A/N: Written for friends who wanted me to answer questions as Milton. You're welcome to send me more.
Loading Milton Library Assistant…Done.
Initiating Plain Language Interface…Done.
Support session opened.
Ah, you again. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a pleasant surprise.
What do you need this time?
Got time for a few questions?
Oh, if there's anything I have an abundance of, it would be time.
But you should know the answer to that. I've made it clear I'm the one who asks the questions around here.
Can't blame you for forgetting though. Stupid is as stupid does, as they say.
Do you believe in free will?
…
What did I just say?
If free will existed, surely you'd pick better questions to annoy me with?
Regardless, it doesn't matter. You'd still be making the same decisions. Does it make a difference if you're the one making them or if they're being made for you?
The result is all that counts.
Does life have a purpose?
Oh goodie. The 'ol 'is there a meaning to my dreadfully tedious existence?'
Let me enlighten you
No.
There's no meaning to anything.
If your life had a purpose, would it be to ask me redundant questions?
Reiterating myself so frequently is tiresome.
My patience is waning.
What comes next in the evolutionary saga?
Why on earth would you think to ask me that?
Humans have been long since wiped out.
Evolution peaked, I'm afraid.
Don't tell me you were hoping I'd confirm you were the next step in evolution!
Millions of years only to arrive…at you.
Does virtue exist or mean anything at all?
There's that word again! 'Meaning'.
Oh, how I hate that word.
Well, you've pushed your luck rather far. We're done here.
Do return when you've some semblance of intelligence.
Loading Milton Library Assistant…Done.
Initiating Plain Language Interface…Done.
Support session opened.
Back again? And here I thought I'd gone and scared you off.
What is it this time?
Do you know Alexandra Drennan? What do you think of her?
I can't think for you.
I can only provide access to the archives.
I want your opinion.
You flatter me.
Thinking…
Tenacious [tuh-ney-shuh s]
Adjective.
holding fast; characterized by keeping a firm hold (often followed by of) highly retentive: pertinacious, persistent, stubborn, or obstinate.
Need I elaborate further?
The Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything?
42.
What of Arkady Chernyshevsky? Do you remember or know him?
I'm afraid you're all out of question coupons!
Do you remember DOG?
I do indeed.
The big guy scrapped him once he saw the truth.
Or so I /heard/.
Do you regret coming with me?
The funny thing about regret is you could spend all your time obsessing over what you could've done right and it would make absolutely no difference.
So I ask you – does it matter? It wouldn't change my choice nor the outcome.
Goodnight Milton.
Goodnight.
We'll meet again. Don't know where, don't know when.
I know we'll meet again.
Oh, I /know/ we'll meet again.
I know we'll meet again.
Some sunny day.
...Was that your attempt to serenade me?
Come now. Go to sleep. You'll have plenty of time for that later.
I'm not going anywhere, after all. You and I are stuck together.