I knock on the door and am greeted by Nikki, who has a giant smile on her face. "Hey Caleb! You came" she says as she gives me a hug. I roll my eyes and hug her back, "Hey sis". "I was worried you weren't going to show up, here, I'll take your coat" she adds as I walk inside the house. I take off my jacket and hand it to her and she puts it in her coat closet. I look around and noticed that they painted the house, it's like a soft blue but I don't really see any big changes. "John's in the game room with his brother already if you want to head over there while I get everything set up in the kitchen before we give you two a tour of the house" she says.
She heads to the kitchen while I walk to the game room but hear them talking quietly, I couldn't tell what they were talking about but I heard someone ask 'How did he die?'. I walk in and see John talking to his brother, or at least I assume since he is the only other person in the room.
"How did who die?" I ask walking over to John, who gives me a hug.
"Hey! Caleb, how are you? This is my brother Finn, you remember him, I think you two met at Nikki and I's wedding" he says, I guess he is technically reintroducing us since I met him at the wedding.
I wait for him to say something but he kind of takes a minute before finally speaking.
"You look nice!" he says.
"Thank you"
"I'm not flirting with you." He says abruptly.
I'm taken back by his response.
"Oh, I didn't think you were." I tell him in a polite way, just a little confused.
"I just see that you made and effort and I'm gonna be better with my husband, I'm working on that. I wanna acknowledge his beauty. I never used to do that. I'm gonna do that now" he says
I'm sure he can see the look of confusion I'm giving him because of all the information he is giving me about a response that I just assumed was just a friendly compliment but… yet he continues to talk.
"Cause we're gonna be better than ever, Tyler and me. Just practicing."
I give him a small smile. At least now I know why he's rambling on. I guess he's using me as practice to learn how to acknowledge someone. It's cute in a way. He's making an effort for his husband, or ex-husband because from what Nikki told me they are basically divorced I mean for god sakes he was committed into a mental hospital because he practically killed the guy his husband was cheating on him with.
"How'd Randy die?" he blurts out.
What the fuck?! Who asks that?! How did we go from him complimenting me to him asking me about my dead husband? I was trying to find the words to form a sentence and respond to his question but instead I avoided eye contact and instinctively looked down at the floor.
"What about your job?" he added.
Damn, he goes straight to the point. I finally got the courage to speak up.
"I just got fired, actually" I said in a regular tone, not mad or upset but not exactly thrilled either.
"Oh, really? How?" he asks me, it's funny because his tone is polite but his questions come out so abrupt.
"I mean, I'm sorry, how'd that happen?" he added after he realized what he had asked me.
"Does it really matter?" I tell him in a kind of annoyed tone because it's not really a pleasant experience remembering when you get fired or why.
I can tell he noticed my annoyance because he's finally quiet but now were both just staring at each other. Me in disbelief because of all the shit that came out of his mouth and at the incredible speed in which it came out and him because he probably thinks I'm rude for how I responded to him.
"Baby, how's it going?" I can hear Nikki ask as she walks into the room.
"Great, Great" says John.
He must be blind if he can't feel the tension his brother created in this room.
"Everyone having fun?" I can hear Nikki ask.
I guess John answered her question because I know me and Finn didn't. We keep staring at each other but I can see his eyes now staring at my neck, he must be looking at the black cross around my necklace, either that or my chest, I didn't button up the first two buttons of my shirt and wasn't wearing an undershirt so it must be one or the other. I however didn't move an inch and keep staring directly at his eyes. Not that he didn't have a nice body because I did check him out when I walked in but there was something about his eyes that I just couldn't stop staring at.
"I love flowers. Baby, can we show them the house? Please, please…?" I can hear Nikki ask John as she puts the flowers Finn brought in a vase.
"The whole house?" adds John.
"The whole house, yeah, yeah, I think it'll be fun. It'll be fun. We're gonna go on a tour now" Nikki repeats three times, I guess they noticed Finn and I just staring at each other.
"Let's go see the house" I tell Finn in a tone that ended up coming out seductively, I turned around and decided to just try and forget this whole conversation. This guy I'm sure is probably going thru something too with his whole divorce-reconciliation thing so I'll give him a break.
"I've been planning this forever. I love our house. I'm really excited about this" says Nikki causing me to roll my eyes.
I followed her out the room but turn to see Finn still just standing there, I look at him with a raised eyebrow. Is he just gonna stand there like a statue? I walk out but see John motioning for him to follow us
"Come on" John tells him.
They bring us to the living room and show us a clear piece of glass on the wall, I guess that's what it is, I don't know what it is. It looks like a tv inside the wall with the black screen taken out and replaced with a clear screen.
"Guess what it is." Says Nikki to me and Finn.
"Oh, it's a television" he says.
"It's a computer screen." I respond.
"Nope" says John.
"Keep going, keep going" says Nikki continuing to want us to guess what this weird renovation is.
"It's a brick oven" says Finn.
"It's a light" I add.
"Ooh! Warmer, warmer." She says.
"It's a…it's a drawer at a morgue where they pull out dead bodies and shoot then with formaldehyde" I says sarcastically not really trying to guess what it is.
"Don't think so hard" says Nikki, I guess she still hasn't learned my style of sarcastic humor.
"Where would the body go, thought?" adds Finn in a serious tone.
I guess that's another person who doesn't understand sarcasm.
"It's a joke." I tell him in an annoyed tone. And everyone thinks I'm crazy when they can't even take a joke.
Nikki walks over with a lighter and turns it on and says "It's a….fireplace."
"In the middle of the wall?" I asked a little confused as to why you would want a fireplace in the middle of your wall.
Couple of minutes later we end up in a bathroom.
"We have a port in every room. Gimme an iphone" she asks all three of us.
"I don't have an iPhone" says Finn.
"Who doesn't have an iphone?" Nikki says.
"Well, I don't have an iPhone" says Finn.
John and I both turned to look at Finn.
"I don't even have a phone, period" Finn added.
I can see Nikki looking at Finn confused.
"They won't let me make any calls. They think I'm gonna call Tyler" Finn adds.
"Don't worry about it. Don't focus on him" says John.
"I would call Tyler" says Finn.
I turn around to face Nikki because this guy is a real gem, he doesn't hold back at all.
"I'm actually gonna give you one of my old ones for the meantime, I have an old one" I hear John tell him.
"Gimme your iPhone, give it to me" Nikki tells John.
"Thank you, baby, thank you" she says as she gets his phone and places it in the bathroom port.
"Look…" she says.
"Of all the rooms that there are iPhone ports in, I'm happy you brought us into the bathroom" I says sarcastically.
"I can play music for the baby in any room" she says and then soft lullaby music starts to play. We can all hear it but I don't know why you would need that in the restroom.
"Can you play Ride the Lighting by Metallic?" Finn asks.
The look Nikki gives him is priceless.
After finally finishing up the tour around the whole house we are finally getting to eat. Finn is at one end of the table and John on the other. Me and Nikki are sitting facing each other on the others ends of the table.
"Finn was a part-time history major at the high school, Caleb" John tells me.
"Ask him about any president, he knows 'em all." He added.
"Here's a fun fact. You know where the term 'OK' comes from?" says Finn.
I just look at him but don't respond.
"No, no, I don't" says Nikki, "Where?.
"Well, Martin Van Buren, the eight president of the United States of America, is from Kinderhook, New York. And he was part of a club, a men's club called Old Kinderhook. And if you were cool you were in the club, they'd say, 'That guy's OK', cause he was in the Old Kinderhook's" Finn said.
"Really? That's interesting" said John.
"Yeah. Pretty cool, right?" said Finn.
"You know, Caleb's been doing this dance thing for years and he's real food at it. He's gonna be competing at the Ben Franklin Hotel" Nikki said.
I just stared at her because I didn't like it when she did shit like that. I don't like that people know that I like to dance.
"Oh, really? My husband loves to dance. Tyler loves dance" Finn said.
I'm kinda getting tired of Finn always bring up Tyler but Nikki is annoying me even more.
"Why do you have to talk about me like that?" I ask her.
"I'm just bragging about you. Can't I brag about my little brother?" she says.
"Don't talk about me in the third person." I tell her annoyed.
"Please, gimme a break" she says putting her utensils down.
"I'm right here" I tell her.
"Just be nice. Just be nice." She adds.
"Wow, wow, Fascinating" I hear Finn say.
"Sorry, I don't wanna be mean." I tell her.
"I know. I know, I know" she says nice and calm like if I was a child.
A couple of seconds past and I just stare at Finn curiously.
"What meds are you on?" I ask him softly, I'm not as abrupt as he was early today.
He puts his fork done, "Me? None." He tells me.
"I used to be on lithium and Seroquel and Abilify, but I don't take them anymore. No." he shakes his head.
They only reason I ask is he because I heard he was a little bipolar or something so I just wonder if the calmness but abruptness about him is because of some medicine he was on but I guess I was wrong.
"They make me foggy and they also make me bloated." He adds.
It's funny some of those meds sound familiar and I feel him when he was telling me some of those side effects. Some 'medicines' feel like hard core drugs.
"Yeah, I was on Xanax and Effexor but I agree I wasn't as sharp, so I stopped" I say to him.
"You ever take Klonopin?" he asks me.
"Klonopin?" I smile at the mention of that drug.
"Yeah" I tell him.
"Right?" he says to me, I guess he knows why I'm smiling at the mention of that drug.
"Jesus." I tell him with a laugh.
"Like I said it makes you feel like 'What? What day is it?" he says to me with a smile.
"Yeah" I tell him with a laugh completely agreeing with him.
"How about Trazadone?" he asks.
"Trazadone?" I haven't taken that one but I heard it was an extreme kind of pill.
"It flattens you out. I mean, you are done. It takes the light right out of your eyes." Says Finn with a laugh.
"God, I bet it does" I tell him laughing.
It's funny because we are talking about prescription drugs like if we were talking about sports, but it's funny that someone know what I'm talking about when I bring up those strange names instead of staring at me like I'm crazy.
I let out a sigh and the conversations dies. I think it's because Finn and I noticed that we made Nikki and John feel uncomfortable with our own little drug conversation.
Finn sits there and just stares at his plate and so does Nikki and John. I'm kinda getting bored of this little dinner so I stand up.
"I'm tired. I wanna go." I say out loud.
"No. No, no, no, no. we haven't even finished the salad yet, or the duck. I made the fire and ice cake." Nikki was just talking and talking and I was just over it.
"I said I'm tired" I tell her, point blank. I'm just tired because of the sleepless nights, I guess they are finally catching up to me.
I turn and look at Finn.
"Are you gonna walk me home or what?" I ask him this time the same abrupt tone that he used to ask me about my dead husband.
I look at him and see him look at Nikki and then John until he finally realizes that i was talking to him.
"You mean me?" he asks, pointing at himself.
"Yeah, you. Are you gonna walk me home?" I tell him, with a 'duh' kind of look.
He looks down at the table and then looks up at me, "You have poor social skills. You have a problem." He tells me.
I am shocked that this fucking lunatic just told me that I have a problem.
"I have a problem?" I ask him in disbelief.
"Hm-mm" he says.
"You say more inappropriate things than appropriate things. You scare people" I tell him.
"I tell the truth. But you're mean" he says to me.
"What? I'm not telling the truth?" I tell him.
Silence hits the room again. Both John and Nikki biting their tongues and not saying anything.
"Um, maybe I should drive them home separately?" John says, finally breaking the silence.
Nikki looks at him, "You can drive them both home. Now" she says.
I'm already cranky and annoyed by Finn and hearing Nikki talk about me like I'm a child pisses me off even more.
"Stop talking about me in third person." I tell her.
"Take Caleb home first" she tells John.
"You love it when I have problems. You love it. You love it, Nikki because then you can be the good one. Just say it" I tell her.
I can see from the corner of my eyes Finn standing up from the table.
"No, I don't. I don't. I just wanted to have a nice dinner" she tells me.
"God" I tell her annoyed.
"What is your problem?" she asks me.
"Nothing's my problem. I'm fine. I'm tired and I wanna go. Come on, are you ready?" I ask Finn, who was now standing right behind me.
"You really wanna go right now?" Nikki asks.
"Yes, I really wanna go. It's been great." I tell her a little over dramatic.
"Ok, guys, the baby is sleeping" says John.
"Sorry, I don't wanna wake up the baby. Bye" I tell them both and then start headed towards the door.
"Sorry, bro" I can hear John say to Finn, I grab my coat and see Finn just shake his head in a way that said 'it's okay'.
We both walked in silence for most of the time until we finally got to my house, it was about a ten or fifteen minute walk. We didn't talk at all but it felt nice to walk with him, even though he didn't say anything. In my mind I was thinking about how much he was like me. Maybe I finally found someone who knows what I'm going thru, he might understand what I'm feeling. Maybe I can talk to him with ought him looking at me like I'm crazy. His husband might not be dead but clearly he isn't a saint either with all the meds they prescribed him. I…I don't have a lot of friends, if any, and I don't really know how to make them so thru my mind I'm just thinking about what I could do to maybe talk to him some more, maybe if I sleep with him he will stay the night and we could talk.
"This is me." I tell him as we stop right in front of my mailbox.
"Listen, I haven't dated since before my marriage so I don't really remember how this works" I tell him in all seriousness.
"How what works?" he asks me with an innocent look on his face.
"I saw the way you were looking at me, Finn, you felt it, I felt it, don't lie. We're not liars like they are. I live in the addition around back which is completely separate from my parents' house so there's no chance of them walking in on us. I hate the fact that you wore a football jersey to dinner because I hate football but you can fuck me if you turn the lights off, ok?" I tell him.
He looks at me confused and a little shocked about what I just offered him. I hope he doesn't run off because I scare him. But he doesn't instead he looks at me.
"How old are you?" he asks.
"Old enough to have a marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital" I tell him in all seriousness. I actually know everything that happened to him. We live in a small town. You hear everything about everyone. He probably doesn't know about my reputation because during that time he was still in the metal hospital.
"Look, I had a really good time tonight, and I think you're really pretty, but I'm married, OK?" he tells me, while raising his hand and showing me his wedding ring.
I let out a smirk.
"You're married?" I tell him, raising my hand and showing it to him, "So am I".
He looks at my wedding ring and then shakes his head.
"No, that's confusing. He's dead" he says in a serious tone.
When he said that, it hurt. I couldn't believe what he just told me and how abrupt he said it. It took me a couple of seconds to process what he told me. And I felt like I wanted to scream and cry, which I hadn't done. I never cried in front of my parents or my sister. But it happened.
I hugged Finn and started crying on his shoulder, all the tears that I had been holding had finally came out. I was crying and I was hurt by what he said but it was also kind of a relief. I hugged him tight and cried for a couple of seconds.
"Wait, what? What's happening" he asked.
He was very confused. We had just gone from talking about fucking to him telling me my husband is dead to me crying on his shoulder and hugging him in comfort. He didn't hug me back but he also didn't try to pull me off. He kind of just let me get comfort.
"Oh, my God. Hey…" he slowly finally tried to sooth me by softly rubbing my back.
I was finally able to compose myself, I raised my head from his shoulder and we were both facing each other, looking directly into each other's eyes. Our noses were coming closer until they were finally touching. I pulled back a little when I felt how close we were, we stared at each other for a couple more seconds and then I felt rage go thru me. I instinctively slapped him across the face hard. I turned my head and headed towards my room.