The Boy who Wouldn't Die

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars, Hit me Baby One More Time, nor do I own the town Innisfil, which is in Canada. However, I do own the idea of an Evil Mall and Smart Juice. All you stalkers out there: I DO NOT LIVE IN INNISFIL.

Welcome to my newest fic, The Boy who Wouldn't Die. Many props to Maxie for pretty much giving me the idea.

There is NO Anakin slashing in this fic, no matter what the summary may suggest to some people. (Duh, I love Ani, how could I do that?) There's just OOC-ness, similar to my last fic, Luke I am Your Mushroom. So if you like this you ought to read that fic (and vice-versa).

Chapter One: The Evil Mall from Innisfil

Anakin was a boy with many faults. Oh, wait, no he wasn't. But he did have ONE fault–he just wouldn't die.

You see, someone with his skills would of course be much wanted by the likes of a Sith. But like I said...he just wouldn't die. No matter how many times people tried to kill him (which was a lot).

It was actually quite aggravating.

Unless you love him, as I do.

But, getting sidetracked here.

Anakin was on his way to do a little...shopping. Yes, let's call it shopping.

Well, it was shopping...but not the shopping you'd expect, like grocery shopping, or clothes shopping.

Nay, Anakin was shopping for Smart Juice. YES, Smart Juice. Stupid name, but I didn't invent it! (Actually, yes I did, but shh)

ANYWAY, Anakin was on his way to buy some Smart Juice for Obi-Wan, because he was starting to act just a little fishy...

(((((Flashback)))))

"MASTER, we have to meditate! You even said so yourself not even 5 minutes ago!" Anakin cried, dismayed.

"NO. Don't wanna." Obi-Wan pouted.

"Maaassterrr..." Anakin complained, when suddenly he was struck by a brilliant idea. HE SHOULD SING AND DANCE WHILE SPINNING ON HIS HEAD!

Suddenly, all the lights went down, except for a pink spotlight on Anakin, loud music came on, and...wait for it...Anakin began to sing (Not while spinning on his head though, no matter how much he may have thought that was a good idea). He had a lovely voice...

"Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know...That something wasn't right here...Oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go...And now you're out of sight, yeah...Show me how you want it to be...Tell me baby cause I need to know now what we have...my loneliness is killing me (and I) I must confess, I still believe (still believe) When I'm not with you I lose my mind...Give me a sign...HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME," there was a dramatic echo as Anakin/Britney Spears finished that last line.

"LLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Obi-Wan cried. I think he meant 'Lol.' Wonder why he didn't do it instead of saying it?

Anakin hurried off towards his room, eager to change out of his now pink robes. I can't believe that didn't work! I was sure that would bring Obi-Wan back to sanity...Ohhhh man I can't believe I just DID that! I hope to God Padme didn't see that...

(((((End Flashback)))))

And so, at his wits ends, Anakin ended up here, in a mall, in Innisfil, in Ontario, in Canada, in North America, on Planet Earth. That's a long way to come if you're traveling from Coruscant, you know.

As Anakin entered the mall, he found himself face to face with a giant sign that said, "TURN BACK NOW OR FACE THE WRATH OF THE EVIL MALL!" Oddly enough, Anakin's spidy-sense wasn't kicking in.

Anakin walked for a while...then he walked some more...then he stopped by the food court ("I just HAVE to try some of these tires...doughnuts, are they called now? Well they look more like tires to me...") and then he finally arrived at his destination.

"The Smart Store! For all things genius."

Anakin was greeted by a balding man who kept using funny words like 'discombobulate' and 'heterogeneous.' Finally, Anakin got away from the crazed old man, bought his Smart Juice, and quickly left the store.

Little did Anakin know...evil was stalking him, everywhere he went. In fact, just then, in the Smart Store, a fan had dropped from the ceiling. But, when it was about to crash on Anakin's head, his Jedi powers automatically threw the fan across the room. Funny thing, Anakin never noticed.

When Anakin got back to his speeder, what he would find would break his heart.

His most treasured possession had been stolen.

"NOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOO! MY EXTREMELY SUGGESTIVE PICTURE OF PADME AND I!" Anakin cried in horror. He collapsed on the ground heart-breakingly and you could see pretty, silver tears streaking (even his tears are sick-minded!) down his cheek.

A little while later, Anakin was sitting on the ground, with his knees drawn to his chest, chanting, "Find a happy place, Find a happy place," in between telling himself it was only a picture.

A few hours later, it finally clicked–it WAS just a picture! And, plus, Anakin had LOADS more back home. (Somebody has just a teensy fixation...)

Anakin got to his feet and yelled at the top of his lungs, "HA! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD THWART ME...BUT YOU WERE WRONG!" while pointing at the mall (now dubbed 'The Evil Mall'). Then he drew out his blue crystal lightsaber and totally destroyed the Evil Mall.

Just around the corner, a perfectly sane Obi-Wan Kenobi sat with an extremely suggestive picture of Anakin and Senator Amidala. Man, this is SUCH good blackmail material! Not only do I have this picture, but I got Anakin's outburst AND Britney Spears performance on tape! And to think, he really believed I was insane...and he came all the way down here to buy me Smart Juice! Like that stuff ever works...

Anakin won't die, but he CAN be blackmailed!

So what did you guys think? Personally, I think it was a little long and it could have used way more humor, but that's just me. And if you liked this, read Luke, I am Your Mushroom. PLEASE REVIEW!