Just Kiddin'
A George and Martha Fan Fiction.
By Cat Ant
Edited and Illustrated by Alex Snowbell
Martha sighed as she flung open the giant door of her cottage and stepped outside. The sun was shining. Again. It was always shining, in their small city.
Today they would probably go rollerblading again. And then, maybe step into town for some icecream. Martha gave pause to her thoughts and looked up into the bright white sky, squinting. Wait. Things were different now. She strained her memory, trying to remember him. A shiny gold tooth, a sharp sense of humor. A wicked skill with knitting needles. George.
It had been a day like any other. After laughing it up with Frieda and Bud at the beach, making fun of Lyle the cat and dancing around the sand they had retired back to hang out at George's cottage. Of course, the argument had been going on all day. George had his new hobby, knitting, and Martha felt left out. Her oversized, useless hands had always made her terrible at crafts, and therefore less of a woman in her own eyes. She teased him mercilessly to try and hide her own pain, hoping to make light of it so he would stop for a moment and they could have fun. Like they always did. And always would...?
Unfortunately, George took the teasing straight to his giant hippo heart. The arguments esculated into unamusing, abusive pot shots at each other. "Just KIDDING, MARTHA" rasped George after he had insulted her gardening, the one thing her giant soil plowing hands were capable of doing succesfully. This one shot straight to the very soul. There was not a lot a 3 ton Lady could be proud of, and gardening had been it for her. She put together a plan to scare him, contacting an old friend: Oscar.
George had always been terrified of snakes. Martha wanted to emasculate him in public, and Oscar had the snakes to do it. If everybody in their small town could see him shrieking like a girl, in fear of a box of harmless snakes maybe that could prove her the bravest hippo, or at least put a good light on her own inadequacies. "Ssssnakes? I have them right here." He patted the plastic container he had placed on the floor of her living room. Working together, they tipped the snakes into a present box and quickly placed a lid on, tying it with ribbon.
They had to move quickly, there could be no airholes because it would create suspicion and ruin the shock. Also Martha wasn't derranged, she didn't want anything to DIE, she just wanted to hurt her best friend. Swiping her large, sweaty lumpy hand across her forhead, Martha steeled herself to pick up her phone and place the call.
He would be free. Nobody ever did anything, ever in this town. Especially George, without Martha.
Soon they agreed to meet and hack out a truce. The town square was chosen, because in this heat, the fountain (asides for the beach, and the pool) was the best place to hang. Armed with the "suprise" her arm, Martha headed out to the meet.
When George and Martha faced each other in the blazing sun, George with his rollerblades slung over his arm, smiling hesitantly, and Martha, gulping down her nervousness and extending the present to him the whole town held their breath. "For me, Martha?" George raised a quizical brow. She nodded. "Are you sure you are not just TEASING." Sudden stone resolution struck Martha and she shoved the box into his arms. "This is a coincidence, because I bought something for you too." The other arm he had behind his back was bought out, and in it, an exquisite blue knit skirt. The same blue yarn George had been working on all day... oh god. "You, you made this for me?" She stammered, eyes wide and shocked. "Yes Martha. I knew the Town Dance was coming up, and I wanted you to go with me but I couldn't think about how to ask." Martha was to suprised to respond. "I thought this would help, I wanted you to look like a Princess, and see yourself how I see you. Beautiful."
Martha's eyes were brimming with tears, but before she could respond George ripped open his present in excitement and then snakes sprung out, hot and very angry snakes. Snakes that Oscar had failed to realise were poisenous. Tiny fangs instantly struck George on every nerve in his body, paralyzing him. His eyes bulged and foam dripped from his mouth as the townsfolk ran around screaming, phoning for paramedics and trying to save him. Martha fell sobbing down next to him, beating snakes to death with her gigantic hands and pounding on his chest in an effort to perform CPR. "GEORGE. GEORGE? PLEASE SAY YOU ARE KIDDING. GEORGE?... ARE YOU... TEASING?"
Months later, the trials had passed. Oscar was sent to prison for smuggling snakes, but luckily Martha was released, not charged of murder or hipposlaughter. The Jury had found her innocent, but she still judged herself every day.
Including this day. Thoughts swirling in her head,
Martha reached her destination, and knelt down.
The hem of her blue skirt swished around her when she settled on the grass.
Taking her flower from her head, she laid the red tulip at George's grave.
"We would have danced." She whispered, and as the sound was carried away by the breeze, she was left alone and empty. There was nothing to fill the days now.
Nobody ever did anything, ever in this town.
Especially Martha, without George.
Including Living.