A/N: I know, I know… I should totally be working on chappie Twelve of 'Love Game,' but while re-read in an attempt to stop my writer's block, this came to me.
The missing scene from chappie five…
I can't believe no-one even mentioned the new name in a review!
At some point in this one-shot, and in that chappie itself of 'Love Game,' I gave hints as to who she was, but no-one commented. I guess that should have been my cue that my readers were fleeing…
-frowns sadly-
Pity… I got really big plans and stuffz too…
-pouts-
Come back, reader-tachi! Loli-tan is sorry about her writer's block! Forgive her?
-tilts head to one side-
Please?
Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Knight. Xena-kun and Saralegui-kun are mine though, thankfully.
ENJOY!
READ… AND REVIEW!
~ Of When She Was in Love With Me…~
'Dirty, filthy, disgusting, unforgivable, deplorable, appalling me…!' He thought to himself. 'Nasty pure blood! Malevolent vampire nature!'
He sobbed out a moan of misery.
It didn't matter. No matter how much he tried, the taint just wouldn't come off. Just like that time… Just like with her…
He paused; eyes widening and bloodied mesh sponge falling uselessly to the marble floor with a surprisingly resounding splash as a new memory of his ancient life assaulted him…
Flashback
"You asked me once, Kaname," Began Xena in a whisper. "What I wanted of you. Do you recall that day?"
Lowering his eyes, the brunet nodded.
How could he ever forget?
"Yes," He replied softly, miserably. "I recall. It was the anniversary of when we met."
"Well, now," She murmured. "I want to ask you the same, Kaname. What do you want from me?"
The question was breathed in such a strained way as to make the creature wince; shame and self-loathing coloring him.
Had he driven her this far?
Was all this his fault?
And most importantly, what with her amethyst gaze searing into him, should he open his vile mouth to answer her simply complex inquiry? Should he dare to mutter out loud that disgusting and shameless wish? Sully her with his monstrous need; obsession?
Finally, he understood Saralegui…
"Kaname," She called firmly. "I need an answer."
He turned away from her; shadowing his face and adverting his eyes from her.
His thoughts flew through his conscious; mere present and then dying, pathetic and inconsequential things. But all he wanted was for her to cease the call of him name, for her to cease calling him 'Kaname,' with such bittersweet familiarity.
'Stop calling to me like that,' He thought. '…Don't you know; ignorant love, with your voice you can kill me or save me. Which you want to do is obvious, so stop calling out to me; stop conflicting, breaking my heart.'
She growled; enraged, and grabbed forcefully at his chin, turning his face harshly towards her own. With her left hand, the one still around his waist, she pulled him closer, so that he could never escape from her again.
"Answer me…" She growled. "And for your sake let it be the truth, or so help me God, I will crush you, desiccate you, utterly destroy you and then violate your corpse for my twisted lust of you that, unfortunately enough for you, still persists…!" She hissed in warning.
Gazing terrified into her eyes, he shook; the sudden realization that she was once again serious and once again wanted to do him harm, drilling despair deeper into his aching soul.
Resigned, he hung his head.
…He might as well say it; nothing could make her hate him more than she already did, after all. And besides, if she was to have her way with his corpse, may the euphoria it will feel reach him in hell; fulfilling his wish with its fading breath. It would be a dream to be hers; even if it lasted but a moment and he was nothing but her toy.
"I…" He began; glancing at her and having her present scowling face overlap with her grinning countenance of so, so long ago.
How long it had been since last even the smallest, most petit of smiles crossed that hard, stone-cold face?
"Kaname, you bastard!" She cried, claws digging into his perfect façade and bringing forth stain; sin; blood…
"Fine!" He yelled out. "You want to know? You wish to know why I… why I…!"
He took a shuddering breath; shakily, he released it.
It was bubbling, boiling, and bursting forth… his one wish…
"I want to kiss you," He began; his entire being shaking with suppressed, bent-up emotion. "I want you embrace this hallowed emptiness; this vague contour of what was once a man…!" He took a steadying breath, and for what it was worth, it was surprising that he'd kept it all in this long. "I want you to love me; want only me! Tell me that my devotion is not a mistake! To kiss you; to have you use me as you please is all I've ever desired… Can't you ever look at me without that disgust on your face? Th-that hatred in your eyes…?" His voice cracked, and the dam having broken down as it had, he was unable to stop it all from flowing out of him; these accursed words that were never meant to be said. "Just once, I want to see your eyes looking into my own, with tenderness, passion and… and love! Am I truly nothing but a thing? A thing that does not deserve even that? Even the love one has for the flowers of the field or the soil beneath your feet? If so… then fine! If you so hate the 'thing' that I am, destroy me! Then recreate me! Make me exactly what you want me to be; kill me! Save me!" Clearly he was hysterical; his hands clenching in the material of her shirt, and his claws going right through. "Ripping me apart from the inside out, only to fill me with all of yourself…nothing would fulfill me more…! Or better yet; save yourself the effort, and abuse me, take me, sell me, violate me! Use me as a dirty rag to shine your shoes, a servant to do as you command without question, a whore to warm you bed, a-!" He gasped; choking momentarily from the sudden alleviation of the pain in his chest. The thoughts and feelings that weighed it down were being removed so suddenly and it felt so…good. "God damn it! Why? I love you! I am in love with you; with all my heart, with my entire mind, with this pathetic and abnormal body… even this soul is yours! Yours! So why, why can't you… Why won't you love me?"
He was in tears by now; sobbing uncontrollably with his head bowed down from the weight of it all. Meanwhile, Xena stared at him in shock; struggling to understand.
After all that had happened; was it really possible…?
The hands on her chest moved up to surround her neck, and Kaname drew himself closer; pulling himself practically into her lap. He raised his head revealing his beautifully desperate features; those shinning rosewood orbs that glittered with unconditional love, adoration and tears, those flower-petal lips that were parted with ragged breath, that sweet, innocent but perfect face that was lovely to the point of being painful… Why was it that it was all a lie?
A tear slipped down her own face, and she leaned closer to his trembling lips; fuchsia and full and begging to be kissed.
"Xena…" He breathed; passion, obsession and love swirling together in a dizzying haze and breaking his heart. Would she return or reject his feelings? Use and discard him after, or, more favorably, keep him at her side forever? Would she give him the kiss he'd always pined for, and then rip him apart, or would she decide to believe in her heart? But with his love and his logic pulling and tugging this way and that, he would take and rejoice in anything she gave to save him… whether it be her love or her loathing.
"Kaname…" She returned; conflicted and torn between the knowledge that this was another of his beastly tricks, that his beauty was nothing but a tool with which to prey on the weak, and the very real and raw, beating heart in her breast that told her that she was incorrigibly in love with this tender little thing in her arms, completely enamored of that exquisite face that shone with near divinity when graced with her kiss.
Their lips met; and that sealed their fates.
Their love-making was wild; but Kaname expected nothing less. And, being as young and inexperienced with anything other than pain when coming to intimacy, he didn't know if his heart would have been able to cope with anything else. As it was, the poor, battered thing was ready to burst with this sudden, immense joy.
He'd never thought happiness would feel this good.
She had tried to prepare him; harden him in her hand, and then with her mouth, but, like a young boy having his first time, he came much too quickly; staining her face with his seed. But it was alright, because she realized with every husky, keeling moan and cry of her name that he had quite possibly not had anyone else, and with all his spasming and quivering, that he was not only as eager as ever for her touch, but that crimson was a particularly attractive color on him; when flushed like that, he was enchanting.
…And his mewls made her leak unto the floor…
So, still blushing like a virgin on her wedding night, he tried to return the favor, preparing her with his tongue like he had wanted to all those years ago, when she took his innocence in a hut much like the one they were in now. Her passion was sweet as honey on his tongue, and as smooth and seductive as silk. He lapped at her womanly folds; wishing to drink from her dripping core forever. When she came, climax shaking the very foundation of her hatred of him, calling to her softness, and ripping a tear in the mask of ice she had decided to don, she made the mistake of looking down at him, only to find her masks cracking ever more, so enraptured was she with the image of his face covered with her essence, his lips and tongue heavy with herself.
…Decidedly, it was wrong for a man to be so dainty, so delicate, so incomprehensibly beautiful…
She rode him brutally in retaliation; with all the rage and remnant affection for him that she had, as if seeking to erase the moments they shared, and wishing beyond everything that after this she'd not care.
He lay writhing and moaning beneath her with lust; giving his all to her, gifting her, his trust. His eyes shone with moisture and she closed her eyes, she knew she was hurting him; but this was the price for the fulfillment of his only wish… he'd begged for just this agony with that kiss. May never their paths cross again; because she was unsure if she'd be able to hold on to her sanity the next time, she was sure to lose herself within him.
All because she loved him… but never would the words fall from her lips; a timeless, unspoken secret.
She heard him sob, and so opened her eyes. To her surprise; he started to laugh.
"Love is painful; but so full of bliss," He said with tears shinning in his unforgettable eyes. "If only I could die like this…"
All her walls, facades and masks were obliterated at that, and giving into the craving just this once, she kissed him again.
-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-
By the time he awoke she was already gone, and all he could do was move on; holding onto the memory of when she used to smile with glee.
'Of when she was in love with me…'
-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-
Miles away, Xena leaned against a tree; sliding down the bark as she finally broke down.
Now that she had admitted it, she couldn't go back. As it was, it had broken her heart to leave him, how was she now to kill him?
End Flashback
A faint, dead mutter escaped his nearly unmoving, bleeding lips just then. It was as lifeless and at the same time as vivid an unheard utterance as it was a soundless sob; no, a silent scream to all but him.
"Xena…"
-0-o-0-o-0-o-0-
A/N: Ah…yup! That's it, I guess. I just decided to show one of the less important memories that came back, otherwise, there'd be some major spoilage happenin'…! Poor Kana-sama, right?
This will all make perfect sense after, 'That Smile' is completed.
Oh! And in a shameless attempt at advertising, you guess know I have a Utube account? Well…the link should be posted on my profile within an hour or two… But~ if not, its 'Queen Mana Of Egypt' like my other profile! I got some VK vids if you're interested. Mostly Zero x Kaname, and even a one-sided Aidou x Kaname.
Lol
I even put up a tribute to Sagakure, so check it out for her sakes, ne?
Her work deserves to be adored!
As always, leave a review would ya? Inspire me to get over my blockage, 'cause I know want I wanna write, it just isn't coming out as it should. The tone and mood and phrasing is off…
-pouts-
Sayonara,
Lolita