The Letter
By
Sensaiman
A Castle Fanfiction
Summary: Castle writes HER a letter. A transition story from The Dead Pool to To Love and Die in L.A. And regretfully Josh is gone again [Skip to My Lou]
Disclaimer: All Castle related characters belong to Andrew Marlowe and .
Acclaimed Mystery writer Richard Castle stared at the screen of his laptop and pondered the best way to begin.
"You Cold-hearted B*****", no too strong.
Perhaps a classical approach, "You Bloodsucking Harpy ".
For God's sake get a hold of yourself Castle, you can't give her the satisfaction of knowing she's broken your heart for again.
"I can't believe it", he thought, "we get rid of motorcycle boy, and HE comes breezing in and takes her away from me".
Castle took a deep breath and considered the issue. Cool and professional that's the way. With a grimace he bent over the laptop and began to write.
Dear Detective Beckett,
I know you will be relieved to learn that I am terminating the Nikki Heat books….
Detective Katherine Beckett entered the 12th the following morning at her usual time. When she arrived at her desk, she was surprised to see her daily coffee and bear claw waiting for her. She was usually in the precinct a good hour before Castle, but he must be here already. Well that made sense; he hadn't been in yesterday. He had been in meetings with Paula and HER, his publisher, about his upcoming trip to Hollywood; he hadn't even made it to Remy's for lunch, so he was probably making up for lost time.
"Hey, Mackenzie", Beckett shouted to a uniform walking by, "Have you seen Caste?"
"Yeah, he came in about 20 minutes ago, dropped off your coffee and left".
"Thanks"
She was surprised; he hadn't mentioned being out today. She sighed wistfully, after 3 years Castle had become such a fixture in her life that his absence was almost painful. Oh well she'd call him later; maybe they'd get together for dinner tonight.
She had just seated herself at her desk, and taken that first blissful sip of Vanilla Latte when she saw the envelope. Even if she hadn't noticed the R. E. C. embossed in the upper left hand corner, she would have recognized the elegant penmanship.
Probably a note asking her to meet her for drinks at the Old Haunt, she smiled to herself. It had been a little over a week since her whatever it was with Josh had died it's inevitable death. In the weeks since he had stayed to "make things work with her", they had only seen each other two or three times, so she wasn't surprised when he told her that he was sorry, but he needed to go to Japan and help with the relief. In the end all she felt was relief.
Smiling in anticipation, she took her letter opener out of the drawer, and slit open the envelope.
Picking up her Latte, she took a sip and began to read the following:
Dear Detective Beckett,
I am sure you will be relieved to learn that I am terminating the Nikki Heat books with the completion of the one I am currently working on. I will therefore no longer be doing research on you. I will cease shadowing you as of today. Please extend my thanks and best wishes to all the men and women of the 12th, their assistance has been extremely valuable.
Sincerely yours,
Richard Alexander Rodgers [AKA: Richard Castle]
Ps: I hope you and your new "Partner" will be very happy together.
RAR/RC
By the time she had finished reading; she was fuming. That Son of a B***** he was going to do it again, just as things were beginning to move towards something more in their relationship, he was going to run.
"Well, good", she thought, "let him. Who needs him!"
"You do Girl", said that voice in her head that sounded a lot like Lainie, "you need him, and you know you do"
"But, he's running out again", she argued with herself, "just like last year."
"That really wasn't his fault", the phantom Lainie said, "and you know it. If you had told him about Demming right away there is no way in Hell, he would gone off with HER".
"Oh, yeah, then why is he running now? And what does he mean by 'my new partner'?"
"I don't know", the Lainie-in-her-mind replied, "but maybe you should go and find out."
It only took Kate a minute to decide that was exactly what she had to do, so she got up, grabbed her stuff, and crossed to Esposito's desk.
"I'm going out for awhile, if anything happens, you know how to reach me."
"Okay, boss", the detective said.
As she turned, she almost bumped into her new, and very unwelcome "shadow". Alex Conrad stood directly in front of her holding a cup of coffee and a bear claw towards her. What the heck was it about writers and pastry anyway. Not even acknowledging him or his offerings, Kate stepped around him and headed out.
Although he was supposed to packing for his trip to Tinsel town tomorrow, Castle was sitting on his couch, head in his hands, when the pounding started. It was not a knock, it was definitely a pound. Before he could even move, a voice was added to the pounding.
"Castle, open this DAMN door, NOW!"
What the Hell was she doing here?
"What do you want, Beckett? I'm packing for L.A."
"I want you to open this door."
Knowing Beckett, if he didn't let her in, she would probably kick the door down, so he turned he lock and let her in.
"What do you want, Detec...", she didn't let him even finish.
"Shut Up, Castle! What is the meaning of this?", and she brandished the letter in his face.
"I thought it was pretty self explanatory, I've gone as far as I can with you, I mean Nikki Heat so I'm not going to shadow you anymore. That's all. Now if you'll excuse I have packing to do."
He started to step away.
"Stop right there, Castle. I know you. What are you hiding?"
"Nothing."
"Damn it, Rick, answer me. You wouldn't just walk away after..."
"After what?", he interrupted
"After all we've been through together. You're my partner and probably my best friend, why would just run out on me?"
"You want to know why I 'm leaving", the anger finally boiling into his voice, "then fine". I'm just sick and tired of you hurting me, okay. For two years now I've watched you march your boyfriends in front of me. First there was Sorenson, then Demming, next was Josh, oh and let's not forgot your first lost love Royce. And just when you wake up about Motorcycle Boy, just when I think maybe finally we can move our partnership into something more, you hook up with someone else, you cold hearted love'em and leave'em witch."
"What in the Hell are you talking about? Hook up with who?"
"Him", he said pointing at the coffee table.
Kate looked down and smiling up at her was the face of Alex Conrad. Castle had turned Conrad's book face down on the table.
"Conrad, are you kidding, what gives you the idea I'm with him?"
"How about you gave him your number two minutes after you met him. It took me two months before I got it, or how about you've been on three dates with him. Or better yet how about the fact that you took him to Remy's yesterday. You never even did that with Demming or Josh. Goodbye, Kate. I hope you will be happy with the "New Richard Castle."
And with that he turned and walked to his office. She heard the door slam and the click of the lock.
Stunned she dropped onto the couch, picked up Conrad's book, looked at his face smiling up at her from the back cover, and threw the book across the room.
" Oh my God", she thought, " how did this happen to us."
"Maybe", the Lainie-in-her-mind said, "because neither of you is ever open about how you feel."
"What am I going to do?"
"That depends, Girl", the Lainie voice said, "on whether you want Writer Boy to stay or leave"
She didn't even hesitate; she wanted him to stay, of course she did. One of the main reasons she was relieved by the break up with Josh was because she was hoping that she and Rick could finally begin moving their partnership to the next level. It was funny, but after The Forbidden Planet "date" at the Angelica, the one time she and Josh had actually gone out, she had felt as if she were cheating on her real boyfriend. It was the day after that last date that they had broken up. As for Conrad, how could Castle possibly think she would prefer that young punk to him.
As crazy as it seems, Rick really thought she had feelings for "wannabe Castle". Then a new thought struck her, how did Castle know she and the jerk had gone to Remy's. She stood up and walked to the office.
"Castle", she said rattling the lock, " open the door."
"Go away, Detective", he spit the title out bitterly.
"Castle, if you don't open this door, I'll shoot the freaking lock off. Open the door now, Rick!"
It took a minute, but she heard the sound of the lock opening.
As she opened the door, she looked at the man sitting in the chair in front of the desk.
Two tears were slipping down his cheek, and he pulled in a breath with a shudder.
"Castle..."
"You, know, Beckett", he interrupted, "I've only been in love four times in my life, and every time I have had my heart broken."
"Rick..."
"First there was Kyra ", he continued not hearing her, "when she left without a backward glance I actually thought about...never mind"
Kate shuddered at the implication, imagine her world if there had never been a Rick Castle.
"Then there was Meredith. I really did love her, Kate. I knew what she was like, but I loved her. I foolishly believed that Alexis could keep us together. Boy was I a fool. Did you know she left us on Christmas Eve; imagine explaining to a three year old that Mommy wouldn't be there for Christmas ever again."
Beckett wasn't sure who sobbed the loudest she or him.
"Which brings us to Gina, while I didn't love her as much as Kyra or even Meredith, when we broke up it still hurt."
The tears began their slow descent down his cheeks again.
"Rick", she said in a hesitant voice, "you said four. You've only mentioned three. Whose the fourth?"
He sighed, "You know Beckett, you are pretty unobservant, for a detective if you don't the answer to that question."
"Are you trying to say, I broke your heart? When?"
"Which time would you like me tell you about?"
"How many have there been?", the notion of her breaking Rick Castle's heart just didn't make sense.
"I lost count after four. First was the time Will Sorenson came back, I was already at least half in love with you, and the knowledge that he had been with you killed me. Then after your apartment blew up I actually had an idea that maybe we could get together. But of course then along came Detective Dream-boy, and that ended that hope. Did you know I actually saw you kiss him in the precinct one day? "
"Oh, Castle", she said guiltily.
"You remember when I asked you to go with me to the Hamptons last Memorial Day?"
"Yes", the memory of that day still stung her.
"Did you ever ask yourself why I invited you? It was my last desperate try at moving us into a real relationship, but of course you had your dream weekend with Demming all set up. So of course me being me I did a really stupid thing and asked Gina to go with me."
"Why did you do that Rick?"
"Because I couldn't see myself spending the summer alone wandering around the beach house looking for someone who wasn't there."
Kate needed no clarification as to the identity of the missing person; he was talking about her.
"Rick, when you got back why didn't you call me?"
"Because the thought of you all cozy and happy with Detective Lover-Boy drove me crazy. When we finally did resume our partnership, and I found out Demming was out of the picture, I thought maybe we had a chance , but of course that was until I learned you traded him in for a newer model. Tell me, Kate how long did you wait after you broke up Demming before you started dating Motor-cycle Boy?"
"Three almost four months", she said hollowly. It had just dawned on her, that from his perspective she could see how he might think she was a love'em and leave'em girl after all.
"What", he said, "Three months?"
"Yeah", she gave him a bleak little smile, "just before you left for the Hamptons with HER."
"Are you, kidding. Why?"
"So I could be with you. When you said you were leaving, I suddenly had to admit to the feelings I had developed for you. I was afraid that if you left, I might never see you again. But of course being me I didn't tell you until it was too late. When you left with her, you really hurt me. I spent the entire summer trying to deal with that hurt. Then just before I arrested you for murder this fall, I met Josh. He was good looking rode a motorcycle, had a good career, and I thought he would be the perfect buffer between me and my feelings for you. At first one of the things I liked about him most was his commitment to Doctors Without Borders he was gone a lot, but that was okay, because I had a "boyfriend" to hold you at bay, and at the same time one I didn't have to spend too much time with. Everything was going fine until that damn kiss. That was when my plan to keep you at arms length began to fall apart. Little by little you and I grew closer, and the more we did the more I knew that my one foot in one foot out relationship with Josh was doomed. God, Rick we've wasted so much time; if you hadn't left with Gina, if I hadn't taken up with Josh. If we could've just been open with each other."
"Kate", he said getting up out of his chair, "I'm really…"
"Don't Castle, if we stand here and apologize for all our misunderstandings over the last three years, we'll be here until doom's day. What I really want to know is why you think I would ever prefer an imitation Castle when I already have the real thing?"
"Because of his name. Because he's ALEXANDER Conrad."
"Are you seriously telling me, that you think; that I think; he's the Alexander Penny Marchant told me about?"
"Yes", the answer came out in a sheepish little voice.
"For heaven sakes, Rick", she said in an exasperated voice, "don't you think I know who my Alexander is. Who was it that ran into my burning apartment and carried me to safety? Who shot the gun out of Dunn's hand and saved my life? Did Conrad beat a trained assassin to a pulp so he wouldn't shoot me, did that little wannabe keep me from dying of hyperthermia in that freezer? And finally, it definitely wasn't Alex Conrad who saved me, and most of the city of New York from destruction by disarming a "dirty" bomb all by himself. No, Castle, the man that Penny Marchant dreamed about, the man who would save my life and become very important to me is the same man I dream about, and his name is definitely not Alexander Conrad, it's Richard Alexander Rodgers"
"If that is so", Castle asked, "why have you been spending so much time with him?"
"Because", Kate said simply, "I thought he was important to you. You told me he was your protégé, so I thought you wanted me to help him. Rick the people and things that are important to you are important to me too."
"I'm sorry, Kate. I thought he was trying to take you away from me."
"Rick, no one will ever take me away from you. Three of the best-looking guys I've ever met have tried and none of them have been able to do it. Rick you know me; I'm not the kind of a woman who is going to run up to you out of a clear blue sky and say, "Ricky, darling I love you, take me I'm yours", but those words are in my heart even if I'm not ready to say them yet."
Rick smiled at that, he knew that the three words she couldn't sat yet, would come eventually. He took a step towards her, but stopped. There was still the matter of Remy's.
"What about Remy's. If he doesn't mean anything to you, why did you take him there?"
"I didn't take him, he tagged along, and since I was meeting you there I didn't see the harm. Truly, Rick, if you had told me not to, I would have never let him come with me"
"You were meeting me there, what are you talking about?"
"I sent you a text, telling you to meet there for lunch, didn't you get it?"
"No. I never looked at my phone. Did you really send me a text"
"Where's your phone?"
"Over there", he said pointing to the desk.
Kate picked up the iPhone, scrolled to text messages, found hers, and pulled it up.
Here look.
Castle looked at the screen and read:
Hey RC, Where ru, yur meet should be over. Am at R's, hurry up, yur burgers getting Cold:) KB*
"If you didn't see this. Then how did you know to come to Remy's?" Kate asked.
"When I finished with my meetings, I stopped by the 12th and Ryan told me that you had gone to lunch. He said that if came by you had told him to tell me I would know where you were. So I went to Remy's and…"
"…Saw me with him. Oh Rick I didn't see you, I'm sorry."
"Well he did", Rick said, "just as I walked through the door he looked my way and saw me."
"And that little jerk didn't tell me you were there!", suddenly many things that had happened lately made sense, "You know Rick now that I think about maybe you weren't so wrong about not trusting him. He didn't tell me you were Remy's, he tries to get me to go for "coffee with him all the time, and this morning he showed up with a Latte and a bear claw. I think I have my own Natalie Rhodes. Rick, please don't worry about him. I don't want anyone in my life but you, and Alexis and Martha of course."
" Kate, I know you're not ready to say it, but I am. Kate Beckett I love you."
With those words, the last tiny wall that had separated Kate from the words that expressed how she felt was shattered, and she opened her mouth to speak; when her damn phone rang. Answering it was an unconscious reflex.
"Beckett, yeah Espositio, what's up?"
Rick had taken another step towards her; a smile on his face. It fell when he heard the heartbreak in her voice as she said:
"What, when? How did he get out? Where was he found? Where? How did he get there? Never mind I'll be right there."
"Kate", Castle said, "what's wrong?"
"Mike Royce's body has been found. He was murdered."
"In prison?"
"No, in L.A. I'm sorry, Rick I've go to go.",
She had actually taken three steps toward the door when she realized that something very important was missing. Without turning around, she reached her right hand behind her, and said, "Castle, you coming or what?"
Richard Castle, Kate's shadow, partner, friend and so much more, stepped forward, took her right hand in his left, and as they walked towards the door, called his agent telling her to book two tickets on the first flight to Los Angeles.
Fin
* As you may have guessed I've never sent a text message in my life. E-mails yes, texts no.
Acknowledgements: I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who wrote such wonderfully supportive reviews and messages in response to my reflection Swansong?". And KL I hope you don't mind me borrowing the Meredith Christmas scenario from your story: "Three Sizes Too Small" [If you guys haven't read it, walk do not run to your nearest computer, iPad, or other e-mail accepting device and find it, it is wonderful]
And as always to you, LLZ, thank you for your support. I am your biggest fan, kiddo.
S
As always please review.