To Live Again
Author's Note: Because I hate Joss Whedon and think he should be tortured for all eternity, I wrote my own version of what happened after Season 3's Graduation Part 2. Lots of mushy, lovely, dovey stuff. If you don't like, then don't read. Have fun!
Chapter One: Fixing Things
Part One: Conditions AN: I just realized that I mentioned Cordelia and Angel together and then I remembered that they didn't run in to each other until later so just bare with me.
It had been almost two months since Angel left Sunnydale. Buffy had spent most of the summer alone, she could not get herself to leave her room. Normally, she'd be in LA with her dad, but she didn't feel like going. She spent her time either sleeping or starring out the window. Her mother was extremely worried. Buffy hadn't eaten anything besides a piece of fruit every now and then. She only patrolled a couple nights a week. Although being around vampires wasn't helping so she stopped going and the gang took over.
Buffy had never felt so hurt. Knowing that Angel was miles away living without her was worse than him being dead. Then, she would always meet him in her dreams and feel his love, the dreams were so vivid and they seemed real. Now, the dreams grew more distant with every night that passed.
One after noon Buffy awoke from a dream, which she had almost every night. It always began with a phone call from Cordelia saying, Angel had died and his last words were, "Tell Buffy... I love her and always will.."
Buffy sat up in her bed just as her mother came into her room, "Buffy?"
She looked up at her.
Joyce looked at her daughter who had lost a lot of weight, was discolored, and had red, puffy eyes. "I have to go away for a week or so for the gallery. But if you want, I could cancel and we could..."
Buffy cut her off, "Go. Have fun."
She gave her one more concerned look and carried on with her activities.
***
Willow and Xander were sitting on the couch in his basement, talking.
"I've never seen her this hurt." Willow confessed as she played with her fingernails nervously.
"Me either." Xander agreed. "There isn't much we can do. Even if Dead Boy came back, it still would end badly."
The red head stared at him with huge eyes. "Xander, you're a genius!" she squealed before grabbing the telephone.
He grins. "I know. Why?"
Willow punched in a number and then brought the phone to her ear.
A sleepy voice answered, "Hello?"
"Angel?" the witch asked, hopefully.
"Willow?" Angel pushed away his sleepiness. "Is everything okay?"
"No," she answered. "It's Buffy."
As she said 'Buffy,' a thousand thoughts rushed through Angel's mind.
Willow continued, "She hasn't left her room since the day after Graduation. She hasn't been eating, she's lost a lot of weight."
Angel, already knowing the answer, asked, "Why?"
"You," she paused. "She really needs help."
"Can't you guys..."
She cut him off, "We've tried everything we can think of, but I think it's you she needs."
"Willow," he hesitates, "If I come , it will leave my leaving pointless."
"Angel," she stopped him. "Please?"
He sighed, "I'll see what I can do." Angel slowly hung up the phone.
"What did he say?" Xander asks.
"Basically," Willow hung the phone up, "Buffy should be live and kickin' in no time."
Angel spent the entire night researching. He was looking for anything that would rid his love of her pain. And then he found it, the answer.
Part Two: The Arrival
Angel stared down at the passage in front of him. Can this be real? Possible? Doubting the reality of it, he hurried out of his office for answers.
***
Willow burst through Giles' door as he was on the phone.
"Are you sure?" the former librarian rubbed his nose.
Willow quietly closed the door and walked over to the desk he was seated at.
"All right then. There's only one way to be sure... I'll get the materials... Thank you Angel." he hung the phone up and looked up at the red head standing next to him.
"Was that Angel?" she asked.
"Uh, yes, "Giles answered, tiredly, "He may have found something to help Buffy. He's going to come here tonight."
"Are you sure it will help her?" Willow pressed, fearing for her friend's already broken heart.
"Hopefully, but don't tell Buffy until were sure."
"Got it." she smiled.
Giles advised the gang to let Buffy be for a couple of days until they were sure that their plan would work.
***
Giles, Willow and Xander were all gathered in the ex-watcher's living room.
"I thought you said six, it's almost seven." Xander complained of Angel's lateness.
"Give the man time." Willow defended. "The sun set later than expected."
Before Xander could argue further, Angel came through the door. "Hey." He was carrying a plastic bag with magic goodies in it.
"Hi." Willow smiled, relieved.
Xander greeted him, "Hey, Dead Boy. 'Bout time you showed up."
"I was detained." he answered, "Where's Buffy?" the brooding vampire asked, looking around.
"At home." Giles answered from the kitchen.
Angel thought, maybe I should go see her first. "Could I..." he was doubted by the looks on his friends faces, "see her first?"
"By all means," Giles stepped into the living room. "We'll get things ready here and do the spell when you return."
"Do you remember where she lives?" Xander asks.
"I think I can remember." Angel said before walking out the door.
Xander shook his head, "Sad, sad man."
Part Three: Painful Moments
As Angel walked to Buffy's house he thought, I hope she lets me back in! I doubt she will. I could imagine the pain I put her through because I felt the same way, and still do. Although, I wasn't exactly blocking myself away from the rest of the world. I also wasn't starving myself. I had to do it. I had to leave. We couldn't have a life together. But now, if the spell works, we can finally be happy and content. All bad will be forgotten to make room for the good. As I walked I decided not to talk to her until after. I would only check on her, quickly.
I reached her house and looked into the darkened window from the roof. I saw Buffy lying in her bed, under the covers. I thought she was asleep but, she wasn't. She was crying. Over me, no doubt.
I listened to her heavy sobs wanting nothing but to make them stop. But I restrained myself from doing so. I stayed until she finally fell asleep and then headed back for Giles'.
Part Four: The Spell
"Giles, I don't understand this!" Xander complained as he reread the spell.
The ex watcher looked up from his book which rested in his lap.
"It's too simple." Xander went on.
"Xander stop!" Willow shouted from her seat on the couch. "Your gonna jinx it!"
"Sorry." he apologized. Xander looked back at the book in his hands and reread the spell.
Angel slowly came through the door.
"Did you see her?" Willow asked. Angel nodded.
"How was she?" Xander stood up.
Angel glared at him, feeling hurt. "Are you ready?"
"Yes." Giles answered.
The gang prepared for the spell and in their minds, everyone was praying for it to work.
***
Buffy awoke from yet another dream about Angel. She got up from her bed and walked down stairs to the kitchen.
***
"Did it work?" Xander asked, standing up in the loft. Willow was standing in the kitchen, Giles was standing at the front door, and Angel was seated in the middle of the living room on the floor. They each were holding red candles and a stick that smelled like burnt leaves.
"Well," Willow looked to Angel, "are you breathing?"
Angel sat for a moment and breathed in, making sure it was real and not just a dream. He grinned.
"It worked!" Giles smiled.
Xander hurried down to the others, "It worked?" Angel gave him a reassuring look.
"Well why the hell are you standing around here?" Everyone was surprised by Xander's words, "Go to her!"
Angel hesitated for a second before hurrying out the door.
"Good luck!" Willow called after him.
Part Five: The News AN: This is my first attempt at writing an action scene and I suck at it, but I don't really care. In my opinion, I want to focus on BA and not the stupid demons getting their butts kicked.
Buffy decided to watch a little television in hopes that it would cheer her up. She sat on the couch and flipped through the channels. Something caught her attention. She settled on a Celine Dion concert and listened to her sing.
"At last...my love has come along. My lonely days are over and life is like a song. Oh, yeah, yeah. At last... the skies above are blue. My heart was wrapped up in clovers... the night I looked at you... I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I could call my own. I found a thrill to press my cheek to. A thrill that I have never know. Oh yeah, yeah. You smiled, you smiled. Oh, and then the spell was cast and here we are in heaven, for you are mine at last."
Buffy listened to the words and her thoughts again traveled to Angel. She wished...no, she needed to stop. Thinking of him and letting him control her emotions was killing her. No. Stop. God, why did she have to be so in love with him?
There was a knock on the front door. Buffy sighed and answered it. Staring at her was a green demon with short yellow horns.
"God your ugly." Buffy tried to close the door, but the demon pushed it's way into the house.
Because Buffy hadn't eaten or trained in so long, she was weak. So, the demon basically wiped the floor with her face. After about eight minutes of getting beat up, she finally grabbed the letter opener off of the coffee table and stabbed it through the demon's heart. The demon fell on to the floor, dead.
Buffy made her way to the bathroom to check herself for major wounds in the mirror. Her forehead had a pretty deep cut, her chin and lip was bleeding, her arm was pretty beaten up; it felt broken.
Angel, having heard the fight from down the street, hurried through the back door, just as Buffy was coming in to the kitchen from the dinning room.
She froze and starred at him, "A- Angel?" she choked out.
"Are you okay?" he rushed towards her at the sight of her cuts. "What happened?" Angel dabbed her forehead with his shirt sleeve.
"Demon." she answered, backing away from him, feeling uncomfortable. "What are you doing here?"
"You should really get that fixed up." he said, avoiding her question.
"That's what I was doing." Buffy walked over to the cupboard and pulled out the first aid kit. I think I'm gonna faint! What is he doing here... just standing in my kitchen like he never left? What's going on? I wish he would drop the cryptic act and explain this to me!
Angel noticed that she was pale, limp, her eyes red and puffy, and her hair was messed up. It's worse than I thought. "Did you kill it?" he asked as she opened the box.
"Yes." Buffy whispered as she pulled out the needed materials. "What are you doing here?" she asked again.
Angel walked up to the nook, "Willow called me, demon trouble." he didn't want to tell her the real reason, not yet.
"What kind of trouble?" Buffy asked as she opened the package of disinfecting cloths. "Big bad, life threatening trouble that is so serious to pull you away from you precious life and come back to this hell hole?"
He ignored her last comment, although it rang in his ears. "Let me help you." Angel walked over to her and took the cloth from her hand and began to clean her forehead. "We took care of it."
"Then...why are you still here?" Buffy asked, handing him a bandage.
"Thought I'd come and see how you were doing." Angel answered as he put the bandage over her cut.
"Well..." She winced from the pain in her right arm.
The former vampire quickly removed his hand from her head, "Did I hurt you?"
"No, my arm." she rubbed her shoulder as she continued. "As you can see, I'm fine. So you... can go now." Buffy felt regret from her words, Did I just say that? I don't want him to leave! I want him to stay! Then she felt a little light headed and began to fall into Angel's arms.
"Whoa!" he caught her and stood her back up, leaving his hands around her bare arms, protectively. "Are you okay?"
His hands... there warm! Buffy looked up at him, "Angel? Why.. are you warm?" She looked down at his chest. He's breathing! I knew there was something different about him. I knew it! Buffy was overcome with tears of pain and joy. "What's going on?"
He starred at her, "Willow called me and said that you weren't doing so good and that you needed help. So I found myself researching one night and then... I found it." he explained.
Buffy whispered, "A spell to restore your humanity?"
"Willow, Giles, Xander, and I decided to give it a try and... it worked!"
"So, your not a vampire anymore?"
He shook his head and smiled.
Oh boy. Buffy felt very weak and fell over, again. This time Angel didn't catch her so she fell onto the ground. "Ow."
He knelt down beside her, "Buffy?" Angel placed his hand over her forehead, she was burning up. "You should see a doctor."
"No, Angel. I'm fine." Buffy stood up, with his help.
"Buffy, your sick!" he argued. God, I haven't been here five minutes and already I'm deciding things for her. Good going Angel. Piss her off and see how far that gets you.
"No, I just need to lie down."
"Okay, come on." Angel slid his arm under her knees and picked her up. He carried Buffy up to her room and tucked her in.
"You should go." Buffy whispered as Angel pulled the covers over her. "You could catch whatever this something is, if it even is a something. If it is a something it's been here for awhile and I'm kinda used to it."
"I'm not going anywhere." he promised as he crawled into the bed to lay beside her.
"Angel..."
He cut her off, "Shh, sleep."
Part Six: Not a Dream
Buffy awoke the next morning and looked at her clock, 10:13. She rolled over to see if Angel was asleep next to her, he wasn't. I knew it was a dream. It was too good to be true, for the most part. Another pain. Buffy threw the covers off of her and climbed out of the bed. She headed downstairs for a glass of water.
Just as Buffy was about to enter the kitchen, she heard the refrigerator door closing. She slowly, cautiously entered. It wasn't a dream! Angel was pouring himself a glass of milk. "Angel?"
He looked up, "Buffy, how are you feeling?"
"Okay." she answered, still uncomfortable that he was in her kitchen, drinking milk.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Like a rock." Buffy answered as she sat down at the nook. "You?'
Angel put the milk back in the refrigerator, "I couldn't sleep. I had too much on my mind."
"Oh. What?"
"You." he answered.
"Damn it."
"What?" Angel asked, worrying that she thought that thinking of her was wrong.
"The demon," she stood up, "it's stinking up my living room."
Angel stopped her before she walked out, "I already took care of him."
"Oh." she relaxed a little.
"You might want to call Giles... about the demon."
Buffy sighed, "Maybe later." She looked around for a second and then looked at him, "We need to talk but first...I need to clean up. Can I trust you alone while I take a shower?" she glared at him.
Angel grinned and nodded.
She smiled before heading back upstairs, forgetting all about her water.
While Buffy showered, Angel planned on making a list of all the things he'd have to do in order to move back to Sunnydale. He sat down on the couch with a notepad and pen. He began to write.
Buffy screamed, "Hey!!"
Angel, thinking there was trouble, darted up to the bathroom. The door was locked so he backed up and ran into it, causing it to fly open and hit the wall.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Buffy yelled from the shower.
"Sorry," Oh, God! I'm an idiot! Angel turned his back to her. "you screamed, I thought you were in trouble."
"Yeah, I'm in trouble! The water is freezing! Did you start the wash machine or something?"
"Uh... yeah. You had no clean clothes and I figured you'd need them to go out. So..."
"Exactly where would I be going?"
"I don't know, I figured you could use a little fresh air. Maybe go see Giles about the demon."
"I don't think I will be going anywhere any time soon, but thanks. Now could you please leave so I can shower?"
"Absolutely." Angel closed the door and went back down stairs to finish his list.
Part Seven: The List AN: Sorry about the cheesy-ness of this scene.
Buffy quickly got dressed and went downstairs to talk to Angel.
"What are you writing?" She asked as she sat next to him on the couch.
"Nothing." Angel quickly tossed the notepad aside. I am so embarrassed. God, I'm a dork!
"What are your plans today?" she asked, hoping that he would want to spend some time with her. She wanted to know why he was back. "I mean, we need to talk."
"I have some things I have to do first." he answered.
"What things?" Buffy asked.
"Things." he smiled.
She glared at him.
"I have to talk to Willow about some stuff, shopping and a few other things."
"Okay." she whispered, disappointed.
"I'll be back tonight," he stood up and headed for the door. "I promise."
"Angel." Buffy stopped him. He looked at her. "Could you do a quick patrol? The gang really deserves a break."
He smiled, "Sure. Are you going to be okay by yourself?"
"Yeah. I'll probably sleep."
"Are you still tired?" Angel asked, concerned.
Buffy frowned, "That's what you get for crying 22/7 and eating pretty much nothing for two months."
He stared at her, mad at himself, "I'm sorry..." he began.
Buffy held her hand up to stop him, "Don't."
Angel slowly turned and left. Good goin' Angel.
Buffy waited until he was gone and then grabbed the notepad off of the floor and began to read it.
Things to Do Before Staying in Sunnydale:
1) Make sure Buffy knows how I feel about her.
2) Apologize to Buffy for the shower incident .
3) Make sure my humanity will last.
4) Get the gang's approval.
5) Sell place in LA.
6) Find a new place; check on mansion.
7) Get new clothes.
8) Learn how to do laundry.
9) Look into getting a job.
10) Take care of Buffy.
Buffy was overwhelmed with the things Angel had written. She evaluated each subject. 'Make sure Buffy knows how I feel about her', I hope it's good. 'Apologize to Buffy for the shower incident' I thought it was cute. 'Make sure my humanity will last', I don't even want to think that it won't last. I'm pretty sure the gang approves, selling his place and finding a new one shouldn't be hard. New clothes, laundry? New he's starting to scare me. I just can't imagine Angel in a real job. The one that sticks out the most is, 'Take care of Buffy'. I want him to but, he doesn't have to prove anything.
My poor Angel, he's so... I'm not sure. I'm really confused. I'm not quite sure what he wants. Why is he here, really?
Buffy was secure in her thoughts and soon fell asleep on the couch.
***
Angel and Willow were shopping for food and some new clothes for him.
"So any ways," Angel was explaining to Willow about last nights events as they head for the men's department, "I heard a fight so I ran through the kitchen door, but Buffy had already slain the demon. She was going to get the first aid kit because she was cut up pretty bad."
Willow looked at him, concerned.
"She's fine now, I took care of them. She was so surprised that I was there, although she tried to act like it didn't mean much to her."
"Angel," Willow said as she pushed the cart full of food, "It does matter..."
He cut her off, "I know. I was shocked when I saw her. You said she had lost weight but I had no idea it was that bad! And, she looks like she is really sick."
"Yeah, she's been like that most of the summer. 'Really worried her mom. So how did she find out you were human?"
"Well, she got a little lightheaded and collapsed, I caught her and she noticed my hands were warm."
"How did she take it?" Willow asked as she pointed the men's department out to Angel.
"She cried. But I really think she's doing better."
"Well, don't get your hopes up. Something will come up and she'll get worse." Willow lead Angel over to a rack with shirts on it and began sorting through them.
***
After Angel and Willow finished shopping, they went back to Giles' and read up on the spell to make sure his humanity would last. There was nothing about him being turned back to a vampire so he left to patrol.
For some reason, it was a pretty quiet night. Angel dusted only three vampires out of two cemeteries. It was getting late so he headed back to Buffy's.
Buffy was in her room, sitting on her weapons trunk, looking out the window, thinking about the list and the heartbreaking conversation she would start by confronting Angel about it.
"Buffy?" Angel shouted from the bottom of the steps.
"I'm up here." she called back.
He hurried up the stairs and into her room. "I got you some food." He looked at her, "Are you okay?"
Buffy turned to him, she had been crying, really hard. "Why are you here, really?"
Angel frowned at her question and realized that he had to tell her, "Your wondering... you want the flat out truth or the sugar coated version?" he asked hoping to force a smile on her.
"Just tell me why." Buffy wasn't going to smile, not for him, not for anyone.
Angel sighed. "When Willow first called me, I wasn't going to come. I couldn't do it again. So I tried to find something to make you happy when I found the spell." He sat down on the bed. "I thought that if I were human then we could actually... have a life... together." Angel stared at her as she sorted things out in her head.
"What, you were thinking you're human, all is forgotten?" she spat out coldly.
"Buffy..." he began.
She didn't let him finish, "Because, Angel, what you did to me can never be forgotten. Ever."
"I know, but could you try to forgive me?"
"I am trying." she whispered. They stared at each other for a moment. Buffy pulled the list from her pocket and held it up, "What's this?"
Angel looked at it and then frowned. "A list." he whispered.
She unfolded the paper and looked at it. "Are you planning on doing these things?"
"I want to."
"But are you?" she looked at him.
"Do you want me to?"
Buffy stared at him, "It doesn't matter what I want." she whispered.
Angel got up and knelt down in front of her. "It matters to me, Buffy. I want you to be happy."
"You didn't want me to be happy when you left." she argued.
His eyes widened, "Of course I wanted you to be happy! That was the whole point."
Buffy began to cry, "I can't be happy without you!"
Angel reached up, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against his chest. "Me either."
She cried in his arms for a few minutes. "Stay with me?" she begged.
"Forever." he promised. He rocked her in his arms until she was done crying. Buffy wiped away her tears and smiled at him.
"How was that for our first talk?" Angel asked with a smirk.
"I hadn't planned on it ending this way." she answered. "What do you want to do?" Buffy asked.
Angel thought for a moment. What do I want to do? "Willow did ask me to get you to come to the Bronze."
"I don't know if I can face them." she confessed.
"Don't worry," he smiled. "I'll be with you."
After a few seconds of begging, Buffy gave in. "Okay."
"Great!" Angel stood up and went to her closet. "What to wear?" he searched through her wide array of clothes for the perfect outfit.
Buffy watched as he tried finding something for her to wear. "Want me to help?" She stood and went over to her closet. She stared at her clothes for two seconds and then grabbed a short black skirt and a white halter top.
Angel, jealous that it only took her a few seconds to choose, nodded. I probably would've chosen that to.
Angel went downstairs to put on some of his new clothes while Buffy got ready in her room, both thinking of the other.
Part Eight The Bronze
Willow and Xander were seated at a table listening to Oz's band.
Willow shouted over the music, "I'm just saying, it's no fun without Buffy. I feel horrible. I'm here, having a tiny glimpse of fun and she is at home probably crying her eyes out and torturing herself. "
"I know, Will. But we can't force her to come. Besides, Angel is with her. They are probably doin'" Xander paused, "Oh God, think of what they could be doing right now. Oh, no, don't think. Yuck." he slammed his head down on the table.
The song ended, Oz set his guitar down and hurried over to his friends. "Sup, guys?" he sat down next to Willow.
"We were just saying how it's no fun with..." Willow spotted Angel and Buffy walking through the door. "Buffy."
Oz and Xander looked to where Will was starring and saw Buffy and Angel walking towards them, hand n' hand.
They all smiled. "Buffy you came!" Xander stood, hugged her real tight and then gave her his seat.
Buffy gladly sat down, "After some pent up tears and emotions, Angel convinced me to come. Besides, I missed you guys." Angel stood next to her.
"Same here." Oz smiled. "How are you feeling?" He asked, seeing her paleness which she obviously tried to cover up with foundation.
"Okay. Not good but, okay." Buffy answered.
"Glad to hear it."
"So Buffy, where did your mom go?" Willow asked, trying to start a conversation.
"Gallery business. She should be home in a few days." She smiled at the feeling she was getting from being back at the Bronze with her friends. "So, what kind of things did you guys do this summer. And, please tell me the funnies."
"Well," Xander began, "the only funnies to speak of is the day we all had camped at the top of the hill and..." he stopped himself. That wasn't funny... to me anyway.
Willow continued for him, "Xander crawled out of the tent, Oz and I were already awake and sitting outside, Xander was wearing Anya's tight, leather pants!" she laughed along with Oz.
Buffy and Angel laughed, too. "Why on Earth was he wearing Anya's leather pants?"
"No particular reason," the blushing boy answered, uncomfortably.
"They've spent most of the summer hiding out in his basement." Oz grinned.
Xander received glares from his friends as they laughed about the situation.
"Oh yeah?" he shouted. "How about the time you were all stayin' with me 'cause of that demon gang that was after you college goin' wannabes and I caught Oz munchin' on my grandma's dog's treaty biscuits?"
Willow and Oz both frowned.
Xander put his hands behind his ears, "Where's the come back? Ain't hearin' one?"
"Okay," Buffy interrupted, "lets stop with the funnies, please. What else went on outside the Summer's home?'
The gang spent the next twenty minutes telling Buffy about the summer activities she missed out on.
Xander looked at Angel and gestured him to the door.
Angel leaned down to Buffy, "I'm gonna go outside for a minute, I'll be right back." She nodded and he and Xander went outside.
They stopped right outside the door, "What's up?' Angel asked.
"So are you guys back together?" Xander asked, jumping to the point.
Angel smirked, "Yeah. Were gonna try."
"What's to try? You love her, she loves you. Done deal."
"There's more factors."
"Like what? Your not a blood sucking, sleep by day, kill by night demon anymore. Your just... Angel."
Angel wasn't sure to take that as a compliment or an insult. "Thanks."
"Look man, I just want so much for it to work. I love Buffy and I don't want to see her get hurt again."
"Xander, that's the last thing I want. It's gonna take some time."
Author's Note: Because I hate Joss Whedon and think he should be tortured for all eternity, I wrote my own version of what happened after Season 3's Graduation Part 2. Lots of mushy, lovely, dovey stuff. If you don't like, then don't read. Have fun!
Chapter One: Fixing Things
Part One: Conditions AN: I just realized that I mentioned Cordelia and Angel together and then I remembered that they didn't run in to each other until later so just bare with me.
It had been almost two months since Angel left Sunnydale. Buffy had spent most of the summer alone, she could not get herself to leave her room. Normally, she'd be in LA with her dad, but she didn't feel like going. She spent her time either sleeping or starring out the window. Her mother was extremely worried. Buffy hadn't eaten anything besides a piece of fruit every now and then. She only patrolled a couple nights a week. Although being around vampires wasn't helping so she stopped going and the gang took over.
Buffy had never felt so hurt. Knowing that Angel was miles away living without her was worse than him being dead. Then, she would always meet him in her dreams and feel his love, the dreams were so vivid and they seemed real. Now, the dreams grew more distant with every night that passed.
One after noon Buffy awoke from a dream, which she had almost every night. It always began with a phone call from Cordelia saying, Angel had died and his last words were, "Tell Buffy... I love her and always will.."
Buffy sat up in her bed just as her mother came into her room, "Buffy?"
She looked up at her.
Joyce looked at her daughter who had lost a lot of weight, was discolored, and had red, puffy eyes. "I have to go away for a week or so for the gallery. But if you want, I could cancel and we could..."
Buffy cut her off, "Go. Have fun."
She gave her one more concerned look and carried on with her activities.
***
Willow and Xander were sitting on the couch in his basement, talking.
"I've never seen her this hurt." Willow confessed as she played with her fingernails nervously.
"Me either." Xander agreed. "There isn't much we can do. Even if Dead Boy came back, it still would end badly."
The red head stared at him with huge eyes. "Xander, you're a genius!" she squealed before grabbing the telephone.
He grins. "I know. Why?"
Willow punched in a number and then brought the phone to her ear.
A sleepy voice answered, "Hello?"
"Angel?" the witch asked, hopefully.
"Willow?" Angel pushed away his sleepiness. "Is everything okay?"
"No," she answered. "It's Buffy."
As she said 'Buffy,' a thousand thoughts rushed through Angel's mind.
Willow continued, "She hasn't left her room since the day after Graduation. She hasn't been eating, she's lost a lot of weight."
Angel, already knowing the answer, asked, "Why?"
"You," she paused. "She really needs help."
"Can't you guys..."
She cut him off, "We've tried everything we can think of, but I think it's you she needs."
"Willow," he hesitates, "If I come , it will leave my leaving pointless."
"Angel," she stopped him. "Please?"
He sighed, "I'll see what I can do." Angel slowly hung up the phone.
"What did he say?" Xander asks.
"Basically," Willow hung the phone up, "Buffy should be live and kickin' in no time."
Angel spent the entire night researching. He was looking for anything that would rid his love of her pain. And then he found it, the answer.
Part Two: The Arrival
Angel stared down at the passage in front of him. Can this be real? Possible? Doubting the reality of it, he hurried out of his office for answers.
***
Willow burst through Giles' door as he was on the phone.
"Are you sure?" the former librarian rubbed his nose.
Willow quietly closed the door and walked over to the desk he was seated at.
"All right then. There's only one way to be sure... I'll get the materials... Thank you Angel." he hung the phone up and looked up at the red head standing next to him.
"Was that Angel?" she asked.
"Uh, yes, "Giles answered, tiredly, "He may have found something to help Buffy. He's going to come here tonight."
"Are you sure it will help her?" Willow pressed, fearing for her friend's already broken heart.
"Hopefully, but don't tell Buffy until were sure."
"Got it." she smiled.
Giles advised the gang to let Buffy be for a couple of days until they were sure that their plan would work.
***
Giles, Willow and Xander were all gathered in the ex-watcher's living room.
"I thought you said six, it's almost seven." Xander complained of Angel's lateness.
"Give the man time." Willow defended. "The sun set later than expected."
Before Xander could argue further, Angel came through the door. "Hey." He was carrying a plastic bag with magic goodies in it.
"Hi." Willow smiled, relieved.
Xander greeted him, "Hey, Dead Boy. 'Bout time you showed up."
"I was detained." he answered, "Where's Buffy?" the brooding vampire asked, looking around.
"At home." Giles answered from the kitchen.
Angel thought, maybe I should go see her first. "Could I..." he was doubted by the looks on his friends faces, "see her first?"
"By all means," Giles stepped into the living room. "We'll get things ready here and do the spell when you return."
"Do you remember where she lives?" Xander asks.
"I think I can remember." Angel said before walking out the door.
Xander shook his head, "Sad, sad man."
Part Three: Painful Moments
As Angel walked to Buffy's house he thought, I hope she lets me back in! I doubt she will. I could imagine the pain I put her through because I felt the same way, and still do. Although, I wasn't exactly blocking myself away from the rest of the world. I also wasn't starving myself. I had to do it. I had to leave. We couldn't have a life together. But now, if the spell works, we can finally be happy and content. All bad will be forgotten to make room for the good. As I walked I decided not to talk to her until after. I would only check on her, quickly.
I reached her house and looked into the darkened window from the roof. I saw Buffy lying in her bed, under the covers. I thought she was asleep but, she wasn't. She was crying. Over me, no doubt.
I listened to her heavy sobs wanting nothing but to make them stop. But I restrained myself from doing so. I stayed until she finally fell asleep and then headed back for Giles'.
Part Four: The Spell
"Giles, I don't understand this!" Xander complained as he reread the spell.
The ex watcher looked up from his book which rested in his lap.
"It's too simple." Xander went on.
"Xander stop!" Willow shouted from her seat on the couch. "Your gonna jinx it!"
"Sorry." he apologized. Xander looked back at the book in his hands and reread the spell.
Angel slowly came through the door.
"Did you see her?" Willow asked. Angel nodded.
"How was she?" Xander stood up.
Angel glared at him, feeling hurt. "Are you ready?"
"Yes." Giles answered.
The gang prepared for the spell and in their minds, everyone was praying for it to work.
***
Buffy awoke from yet another dream about Angel. She got up from her bed and walked down stairs to the kitchen.
***
"Did it work?" Xander asked, standing up in the loft. Willow was standing in the kitchen, Giles was standing at the front door, and Angel was seated in the middle of the living room on the floor. They each were holding red candles and a stick that smelled like burnt leaves.
"Well," Willow looked to Angel, "are you breathing?"
Angel sat for a moment and breathed in, making sure it was real and not just a dream. He grinned.
"It worked!" Giles smiled.
Xander hurried down to the others, "It worked?" Angel gave him a reassuring look.
"Well why the hell are you standing around here?" Everyone was surprised by Xander's words, "Go to her!"
Angel hesitated for a second before hurrying out the door.
"Good luck!" Willow called after him.
Part Five: The News AN: This is my first attempt at writing an action scene and I suck at it, but I don't really care. In my opinion, I want to focus on BA and not the stupid demons getting their butts kicked.
Buffy decided to watch a little television in hopes that it would cheer her up. She sat on the couch and flipped through the channels. Something caught her attention. She settled on a Celine Dion concert and listened to her sing.
"At last...my love has come along. My lonely days are over and life is like a song. Oh, yeah, yeah. At last... the skies above are blue. My heart was wrapped up in clovers... the night I looked at you... I found a dream that I could speak to, a dream that I could call my own. I found a thrill to press my cheek to. A thrill that I have never know. Oh yeah, yeah. You smiled, you smiled. Oh, and then the spell was cast and here we are in heaven, for you are mine at last."
Buffy listened to the words and her thoughts again traveled to Angel. She wished...no, she needed to stop. Thinking of him and letting him control her emotions was killing her. No. Stop. God, why did she have to be so in love with him?
There was a knock on the front door. Buffy sighed and answered it. Staring at her was a green demon with short yellow horns.
"God your ugly." Buffy tried to close the door, but the demon pushed it's way into the house.
Because Buffy hadn't eaten or trained in so long, she was weak. So, the demon basically wiped the floor with her face. After about eight minutes of getting beat up, she finally grabbed the letter opener off of the coffee table and stabbed it through the demon's heart. The demon fell on to the floor, dead.
Buffy made her way to the bathroom to check herself for major wounds in the mirror. Her forehead had a pretty deep cut, her chin and lip was bleeding, her arm was pretty beaten up; it felt broken.
Angel, having heard the fight from down the street, hurried through the back door, just as Buffy was coming in to the kitchen from the dinning room.
She froze and starred at him, "A- Angel?" she choked out.
"Are you okay?" he rushed towards her at the sight of her cuts. "What happened?" Angel dabbed her forehead with his shirt sleeve.
"Demon." she answered, backing away from him, feeling uncomfortable. "What are you doing here?"
"You should really get that fixed up." he said, avoiding her question.
"That's what I was doing." Buffy walked over to the cupboard and pulled out the first aid kit. I think I'm gonna faint! What is he doing here... just standing in my kitchen like he never left? What's going on? I wish he would drop the cryptic act and explain this to me!
Angel noticed that she was pale, limp, her eyes red and puffy, and her hair was messed up. It's worse than I thought. "Did you kill it?" he asked as she opened the box.
"Yes." Buffy whispered as she pulled out the needed materials. "What are you doing here?" she asked again.
Angel walked up to the nook, "Willow called me, demon trouble." he didn't want to tell her the real reason, not yet.
"What kind of trouble?" Buffy asked as she opened the package of disinfecting cloths. "Big bad, life threatening trouble that is so serious to pull you away from you precious life and come back to this hell hole?"
He ignored her last comment, although it rang in his ears. "Let me help you." Angel walked over to her and took the cloth from her hand and began to clean her forehead. "We took care of it."
"Then...why are you still here?" Buffy asked, handing him a bandage.
"Thought I'd come and see how you were doing." Angel answered as he put the bandage over her cut.
"Well..." She winced from the pain in her right arm.
The former vampire quickly removed his hand from her head, "Did I hurt you?"
"No, my arm." she rubbed her shoulder as she continued. "As you can see, I'm fine. So you... can go now." Buffy felt regret from her words, Did I just say that? I don't want him to leave! I want him to stay! Then she felt a little light headed and began to fall into Angel's arms.
"Whoa!" he caught her and stood her back up, leaving his hands around her bare arms, protectively. "Are you okay?"
His hands... there warm! Buffy looked up at him, "Angel? Why.. are you warm?" She looked down at his chest. He's breathing! I knew there was something different about him. I knew it! Buffy was overcome with tears of pain and joy. "What's going on?"
He starred at her, "Willow called me and said that you weren't doing so good and that you needed help. So I found myself researching one night and then... I found it." he explained.
Buffy whispered, "A spell to restore your humanity?"
"Willow, Giles, Xander, and I decided to give it a try and... it worked!"
"So, your not a vampire anymore?"
He shook his head and smiled.
Oh boy. Buffy felt very weak and fell over, again. This time Angel didn't catch her so she fell onto the ground. "Ow."
He knelt down beside her, "Buffy?" Angel placed his hand over her forehead, she was burning up. "You should see a doctor."
"No, Angel. I'm fine." Buffy stood up, with his help.
"Buffy, your sick!" he argued. God, I haven't been here five minutes and already I'm deciding things for her. Good going Angel. Piss her off and see how far that gets you.
"No, I just need to lie down."
"Okay, come on." Angel slid his arm under her knees and picked her up. He carried Buffy up to her room and tucked her in.
"You should go." Buffy whispered as Angel pulled the covers over her. "You could catch whatever this something is, if it even is a something. If it is a something it's been here for awhile and I'm kinda used to it."
"I'm not going anywhere." he promised as he crawled into the bed to lay beside her.
"Angel..."
He cut her off, "Shh, sleep."
Part Six: Not a Dream
Buffy awoke the next morning and looked at her clock, 10:13. She rolled over to see if Angel was asleep next to her, he wasn't. I knew it was a dream. It was too good to be true, for the most part. Another pain. Buffy threw the covers off of her and climbed out of the bed. She headed downstairs for a glass of water.
Just as Buffy was about to enter the kitchen, she heard the refrigerator door closing. She slowly, cautiously entered. It wasn't a dream! Angel was pouring himself a glass of milk. "Angel?"
He looked up, "Buffy, how are you feeling?"
"Okay." she answered, still uncomfortable that he was in her kitchen, drinking milk.
"Did you sleep well?"
"Like a rock." Buffy answered as she sat down at the nook. "You?'
Angel put the milk back in the refrigerator, "I couldn't sleep. I had too much on my mind."
"Oh. What?"
"You." he answered.
"Damn it."
"What?" Angel asked, worrying that she thought that thinking of her was wrong.
"The demon," she stood up, "it's stinking up my living room."
Angel stopped her before she walked out, "I already took care of him."
"Oh." she relaxed a little.
"You might want to call Giles... about the demon."
Buffy sighed, "Maybe later." She looked around for a second and then looked at him, "We need to talk but first...I need to clean up. Can I trust you alone while I take a shower?" she glared at him.
Angel grinned and nodded.
She smiled before heading back upstairs, forgetting all about her water.
While Buffy showered, Angel planned on making a list of all the things he'd have to do in order to move back to Sunnydale. He sat down on the couch with a notepad and pen. He began to write.
Buffy screamed, "Hey!!"
Angel, thinking there was trouble, darted up to the bathroom. The door was locked so he backed up and ran into it, causing it to fly open and hit the wall.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Buffy yelled from the shower.
"Sorry," Oh, God! I'm an idiot! Angel turned his back to her. "you screamed, I thought you were in trouble."
"Yeah, I'm in trouble! The water is freezing! Did you start the wash machine or something?"
"Uh... yeah. You had no clean clothes and I figured you'd need them to go out. So..."
"Exactly where would I be going?"
"I don't know, I figured you could use a little fresh air. Maybe go see Giles about the demon."
"I don't think I will be going anywhere any time soon, but thanks. Now could you please leave so I can shower?"
"Absolutely." Angel closed the door and went back down stairs to finish his list.
Part Seven: The List AN: Sorry about the cheesy-ness of this scene.
Buffy quickly got dressed and went downstairs to talk to Angel.
"What are you writing?" She asked as she sat next to him on the couch.
"Nothing." Angel quickly tossed the notepad aside. I am so embarrassed. God, I'm a dork!
"What are your plans today?" she asked, hoping that he would want to spend some time with her. She wanted to know why he was back. "I mean, we need to talk."
"I have some things I have to do first." he answered.
"What things?" Buffy asked.
"Things." he smiled.
She glared at him.
"I have to talk to Willow about some stuff, shopping and a few other things."
"Okay." she whispered, disappointed.
"I'll be back tonight," he stood up and headed for the door. "I promise."
"Angel." Buffy stopped him. He looked at her. "Could you do a quick patrol? The gang really deserves a break."
He smiled, "Sure. Are you going to be okay by yourself?"
"Yeah. I'll probably sleep."
"Are you still tired?" Angel asked, concerned.
Buffy frowned, "That's what you get for crying 22/7 and eating pretty much nothing for two months."
He stared at her, mad at himself, "I'm sorry..." he began.
Buffy held her hand up to stop him, "Don't."
Angel slowly turned and left. Good goin' Angel.
Buffy waited until he was gone and then grabbed the notepad off of the floor and began to read it.
Things to Do Before Staying in Sunnydale:
1) Make sure Buffy knows how I feel about her.
2) Apologize to Buffy for the shower incident .
3) Make sure my humanity will last.
4) Get the gang's approval.
5) Sell place in LA.
6) Find a new place; check on mansion.
7) Get new clothes.
8) Learn how to do laundry.
9) Look into getting a job.
10) Take care of Buffy.
Buffy was overwhelmed with the things Angel had written. She evaluated each subject. 'Make sure Buffy knows how I feel about her', I hope it's good. 'Apologize to Buffy for the shower incident' I thought it was cute. 'Make sure my humanity will last', I don't even want to think that it won't last. I'm pretty sure the gang approves, selling his place and finding a new one shouldn't be hard. New clothes, laundry? New he's starting to scare me. I just can't imagine Angel in a real job. The one that sticks out the most is, 'Take care of Buffy'. I want him to but, he doesn't have to prove anything.
My poor Angel, he's so... I'm not sure. I'm really confused. I'm not quite sure what he wants. Why is he here, really?
Buffy was secure in her thoughts and soon fell asleep on the couch.
***
Angel and Willow were shopping for food and some new clothes for him.
"So any ways," Angel was explaining to Willow about last nights events as they head for the men's department, "I heard a fight so I ran through the kitchen door, but Buffy had already slain the demon. She was going to get the first aid kit because she was cut up pretty bad."
Willow looked at him, concerned.
"She's fine now, I took care of them. She was so surprised that I was there, although she tried to act like it didn't mean much to her."
"Angel," Willow said as she pushed the cart full of food, "It does matter..."
He cut her off, "I know. I was shocked when I saw her. You said she had lost weight but I had no idea it was that bad! And, she looks like she is really sick."
"Yeah, she's been like that most of the summer. 'Really worried her mom. So how did she find out you were human?"
"Well, she got a little lightheaded and collapsed, I caught her and she noticed my hands were warm."
"How did she take it?" Willow asked as she pointed the men's department out to Angel.
"She cried. But I really think she's doing better."
"Well, don't get your hopes up. Something will come up and she'll get worse." Willow lead Angel over to a rack with shirts on it and began sorting through them.
***
After Angel and Willow finished shopping, they went back to Giles' and read up on the spell to make sure his humanity would last. There was nothing about him being turned back to a vampire so he left to patrol.
For some reason, it was a pretty quiet night. Angel dusted only three vampires out of two cemeteries. It was getting late so he headed back to Buffy's.
Buffy was in her room, sitting on her weapons trunk, looking out the window, thinking about the list and the heartbreaking conversation she would start by confronting Angel about it.
"Buffy?" Angel shouted from the bottom of the steps.
"I'm up here." she called back.
He hurried up the stairs and into her room. "I got you some food." He looked at her, "Are you okay?"
Buffy turned to him, she had been crying, really hard. "Why are you here, really?"
Angel frowned at her question and realized that he had to tell her, "Your wondering... you want the flat out truth or the sugar coated version?" he asked hoping to force a smile on her.
"Just tell me why." Buffy wasn't going to smile, not for him, not for anyone.
Angel sighed. "When Willow first called me, I wasn't going to come. I couldn't do it again. So I tried to find something to make you happy when I found the spell." He sat down on the bed. "I thought that if I were human then we could actually... have a life... together." Angel stared at her as she sorted things out in her head.
"What, you were thinking you're human, all is forgotten?" she spat out coldly.
"Buffy..." he began.
She didn't let him finish, "Because, Angel, what you did to me can never be forgotten. Ever."
"I know, but could you try to forgive me?"
"I am trying." she whispered. They stared at each other for a moment. Buffy pulled the list from her pocket and held it up, "What's this?"
Angel looked at it and then frowned. "A list." he whispered.
She unfolded the paper and looked at it. "Are you planning on doing these things?"
"I want to."
"But are you?" she looked at him.
"Do you want me to?"
Buffy stared at him, "It doesn't matter what I want." she whispered.
Angel got up and knelt down in front of her. "It matters to me, Buffy. I want you to be happy."
"You didn't want me to be happy when you left." she argued.
His eyes widened, "Of course I wanted you to be happy! That was the whole point."
Buffy began to cry, "I can't be happy without you!"
Angel reached up, wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against his chest. "Me either."
She cried in his arms for a few minutes. "Stay with me?" she begged.
"Forever." he promised. He rocked her in his arms until she was done crying. Buffy wiped away her tears and smiled at him.
"How was that for our first talk?" Angel asked with a smirk.
"I hadn't planned on it ending this way." she answered. "What do you want to do?" Buffy asked.
Angel thought for a moment. What do I want to do? "Willow did ask me to get you to come to the Bronze."
"I don't know if I can face them." she confessed.
"Don't worry," he smiled. "I'll be with you."
After a few seconds of begging, Buffy gave in. "Okay."
"Great!" Angel stood up and went to her closet. "What to wear?" he searched through her wide array of clothes for the perfect outfit.
Buffy watched as he tried finding something for her to wear. "Want me to help?" She stood and went over to her closet. She stared at her clothes for two seconds and then grabbed a short black skirt and a white halter top.
Angel, jealous that it only took her a few seconds to choose, nodded. I probably would've chosen that to.
Angel went downstairs to put on some of his new clothes while Buffy got ready in her room, both thinking of the other.
Part Eight The Bronze
Willow and Xander were seated at a table listening to Oz's band.
Willow shouted over the music, "I'm just saying, it's no fun without Buffy. I feel horrible. I'm here, having a tiny glimpse of fun and she is at home probably crying her eyes out and torturing herself. "
"I know, Will. But we can't force her to come. Besides, Angel is with her. They are probably doin'" Xander paused, "Oh God, think of what they could be doing right now. Oh, no, don't think. Yuck." he slammed his head down on the table.
The song ended, Oz set his guitar down and hurried over to his friends. "Sup, guys?" he sat down next to Willow.
"We were just saying how it's no fun with..." Willow spotted Angel and Buffy walking through the door. "Buffy."
Oz and Xander looked to where Will was starring and saw Buffy and Angel walking towards them, hand n' hand.
They all smiled. "Buffy you came!" Xander stood, hugged her real tight and then gave her his seat.
Buffy gladly sat down, "After some pent up tears and emotions, Angel convinced me to come. Besides, I missed you guys." Angel stood next to her.
"Same here." Oz smiled. "How are you feeling?" He asked, seeing her paleness which she obviously tried to cover up with foundation.
"Okay. Not good but, okay." Buffy answered.
"Glad to hear it."
"So Buffy, where did your mom go?" Willow asked, trying to start a conversation.
"Gallery business. She should be home in a few days." She smiled at the feeling she was getting from being back at the Bronze with her friends. "So, what kind of things did you guys do this summer. And, please tell me the funnies."
"Well," Xander began, "the only funnies to speak of is the day we all had camped at the top of the hill and..." he stopped himself. That wasn't funny... to me anyway.
Willow continued for him, "Xander crawled out of the tent, Oz and I were already awake and sitting outside, Xander was wearing Anya's tight, leather pants!" she laughed along with Oz.
Buffy and Angel laughed, too. "Why on Earth was he wearing Anya's leather pants?"
"No particular reason," the blushing boy answered, uncomfortably.
"They've spent most of the summer hiding out in his basement." Oz grinned.
Xander received glares from his friends as they laughed about the situation.
"Oh yeah?" he shouted. "How about the time you were all stayin' with me 'cause of that demon gang that was after you college goin' wannabes and I caught Oz munchin' on my grandma's dog's treaty biscuits?"
Willow and Oz both frowned.
Xander put his hands behind his ears, "Where's the come back? Ain't hearin' one?"
"Okay," Buffy interrupted, "lets stop with the funnies, please. What else went on outside the Summer's home?'
The gang spent the next twenty minutes telling Buffy about the summer activities she missed out on.
Xander looked at Angel and gestured him to the door.
Angel leaned down to Buffy, "I'm gonna go outside for a minute, I'll be right back." She nodded and he and Xander went outside.
They stopped right outside the door, "What's up?' Angel asked.
"So are you guys back together?" Xander asked, jumping to the point.
Angel smirked, "Yeah. Were gonna try."
"What's to try? You love her, she loves you. Done deal."
"There's more factors."
"Like what? Your not a blood sucking, sleep by day, kill by night demon anymore. Your just... Angel."
Angel wasn't sure to take that as a compliment or an insult. "Thanks."
"Look man, I just want so much for it to work. I love Buffy and I don't want to see her get hurt again."
"Xander, that's the last thing I want. It's gonna take some time."