PREFACE
I've given a lot of thought to how I would die—depression does that to you- but I never, in my most suicidal dreams did I think it would go down like this. I stared into his eyes,without blinking, and held his pleasant smile in my brain. The hunter stalked toward me, emboldened by my obvious fear. This is the end; here alone, with everything I suspected about this world proven true. At least no one but me had to die. I hate this world, but I never wanted to take it with me. I was glad for this moment. The choice had been taken out my hands. I knew that if I had never gone to Forks I would never have met him. Despite knowing that, I don't regret it now. This is what I always wanted wasn't? And hey, at least I wasn't going a virgin. I lifted my head up to face my death. I smiled.
Chapter 1
My dad was a horrible driver. If he knew anything about getting to the airport or reading, or paying attention to signs he'd realize the exit to LAX just passed by my window. I didn't even bother telling him. If I died on the airplane, I didn't want our last words to be good riddance and fuck you. This fucking weather... I mean sure it was your stereotypical blue sky shit; the kind of weather that lets us laugh at the world, exhibit A: a flower parade in the winter time. But I was a blinds closed, dark-ass room, air conditioner on to 10 Celsius kind of goth. Though you wouldn't know that by looking at me today. I was wearing my most tame outfit. I had on blue jeans and a white shirt. Why was I wearing a color that was anathema to most of my brood? The answer is of course to annoy my dad. It was gay day at the theme parks in the city. So basically the gay dress code today was blue jeans and a white shirt. I knew it would annoy the crap out of him so there I was. But in my carry-on I had my black jeans, my black shirt, and my black parka. The few memories I hadn't blocked out dealing with Forks necessitated the parka. On the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks existed under a near constant cover of clouds and rain. And I mean a lot of rain. Like science doesn't know why it isn't a lake yet; like Atlantis might be hidden there or some shit. The cold weather was something I could take. I love cold weather: ya I know, fuck the LA year round summer. But I hate rain. I hate wet. Having grown up in Forks until I was eight, I've had enough of soaked socks and wet clothes. But of course I couldn't escape completely. My father thought I should see my workaholic mother sometimes too. So I spent every summer there until I was fourteen. That year I told him fuck it. I wasn't going anymore, mom was just going to have to get a skype. It was to this wet, boring town I was now going to live. The bright-side was I only had two years left of high school. After that...well I wasn't sure actually. Jump off a cliff maybe? A knife seemed way to messy, I didn't want to leave stains; blood is a bitch to get out of clothes. Jumping off a bridge seemed way to cliché, but a cliff still had a kind of style I liked. I could always step onto traffic, but that was another wild card. I might survive that one. I can't have that happening. Oh, what do you know, the doofus figured out he went the wrong way. We were almost to the airport. My dad Charles, turned to me and opened his mouth to say something but he finally seemed to notice what I was wearing and closed his mouth. He gave me a heavy sigh, and turned back to the road. I smiled. Not on my face, Satan forbid he see that, but on the inside. Unfortunately he seemed to get over his annoyance and turned to me again. He said for the zillionth time, " Billy you don't have to do this." I stared back at him and though I hated to admit it, we really did look alike. Except of course he was thousand times better looking, with the muscles and six pack abs to boot. I hated him, but I loved the doof, ya know? He gave me those puppy eyes that had probably gotten him laid a thousand times, but I just shook my head. That new girlfriend of his would take care of everything. She cooked better then me, and was level-headed enough to keep him away from his more dangerous Homer Simpson-level adventures. "I want to go", I told him. If he knew me at all he'd know what a bullshit lie I just spouted. "Tell the witch I said hi," he said to me. Now, he wasn't actually insulting mom, they just had weird names for each other. They met in college at a European Cultural history class and bonded over a section of European fairy-tales. I almost smiled at him. Then I looked around and noticed we were driving into the airport now. He drove into the loading zone and I began to hyperventilate. Of course he didn't notice. I stepped out of the car and Charles handed me my luggage. 'I'll see ya soon," He said. "You can come back whenever you want—I'll come running from wherever I am." I knew he meant it, but I also knew it would hurt him. He was a base-ball player. He need to move around for the game, plus Angela would probably be pissed I interrupted dinner or something. "Don't worry about me," I told him. "If they piss me off I'll just pull a columbine and shoot the place up." Of course I was joking but he looked at me as if he wasn't quite sure that I was. Oh the simple pleasures in life: tumblr, gay porn, and making my parents think I could be a murderer. He hugged me tightly, and sent me into the terminal alone. I watched him drive away. I made my way to check-in, god the ticket guy was hot, and headed towards my plane. The trip was a blur, like most things in my life, and I was in Seattle before I finished my kill everyone on the plane scenario. I got on to a smaller regional plane and made my way to Port Angeles. Surprisingly, Renee was there waiting for me. I expected her to be late, or more likely that I would have to call her cell to remind her to come get me. As I stepped on to the tarmac she rushed to me and grabbed me in a big hug. "Hi mom." She smiled her big goofy smile and said, " Hey. So...c'mon. Forecast said its raining soon." Of course it did. We headed to the parking lot and I immediately groaned when I saw it. "What happened to your car?" She gave me that sheepish look and said, " It was a waste of money. The cruiser is maintained at the station. I figure if I pay my own gas I'm good." Oh did I forget to mention my mom was Sheriff of good old Forks? To Renee's credit, she did seem genuinely happy that I was going to live with her. She had everything set up with the local high school and she had promised me help with a car. The best thing about mom was she didn't like to talk. I didn't either. So the hour drive to Forks was relatively silent. About ten minutes into the drive it started raining. I turned up the volume on my Zune, ya I have one; It's my fuck the establishment endorsement of apple products statement. Plus it was custom designed, all black with my favorite poem engraved on the back. I set my playlist to repeat and shut my eyes. I opened my eyes when I felt the familiar car on gravel of Renee's, I guess mine now too, house. I only had one case with me so the trip up to my room would be thankfully short. Most of my clothes was not what you would call rain-capable so I only bought a few things with me. I planned to order some black rain gear as soon as I hooked up to the wifi, oh god. "Ren..I mean Mom, you did set up wifi didn't you?!" She was carrying my case through the front door when she spun around with a quizzical look on her face, " Whats wifi?" "GOD WE WENT THROUGH THIS ON THE PHONE..." She started laughing hysterically. "Alright, call off the demonic summoning Beelzebub, its set up. The AT&T guy was here yesterday." I forgot what a huge dick she could be. But I did admire the burn. I almost started laughing too. It was then I noticed she hadn't parked in the garage. She saw me stare at it and said, "Oh ya I got you a car, good for you, and cheap." Oh sweet Jesus. I did not like the way she said for you. "What kind of car?" I asked tepidly. "Well its a truck actually, a chevy." "Where did you find it?" I asked as we stepped through the living room towards the stairs. "Do you remember Samantha Black down at La Push?" La Push was this Indian reservation down by the coast. 'I think so..." 'Well she used to go fishing with us during the summer remember?" Ah, there you go. I didn't remember because I made a very deliberate effort of blocking out those horrible fishing trips. I was good at that. Renee continued, "She's in a wheelchair now so she can't drive anymore. She offered the truck to me cheap." As we stepped into my room I asked the most vital question, "What year is it?" Oh it was bad. She had that nervous, eye twitchy face. "Well... ol' Sam's done a lot of work on the engine. Shes an amazing mechanic Billy really... it's only a few years old." Wow it must be so fucked if he is still trying to hide it. I was gong to see the car eventually. "How old?" I said as I crossed my arms. "She bought it in 1984 I think..." "Did she buy it new?" "Ya.. well no... it was new.. in the 60's or late 50's I think..." "Ren...Mom I can't fix it if something goes wrong. I don't know shit about cars. Just because I play Grand theft Auto doesn't mean I have any knowledge.." "Bills, cmon.. the thing runs great. I trust Sam. They don;t make 'em like that anymore." Alright... I should probably look at it before I go off on her. The Thing...ugh at least the nickname would be good. As we walked to the garage I asked, " How cheap is cheap?" If I was paying for half of the monstrosity it better be cheap. "Well hon.. I kind of already paid for the whole thing. A homecoming gift...ya know..." She peeked sideways at me hopefully. Oh thank god, FREE. At least if it shutdown on the highway I'd still have some money for the new car. "You didn't need to do that... I had some money Mom." "I want you to be happy here... I mean I had a lot saved up and it wasn't expensive at all Bills." She looked straight ahead while she said this. Renee wasn't comfortable vocalizing affection, but she did have a way of making you feel special. "Thanks... that means a lot." I didn't need to tell her that was impossible. I hated Forks and I'd probably hate this car too. But I really did appreciate what she did. "Ok... you're welcome," she said. She pushed the garage button and I got my first look at my new to me car.