New project :)

Will be very much an AU story.

Will be mostly written in Grimmjow's POV.

Hopefully you'll find it humorous; that's what I was going for.

Anyways, enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach.

I met this kid the other day.

It was weird how we met; weird and random as shit.

I was walking home from this bar I work at. The weather was right that night; a little cool, cloudless, starry sky, no hobos around; elevated my mood tenfold. I'd had a bad fucking day at work cause this broad threw her gin and tonic at me, that I fucking made. I won't get into why she did it; guess some people don't like hearing the truth… about their ugly ass outfit, hair, personality, among other things. Whatever. I speak what's on my mind and don't give two fucks. And she was a bitch.

But anyways, when I saw how sweet the weather was, I had decided I'd go home and sit on the roof a bit. I do that sometimes. Open a beer, bring up my ipod, just fucking let loose and chill. So I had it all planned out. It'd be two when I got home, I'd stay up there till four, be KO'ed by five, up and at 'em in the p.m. by two. It's a jacked up schedule, but it works for me.

So that was the game plan.

But the plan was fucking foiled

I was a quarter mile away from home. I could see the street corner my little shack-like house sits at. As I came up to that street corner I heard a loud thump and a human sounding "oof". I stopped and was immediately on alert - looking around myself; maybe there was a robber or some shit somewhere. I didn't know what to expect and I didn't hear anything else, but out of the corner of my eye, I saw movement.

What I saw… not the robber I kinda thought it would be.

It was some chick crawling her way out of the bushes of one of my neighbors houses. I had glanced a little ways up and saw a dark, open window on the second story.

I was curious and confused and staring, thinking maybe she actually was a burglar. She wasn't wearing black though. I saw as she got up that she was really small, like really fucking small; maybe five foot nothing, if that. And were those pajamas? I squinted and stared a little harder. Yeah. Hideous red and yellow checkered pajamas.

I couldn't recall any kids in this neighborhood. I didn't know there were any actual families over here, and with teenagers at that. I figured I was watching a sneak out. She had a bundle of what looked like clothes in her arms; a leather jacket was draped over the gross pajamas. I grinned to myself, remembering similar times I'd had, sneaking into some girls house instead of out of mine.

I stopped looking after that, turning to head my way to my own house.

I'd made it to the street corner my house sits at, was at the sidewalk leading to my front door, when I heard a loud "fuck!" come from behind me. I fought the urge to turn, already knowing it was that kid, but curiosity won out.

I looked over my shoulder to see the little chick crouched on the lawn of my neighbor, rifling through the different articles of clothes she'd had in her arms, digging in the pockets of that leather jacket.

I wasn't far enough away from her to not hear her saying "shit shit shit" over and over.

I scoffed to myself. Dumb girl must've forgot something. Not the smartest thing to do when you're sneaking out. You risk getting caught if you go back inside.

I watched her a second longer, about to turn my head and walk up to my door when she stood abruptly and our eyes met.

I was held there a minute, by fuck all knows.

She had soft features and large eyes. It was kind of at a distance, so I couldn't make out details. Just knew she looked young… and hella pale. Her skin kind of glowed underneath the stars and the street light.

I adverted my eyes, feeling weird for staring at the kid so long.

I continued my way up my walkway when she called out to me. I scowled and mentally cursed myself. Fuck I just wanted to go inside.

I didn't turn around but I heard hurried footsteps coming my way.

"Excuse me, sir" she had said a little breathlessly. I sighed as I turned.

"Yeah?" I said gruffly, now fully facing her.

The girl came to my sternum; the bottom end of it. She had dark hair of medium length that curled and flipped out once it hit her neck. It was still dark outside, and with the streetlight behind us, her face was kind of shadowed.

"Ah, I'm sorry to bother you so late, but can I use a phone?" She gestures behind herself vaguely. "I forgot mine…" she explained, trailing off.

I nodded to myself, or to her, I don't know, and felt around in my pockets for my cell; my jacket pockets, my jean pockets, the little pocket on the chest of my shirt. "The hell?" I said, feeling around a little more firmly, but it wasn't there. I sighed loudly, picturing in my minds eye where I left it… on a chair in the break room… at work…

I looked back over to the girl to tell her "sorry, I left my fucking phone at work" but she was looking at me with a kind of half smile and a knowing/sympathizing look in her eyes; she interrupted me before the words could leave my mouth.

She waved her hands a little and started back-peddling. "It's okay. Thanks anyway." She'd said, turning and walking the rest of my walkway facing forward.

I frowned to myself and watched her leave. She didn't go back to my neighbors house though, the house where she fell out of the second story window, or whatever the hell it was she'd done. She reached the street corner and turned, like she was leaving the subdivision.

I fought with myself for a few seconds but then I cupped my hands to my mouth and shouted "OI", just as she was about to walk out of sight. She turned back to me and I motioned for her to come over. She hurried back and I waited with hands deep in my pockets, looking at the cloudless sky and realizing that I probably wasn't gonna be able to enjoy the stars like I thought I'd do. Weirdly enough though, I almost didn't care.

She was walking up the walkway to my house again. "You found your cell?" she immediately asked once she reached me.

"Nah." I motioned behind me to my home. "But I got a house phone. You can use that if you want."

I figured she'd be a little skittish about going into a strangers home, to use a phone or not, but her face kind of lit up and she nodded and thanked me again.

I led her into my house without another word.

Once we were inside I flipped a light on and put my back to her as I searched for the stupid phone.

"Alright" I said. "Gimme two seconds so I can find the damn thing." She might've said "okay" but I didn't hear, and she might've nodded but I didn't see. I pushed the locate button on the base to find the handset, listening to it ring but unable to fucking find it. Three minutes later, after a lot of swearing and muttering, I found it wedged in the couch cushions.

I pressed the silence button as I walked over to where she'd stayed by the door. My eyes locked with hers as I handed the phone over.

They were purple.

Weird eye color. But then again, who am I to say that?

I sat at the far end of the couch as she made her call. At first I felt like I should walk out the room so it wasn't so blatantly obvious that I was listening, but then I was like, fuck it. It's my damn phone anyways and she was messing up my schedule and night all to hell; I had a right to listen.

The one-sided phone call went something like this:

"Hello?"

"Hey, yeah, it's me. I need a fav."

"I need you to come pick me up."

"What? No. I'm at one of his neighbors and I'm using his phone. A little house across the street."

I scowled at the word "little". My house is little, but don't state the obvious and don't talk about my shit.

She glanced over at me and her mouth quirked up a bit on the side. "Yeah, that nice little house across the street." She said. I scoffed and looked away. Doesn't make it better…

Her conversation continued another minute

"No. I don't"

"Shut up. I knew you'd be awake."

"Nope"

She glanced at me again and shrugged. "Meh. He seems nice enough."

When she looked away from me, I quirked a questioning eyebrow up. He seems nice enough? Really? Did the girl have no goddamn brains? I'm a stranger and she don't know shit about me. I had shaken my head subtly. Dumbass girls gonna get herself fucked up one day with that kind of naivety.

She listened for a second, then sighed. "Stop mothering me."

"Alright. Okay. No, I'll see you when you get here."

"What? I don't know! I'll see you… I'm hanging up… Bye…" She dropped the phone from her ear.

She was scowling softly when the phone call ended and she was looking down at her hands. It was a full almost thirty seconds before she acknowledged me. She walked over to where I sat and handed me the phone.

"Thanks again."

"No problem."

I seriously thought she'd leave after that. I was waiting on it yet kinda not waiting on it, if that makes any sense. But she continued to stand off to my side and I was about to be like "what the hell else do you want?" when she turned to me again. She bit her lip.

"Look. I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass, but can I wait here for my ride? They said they'd be here in thirty. I don't really want to wait outside. But I will if I'm being a nuisance."

I looked away from her and shrugged. "Do what you want. I was gonna be up a bit anyways"

She thanked me, for like the fourth time, and I just grunted my acknowledgement.

She went and sat on the other end of the couch, just one cushion separating us, and sat in silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it wasn't comfortable either, and my mouth was opening before I could stop it.

"So… Adventurous night planned?"

She looked over at me out of her peripheral, but I could see the side of her mouth go up a little.

"Not really. I was just spending the night with my boyfriend."

My eyebrow went up. "Oh. So that's who your ride is gonna take you to?"

She turned to me fully now. Her brows furrowed. "Um, no. I just came from his house."

"From across the street?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah. Your neighbor. Spiky black hair, facial tattoos, tall." she spouted out, looking at me in surprise. None of it rang a bell, and I noticed she didn't give me a name. Didn't matter; I wouldn't have known who he was. I shrugged.

"I don't know my neighbors foreal." I said, leaning back into the couch cushions.

"Ah." she said in understanding.

We sat in silence for another five minutes and she never tried to break it, but something was nagging at me.

"Oi" I got her attention. "You said you just came from your boyfriends house…" I trailed off, sort of asking. She nodded that I was right. "Why were you sneaking back out?"

She looked at me with a neutral expression for a second, but then a smirk appeared and it became playful.

"Questions, questions." She tilted her head. "Why so many questions?"

I had scowled and told her she was sitting in my house and it was - (glance at the clock) - 2:45, in the morning. I could ask her whatever I damn well pleased. She laughed at that.

"Fair enough. I was actually trying to break up with him, but I couldn't figure out how to say it. He fell asleep and I didn't want to wake him up, so I left." she shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess he'll figure it out when he sees I'm not there in the morning."

I was kind of shocked cause that's a shitty way to break it off with someone and I told her so. "Wow. That's kind of fucked up, kid."

She shrugged again, with raised brows and pursed lips. "Is it?"

"Yeah, it pretty much is."

Another non-caring shrug. "I guess."

We were silent for maybe another five, but I was feeling chatty, so I said fuck it.

"Your parents know you sneak out?"

She quickly looked over to me from her side of the couch. Her purple eyes narrowed in confusion.

"I didn't sneak out of anywhere, except when I left my boyfriends house." she said slowly. I opened my mouth to correct her, on that whole boyfriend thing, but then she interrupted me. "Er, ex-boyfriend, I mean." she rushed. "And I'm not sure why you think my parents would care. I'm grown." she finished, somewhat wryly.

"Tch. Alright. Whatever." I scoffed. I remember doing the whole "I'm grown" bit when I was younger. Truth be told, I didn't know the meaning of being grown till I was paying my own bills and taking care of my own needs and shit. But whatever. She'll learn.

We were back to silence but I didn't have nothing else to say. It was weird though, how I wanted the conversation to keep flowing. I'm not like that, not talkative or chatty, but for some reason I was that night. I settled for watching her out the corner of my eye.

Kami. Those pajamas were so ugly. The colors were at least, and they clashed really horribly. They were like little kid pajama style too, with a long sleeved button down shirt and long bottoms. The leather jacket she wore was stylish though; its cross-side zipper and the fur trimming along the collar were okay, I guess.

She sat on my couch cross-legged with feet tucked underneath herself. Her elbow was propped up on the arm rest and she rested her head in her upturned palm. The pile of clothes she'd had with her sat in her lap. Those purple eyes wandered to this and that but I don't have shit in my house. Like literally nothing.

"So, you live alone?" She asked after awhile. It was more a question than a statement. I was about to tell her that I'd be the one asking questions, me alone, but I decided to humor her. I dunno; I guess I was feeling damn socialable.

"No, I don't."

She looked over at me. "Oh?" Her voice went a little quieter. "I hope we're not disturbing your roommate."

I grinned. I couldn't help it. "Nah. He may not be nocturnal, but he's up most of the night."

She looked at me strangely after that and I wanted to laugh, but I stopped myself. "So he's a night owl?"

I nodded to myself. It was sort of an accurate description. "Yeah, I guess you could say that." I'd toned my grin down to a smirk, but it was still funny, especially her expression.

"Wha-" She was about to say something, but I raised a hand to cut her off.

There was a newspaper on my cluttered coffee table directly in front of the couch we sat at. I reached for it and turned to her, raising a brow and putting a finger to my lips. She looked at me even more strangely and it vaguely crossed my mind that I was probably acting pretty fucking creepy. But she wasn't sprinting from my house and running for the hills; just sat there, looking curious confused and intrigued. I kept the smirk to myself that time.

I took the newspaper, unfolded it and started crinkling it up loudly; balling it up as hard as I could.

It was faint, but after a second there was a squealing heard. It got louder and louder the longer I crinkled the paper.

The girl sat up from her slumped position in her seat and stared at me, then looked all around the room; her amethyst eyes bright, like she already knew what was going on.

"Where is he?" she said, craning her neck to look around more of my living room. "I don't see…"

I stopped fooling with the paper and put it down, but the squealing continued for a bit longer. I turned around in the couch and jerked a thumb back to where the sound had come from; a small table in the back corner of the room. "He's back there."

She was already out of her seat. "Can I?" she asked, already halfway across the room.

"Do whatever." I muttered, getting up myself and pretty sure she hadn't even waited to hear my response.

I was right. She already had him out and was cooing over him when I walked up behind her. She held my pet guinea pig up to her face, petted on his head and stroked his back. Dude is a pretty docile and chill guinea pig; he hardly moved the whole time she held him.

"What's his name?" she'd asked, moving him up to her shoulder as she continued to stroke his back.

"Thunder Cat."

She choked on her laugh and looked back at me as I leaned my weight against the back of the couch. "No, seriously." She said it as if she knew I was joking.

"Usagi."

She smiled. "Are you sure?" she had asked, looking at me like she expected me to be joking again.

I scratched at the back of my neck, slightly uncomfortable with her bright smile focused on me. "Yeah, his name's Usagi."

She looked back down to my "roommate". "Well, Usagi is really cute. I've always loved guinea pigs." she said as softly scratched behind his ears. She glanced back over to me, looking at me from under her lashes. "I didn't know they could get so loud, though."

I smirked. "Yeah, I hadn't either before I got 'em. But he's a fatass. Every time he hears paper rustling or bags crinkling, he thinks it's dinner time. See?"

I stepped forward and reached around her to a bag next to the cage. I gently rustled the bag of pellets and Usagi started squealing right there in her arms. For some reason that seemed to freakin' delight her and she started squealing along with him, crying over his "adorableness" and wondering out loud if I fed him regularly. I told her I did, and would she look at his food bowl, the damn thing was half full.

As she reached in his bowl and fed him a pellet, there was a car horn heard from outside. She walked over to my window and looked out. When she headed back over to me there was a slight crease in her brow and mouth was down-turned the slightest bit, like she was pouting. "My ride's here." she said slowly, disappointedly.

Her disappointment… I don't know if it was because she was leaving all together or because she liked holding Usagi. I don't know what it was for, but knowing that she was disappointed about her ride being there made me feel kinda, well, I dunno. It made me feel something.

She handed Usagi over to me. Her hands looked so much smaller than mine. They grazed my own as she put him in my cupped palms and I could feel that they weren't as soft as they looked.

She bent over my cupped hands and rubbed his head. "Bye Usagi." she cooed. She went over to the couch and gathered her bundle of clothes and headed to the door. As she turned the knob she looked back to me. "And bye…you." she said and frowned down to her feet. She looked back up, crease in her brows still present. "Actually, what is your name?"

"It's Grimmjow." I said, eyes locked with hers.

She nodded. "Alright. Bye Grimmjow."

"Yeah. See ya, kid."

She was halfway out the open door when she turned back, a full-on scowl on her face. "That's the second or third time you've called me kid. Stop doing that." she scolded.

"Tch." I had scoffed and said nothing and her eyes narrowed at me.

"Anyways, bye." she said again, in a low, sort of mad voice and shut the door behind her.

"Yeah, whatever, kid." I'd said to an empty room, minus Usagi, of course. I looked down the animal in my hands and realized he'd shited in my palms. I got pissed. I dropped him and his shit in the cage and reprimanded him, if you can do that with a guinea pig.

I was pretty ticked off then and looked at the clock. It was 3:20. Fuck it, I'd thought, and went to bed.

A/N: I know a lot of this going to seem random. Sorry.