So this is where I stand. Listening to my ensigns screams. I don't know the name of the creatures who have captured us or even what they look like but they are smart. They knew what crew member to go after, in hopes to break me. At least, that is what we assumed at first. I glance over to BE'Lanna and I see it in the fires of her large brown eyes.

Why didn't they take one of us?

Senior officers are usually the ones who are dragged away and will suffer under whatever medieval form of torture their captor has in store. As commanding officers we suffer for our crew, lose limbs for our crew, lose sanity for our crew, and happily lose our lives for our crew. Usually, they make some poor, young Ensign listen to the cries of their commanding officer. For most, their short lives offer no training on how to handle that kind of fear and so they break.

But not this round.

How was I to know that our half-hour runabout would be commandeered by a species who never show themselves and say very little? This species reads your fear like a god damned book. They know my crew is everything. This crew is all I have. The crew may look upon me as a distant but benevolent leader, I worked so hard for that. But underneath my cool facade I look upon this crew as my children. As we fight and scrape our way across this quadrant we have grown so dependent on one another. Our tiny, beautiful, brave little crew is all of humanity in this corner of the universe. Their faces are a common fixture in my dreams and those same faces keep me awake at night. I should be disgusted with myself for allowing the members of my crew to become unwittingly my source of strength. What can I say? Im a fool in love. They won me over. I am theirs completely. I take note of the subtle changes in their appearance, who they talk to and listen for the milestones in their lives no matter how small and in silence I celebrate them all.

I have lost count of how many hours or even days it has been since they dragged the girl away. We have made demands, we have attempted escape routes, we have refused food, we have plotted, we have schemed, we have begged, and we have prayed.

I can tell we have been here for some time. I can see it in the way our once pristine uniforms now hang from our bodies like dirty drapery. My chief officer's stone features have shifted into a crazed glare. At first she would let me know of her disgust of me for not being more. Overtime, her accusations eased into a cold stare and then the stare was redirected to the ghosts in her mind dancing around in the shadows.

BE'lanna collapses from her pacing. We lost the need to say anything so long ago. I close my eyes and think of the girl just a few rooms away.

She cries out for mercy

Her profile claims she wasn't remarkable in her graduating class but I know she never cuts corners in her work

She cries out to her god

I sometimes see her chat up Naomi when work is slow

She cries out to her mother

Her hair is long, to long to put it in the common Starfleet up do so she puts it in a lovely braid down her back.

Her screams are weakening

She works in Ops. When she can't sleep she cleans plasma manifolds. Chakotay says it maybe her way of meditating. But I fear it's her way of penance.

There's shuffling

She was terrified of water. I don't know why but she overcame that fear when on an away mission with Tom.

A Bang

BE'lanna and I jump. We feel helpless. For a moment, I watch my chief engineer once again pound her fist against the wall, mashing her hand is a bloody mess. She's done it so many times I've lost count. I know soon a blue light will scan over our bodies, realigning her bludgeoned fingers and alleviating my constant vomiting. They keep us well enough to stay aware but weak enough to remain their captives.

I place my head against the adjacent wall, I place my hands flat against the cool surface. I realize I have been crying. For how long? Im not sure. My breath catches as I summon more facts about my young ensign.

A sob

Her brother was in the Maquis. They had a falling out because of it. I feel she must regret that everyday.

Shuffling.

BE'lanna steps to the mouth of our cell.

An agonized groan.

I take a step back.

Footsteps.

I glance towards BE'lanna only to be ignored.

My heart stops. My ensign appears. Her captures still in shadow. She is thrown at our feet. I fall to my knees as BE'lanna cries out a slew of curse words towards the figures slinking away into the inky black surrounding our cell.

I press my trembling fingers against her neck. Her pulse is weak but I live for the soft drumbeat singing against my skin. She's alive. I roll her to her side in fear she may vomit. Her eyes are unfocused and her small frame trembles. I find myself stroking her matted and bloody hair.

"Ensign" I call out. I hate the way the word tumbled from my lips in a choked sob "Can you hear me Ensign?"

A soft whine exits her lips. I look around helplessly. There is no tricorder to examine her state of being, no medical kit, not even a god damned comm badge. Her pulse is weakening. I look down to see her delicate skin slowly ease into a shade of grey.

I feel doom and I am well aware of the inevitable.

"Ensign you stay with me!" my voice cracks as my emotions continue to betray my authority "That's an order!"

She gurgles up blood as she attempts to speak, as her hand reaches for mine. I don't want to take it. I know what she is asking.

"Don't speak" I offer weakly

She grasps my hand refusing to leave her body without someone there.

"Ensign please you do- -" I sputter

She's saying something, I know it. I lean in close to the point her lips could brush against my ear.

"I…" she sighs "…home…home."

I feel my body go cold along with the child prostrated on the floor. I hear screaming. It isn't the roar of a half-mad Klingon that I have grown so accustomed to. It's broken and raw. It sounds so primal and I know it's a sound that comes from deep within. I listen to the cries until I realize it's coming from me. BE'lanna joins in but with more fervor only for her roar to die out as she watches me. The sounds I make bounce off the walls of our cell building into a dissonant crescendo. I feel a strong hand on the back of my neck pull me forward as BE'lanna places her forehead against mind. She allows a guttural sob to escape her lips. Together, we perform a broken symphony of failure, grief, and agony.

I gather the child into my arms and cradle her against my chest. The world around me shimmers as our bodies vibrates into the cosmos. I know how Chakotay will find us as I feel us materialize back onto the ship. I try not to imagine my first officer witnessing his captain and chief engineer crying out to nothing cradling yet another crew member, yet another family member they have failed.