Synopsis: Frustrated by the slow progress he's making in learning the Tamaranian language, Cyborg builds a translator he intends to integrate into his own systems. To say that his efforts are successful would be an understatement, as he discovers his Tamaranian friend isn't as perfect as everyone would like to believe...
Rated: K+
Cyborg was seated at his work bench, a brilliant bench lamp glowing, and a large...desk mounted magnifying glass were in place so he could see what he was doing. Before him sat precision tools, wires, screws. He wiped sweat from his brow as he soldered the final wire into place.
"Throw in a couple double A batteries, close the casing, power on, and...huh?"
Nothing happened. Cyborg grumbled as he contemplated what he could have done wrong. Wires were in the right sequence, the program had been uploaded successfully, but the hand held unit still would not power on...
"Hey, Mr. Clean...whatcha doin'?"
Cyborg sighed heavily. He didn't like to be bothered when he was knee deep in work, and in up to his eyeballs in thought.
"Don't you have something better to do...Blondie?"
"Not really..."
Terra pulled up a stool and sat down.
"Where's your other half at?"
"What, Beast Boy? Down at the specialty food store, getting some of that nasty tofu..."
"I thought you said you liked tofu..."
"Shhhh!!! That's what I want him to think."
"It's a girlfriend thing, Cyborg. You wouldn't understand."
Cyborg simply rolled his eyes.
"So whatcha workin' on?"
"It's a translator to help me learn Tamaranian. But for some odd reason it's not working."
"I thought Starfire was teaching you Tamaranian..."
"She is. But it's not going as fast as I'd like it to. I thought this could help me out."
"This from the guy who thinks 20 minutes is too long to wait for pizza delivery..."
"Well, it is! How many other 10 story T shaped towers are there in this city?"
"Anyway, does Starfire know you're working on this?"
"No. I'm hoping if this works, she won't have to give me lessons anymore. I want it to be a surprise."
"Well, let me look at it. Sometimes an extra pair of eyes can-"
"Yeah right, I've been workin' on this thing for hours. And no offense Terra...but you and B ain't the most technically proficient..."
"Gimme that!" Terra snatched the translator from his hand.
"Hey!"
"Don't worry, I'm just gonna look..." she said waving the translator around in her hand so Cyborg couldn't grab it back. Cy gave up after a few seconds...figuring it was better to just let her get it out of her system.
"You say you wired everything right, right?"
"Yesssss..."
"...and this thing takes batteries?"
Cyborg put his hand to his face and grunted in frustration...
"Yes, Terra. It takes batteries."
"...and of course someone as 'technically proficient' as you would never dream of putting in the batteries in the wrong way right?"
"Okay...now you're just being mean."
"Am I? Check this out..."
Terra flipped up the battery panel and held it up to Cyborg. Sure enough, positives and negatives were 'not' matched up properly.
"What?! Gimme that!"
Terra bust out laughing as Cyborg finally grabbed the translator out of her hand. He pulled out the batteries and put them back in the right order.
"Oh, just shut up. Get outta here!"
Terra continued laughing as she headed for the door.
"Okay, fine. This is no place for a technically deficient blonde girl anyway...hahahahaha!"
"Get out!" he said, throwing a work towel at her which she easily dodged as she finally walked out of the shop.
"...AND DON'T TELL STAR ABOUT THIS!!!"
"...don't worry, I won't!" he heard her say from down the hall. Cyborg shook his head and smiled.
"...you better realize what a good thing you got, B." he said to himself, "now then...power...'on'."
Cyborg threw the switch and the device began humming and the display screen lit up, prompting him to smile again.
"Okay lets see, scroll to...'Tamaranian to English' and...lets test this thing out...
'Kori...and'r.'"
Cyborg watched as the screen went into a process mode, then a moment later displayed the results.
'Kori Star'
'and'r fire'
"Great, now lets try...'plinthorg.'"
Again the machine processed, then displayed the result.
'plinthorg a unit of distance measurement equal to .4678 kilometers'
"All right, one more time. 'knorfka.'"
'knorfka nanny, see also...parent, guardian'
"Ha! It works!"
Cyborg sat down and smiled again. He couldn't wait to show it off to the rest of the team.
Later on in ops, Cyborg was seated at the couch engaged in a competitive round of Gamestation play with another online user.
"Hey Cy, did ya get it to work?"
Cyborg noticed Terra walking in from the back. Again he rolled his eyes and sighed.
"Yes, Terra. I got it to work."
"'Yes, Terra. I got it to work' what?"
"Yes, Terra. I got it to work. Thank you."
"You're welcome."
"BB not back from town yet?"
"Ahhhh, he got distracted as usual. He decided to go to a movie. Super Ninja Showdown 12 all day matinee."
"...and you didn't go with him, why?"
"I'm getting ready to go to the mall with Starfire. Besides, I don't really like ninja movies."
"But I thought you said you liked martial arts mov-...never mind, never mind."
"...you catch on fast! Have you showed Star the translator doohickey yet?"
"First of all, it's not a 'doohickey.' And secondly, no. I want to test it some more before I do."
"Can I see it?"
"Sure..."
Cyborg picked the translator up off the table, turned it on and placed it back on the Tamaranian to English mode.
"Now watch this...'gloorg'"
'gloorg 2 translations. 1) A Tamaranian delicacy consisting of fungus, entrails, and gelatin. 2) An animal native to Tamaran.'
"Cool! Let me try..."
Terra took the translator from Cyborg and held it before her.
"'grebnacks'"
'Grebnacks Tamaranian slang referring to female breasts.'
"Gimme that! C'mon girl...it doesn't take a genius to figure out what grebnacks are..."
Terra laughed..."I was just trying it out to see what it would do."
Suddenly the Titan alarm went off, Cyborg hid the translator just as Robin, Raven and Starfire entered ops. Robin rushed to the computer terminal...within moments, he had a lock.
"Fang and Kitten. Heisting another jewelry store."
"Those two just don't learn do they?" said Raven, already making her way out of the room.
Starfire narrowed her eyes at the computer screen. It ususally took a lot to get her mad, but if one was to say the word "kitten" in her presence...they best be referring to a young feline earth mammal.
"You are correct, Raven. That manipulative little gremplork will regret waking this morning when we emerge victorious..."
"Titans, Go!"
Everyone made to run, but not before Terra grabbed Cyborg by the arm.
"What is it?"
"Did you have it on?"
"Have what- oh, the translator?"
"Yeah..."
Cyborg pulled it out and sure enough...it was on. And it had translated the Tamaranian word that Starfire had just uttered in disgust. He went bug eyed when he saw the display."
"What? What's it say?"
"Cyborg, Terra! Time to move!"
"On our way, Robin!"
Terra rushed to keep up with Cyborg as the two ran out of ops.
"What's it say?!"
Hours later the Titans returned to the tower. They had defeated Kitten and Fang, but at a cost. Before going down for the count, Fang had managed to get in a lucky shot. His paralyzing venom had scored a direct hit on Starfire. Raven and Terra carefully carried the Tamaranian princess over to the couch and set her down. To say that Starfire was angry.
...would be an understatement.
"THAT...ZORDMORKING CLORBAG! WHEN NEXT WE MEET I AM GOING TO SHOVE A NARFHARF SO FAR UP HER DON'NARG, THAT LITTLE GREMPLORK WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ZORK FOR A WEEK!"
"Easy, Star...calm down." said Robin. "Just rest easy until that venom wears off"
Robin's words were always a comfort to her...and she did as instructed.
"You are right, forgive me for losing my temper. Perhaps with rest I will feel better. Will someone be so kind as to help me to my room, where I may retire?"
"Raven,...give me a hand." said Robin. "It's late, we should all get some rest. Don't worry Star, you'll feel better by morning. Good night, guys."
"Man, I'm tired too. Think I'm gonna hit the sack."
"Don't see why, B. All you did was watch the same movie over and over all day..."
"Oh, come on...Cy, don't be so hard on him. Super Ninja kicks butt!"
Beast Boy stuck out his tongue and gave a raspberry to Cyborg as he walked towards the door.
"We're still on for the park tomorrow...right, sweetie?"
"You got it gorgeous...nighty night Terra."
"Sweet dreams, Beast Boy."
As soon as Beast Boy was out of earshot, Cyborg turned on Terra.
"You oughta be ashamed of yourself, you know that?"
"Oh, come on. All girls do it. So anyway, is that translator thingy still working?"
"Dang! I forgot I even had it on me! Awwww mannnn, I left it turned on too. Probably wore down the batteries."
Cyborg and Terra both sat down on the couch. Terra grabbed the remote and started watching TV while Cyborg worked through the options on the translator display. Suddenly his jaw dropped.
"Holy..."
"What?"
Cyborg continued staring and scrolling.
"This...this can't be right."
"What?"
"No...n-no. Holy! No, can't be. She wouldn't say somethin' like that..."
"Cyborg...what's wrong?"
He looked up at Terra, but couldn't find the words. His expression was one of shellshock.
"For the last time, what is it?!"
Cyborg sighed and showed Terra the display. It had given the closest translation of every word Starfire had said since leaving the tower earlier. Now Terra was the one that was in shock.
"No. Way"
"This can't be right"
"Starfire"
"Maybe the upload was faulty"
"No. Way"
"She's not"
"Holy"
"...this can't be right"
"That's just"
"Oh my goodness..."
Silence. Then out of nowhere...
"PPPPPFFFFFFFFFFTTTT, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"I don't see what's so funny..."
"Our little Starfire, so sweet, so innocent...hahahahahahaha"
"Terra, this is serious!"
"Seriously funny..." she said, tears rolling down her now red face...gasping for air.
"Starfire, who knew?"
"Dude, and she uses those words all the time! This is hilarious!"
"No, it's not! This is not cool."
Terra wiped away tears, getting up from the couch. "Wonder what Robin's gonna think about this when he finds out..."
"He's not gonna find out...you dig me?"
"What?! Oh, come on Cyborg...this is a gold mine we're sitting on..."
"Terra, that's not cool. There's nothin' to gain by just embarrassing her like that...cursing is a bad habit. I'm bettin' she's just never dealt with it 'cause up to this point she's just assumed nobody could understand her"
"...and now we can. Look, you can stay here if you want. But if you don't tell Robin, I will."
Terra got up to walk out of ops.
"Fine. Tell you what...you go tell Robin about his girlfriends little cursing habit. And I'll go tell BB about a certain girl that really doesn't like tofu...or martial arts films."
Terra froze in her tracks, then turned around.
"You wouldn't."
"Try me."
Terra stared, and attempted to call his bluff.
"Hey Robin"
"Yo B!"
"Okay, okay, okay! Gruh, you're just no fun."
"Look, don't tell no one about this. I'll handle it"
The next morning Cyborg was busy grilling away on bacon, eggs, french toast and hash browns. It was still early...none of the others had waken yet. But the smell of Cy's cooking was good enough to wake the dead...and Tamaraninans that had been catatonic most of the night.
"Friend? It is a good morning...yes?"
Cyborg smiled. "You bet your don'narg it is, are ya feelin better this morning?"
Starfire stared at Cyborg for a moment, but shook her head.
"I still have stiffness in my joints, but it is a vast improvement over last night. Tell me, do you require assistance?"
"Well, now that you mention it...could you move that stack of batter bowls over to the sink? I gotta make sure the bacon doesn't burn. OW! This zardnarking bacon just popped me!"
Again Starfire stopped what she was doing and stared at Cyborg.
"Friend?"
"Yeah, Star?"
The red haired beauty opened her lips as to say something, but hesitated...then changed her mind again.
"Nothing."
Cyborg watched carefully as Star made to lift the large stack of dishes. He had set them up himself, knowing very well that once she lifted them...
CRASHHHHH!!!!
"ZARBARKING FLAR'NARF!" Starfire screamed as the dirty dishes went everywhere. "I am sorry friend, it seems I am a bit clumsy this morning after last night's ordeal."
"Ahhh, no biggie...anybody can make a mistake...by the way, Star..."
"Hmmmm?"
"Zord marda knorfka Galfore zin dal marflarf?"
Cy was still only quasi lingual in Tamaranian but he was reasonably confident he'd just asked her if she kissed her nanny Galfore with that filthy mouth. Starfire let out a gasp, and then a horrified expression crossed her face...
"What...what do you mean?"
"I think you know what I'm talkin' about..."
Starfire stood speechless, unable to come up with words to say. Cyborg pulled the little translator device out from behind him.
"Star, I built this little translator device yesterday. I did it to help me as a study guide for my Tamaranian. Thanks to some patches your home world sent me, it's worked better than I ever hoped it would. That is...until it started picking up on other words you were using around the tower..."
Starfire looked mortified as she held her hands up to her mouth, tears welling up in her eyes.
"I...I...I AM SO ASHAMED!" Starfire made to run but Cyborg grabbed her by the arm...
"Hold on there Princess Potty Mouth...have a seat."
Starfire did as instructed, but could not bring herself to look at Cyborg.
"Talk to me, girl. Tell me what's goin' on..."
Starfire sighed heavily. "Truthfully, it...it is something I have been attempting to control for some time. I know that it is not a very ladylike trait to speak in such ways...but, I convinced myself that I could conquer it, and...to my own detriment...I assumed that none of you would be the wiser for not being able to speak in my native tongue. I...I am so ashamed."
"Star, if you needed help...you should have just asked somebody."
"I was too embarrassed! Tell me, who else knows of this? Oh! Please tell me Robin does not know!"
"Don't worry, the only other person that knows is Terra. And she's not gonna tell anyone."
"How do you know this?"
"Trust me," he said with a smile, "she's not talkin'."
"...a relief."
"Look, Star. Don't worry. I used to have the same problem. Seems like you blurt out the obscenities when you get mad. Next time, try this. When you feel the urge...bite your bottom lip. Take in a deep breath, let it out slowly and silently count backwards from 10."
"But...I do not see how something so simple can be effective..."
"Trust me, it'll help. And don't worry. No one else is gonna find out. Trust me."
"Ohh, thank you friend for being so understanding," she said as she wrapped her arms around Cyborg's large metal frame and gave him a hug.
"Breakfast's almost done, tell you what...why don't you go wake the others and tell 'em breakfast's ready."
"I shall as you say...make with the quickness!"
Star made to leave but as she got to the door...
"Oh and Star?"
"Hmmm?"
"If that doesn't work we can always try plan B..."
"...and plan B is?"
"I'm gonna make a call to Tamaran and let Galfore fix your problem..."
Again Star looked mortified, and subconsciously placed her hands on her behind.
"That was a joke, Star..."
Star looked as if she was in a bad trip down childhood's memory lane...but shook her head to snap out of it...
"Oh, heh-heh-heh. I knew that."
And with that Starfire flew off to wake the others...as Cyborg smiled, whistled a tune to himself...and made yet another Booyah breakfast.
The End.