Dear tris
Every night I close my eyes and I see you but it's not you. it is the cold lifeless but beautiful shell that contained you, your spirit, your joy, your courage.
Sometimes I forget and make myself believe your still here, that I will wake up and still be holding your small figure in your arms. You will look up and I will see those beautiful eyes full of life and energy and I know I will survive today.
But I can't!
I can't survive without you. When you died you took half of me with you I know I will never be whole, so does Christina but she still tries. I told her to just let me go so I can go to the darkness and see you again but she won't let me. I told her to carry on with her life and forget about me but she won't. She is married and has a child I know that she still suffers too she has the dreams too, but she still stays strong and I wish I could for you and for her, but I count the days until my tie to the earth will finally untie itself and let me go. I just want to be with you. If we hadn't met this wouldn't have happened to you and for that I am sorry, I am sorry that you met me the most pathetic excuse of a dauntless or an abnegation, I didn't belong anywhere. It is clear now why my father beat me and why my mother left they tried to warn me that I could not love anyone without hurting them. I hurt myself and everyone around me I killed you and I killed Uriah.
I loved you tris but you left me. You are so perfect you had to leave me you are now in the only place where perfections like you can belong.
You are an abnegation and a dauntless you can't be selfless without being brave and for that I admire you and so should so many others for that thank you
But why could you have just been normal instead of perfect and you would still be here