I even begin to tell Edward? Or did I even want to bother? I was pretty sure I knew how it would end.
And what about Bella? How would she feel knowing I had attached myself to her boyfriend? I may feel destined to be with Edward now, but a part of me still loves Bella and I could never hurt her.
And me? How did I feel about this? Well, the person I was this morning would say that I hated that my soul was now tethered to the bloodsucker that I loathed more than any of the others. I wanted to punch his face or bite off his arm this morning. Now all I wanted to do was make him happy in any way possible. The old me would say that my free will had been taken away and I was being forced into this. But I did not feel that way now. I felt like the imprint had opened my eyes to something my hate and anger had been hiding from me.
When I opened my eyes, the sun had sunk below the trees and Swan Lake was covered in long thin shadows. I kicked my legs gently creating ripples in the previously undisturbed water and propelled myself to the edge of the pond. I climbed out. It was time to get home to reality, to Billy who I hoped would not hate me when he found out what I had done…
o0o0o
That was the day my life had changed and it only got worse from there. It was dark, but I couldn't tell if it was my failing vision or the setting sun. It did not matter though, I almost felt content lying there in that strange forest. Then I felt myself being lifted off the ground and I thought; is this what dying feels like…?