It was one of those idle afternoons at Stark Towers with most of the Avengers in the rec room relaxing and chatting. Clint and Natasha are lounging across one couch facing the flat screen TV, Steve is on the other, lazily sketching in his art pad, Bruce is at a nearby desk with his laptop, and Tony is standing at the bar pouring himself yet another drink. They are all there except Thor who - though absent at the moment- was just about to become the brunt of a bizarre experiment.
"So when you go through rush hour traffic, do you hulk out?" Tony was asking Bruce half teasingly as he took another swig of his drink.
Bruce gave him a pointed look over his laptop screen and then snorted.
"What? Traffic always makes me angry." Tony shrugged.
Natasha and Steve had the decency to stifle their chuckles, but Clint burst out laughing.
Bruce just shook his head. "Ha ha ha, you're just so clever with the Hulk jokes, Stark."
Tony grinned. "That's why I'm a genius."
"Cuz it's totally smart to make sarcastic jabs at the Hulk's alter ego." Natasha quipped.
Clint almost killed himself snickering as he witnessed Tony's smile drop.
Finally abandoning his drawing, Steve commented, "Well she's got a point…"
"Okay, okay…so everyone, this may sound strange," Clint began as he raised his hand to silence the remaining dies of laughter, "but since we're on a drift with the absurd notions, I gotta confess, I've kinda wondered which one of us is … well resilient enough, to take a good kick in the balls… minus you of course, Nat." He wiggled his eyebrows at her suggestively which resulted in her elbowing him in the ribs.
"Wow… You've actually thought about that?" She asked, sounding generally unimpressed.
"Yea well…I was drunk."
Apparently ignoring the weirdness of the question, Tony boasted, "I bet I could. I mean, I got the iron suit. Nothing is touching my boys in that."
"Can't say I'm as confident as you, Tony. I may have the advantage of a physically advanced body; but serum or no serum, that still hurts like hell."
"Ha! Tony is just being cocky as always, Cap. How about taking a kick without an iron suit to shield your goods? " Natasha challenged Tony in jest with a defiant glare.
"Oh well in that case I'd probably cry like a little girl." Tony admitted, smiling, without argument, "What about you Banner? Think you could take it?"
Bruce tipped his glasses at the end of his nose in question. "Do you really think that would end well with me in the first place?"
"Yep, bad idea." Tony answered after considering for a second. "If that ever happens it would probably end in the green guy awaking to mortally crushing the culprit."
"Hmm, but what if someone kicked the hulk in the nuts… you know after his change?" Clint offered.
"Still doesn't count. They too most likely wouldn't live to see the next second." Natasha replied.
"Heh, probably not!"
Steve, appearing to be deep in thought, suddenly rose from his seat. "We are all forgetting about the one member missing here. What about Thor?"
"Now hey!" Clint exclaimed while also rising, "That's a good suggestion. I think Thor could probably take it, I mean he's a god right? Indestructible and immortal."
Bruce closed his laptop and gave the group his full attention. "It does sound logical."
"Pfft!" Tony scoffed, "Point Break might be immortal, but it doesn't mean he can't feel pain. I think he'd drop to the ground just like any regular ole guy would. His voice would probably even get a couple of octaves higher with a kick hard enough."
"Well, why don't you call him in here and prove that assumption?" Clint asked.
Natasha widened her eyes as she too rose and faced Clint. "Clint! You can't be serious?"
"Why the hell not, Nat?"
"Because who in their right mind is going to kick the God of Thunder in the boulders?!"
Clint grinned fiendishly. "Any volunteers?"
Steve visibly shuddered. "Don't look at me. It's mentally hurting me just thinking about subjecting the poor fella to this."
"Yea, even though he can probably take it, it doesn't seem right, ya know? This breaks some kind of unwritten male code. You just can't kick another guy in the nuts out of curiosity when you understand the trauma behind it." Tony agreed. "What do you say, Bruce? How 'bout you try in the name of science?"
"Ohhh no." Bruce waved his hands midair in dissent. "You can count me out of that experiment."
"Hey, what about you, Nat? You're a pretty insensitive woman."
"Gee thanks, Clint."
"No seriously, I know you've got the guts. Why don't you try your infamous nutcracker on him? If he can take that he really is indestructible."
"You want me to attempt the nutcracker on Thor? Really, Clint?"
Clint gives her a cheeky grin, "Sure! Just be a trooper and do it for the team!"
Tony stroked his goatee thoughtfully, "Gotta admit, I really wanna know. Plus it would just about make my year if he started suddenly speaking in a high pitched voice."
Bruce just shrugged, but Steve sheepishly added, "Honestly, my curiosity has gotten the best of me."
"Are you guys out of your minds?" Natasha asked into the air. After receiving no reply except stares, she finally said, "Fine, whatever I'll do it. If it will make you all happy, why not, eh? I've done much worst."
"Awesome." Clint patted Natasha on the arm lightly before turning to Tony to say, "So let's get him up here, shall we?"
"Right. JARVIS!" Tony called, strutting to the center of the room.
"Yes sir?" The AI replied out of seemingly nowhere.
"Would you call our friendly neighborhood Thunder god and tell him to come up to the Rec room?"
"Of course, sir. As you wish."
"This is going to be great." Clint said all too eagerly as he rubbed his hands together in anticipation.
Bruce just massaged his temple with one hand and admitted, "I can't believe I'm still sitting here."
In little to no time, Thor's imposing frame was coming through the door way. His booming voice was heard in greeting. "Hello my friends! Your invisible speaking machine told me you asked my presence in the congregation hall."
Tony rolled his eyes as he set down his drink, "It's an AI, Thor. But yes I did call actually."
No one said anything else for a few moments while Thor stood there patiently, beaming at his comrades.
"Thor, buddy!" Clint abruptly started, slapping Thor on the back in a friendly gesture. "Nat here had something to ask you."
In a quick act of cowardice, Clint preceded to shove Natasha practically into Thor's arms before making a speedy retreat to the couch next to Steve.
"Yes Lady Natasha?" Thor inquired.
Natasha regained her balance and shot a dark look back at Clint.
Finally she grinned uneasily up into Thor's face and said, "Um, Thor. I was helping Dr. Banner here with an experiment," Natasha motioned in Bruce's direction, "…and I was wondering if you could… um … assist me with a test."
Bruce frowned and mumbled under his breath, "Why'd she have to mention me?"
"Shhh! And cuz you're practically an upgraded Bill Nye the Science Guy, now shuddap." Tony grunted in a hushed tone as he strained to hear Thor's reply.
"Of course. I would be honored to help you and Dr. Banner. What would you have me do, Lady Natasha?"
Natasha swallowed and led Thor by the arm to a clearing in the room.
"You just stand here like this, Thor. That's right with your hands to your sides." After positioning him just right, she turned her back on him and slowly walked away.
"Here it comes." Clint whispered to Steve, "And the poor sucker is not even wearing his armored pants."
Natasha eyed everyone else in the room with a look that resembled a plea for deliverance, but they all just watched her silently waiting and wordlessly urging her on.
"Hell, here goes nothing." As quick as a flash, she rounded on Thor running full speed toward him, then thrusting up her right booted leg to hit him square between the legs. There was so much force behind the kick that there was an un-ignorable thumping sound on impact. Tony and Clint grimaced, Steve gasped and winced his eyes shut, and Bruce inhaled sharply as he looked away.
Then there was silence. And through it all, Thor just stood there like a massive emotionless mountain.
Surprised the guy wasn't on the floor yet or at least holding his groin in discomfort, Natasha tried to get a response...any response. "Heeellllooo? Thor? Are...are you alright?"
Thor finally cleared his throat and held his head down in—what was that- embarrassment?
He walked up to Natasha and took her hands gently, "Lady Natasha, I am flattered you feel you must devise such schemes in order to display your attraction to me in thus a public manner."
"Wait… WHAT!?" Natasha gaped in confusion. Why was the Thunder god suddenly talking softly to her and invading her personal space?
"It is not that I do not find you desirable. You are quite an alluring female. But I am afraid that my heart lies with Lady Jane. I hope you are not offended?"
"Uhhh… nooo nooo …I'm good." Natasha managed to squeak out.
"Of that I am pleased." Thor smiled and lightly kissed her knuckles before finally letting go. "Well, I must return to my former preoccupation. Farewell, my good friends!" He announced more loudly at the entire company. Then once slightly bowing, he exited the room in large strides, leaving Natasha alone to recollect herself.
She finally turned to face the room and was met by several faces just as surprised as her own. "What just happened here guys?"
Clint was scratching his head, "Beats me. Hell, he didn't even flinch. "
"Huh, what do you know? The guy takes it like a come on…" Tony commented before unexpectedly cracking up. "He actually thought you were hitting on him… and he let you down easy! Hah!"
In sheer amazement, Steve questioned, "How on earth is that even possible?"
Always the first of the group to theorize, Bruce answered, "Well from the sounds of it, seems like Miss Romanoff's …act of aggression is actually a type of courting ritual in Asgard. Perhaps it is similar to a show of affection."
"So what … girl likes guy, girl kicks guy in nuts?" Clink remarked, turning to face Bruce.
"Makes me want to steer clear from Asgard as long as I live." Steve shook his head.
After catching his breath from his laughing outburst, Tony devilishly eyed Natasha. "So … is it safe to say the big guy was probably turned on by it a little bit?"
"Honestly, he looked kind of embarrassed." Bruce perceived.
"Well damn!" Natasha finally said, "That kinda turns me on…."
Clint wiped his own smirk off his face in an instant. "WHAT!? What's that supposed to mean!?"
She shrugged. "Hey, I like the idea of a man who can take it. I gave that kick my all and he stood there like it didn't even tickle. I wonder what else he could take…?" Natasha asked mostly to herself, before leaving the room in contemplation.
"Wait! WAIT! Nat! I bet I could take getting kicked like that! C'mon gimme a chance, Nat. NAT!? Give me your best shot!" Clint yelled while running after her.
The remaining three continued in silence until the echoes of Clint's begging receded from the halls. Then at last Tony, Bruce, and Steve let themselves go and almost fell out laughing at the hilarity of it all.