Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters since Princess Diaries 1 & 2, and its characters are the property of Disney, Buena Vista, and Meg Cabot. I make no money from this work of fiction.

STATE DINNER DESSERT

Clarisse sat watching in sheer disbelief as the State dinner party unravelled rapidly. Could the child NOT cause a problem for even ten minutes? It was hard to believe that her grand-daughter could be so socially inept, although Mia had certainly told her grandmother often enough and shown by her actions over the last few weeks that poise, regal posture and manners were not an inherent part of her teenage makeup.

When dessert arrived, the Scottish gentleman seated on Clarisse's left grinned at her. "Ahh, the famous Genovian pear and cheese dessert!"

"What else?"Clarisse smiled back. Robbie and his wife had done their best to take the edge off this evening, knowing it was the first time since her son's death that Queen Clarisse had entertained so lavishly. They had chatted inconsequentially all evening, blithely ignoring all the faux pas that had been happening further down the table where Mia had been placed beside Sebastian Motaz and Lord Fricker.

Suddenly Clarisse caught sight of Mia picking up a grape in her fingers. Drawing in a sharp breath, Clarisse raised her knife and fork in silent admonition. Mia saw her as she was putting the grape in her mouth, and guiltily she put it back on her plate and awkwardly picked up her knife and fork, a look of trepidation on her face.

Clarisse didn't see the grape bounce off onto the floor when Mia tried to stab it with her fork, but no one present missed the happenings when Mia went down on her hands and knees to retrieve the grape from under the table. Lord Fricker, annoyed at his wife's constant nitpicking, threw down his napkin in disgust and stood up, announcing that he was leaving. Not looking down as he turned, he tripped over Mia, knocking into a waiter who in turn fell against Sebastian Motaz, pushing the prime minister face first into his dessert. Water from the two pitchers the waiter was carrying doused another dinner guest, and a third waiter, while trying to avoid the mess, tossed the dessert tray he was carrying into the air. Three bunches of grapes flew up, smacked against a painting on the wall, then dropped right onto the plate of the expressionless, monosyllabic Mr. Sakamoto, who seated at Clarisse's right hand.

He looked down at his plate, then up at the ceiling as if wondering whether the extra grapes had dropped out of the sky. Clarisse covered her eyes and dropped her head in her hand. This was even worse than HER first royal dinner party! Genovia would NEVER live this down. San Francisco would be talking about this for weeks! Disbelievingly, she suddenly heard the impassive diplomat on her right begin to chuckle, then to laugh heartily. She looked up, and smiled herself, pretending everything had been planned to happen in just such a fashion. Everyone at the table followed her example, and they all laughed, with the exception of Mia who continued to sit on the floor, looking stricken.

"Shall we adjourn to the grand hall for coffee?" Clarisse said at last. They filed out, and Clarisse never saw Mia crawl back under the table to hide until the room was empty.

A while later, Clarisse missed Mia in the grand hall, and finally caught Charlotte's eye, discreetly signally that she wished to speak with the other woman. When Charlotte came up to her, Clarisse asked about her grand-daughter and was informed that Joseph had driven her home. Rather disappointed, Clarisse nodded. "Perhaps that is for the best." She would speak with her grand-daughter in the morning.

Besides Sebastian Motaz and his family, a few Members of Parliament and their wives had made the trip over from Genovia to meet the possible heir to the throne. Clarisse exchanged pleasantries with them, as well as the various diplomats from other countries who had been invited to this dinner. Then Joy and Siegfried von Troken came up to her. Clarisse steeled herself, and smiled faintly. Her smile faded quickly, however, when the Baron made a number of snide, insinuating comments about how Clarisse must be devastated by the failure of her son to leave a proper "heir" to the throne ... how gauche and unattractive the girl was ...and how terribly unfortunate for her that Clarisse was to be saddled with her. Before she could attempt to speak, Joy von Troken added that perhaps it was time Clarisse gracefully bowed out before things got too much worse for Genovia.

"After all," Joy gripped her husband's arm and smirked at Clarisse, "it definitely is much, MUCH more effective for all concerned if a couple is ruling. People have wondered how King Rupert, may he rest in peace, could have left the country in the hands of someone not born to rule. Although you DO do an ... acceptable job, of course!" Clarisse's jaw flexed, but she said nothing.

"Still," the Baron mused, "to be alone ... you ARE still alone, are you not, your Majesty?" and his eyes darted around slyly as if looking for someone.

Clarisse merely returned their looks levelly, her expression vague and noncommittal. Then she thankfully felt Sebastian by her side.

"Your Majesty, if I may have a moment? You will excuse us, Baron? Madam?" Sebastian put a hand on Clarisse's elbow and drew her away from the couple.

Clarisse murmured, "Thank you," as they moved back.

Before he could reply, they overheard the von Troken's exaggerated whispers that Queen Clarisse should never have left off wearing black, it was much too soon, and pastels were such girlish colours. At her age, it was ridiculous to dress in something so youthful ...

"Pay them no heed, your Majesty," Sebastian spoke in her ear even as she was fighting to control a flush of anger. "You look lovely tonight. I must say, Sheila and I were discussing how it has been a year since you left off wearing colours, and it is most refreshing to see you dressing in your accustomed fashion."

"Thank you again," she smiled warmly at him, and held out her hand to Sheila. "Sheila, your husband is wonderful. It MUST be your influence!"

Sheila smiled back, blushing a little. "Thank you, your Majesty. I am so glad we could be here for this evening and stay for the Independence Day Ball."

"As am I." Clarisse agreed.

"So has Princess Mia agreed to be our Crown Princess?" was Sheila's next question. "It must take a lot of getting used to for such a young girl, but I'm sure she will learn quickly. I really liked her."

"Thank you, Sheila, I like her very much as well," Clarisse diplomatically sidestepped the question, not knowing how to answer it honestly.

At last people made the move to go home, the Motaz' standing by Clarisse's side until the last guests had departed before going upstairs to their room. Still feeling too unsettled to sleep, Clarisse told Charlotte she was stepping out into the garden for a few moments. There was still so much to be done to it, but right now she just needed the solitude. So ... the von Troken's had not liked her dress. Clarisse brushed her hand over the simple yet elegant skirt. She loved this dress. And the Motaz' had not thought it strange that she had stopped wearing the black she had worn for a year. Had it not been for Joseph, she would probably still be dressing in black! Strange that he had told her SHE had been wearing black for too long, yet he himself almost always dressed in black. She had the idea that he knew very well how incredibly appealing he was, how very SEXY he was, dressed in the very colour she had replaced in her wardrobe ... for him!

Tearing her thoughts from her Head of Security, Clarisse wandered a little further down the pathway, mentally deciding where she wanted to put a fountain. Unwillingly she thought about the von Trokens again, wondering if others in the country felt the same. Perhaps there were many who felt she should not rule for the five years it would take for Mia to attain her majority. It WAS hard to rule alone ... to be alone even in the midst of a crowd ...

Under the soft light from the windows of the consulate, the full moon was difficult to see, but it WAS visible. Clarisse stopped near a rose bush in full bloom and breathed in the sweet aroma. Unaware that she was being watched by a man hidden by the bush, she raised her face to the moon and closed her eyes. "Oh, Rupert ..." she mourned softly. "I miss you so. You would know what to do about Mia. You would have helped me through Philippe's death. I don't want to be alone any longer, Rupert. It's too hard..." As her words died away, she shivered. Alone. Wrapping her arms around herself, she wondered how it was possible to be lonely when surrounded by so many people. And yet ... she had so few who knew her for who SHE was. Most people knew her as Queen Clarisse. Confident. Strong. Assured. Inwardly she was often confused, but she rarely let anyone glimpse that part of her. She shivered again.

Then she sensed that she was not by herself. She froze for an instant, then relaxed. It was Joseph. She knew it. Her body knew it. Not even opening her eyes, Clarisse smiled as his jacket was draped over her shoulders, enveloping her in his warmth and scent. "Thank you, Joseph," she said, quietly.

When she turned and looked at him, he was frowning at her. "You should not be out here alone."

"You are here," she replied.

"You didn't know that," was his next terse comment.

"Not at first," she agreed.

"Not when you spoke."

"Spoke? Oh ..." her face flushed and she looked down. He had heard her whispers.

"I'm sorry, your Majesty."

"For ...?"

"Not alerting you immediately to my presence. And for overhearing you say you miss him ..." his voice was low.

"But you couldn't hear the thoughts, could you?" she questioned softly. "Yes, I miss him. He was a very dear friend. I was very fond of him. I ... I miss him as I would miss YOU were you to leave. I consider you a very dear friend as well, Joseph."

There was a pause. Clarisse pulled his jacket closer about her body, and forced herself to look away.

"You missed dessert tonight, your Majesty. And Charlotte told me some of what you went through tonight after I left with the princess."

Her eyes were drawn to his again. "Charlotte would know," Clarisse nodded.

"You shouldn't allow them to play on your emotions that way." His frown intensified as he studied her. "And you should not be so worried about your grand-daughter that you are not sleeping properly. I have been wondering if you are not able to rest."

Clarisse found she couldn't tear her gaze away from his. "What else have you wondered, Joseph?" she asked, daringly, knowing that they were hidden from view by the tall rose bush.

Joseph's breath caught, then he smiled knowingly. "Shall I really tell you?"

"Please ..." she barely breathed.

"Ever since we danced together the other day, I have wondered how it would feel to kiss you," he whispered, cupping her face with his hands and running his thumb over her mouth. "Have you not wanted me to touch you?"

She could do little more than stare into his eyes. She had the impression that she was melting on the inside. Feeling his hands on her face, she wanted him to touch every inch of her body. She wanted him to kiss her so badly that she ached with the need. Clarisse was certain she must be losing her mind. Joseph was her FRIEND! JUST a friend! Besides her Head of Security, a friend was all he could be. She had resigned herself to that years ago. She was fated to spend her life without experiencing true love. And yet, why had her body never stopped responding to the nearness of HIS body? Why had she yearned to feel his touch on her skin while they were dancing in a crowd? Why did her eyes invariably find his and then she would find herself unable to look away, like now?

"Have you ever thought about me in that way, Clarisse?" he persisted huskily.

"I have thought about it," she answered, being honest with him, as was her custom. "You appear to be a man who knows how to get what he wants from a woman. I'm equally sure that few women could resist you for very long."

He was watching her with an unreadable expression. "What about you? Can YOU resist me?"

Clarisse trembled, then drew on all the reserves she had left after a harrowing evening. "I must," she said, putting her hands on his chest and attempting to stop him from drawing her closer.

"You must?" he echoed. "Not that you want to, but that you must? Ah, that tells me much. You need me. You know you do, Clarisse." Before she could protest again, he brushed his mouth against hers, and a flickering flame fanned to life within her. "My queen, you have been ripping me apart inside. Before now, I was honour-bound to keep my distance, but now you are free and I may tell you what I want, what I desire most in the world."

Clarisse gave a little sigh and moved her mouth closer to his, seeking the magic of the lips that lingered so near her own. She knew it was the wrong thing to do, not at all proper, but she wanted him to kiss her. Just this once. Just one kiss, and she would walk away from him, or so she thought. Besides, he was holding her so closely that she couldn't possibly escape. Any objection she might have made was stifled when his mouth settled on hers with devastating effect. Oh, he certainly knew how to kiss! His lips moved over hers with a possessiveness that quickly had the blood roaring to her temples. The kiss was all heat and fire and a wild rush of needs that had her clinging to him as he took the kiss deeper, then deeper still. As fire streaked through her veins and her heart skipped several beats, she could no longer resist him. For so long she had been alone in a world of unhappiness and uncertainty. They had been growing so close the last few months, she could not imagine going on without him. But she had to. She must. It was her duty.

With great effort, Clarisse pulled herself out of his embrace. "No, Joseph! Please, stop it. We can't do this!" She turned her face away to hide the tears gathering in her eyes. "I cannot publicly have another relationship. I am NOT free. I MUST remain faithful to Rupert, or at least BE PERCEIVED by the country to be faithful to his memory. It is only because of my marriage to Rupert that I am now ruling as the queen of Genovia. Were I to begin a relationship with you or with anyone else, my only link to the throne would be severed. Joseph, there can be nothing between us. No one must even suspect such a thing. I MUST keep the von Trokens away from the throne, so that Mia, Philippe's only child, might have her chance to rule in the tradition of the Renaldis who have gone before her. I can do nothing less for her."

"And if she decides she wants no part of Genovia or you?" Joseph asked quietly.

Clarisse blanched. That was a dread she was forced to live with, and had been since her first meeting with her grand-daughter, when Mia had vehemently and in no uncertain terms turned down the throne. After speaking with Helen the next day, Clarisse and Helen together had persuaded the teenager to at least consider Clarisse's offer, but the queen was by no means certain that Mia would agree in the end. She gripped Joseph's hands tightly and her eyes raised again to his, tears still at bay but causing her eyes to shine brilliantly in the moonlight. "She can't, Joseph. She cannot. If she does, I will have failed not only Philippe and Rupert, but five hundred years of Renaldis. I must NOT fail in this. Please, help me."

Joseph sighed. "More waiting, Clarisse? Your Head of Security, chauffeur, babysitter and now waiter?"

She said nothing, but did not look away. At last his eyes dropped. "Very well, your Majesty. I shall oblige. I will continue helping you with Mia, in whatever capacity you wish, and our friendship shall remain in the shadows."

"I have no right to ask this of you, Joseph, I know that," Clarisse whispered. "Believe me, it will be as hard on me as it will be on you. If at any time you change your mi ..."

"Don't even think it," his voice was harsh, and she jumped slightly. He tried to smile, and said softly, "I'm sorry. But I will not change my mind. Rest assured of that, at least. You have my unfailing loyalty, always. And although we keep our relationship in the shadows, we can continue to find those shadows occasionally. Good night, my dear."

She gently touched his cheek, and he turned his face into her hand and kissed her palm. Resisting the urge to offer him her lips once more, she drew back reluctantly and her smile was radiant. "Good night, Joseph. Thank you for such a sweet dessert."

He grinned back in answer to her teasing. "Anytime, any time at all!"