Callie's POV
"As much as I sympathize with both parties in this case I have to consider what is best for the child and as much as I would like to I can not ignore the fact that Dr Torres is her biological mother this does not by any means say that I feel that Dr Robbins is any less her mother , however in the eyes of the court I feel it is the best interest of their child that she remains in the primary custody of Dr Torres. For the sake of your daughter I hope you both make the best decision for her moving forward. Court adjured."
I go to stand and look to Arizona to make eye contact but Arizona just has her head in her hands. April and Alex just glare at me and move to surround Arizona and help her walk out of the court room.
Penny comes around the railing and hugs me " We won, we can start our life together now." As she is hugging me I can't keep my eyes off Arizona leaving the court room. I don't feel like I won anything, in fact I feel like I lost everything. How to hell did we even get here. What have I done?
Arizona's POV
Part of me can't believe this has happened but then again a part of me is not surprised. I don't know how I am going to survive without Sofia. She has been my only light in a very dark tunnel in the last 4 years. Every since she was born, hell even before she was born she has been my light. If I was having a bad day I would go to the daycare and spend time with her. She would give me the strength to carry on. Now she will not be there I will have to make special arrangements just to see my child. I am so hurt and angry at Callie right now I can't even look at her. I could feel her looking at me once the judge decided my future with our child. I called Meredith and asked her if she could bring Sofia to the park so I can spend time with her before she leaves tomorrow with Callie and Penny. She said she would so here I wait to say goodbye to my daughter.
"Mama" Sofia yells as she runs to me and gives me a big hug and just like she always does she makes me feel better. I need to be a good man in the storm for her. I have to be strong for her.
"Hi baby girl. I missed you. Did you have fun with Aunt Meredith and Zola." I ask her.
"Yes, we made cookies for you." She says.
"You did, well I can't wait to try them." I say.
"I talked to Callie she said she can go home with you tonight and she will pick her up in the morning." Meredith tells me.
"Um, Sof why don't you and Zola go on the swings for a minute ok" I say.
"Ok, come on Zola lets go." Sof says as she grabs her hand and they skip over to the swings.
I sit down on the bench and Meredith sits beside me. " Meredith I don't want to put you in the middle of anything but I just can not see Callie at this point and I know it's a lot to ask but can you pick Sofia up at my house tomorrow and bring her to Callie."
"Sure I understand I will let Callie know I will drop her off how about I come by around 10." Meredith says.
"That would be great, thanks." I say as I watch Sof and Zola run around and play without a care in the world.
"Zola's really going to miss her" Meredith says." Mark and Derik would be so proud of how close they are. Carry on the Sloan/ Sheppard friendship."
"Yeah I know Sofia is going to miss her too." I say.
"Look, Arizona for the record I don't agree with what Callie is doing but you will have to find a way to work this out with her." Meredith says as she puts her hand on my lap.
"I know but I just can't right now, how am I suppose to say goodbye to my baby." I say
"I don't know, I know that I would go crazy not being able to see my kids anytime I wanted to." Meredith says." They were the only thing that kept me going when Derik died."
"Thanks you are not helping." I say with a chuckle and Meredith laughs too.
"sorry." She says.
"It's ok , it exactly how I feel right now but I need to be strong for Sofia I can't make her feel bad about going with Callie even if it is killing me." I say."Thanks again for helping I better get her home so we can make dinner, oh and are the cookies safe to eat or should I fake it."
" Yes the cookies are safe to eat Maggie helped make them." Meredith says ." I will see you tomorrow at 10."
"Sof, Zola come on we need to get home for dinner." I yell to them.
I take Sofia home and we make dinner and sit down at the table to eat. I look over at Sofia and she is just smiling and chatting away as she eats. God I am going to miss nights like this. I know I will still have them but no where near enough. She will be in school for 9-10 months a year so she won't be able to leave to visit on a whim and I will not be able to fly there on a whim. Schedules will need to be made and then if she gets sick something comes up for school I won't be there for her. I will miss most of her school activities, dance recitals. I am sure Callie will send videos but it will never be the same as being there. No matter how busy we are now we still go to all her events.
"Sof honey you know tomorrow you will be leaving with mommy to go to NY right," I say.
"Yeah I know, but I will still get to see you too right." She asks.
"Yes but I won't be able to see you everyday like we do now but just know that is not because Mama does not want to ok… you will always be my baby girl no matter where you are ok." I tell her.
"I don't want to leave you mama… why can't I stay…."
"Mama tried to make it so you could stay but I was not able to make that happen…I am so sorry." I say. "but mama needs you to her good man in a storm ok and go with Mommy tomorrow and I need you to be good for mommy and penny. "
" I will try mama I promise."
"good girl….oh and I bought you a present." I tell her.
"You did."
"yep, here you go." I say as I hand her the box that she tears opened in a matter of seconds and I can't help but laugh.
"you got me my own phone,"
"yep, that way you can call me anytime you want ok…..I put my number in there so all you have to do is hit 1 and I will always be there to answer….or we can facetime….whatever you want to do ok…but this is for me and you only ok no one else." I tell her.
Sofia hits the number 1 and my phone goes off with her special ring sound " you are my sunshine" and she starts laughing. I pick up the phone and answer it. "See whenever you call I will always answer."
"Thank you mama, I will call you everyday." She tell me.
"You better baby….ok how about we clean this up and go watch a movie in my bed tonight." I ask her.
Meredith came by at 10 just like she said and I did all I could not to breakdown in front of Sofia, she does not need that from me right now. After she left I packed up my suitcase and headed out the door.
Callie's POV
"Ok Sof go ahead and knock on the door." I tell her and she goes to knock.
"Hey Sof, what are doing here." Andrew asks as he answers the door." Dr Torres"
"I came to see my mama because we missed her too much right mommy." Sof tells him and I see the confusion on his face.
"We decided not to go to New York." I tell him as he lets us in."So is Arizona here."
"Um….no….."he says as he looks down a Sofia.
"Andrew what is going on." I ask. "Is she at the hospital?"
"No…..Sof why don't you go sit on the couch I have some cookies on the table if you want some." He tell her.
"Andrew tell me what is going on." I say.
"I don't know…..the only things she said to me was she could not stay here without Sofia so as soon as Meredith left this morning she packed and left. She told me to take care of the house and she would call at some point and check in." he tells me.
"How could she just leave." I say."Can you watch Sofia for me I need to go the hospital and talk to Bailey?"
"Sure, " Andrews says as I head out the door to get some answers. How could she just leave and not tell me what if Sofia needed her. As I head to the hospital I dial her number and a recording comes on "this number is no longer in service." What to hell. I finally arrive at the hospital and hunt Bailey down in her office.
"Bailey where to hell is Arizona" I ask as I am walking through her door.
"Torres what are you doing here aren't you suppose to be somewhere over the Midwest by now?" she says.
"I didn't go." I say.
"Well obviously since you are standing in my office yelling at me about Dr Robbins." She says.
"I screwed up ok I should never of let things go that far…..I just ….I tried to move on…..but …..I couldn't …..as soon as that judge said I was free to go I just couldn't do it." I tell her.
"bout damn time you come to your senses" she tells me.
"Andrew said she left this morning and never told him where she was going. I tried calling her cell phone but it says it was disconnect." I tell her. "How can she just disconnect her phone when we have a child what if Sofia has an emergency and I need to get ahold of her or Sof just want to talk to her. What to hell is she thinking…..did she leave you a number ?
"No I don't have a number…all she asked me was for a indefinite leave of absence."
"What do you mean indefinite leave of absence. Her life is here." I say
"Her life was here until you took that away from her….she had no reason to stay here without her daughter."
"So she just ups and leaves without telling anyone anything."
" Do you honestly think she would just leave without having a way for Sofia to get her." She says to me."Have you talked to Sofia and ask her if she knows anything."
"No as soon as Andrew said she left I came right here." I tell her."Sof never said anything though when we went to Arizona's house to surprise her…..if she knew she was not going to be there then I would think she would have said something."
"Well maybe you just need to wait then." Bailey says."Its not like she knew you didn't go, as far as she knows you are still on your way to New York, I'm sure she will call Sofia at some point."
"I guess ….god I really screwed up this time."
"Go home Torres ….take care of your daughter ….. I sure Arizona will call by morning."
I head back down to my car when I see Kepner heading into the attending lounge so I follow her. She must know something.
"Kepner" I say as I open the door to the lounge and see Alex sitting on the couch….great just what I need right now both of them.
"Torres…..what are you doing here…..shouldn't you be in New York with your girlfriend." Alex says.
"I'm not going." I tell him.
"oh so you just put Robbins through hell for what… the fun of it." He says with venom in his voice."Was that your way of getting even finally?"
"No….I screwed up ok…."
"That's an understatement" he says sarcastically.
"Look I know you guys are pissed at me ok …..I get it….I would be too…..but I need to know where Arizona is and I know she would have told one of you at least." I say as I look between Kepner and Alex.
"Even if she did do you honestly think we would tell you anything at this point." Alex says as Kepner keeps her head down and stays quite.
"Alex think what you want about me but I need to talk to her I need her to know we did not go and that Sofia is here. You know she would want to know that." I say.
"Maybe but I don't know anything. All she said was she had to leave for a while and asked me to take care of the department." He says."Why don't you just call her and leave a message."
"She disconnected her phone." I tell him.
"She did" Kepner asks.
"Yeah so she doesn't even know we are still here." I tell her."Look I know she does not want to talk to me ok that's fine but she would want to know about Sofia so if either of you talk to her please let her know we are staying put and will wait for her for as long as it takes for her to come home."
"She couldn't stay without Sofia…..she said she couldn't be around here anymore knowing that she could not just go down to daycare to see her or come home at night to her laughter." Kepner tells me.
"Why would she disconnect her phone though, she know Sofia would want to call her." I say.
"Did you talk to Sofia maybe she told her something." April says.
"No but she seemed just as surprised as me that Arizona was not there tonight either." I say.
"Maybe you need to talk to Sofia she just might not remember unless you ask." She says.
"Yeah maybe….I need to go…..Andrew is watching her right now… but please no matter what you feel about me if you hear from her let her know we are home."
I head back to Arizona's house and realize I have no where to stay tonight as I had subleased my apartment. Maybe Andrew will let me stay at the house since Sofia will still have a room to call home there.
As I get to the door I am about to just open it and walk in and I realize it is not my home so I stop myself and knock on the door.
"Hey Dr Torres…..did you find out anything." Andrew asks as he lets me in.
"No….she didn't tell anyone anything more than what she said to you." I tell him."Where is Sofia ?"
"Oh, she fell asleep on the couch so I carried her up to her bedroom." He says." I hope that is ok."
"Yeah its fine. She had a long day besides we really don't have anywhere to stay tonight so at least she is in her own bed" I tell him as he looks at me strangely. " I subleased my apartment."
"Oh…..well why don't you just stay here tonight and you can figure it out in the morning….you can have my room." He says.
"Thanks ….Im just going to kiss Sofia goodnite."
"Mommy" Sof says as I kiss her goodnite.
"Yeah baby girl its mommy. Go back to sleep."
"Did you talk to mama." She asks as she rubs the sleep from her eyes.
"No not yet but I will." I tell her."Go back to sleep …. I will see you in the morning. I love you"
"Love you too" as she kisses me goodnite.
The next morning I am in the kitchen making breakfast which I have to say is a little weird considering it is Arizona house but at the same time if feels so right. She got most of our stuff after the divorce since she was getting a house and I was just going to an apartment . We wanted Sofia to have familiar things around her so in a way it feels like our home we shared together. I am lost in my thoughts when Sofia comes bouncing in.
"Morning baby girl" I say as I put a plate on the breakfast bar for her.
"Morning mommy" she says as she climbs up into the seat."When is mama coming home today?"
"I don't know If she is …I haven't talked to her yet." I say,
"She said I would see her today." Sofia says with a frown.
"When did she say that?" I ask.
"Last night when I talked to her to say goodnite." She says.
"What do you mean last night did she call here?" I ask her trying to figure out what is going on and why Andrew never said anything.
"No I called her just like she said I could." Sof tells me.
"How did you call her"
"On the phone silly." She says
"Can you get me the phone you used." I ask.
"But its mine mama gave it too me so I could call her anytime and she said she would always answer." Sof tells me.
"Sof I'm not going to take your phone I just want you to show it to me ok."
She hopes down and goes to get her backpack and pulls out a phone. I check the contact info and I see it has Mama on speed dial …so I hit the speed dial number….. a second later I hear Arizona's voice.
"Morning baby girl" she says before I can say anything.
"Arizona it's me." I say."Don't hang up ….Just listen ok…I know I screwed up …I know you don't want to talk to me but I just wanted you to know I couldn't go. I let Penny go by herself and I broke up with her. My home is here. You and Sofia are my home. Once the judge said I was free to go the only place I wanted to go was home to you and I know you don't believe me right now and that's ok because I am going to prove it to you. I am not going anywhere ever again …just come home…Sofia misses you…..I miss you."
"I can't do this right now Callie…..I will be coming home later today but only for Sofia….I just can't talk to you yet." She says as I hear her voice cracking.
"I understand….Sofia will be here waiting for you…she can stay with you while I get my apartment back and I will be waiting for you when you are ready to talk." I say.
"Good bye Callie" she says as she hangs up the phone. I can only hope that someday she will forgive me and trust me again but I know it will be a long way back so for now I will wait just like she waited for me after the divorce. I realize now that is why she never dated anyone seriously she was waiting for me but then I screwed everything up so now its up to me to fix it and I will even if it takes me all my life I will fix this.