I awaken in a panic, grabbing at the contraption on my neck. Before I can rip it from my body two hands grab my wrist to stop me.
"Peet…" I force from my throat "Pee-ta" I continue to fight against the hands that are holding me.
"Take it easy, Peetas' going to be alright" Haymich steps out from the corner of the room around the doctors and nurses trying to examine and restrain me. "but there is something we need to explain." His eyes are sad and I can tell by the twitch in his fingers that he is itching for a drink at this moment.
Peeta is hijacked, he explains. The capital used the tracker jacker venom to alter the memories of me and make me seem life threatening to him. They let me see him, once I was able to walk, through an exam room window. Yelling and thrashing as they try to convince him that the images he has of me in his mind are all a capital creation. How could this happen? How could I have let this happen to him? If I would have never left him that night in the arena, Peeta would have been safely in my arms.
I spend the next few weeks in my hospital room recovering from my injuries. Not by my own choice of course. If it were up to me I would have let him finish me off. That wouldn't have gone over too well with Coin though. Wouldn't want the precious Mockingjay to be anything less than in perfect condition. Once I am released I go back to my routine of hiding in various storage closets or abandoned tunnels.
One evening after sneaking off from the compartment I share with my mother and prim I pass through the hospital where I had been held. The lights in the hallways are out with only the glow of the exit signs to guide my way. Once I reach the end of the hall I notice a room through the window of the large metal door. I see a medical chart sitting in a tray outside the door. Picking up the chart I run my fingers over the name on the front.
'Mellark, Peeta'…He is here, in this room. I open the chart and scan over the notes. "…Patient experiencing extreme hallucinations associated with the individual, Katniss Everdeen. Shows aggression and fear responses when shown images of said individual…" He fears me, and wants to hurt me. I close the chart and place it back in the tray when I notice movement from inside the dark room. A figure is rolling over in their bed trying to get comfortable in while they sleep. It has to be Peeta. He settles on his other side and stills again. Hesitantly, I reach out and grab the doorknob and twist it slowly. Once it is turned completely I realize the door isn't locked. I don't know what makes me do it but I carefully push the door open a crack. Peeta is still lying unmoving in his bed. With my heart beating rapidly in my chest I push the door further until I am able to slip through. I turn back towards the door and gently push it closed with a click.
"Here to finish me off, sweetheart?" I freeze at the voice, pressing my forehead to the door with both my hands still gripping the doorknob. I let go and slowly turn to see him sitting up in his bed, blue eyes meeting mine.
"No" I manage to reply with a crack in my voice. "I just wanted…needed, to see you." Wondering if he remembers the last time he startled me with that statement. My eyes scan over his body. He is dressed in a grey t-shirt and dark grey sweat pants. I can see one of his arms restrained to the bed frame. His bruises have cleared from his face and he has put on a little weight since I saw him last.
"That's hard to believe." He states with a venomous tone. "You just want us all dead, you filthy mutt!" Tears threaten my eyes and I step back pressing into the door. I shake my head allowing the tears to fall down my cheeks.
"No, Peeta, I would never…." I argue back.
"You're a liar!" He shouts back at me. His arm starts pulling against the restraint holding him to the bed. "You're a liar, a blood thirsty mutt, and someone needs to kill you!" I gasp at the what he is saying. It's like I've been punched in the gut. This isn't Peeta. Not my Peeta. The Peeta that held me so many nights on the train, his arms comforting me from my nightmares. The same Peeta that kissed me so passionately on the beach in the Quell. Maybe this is my punishment for breaking his heart, for taking his love for granted, for realizing too late what I had all along? I take a deep breath a find strength within myself. I'm not going to let Snow take him from me. I'm not going to let go of my boy with the bread. I'm going to fight to bring him back…or die trying.
"Peeta, it's not real. What you think, what they told you, it's not real. Please remember, please!" I take a hesitant step forward towards his bed.
"NO! Don't come near me!" He shouts "I'll kill you, you mutt, stay away from me!"
"I'm not going to hurt you, Peeta, I would never hurt you. You have to believe me. It's not real!" Taking another step I see him start to shake still trying to free himself from the restraint. "Just come back to me."
"Help! Somebody Help!" He starts to yell. I lung forward and put my hand over his mouth not wanting any of the doctors or nurses to find me here.
"Shhh, Peeta, please…ahh!" Suddenly, he grabs my body with his free hand and slams me down on my back across his bed throwing his body over me. My eyes go wide with fear. "Peeta, please remember, plea…umf" He slaps me across the face silencing me. I grab my cheek and try to wiggle free from beneath him. He has me pinned under his weight.
"Shut up you mutt. I don't want to hear your lies anymore." His free hand clenches around my throat pressing into my windpipe.
"No, Peeta, please….I love you!" I choke out in desperation. He freezes staring into my eyes. His eyes dilate then return to normal. I wiggle my body under him again in an attempt to free myself again. He draws his hand back from my throat as if he was burned.
"What did you say?" He questions, his body still pinning mine beneath him.
"I said, I love you Peeta." I repeat quietly as the tears fall freely down my cheaks. "Even if you kill me now, at least you know the truth." He grabs the sides of his head with both hands and closes his eyes, letting out a roaring groan from his throat.
"I just can't…I don't know what's real anymore!" He says frustrated. "You say you love me and part of me wants to snap your neck, right here, right now, but another part of me wants to just…kiss you!"
"Then do it…Kiss me." I say quickly, afraid of what I've just asked. He opens his eyes and slowly drops his hands from his head. He stares into my eyes for what seems like hours before leaning back over my body, his lips so close to mine. He must feel my heart beneath him beating so rapidly? His breath hitches as I close my eyes and brush my lips over his in a feather light touch. He captures my lower lip between his and pulls back slowly releasing it. I meet his lips again parting my lips to allow him entrance. His tongue glides across mine once and I feel a fire building in the pit of my stomach. I slide both of my hands up his arms feeling the curves of his muscles letting one hand slide up to tangle in his golden curls, pulling him closer. Our kiss, which started out hesitant, quickly builds into something more. I feel the fire building within me as our kisses become more passionate. I try to press my thighs together to relieve the pressure building there, but when I do I feel him, hard, pressed against my leg. He takes in a sharp breath and presses back against me. My legs involuntarily open for him, as if my body knows what my mind doesn't yet and he presses into me again causing me to moan into his mouth. Peeta responds to this by bucking himself into me again and again. I grind my center back into him each time creating a rhythm of pleasure, whispering his name as he presses hot, wet kisses down my neck and behind my ear. I feel a tension like a rubber band pulling from my slick center to the pit of my stomach. Peeta's breath quickens, he must feel it too. He rubs against me a few more times and we are both pulled over the edge. His forehead presses into my shoulder as we catch our breath and I can feel him start to cry.
"Get Out." He whispers into my neck.
"What?" I question. He sits up and scoots away from me.
"Get Out!" He says more forcefully, his face forming the look of disgust. "Get Out!" He yells at me and that's when I break. I jump from the bed turning to run out the door, not daring a glance back. I can hear him still yelling as I sprint down the hall and when I round the corner I slam into someone else. I look up to see who I've run into and I panic when I see that it's Haymitch.
"What are you doing down here?" He accuses. I open my mouth to answer but nothing comes out. I take a step back, still hearing Peeta yelling at me from down the hall. Haymitch takes in my state. Tear stained cheeks swollen lips and tussled hair and starts to speak, but before he can start I make my way around him and run as fast as I can back to my compartment. I am embarrassed, humiliated, and broken. I thought I could bring him back to me, but I should have known I could never be that special.