Author's Note: Hi guys. Thought I would sneak one last story in here before I officially start revising for my exams. I am very proud of this story: I wrote it a little while ago using my own characters after we did an interesting topic in class. I should probably say that it is rated 'T' for a reason. Let me know what you guys think because it would mean a lot. Much love to you all :).

7th January

"Your apartment? I didn't think I would ever get here," Jack Smith told Sonny Munroe as she opened the front door to her apartment. As he kissed her neck she could feel her heart was pounding and her hands shaking as she turned the lock. It would be a good night. Why wouldn't it be? She had met Jack a few times now and after a few kisses in the middle of the dance floor this was the natural next step, wasn't it?

"Lucky you then," she smiled, turning round to kiss him passionately on the lips and holding him close to her. She liked him because of his smile and his green eyes. She tousled his styled chocolate coloured hair and could feel him playing with her dress.

They had left her friend Carrie and the rest of the group at a local takeaway after dancing for most of the night and taking advantage of the cheap drinks. Carrie was the mutual friend – the new 'it girl' on The Falls – that had brought the two together after listening to Sonny talk about how she'd had no fun since she started her fifth year in So Random. She and Jack had met at a night out organised by Carrie. Sonny had been invited to pre-drinks in Carrie's apartment and so had Jack. He was a childhood friend of hers and was studying something to do with engineering in college. She thought he was smart and he thought she was beautiful, funny and sweet. He even pretended to be interested when she talked to him about the sketches she'd created for So Random. Sonny liked him right away and when he kissed her that night she had a feeling he reciprocated. For the next few months it had been flirting on facebook, daily texts and phone calls often drunk. The nights out that preceded the first always ended with a kiss and her not wanting to leave him at the end of the night.

"I liked you when I first saw you," he hissed in her ear. Thank God her roommate Tawni was home visiting the family for the months of December and January.

"Really? I thought you might have considered me pretentious after all that talk about my show," she laughed as they collapsed onto her bed. She heard him snigger, but then he looked at her with that smile she liked so much and stroked a strand of her brown hair behind her ears.

"Hardly," he told her. "You're beautiful, do you know that?"

"It's always nice to hear," she smiled, wrapping her arms around him. Her dress was already at her lower torso and she could see him looking at her underwear; imagining them on the floor. It made her nervous, but then again it had been about a year since she'd done that. She was sure it was uncommon, hence why she had even talked about it to Carrie, but then again Carrie had boys surrounding her when they were out. She was tall, blonde; blue eyed and had the figure men wanted. Sure, Sonny wasn't exactly obese, but apparently her curves weren't for every man and not to mention her hair that never stayed in place. She was surprised when Jack took a liking to Carrie's friend and even more surprised when he wanted to sleep with her.

"Trust me you are," he assured her, and she wanted to kiss him, but then she heard her phone vibrating in her purse. She sat up and looked at the phone hanging out, but Jack slowly laid himself on top of her and kissed her softly. "Ignore it baby; just for tonight."

"It might be Carrie or Tawni," she replied. Sonny couldn't understand why she wanted to see her phone so much or why she was still shaking a little. Jack simply sighed and sat up beside her looking impatient. She mouthed an apology and checked her phone; it was Chad. At that moment she felt a rush in her head and was sure she might throw up, but then again she got the same feeling whenever she got a voicemail from Chad.

"Sorry I called so late Munroe, but I'm just shocked that's all. Karen told me tonight that she doesn't want to see me anymore because her ex is single and apparently he's been coming onto her for weeks. I mean for fuck's sake I thought I might love her. Anyway, you're the first person I could think to call. I forgot you've been out with Carrie and her friends, as well as that Jack you keep mentioning. I hope you had fun and I'll text you or something in the morning. Good night."

Chad Dylan Cooper was the last person Sonny had slept with. They'd been friends since they were thrown together in Condor Studios and had endured the 'are they/aren't they' comments for years. They had gone from enemies, to acquaintances and finally to friends – the title they'd remained stuck with for a while now. Sonny guessed she'd always had some sort of crush on him. She couldn't exactly pinpoint what was so attractive about him; he was hilarious, he was sensitive, he was passionate about everything he liked and he always had time for her. She guessed those were her favourite things about him.

It shouldn't have happened. She had been thinking about him for weeks thanks to another screening of When Harry Met Sally and suspicious comments from the Randoms. Tawni said that when he came over Sonny was the only one he focused on and that she always had a smile on her face when she saw him. It wasn't just her; on nights out everyone said he was always too close to her and she seemed to blush a lot when he put his arm around her or whispered something in her ear.

It happened on a Christmas night out with her friends, his friends and mutual friends. Sonny drank champagne for a change and it went straight to her head, which spent most of the night on Chad's shoulder when they weren't dancing. He decided it was his job to take her home and she didn't argue, even though she thought his friend Paul might've liked her since they did kiss earlier on.

Chad decided he would sleep on the sofa that night, but when they got home Sonny led him into her room and kissed him. She thought he might not respond, but he did and then before she knew it her underwear was on the floor and all that hid her modesty was the duvet covering both of them. In the morning; the light reflected on everything she didn't want it to. What did she do? Didn't she realise how much she had complicated things? Why did he say 'I love you' before they went to sleep?

"Sonny, are you up for this?" Jack asked, and the first thing Sonny thought was; 'No, I'm not'. After she and Chad slept together she didn't know what to say and he seemed so ashamed of what had happened that he didn't dare repeat what he'd said. It took weeks for them to spend time alone again and by that point he had already moved on to someone else; the Eve that was now long forgotten history. Sonny should have told him sooner that she might have been in love with him too. At first she thought it was thanks to romantic comedies and her friends, but when he told her he'd moved on that day they met up for coffee she experienced disappointment for what felt like the first time.

"Chad broke up with the girl he was seeing and I think he's upset," she said, forcing herself up and feeling like the room was spinning. Yes, Chad was single and she could go over there and comfort him and then tell him all the things she wanted to. He told her about Eve that day over coffee to get a reaction and when she didn't give him one he thought she was fine. He didn't realise that she thought he didn't mention anything because he felt it was a mistake. "I should go see him."

"It's four thirty in the morning Sonny," he said, taking her arm. "I think it's too late and I'm sure he can wait till tomorrow."

"No he'll be sad now and he might do something he regrets," she said to him, giggling as she tripped and almost fell into the closet. "Look Jack I'm sorry, but I'm just not sure I'm ready to...to do that tonight."

"You seemed fine a minute ago!" Jack snapped and she didn't like how nasty his tone had turned within a few minutes. She was about to say something when he shook his head and pointed at her. "You want to go over there and fuck him, don't you? Shit! Carrie told me about you and him and how you hadn't fucked anyone since he turned you down! Am I your second choice then?"

"I'm really sorry; I know I'm a bitch, but it would be terrible if I slept with you when I'm not sure it's what I want," she said to him, feeling guilty. She shouldn't have kissed him like that or led him back to her flat that night, but she didn't know this was going to happen. She didn't know what might happen at Chad's, but she knew it wasn't right with Jack when Chad was the only one she wanted to see that night. He had been the only one she'd wanted to see for many nights now. "I'm sorry Jack, but I really need to go."

"No, you can't just leave me like this!" He protested and suddenly Sonny wished that Tawni had decided to come back early. She froze in place and found her heart pounding worse than it did when he kissed her. "I came here to be with you and I want to fucking be with you."

"Well I don't want to be with you!" Sonny snapped, trying to walk away, but it was amazing how quickly he stepped in front of her bedroom door. Suddenly he wasn't just tall, with green eyes and a nice smile, but he was tall with some muscle and strength she wasn't sure she could overcome. "Jack seriously! Just go and bitch to Carrie about what a whore I am! Just go!"

He didn't go though. He did what he had to do. And then he left her lying there; her ripped underwear on the floor and tears in her eyes.

8th January

Sonny's bedroom door was still open from when Jack left. The bed was the exact same way he'd left it. Her clothes were on the other side of the room from when he kicked her dress off his foot before he left. The keyring hanging on the door was still swaying from side to side. The room still smelled of alcohol like it did hours before. The room was still plunged in darkness. Sonny was the same way he'd left her.

What did he just do? Why did he do it?

Those were the questions she couldn't manage to answer. She tried to close her eyes and sleep because sleep made her think clearly, but all she could see was him when she closed her eyes and she was plunged straight back into the same nightmare. She thought she'd be able to remember every moment of it, but it felt like she had just woken up from a bad dream. Did he really call her a whore over and over again? What did he say to her right before he left? It was as if her mind was slowly chipping away at the memory and trying to erase it, but the state of her room, her smudged make-up and her watery eyes made it impossible.

For a while she lay in bed, unable to move. She didn't feel hungry. She didn't feel tired. She didn't feel as drunk as she thought she might, but then again she'd sobered up pretty quickly that night. She didn't feel fat because she hadn't gone running that morning like she did every morning. She didn't feel upset that her expensive lingerie had been ripped. She didn't feel eager to tell Chad about this like she told him about everything else. She didn't feel anything.

What did he do? Why did he do it?

Sonny was in pain, but she didn't want to look. She didn't want to make it real. Instead she lay in the bed staring at the ceiling, but that was like staring at a personal movie screening of what had just happened to her.

Her phone rang a few times, but she didn't even turn her head. She felt like mannequin and she wanted to be one. She didn't want to move again, speak again or have to think ever again. She tried to think of something else, but she couldn't. She couldn't think about anything else until she had discovered what had just happened to her. She didn't even want to think about it and saying it out loud was impossible.

She needed to get out of bed. Slowly Sonny sat up, but she could already feel the pain between her legs and her eyes were still stinging with smudged make-up and tears. Her mouth was still a little sore from when he held his hand over it. Everything about her was sore. She made it to the living room after locking the door; she was terrified that he might come back. She was terrified that anyone might come back. She locked the door and turned the TV down low so that no one thought she was home. She didn't want anyone to see her in this state and she didn't want anyone to say his name.

Even though the TV was on and the darkness was slowly returning Sonny could only hear her own breathing, the screams of the night before echoing throughout her mind and everything he said.

She didn't sleep that night and for many nights to come.

22nd January

"I didn't think I would ever come home," Tawni told Sonny the day she returned after a long break with her family and her old friends. Sonny thanked God that she decided to come home, because it had been hell for the past couple of weeks. "It was lovely in San Francisco; I was going to ask you to come along for a little while, but then again I imagine you've been busy with Jack, am I right?"

She shuddered whenever she heard his name. She hadn't heard it for days now; not since she told Carrie and the others that she'd contracted an awful flu and that her mother was coming down to care for her due to Tawni not being there. That way they wouldn't come to her apartment and she could be alone just like she wanted to. She could wallow in shame and guilt exactly how she wanted to and she could deal with the events in time for Tawni's return. However when Tawni said his name with all of those unsaid assumptions it all came rushing back to her and she had to stop herself from crying.

"Yes, Jack got busy and decided that he would rape me on the 7th of January and even though it only lasted a few minutes at the most it felt like a lifetime," Sonny wanted to say, but she hadn't gotten the courage to say it out loud yet.

Her mind had gone into overdrive even going outside to her local grocery store after what happened. It had taken her a week to go outside again and after that she had been forced to leave, but she ensured her phone was on her and she kept her eyes down and tried not to cry when someone spoke to her.

"I haven't heard from him much lately," she managed to reply after a few seconds. Every night she watched her phone and the door just waiting for him to pound on it and beg for more. He begged her for more that night, but when he looked at her teary face and heard her sobs he realised she couldn't give him anything else. He didn't realise that he had taken everything from her anyway.

"But I heard from Carrie that he went home with you a couple of weeks ago?" She said, looking at Sonny with confusion. She wanted a gossip session, but Sonny could barely say anything without vomit rising in her throat. She didn't need her mistakes paraded in front of her. "Has he not even called you? He is such a jerk! And I thought he was a nice guy."

"So did I," Sonny replied, the only honest thing she'd managed to say to her roommate. "It doesn't matter though because I don't think I want to see him again anyway. I don't have time for all that. So will I make a start on dinner tonight?"

"Sonny I'm sorry if he hurt you but we should talk about it and have a good old bitch about him," Tawni insisted, putting her hand on Sonny's shoulder but she shrugged it off. It reminded her of when his hand gripped her shoulder when he took immense pleasure at her expense. No one had touched her in weeks and the thought of anyone holding her again was too much. "It's the best thing."

"I'm fine," Sonny protested, walking into the kitchen. "I don't need to talk about him or see him ever again."

That night she turned on her laptop and logged into some websites hoping that she would find information that would help her accept what happened to her. Most of the websites insisted that she had to tell someone, but she couldn't do that. There was no way that Sonny Munroe would ever repeat what happened to her; she couldn't even say it out loud alone in her room. She couldn't imagine telling people in a court room what had happened to her; down to every movement he made and every plead she screamed. The thought of it now made her eyes water and she had to stop herself from sobbing. She couldn't understand it; she couldn't understand why he did it.

Sonny had been a bitch to him, but she didn't think – why did he do it? Why couldn't he have gone to someone else's flat? Someone who was willing? He had told her that there were lots of girls who wanted him and she should feel lucky. Lucky? She hadn't felt anything except shame, guilt and tears for weeks now.

She accidentally clicked onto the comments made by users on one website and before she could go back one of the comments caught her eye:

"Whether you get raped, mugged or run over as you stagger across the street you need to accept responsibility and realise that this would probably not have happened had you not been out of your face."

So it was her fault? Well Jack had said the same thing.

22nd February

"I feel like I haven't heard from you in ages Munroe," Chad said after she'd finally relented and agreed to meet up with him for some drinks that evening. She'd talked to him a couple of times outside of Condor Studios and on the phone, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the apartment unless she absolutely had to. Plus, seeing Chad only reminded her of everything that happened that night. "You've not been on many nights out according to Carrie. I think they were a bit worried about you."

"I have a lot of work to do," she insisted, but she couldn't bear going to a nightclub where she might be touched by anyone. She couldn't stand the thought of being in a room with so many people who might not hear her cry for help. She especially couldn't bear the thought of seeing Jack again.

She didn't know what he had told people; whether he had told them anything at all. Carrie didn't mention anything and normally she told everyone everything someone said, even in confidence. Sonny thought that Jack might blame her. She certainly blamed herself; if she hadn't led Jack on all those months she was in fact pining for Chad, she wouldn't have wanted to leave so eagerly that night, he wouldn't have gotten so upset and she wouldn't have been...assaulted.

She'd only managed to say it out loud recently and was in the process of putting it behind her. She'd read about women who never ever said anything about being attacked to anyone and they were able to live their lives just fine after a little while. Sonny longed to feel like herself again and the easiest and quickest route to that was acceptance and personal therapy. That way she wouldn't have to say anything and she would feel like herself in no time and would be able to look forward to Chad whispering things in her ear and holding her close to him. She wouldn't feel so disgusted that she would have to shrug him off.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when Karen ended things," Sonny managed to say without crying. She fucking hated Karen for ending things with him that night. If Karen had just held on for one more fucking night Sonny might have been fine. It was her own fault for being widely optimistic and hopeful after so much vodka. That user was right; she had to accept some of the responsibility for that night. She had been a bitch to Jack and he was drunk too. Still, he hadn't even apologized.

"That's alright; I understand that you were so sick you couldn't even get to the phone," he insisted and she saw him try and reach over to hold her hand but at that moment she took a sip of her diet coke and removed her hand. She could have sworn they still hurt from when Jack pinned them down so she couldn't move. "Munroe, are you alright? You've been acting a little weird lately."

"I'm fine; I told you I've got a lot on at work," she replied and even she could sense the lack of emotion in her voice. "You know me Chad. I was never a huge fan of going out and now it's just starting to feel a little unnatural, you know?"

"But Tawni told me that you don't even go out running anymore and you love running Munroe," he told her and it worried her how his nickname for her was no longer a term of endearment. How could she go running now? How could she leave the apartment so early in the morning when she couldn't walk for always looking behind her back?

"I thought you were enjoying yourself now after feeling self conscious for so long," he said to her and it hurt her to see the concern on his face. "I was happy to see you having fun with your new friends. Look I'm only going to ask you this once, but has this got anything to do with Jack Smith?"

"Well actually on the night Karen ended things with you I wanted to see you so badly to maybe talk about how I've loved you for years and Jack didn't like that so he raped me instead and that's why I don't want to go out and can't even look at you in the eye properly."

"No it doesn't," was the reply Sonny gave even though she wanted to tell him the truth. Telling her best friend should have been easy, but she didn't want him to judge her. He would probably also think that she was a whore because she just expected him to sleep with her even though he was probably heartbroken. He would probably say Jack gave her exactly what she wanted so why was she complaining? Maybe Sonny was looking at it from a different perspective; maybe because she wasn't expecting it that was why it was such a shock. Maybe if she looked at the other side of the story things might have be completely different. But why did she cry whenever she thought about it?

"I don't give a fuck that he hasn't called. I don't want to see him ever again actually."

"Really?" Chad asked and Sonny nodded her head. She had once looked at a photo of him on facebook after the incident and it chilled her. "Well Munroe if that's the case then there's something I've been meaning to say to you for a while now. I probably should have said it a long time ago because God knows I've felt it for a long time ago, but –"

"I really should go," she said to him, knowing what he was going to say next. However, it was seven pm and dark outside. Sonny hated travelling home in the dark just in case Jack decided that he just had to see her again. He had left her with warning of his return and she didn't put it past him. She wanted to clasp Chad's hand and assure him that his feelings were reciprocated, but she couldn't bring herself to feel anything like that. She could feel a strange sensation in her stomach when she seen him and she did long to hold him like she used to, but that was all.

"Can't you wait a minute?" He asked her and he looked desperate. Couldn't he have told her before Christmas? Couldn't he have taken her back to his place that night in October instead of Karen? If he had done that then it wouldn't have came down to this. "It's important Munroe."

"I have to work on some lines for tomorrow," she told him urgently. That was a lie; she had learned all of her lines when she was pretending to be sick and not going out after work. "What is so important that I've to fall behind Cooper?"

"I love you Sonny," he told her. The words she had wanted to hear on the night that incident happened. Instead all he'd said was that she was the first one he wanted to call. She could feel her eyes watering and the strong urge to kiss him, but she didn't want to touch anyone or anything with her lips. Why didn't he tell her this a long time ago? He had felt it for months and he didn't feel the need to tell her? Instead he had been with girls who intimidated her and made her feel so small when she saw him kiss them? If he'd told her sooner then she wouldn't have needed to say this:

"I need to go Chad."

Author's Note: Well, did you like it? Let me know in the reviews and I will love you. What do you think will happen it next? Will Sonny continue to keep this horrid secret to herself? Or will she finally confess?

We studied patriarchy in class and how rape is viewed as the girl's fault and this idea came to mind. Yeah I know, I am way too interested in my course. Anyways please tell me what you think as it would mean the world! :)