Hey, everybody! I told you I'd be back and I am, with what may be the sappiest, fluffiest, too-cute-to-handle-ist, most romantic thing I've ever written! Everybody likes to do their own Felix proposal fic, so here's mine! I hope you love it as much as I loved writing it! (Except for the writer's block; SO annoying).
Oh, and I named Kohut's mother after the mom on Family Matters. It was one of my favorite shows as a kid! (Yes, I'm old)
SUPER IMPORTANT NOTE: This is the sequel to "Penthouse Party!" so you may want to go back and read that first.
"This is not the same woman I grew up with! You're looking at an old person who's trying to get into Heaven now!" – Bill Cosby, Himself
Chapter One: Mother Knows Best
"ATTENTION: THE ARCADE IS NOW CLOSED."
Every man in the unit breathed a huge sigh of relief at the announcement.
"All right, sissy Marys! About your business!" Sergeant Calhoun said, "Cy-bug detail, go do your thing. The rest of you, dismissed! Kohut!"
"Sergeant," he snapped to attention.
"I want your mother in my office in ten minutes," she ordered.
"Ma'am," he obeyed, knowing all about the friendship between his mother and Commanding Officer. He'd found it disconcerting at first; his mother doted on the Sergeant like she was her own daughter. He was her only child, so it made sense, and Calhoun had no blood relatives or female friends, (not here) so it was good to have someone like the old lady around, as long as she kept her hands to herself around his brothers-in-arms.
Ten minutes to the second later, he was ushering her into the Sergeant's office, as ordered.
"Mrs. Kohut to see you, Sergeant," he said officially. Calhoun looked up from her desk and stood.
"Thank you, Corporal," she smiled coyly.
"Oh, hush up with that formal mishmash, you two," Mrs. Kohut tutted, "Sonny, you wait outside for me. See if Cherise will go out with you."
"Yes, ma'am," he said, trying to hide his embarrassment, "Sergeant." Calhoun smiled warmly at the old lady and went over to hug her.
"Harriet," she greeted fondly. Harriet Kohut was a head shorter than Calhoun, had short wavy hair that bounced around her ears, laugh lines, and sparkling brown eyes. She was of a slight yet sturdy build and dressed in cheery colors like yellow or purple, usually in pastel shades.
"How ya doin,' baby?" said the old lady as she sat down, "You still whippin' those fine young honeys into shape?"
"Yes, ma'am," Calhoun smirked, "A few more games and they might even pass your personal inspection." Several of her soldiers bore embarrassing pin prick bruises of Mrs. Kohut's "personal inspection."
"I brought some of my rosemary tea," said Harriet as she produced a thermos and two plastic tea cups, "Thought it might help with the tension."
"Thank you," she sighed gratefully, "I could certainly use some. Just one cup, though; I called you in for something important."
"I know," Harriet smiled, "That's why I brought it." After a nice sip of tea, Calhoun got down to business.
"Harriet," she began, "You're a fine woman. You're tough, brave, intelligent, and you've raised a fine son."
"Thank you," she smiled proudly, "I agree." Calhoun smiled and took another sip.
"The assignment for which I've called you is of great importance," she continued, "In fact, it's probably of the most importance. It requires a special set of skills and training that you alone possess." She paused. "This is the hardest thing I've ever asked anyone to do, but you're the only one suited to the task, and I mean the only one."
"What is it, Tamora Jean?" Harriet raised an eyebrow, looking worried and suspicious at the same time. Tamora swallowed the last of her tea and braced herself; she felt less nervous facing a crazed cy-bug.
"I have a date tonight."
"Oh, glory be and Saints be praised!" Harriet jumped up and grabbed her hands, "You've found yourself a man!"
"Yes, you could say that," Tamora blinked.
"And you want me to doll you up, right?" said the old lady eagerly.
"If you would," Tamora said uncomfortably, "The only dresses I have are my wedding dress and the black one I use for Officers Balls."
"I see," she nodded understandingly, "And this is more important to you than some stuffy Officers Ball." Tamora nodded. "All right! But first…ask the question." Tamora blushed.
"Harriet…"
"Ah-ah!" she held up a finger, "Mama." Tamora pinched her eyes shut in an extremely uncomfortable expression. In her mind she kept repeating "Do it for Felix. Do it for Felix."
"I'm waiting, Tamora Jean," Harriet smiled deliciously. Tamora stood up.
"Mama Kohut," she said clearly with a red face, "Will you please help me get ready for my date?" The old woman's smile grew wider.
"Was that so hard?" she teased, "Come on! You can tell me all about him when we get home!"
A few minutes later the two women were alone in the old woman's house. Harriet had practically ordered her son to take out the lovely young lady she kept as her personal assistant ("I'll make that girl my daughter-in-law if it's the last thing I do," she told Tamora in confidence). The other reason was that she always kept Tamora to herself when the young sergeant needed Girl Time. It was a private thing for her, Harriet knew, and even with her, it was hard to open up and be as girly as she wanted to be, so for something like this to come up was monumental for both of them.
So she put her through the questionnaire while sifting through a closet of dresses she'd made herself, having established herself as a seamstress among the family members of the servicemen.
"Who is he?"
"Fix-It Felix, Jr."
She turned back with wide eyes.
"From the game, Fix-It Felix, Jr.?"
"Yeah, that's him." Tamora expected that reaction, but not what came next.
"Ooh…baby! You landed a big shot! One of the blue bits! An old-school fool, like me!" She turned back to the closet. "So what kind of date is this?"
"He's cooking me dinner at his place," she said, "Well…in his game, at least."
"Is he cooking or is he having someone else cook?"
"He is," said Tamora, "And believe you me, the man can cook."
"Uh-huh," Harriet nodded, "What's his style?"
"Gourmet, I think."
"Did he tell you what he's making?"
"He assured me he could do a steak that would knock my socks off," she smiled.
"Well, I don't intend to let you out of this house in socks," Harriet winked, "Did he tell you to dress up?"
"He said I could," she answered. Harriet leaned down to Tamora's sitting level and searched her now-pink face. She was as good at reading people as Tamora was—so good, in fact, that sometimes she was almost afraid of her (like right now).
"A homemade gourmet dinner in his game with a dress code," she summed up, "Is that what's happening here?"
"It appears that way," Tamora said a bit nervously.
"Mm-hmm," Harriet nodded with pursed lips and straightened up, "If that ain't a proposal dinner, I don't know what is."
"What?" Tamora's face went from pink to red in a heartbeat.
"Don't tell me you don't see it coming," the mother scolded with her hands on her hips, "You're smarter than that."
"Oh, come on, Harriet," she said seriously, "You know I don't believe in jumping to conclusions."
"Baby girl," she replied flatly, "there is a fine line between jumping to conclusions and seeing the obvious. Has he told you he loves you?"
"Yes…"
"And what did you say?"
"I told him I loved him, too! What do you think?"
"Did you mean it?" When she didn't hear a response, she turned back from the closet to see Tamora with a strange look on her face. "Tamora?" She looked like she was about to cry. She spoke quietly, slowly, and fiercely.
"Every digit of my being screams that I love this man. He has saved me in ways you just can't program. Do I love Fix-It Felix, Jr.? The answer to that, ma'am, is yes. I love him. As much as I love air or water or a gun in my hand."
Harriet was floored by her young friend's confession. She sat by her and took her hand.
"Tamora Jean," she said, "I've seen you charge headlong into a thousand cy-bug battles. I've seen you practice and work out for hours on end. I've seen you shape boys into men. Since this game got plugged in, I've seen your dedication to your work. This is the first time I've seen you passionate." Tamora sighed and Harriet smiled and tipped her chin.
"It's clear to me that he already knows you're beautiful," she said slyly, "but I'm gonna make you so beautiful, it'll be against his instincts not to propose!" Tamora smiled and kissed her on the cheek.
"That's why I came to you," she said affectionately, "Doll me up, Mama!"
Vanity was at the rock bottom of Tamora's personality list, but she just couldn't help staring at herself in the full-length mirror. Harriet had turned her into some kind of fairy/elf princess!
She was wearing a long dress with inch-wide straps that went into a V-neck almost but not quite reaching her cleavage. Harriet's philosophy was to make the man work for it. She used the same idea on the slit in the right leg, two inches above the knee, and the zipper went ¾ of the way up the shoulder blades. The whole dress was a shade of pinkish-lavender pale enough to bring out her eyes and it shimmered and sparkled a bit when she moved.
"It'll reflect perfectly in the candlelight," Harriet had said earlier.
"How do you know there'll be candlelight?" Tamora had asked suspiciously.
"Oh, there will be," she'd answered.
After the dress Harriet took on the Sergeant's hair, a relatively simple task, since it only had one style. She swept her bangs to the right side, except for a lock that she pinned into place with a barrette so that it hugged the curve of her jaw right under her ear. Her ears were adorned with silver studs shaped like tiny roses with diamonds in the middle. She wanted his attention on the girl's face, not just her ears. Her nails were colored with Electric Violet, per request of Tamora. It went with the dress and helped bring out her eyes.
Then came the make-up. Harriet had the rare privilege of being the only person that could even approach the soldier with that stuff without getting the Death Glare, especially since she was also the only one who could take it and give it back. Even so, Tamora half-jokingly told her not to bother, her argument being that Felix would just kiss it right back off, but she relented. She kept it simple: Foundation, smoky lavender eye shadow, and carnation pink lipstick. She didn't bother with blush; Tamora did that plenty on her own, especially when she saw the final product.
She was speechless, another trait at the bottom of her list.
"You know, if I were Felix," Harriet smiled, joining her at the mirror, "I'd be mighty jealous of this dress. It hugs all your curves in just the right places. Just a couple more things."
She put a necklace on her that was sterling silver leaves strung along a vine, each with a tiny diamond stud, followed by a diamond bracelet and silver-colored sandal heels—regular high heels, not stilettos (Tamora drew the line at stilettos, condemning them as "suicide shoes").
"A little perfume and you'll be good to go," Harriet announced. Tamora smiled; she knew just what she wanted.
"Have you got Honeysuckle?"
Another ten minutes later they were on the train with Markowski to escort Harriet back home. Tamora had sent him to the next car over so she could finish her Girl Time; she didn't like her men seeing her being girly.
She was wearing a long black coat with cuffs, collars, and fat buttons, a lady's business trench coat. By this time she'd told Harriet all about Felix and how wonderful he was and so far, the old lady approved.
"Now there's one quality in a man on which I gauge his entire worth," she said, "My Freddy had it, rest his soul, and I measure every man on this trait. If he fails in this way, he ain't worthy of you." Tamora looked at her, waiting for the all-important question. Harriet put an arm around her.
"Do he got the booty?"
Tamora chuckled quietly at the old lady and her hilarious, slightly perverted sense of humor and replied in the modern fashion, "He…do." Harriet burst out laughing!
"Oh, that's my baby!" she chimed and hugged her, "I can't wait to meet this fella!"
"Just promise you'll keep your hands to yourself," Tamora said, "He's a civilian."
"Oh, don't you worry," Harriet smiled, "I'll leave the inspecting to you; you outrank me, anyway."
The train came to a smooth yet almost abrupt stop at the entrance to Game Central Station. Tamora suddenly got butterflies in her stomach as they all got off. Normally she only got this nervous when a gamer was close to winning a medal (it didn't happen very often).
"Markowski!" she barked.
"Sergeant!" the big marine straightened up.
"Tonight your assignment is to escort Mrs. Kohut wherever she wants to go," she ordered, "Top priority, understand?"
"Aye, ma'am!" he saluted, "Permission to speak freely!"
"Granted," she said with a raised eyebrow. He hesitated, like he was taking a risk.
"You look very nice tonight!" he said, looking terrified. Tamora blinked in surprise and shared a glance with Harriet.
"Oh," she said, "Thank you." Before he could relax, she added, "Cy-bug detail tomorrow night."
"Aye, ma'am!" he saluted again. Somehow, he felt better now that she was barking orders.
"Hoochie mama, here he comes," said Harriet, leaning back. Tamora turned around and saw Felix making his way through the crowd. A faint pink blush began to bloom on her cheeks; she'd never seen him in a suit before. He was all spiffed up in his hat and dress blues with a dark blue suit jacket and nice white gloves. He even had a formal toolbelt! The blush turned into a red brushstroke as she watched him coming.
"Cleans up pretty good, doesn't he?" she said quietly.
"I'll say," Harriet agreed, "Very impressive. I hope you're taking notes, Marky."
Markowski made the fatal mistake of scoffing, "What, from him?" His reward was a Double Death Glare.
"Hold your gun overhead, Markowski," his Sergeant ordered. He obeyed. "Now take a lap around the station singing the theme song from Clueless at the top of your lungs! Is that clear, marine?"
"Aye, ma'am!" he shouted, pumped and eager to not only redeem himself but also distance himself from the wrath of Calhoun. He ran off to their right.
"Pick those knees up, soldier!" she barked harshly. He pranced off like a show horse, singing "She is literally the Polaroid of perfection!" Fortunately, Felix hadn't seen any of it, but he could see Tamora now and his face lit up with a happy Honeyglow and he hopped over as best he could.
"Hi, Tammy!" he chirped and jumped to kiss her on the cheek. He whipped his hat off. "You look just lovely tonight!"
"Honey, you ain't seen nothin' yet," said Harriet.
"Oh!" he said, "Good evening, ma'am! I'm Fix-It Felix, Jr. from the game Fix-It Felix, Jr."
"I'm Harriet Kohut," she smiled and shook his hand, "Pleased to meet you, sir."
"Kohut," he said, "Is that as in Corporal Kohut?"
"Yep!" she chirped, "That's my baby, born and raised! I just came along to drop off Cinderella."
"So you must be her fairy godmother!" he smiled.
"That I am," she said proudly, "The difference is I won't set a curfew." She winked and he blushed. "Well, don't let this old woman keep you any longer! You two go have a good time! I'll sit somewhere and wait for Markowski."
"Will you be all right on your own, ma'am?" Felix asked, "I hate to leave a lady alone."
"You are a perfect gentleman!" Harriet chuckled, "But don't you worry about me none; my son is a space marine and I live in Hero's Duty. I'll be just fine. Now, shoo!"
"If you say so, ma'am," he said and put his hat on, "Tammy, shall we?" She nodded and kissed the old lady on the cheek. "See you later, Harriet. Try to have Markowski home by 0800, will you?"
"Will do!" she chirped and waved as they walked off hand in hand, "And I want details, Tamora Jean!"
"Yes, ma'am!" she waved back. Harriet giggled to herself and sat down on a bench just as Markowski came back around and put down his gun. She got up and went over to him.
"Well, young man," she said sternly, "I hope you've learned a lesson in respect."
"Yes, ma'am," he answered stoically.
"Good," she nodded, "Now buy a lady a drink." She took his arm and had him walk her over to Tapper's.
Author's Review:
I just realized this is one of the most polite stories I've ever written! I haven't used this many manners since "Hunt for the Hearts!" LOL
Okay, it looks like I pretty much made Mrs. Kohut out of Tiana's mother and Madea, created and played by the hilarious Tyler Perry. I hope you like her; I felt like Calhoun needed a female friend that was older than Vanellope, someone with a good female's perspective and who could physically handle the rigor of civilian life in Hero's Duty. And since Kohut's my favorite, (I guess he's everybody's favorite, except Markowski) and her Executive Officer, it all just seemed to click!
I don't know why I had Marowski singing the Clueless theme; I was just scrambling in my brain for the girliest, most embarrassing song possible. And what had more embarrassing stuff than the good old 90s? (DANG, I miss those days...)
Oh, what do you think of her dress? It's based on a real prom dress that no longer fits me (it's a 4 and I'm a 10). It doesn't have a slit in the skirt, but the color is the same (well, it used to be). I know it's probably not as slinky as some of the dresses people put on her in fan art, but I'm kind of a goody two-shoes when it comes to clothes. You can look beautiful and still keep your essentials covered, especially if you're a bombshell like Calhoun. She could make anything look sexy!
I further hope you don't mind the length of these chapters, since there's only three of them. It's been a while since my last three-shot (Ghost and Mrs. Muir) and I think I'm approaching another hiatus (I hate writer's block SO MUCH). Please leave reviews and let me know what you think!