Victoria felt her heart sink, losing every last bit of confidence as she reached the door, for a few moments, she just stared at it, a bouquet of gladious in hand, contemplating wheater or not she should enter the room beyond that door. She had convinced herself she could do this, but now that she was there, she was having second thoughts about going all the way.
It was Kate's hospital room.
"It's not your fault." Nathan repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time that night.
Victoria opened her mouth to argue but decided otherwise, only continuing to sob in her hands as she slouched over her bed. He was wrong. It was her fault. She was the one who recorded Kate in her most vulnerable of moments, she's the one who uploaded it to the internet for all to see, she was the one who continuously tormented her through it all. If she had just kept her stupid little mouth shut and her cellphone in her pocket, none of this would of happened.
Nathan seemed to be able to tell she hadn't taken his comforting words to heart, letting a exhausted breathe escape his lips as his right hand reached her back, rubbing it soothingly as her tears continued to fall endlessly.
She appreciated his effort to comfort her, but it was useless, she couldn't be swayed, she knew in her mind that Kate wouldn't of never stood on that roof had it not been for Victoria's sick effort to destroy her. Even when she stood on the edge of that roof, she didn't do anything, she just observed as Max suddenly appeared on the top of the roof to help her.
Kate had never done anything to wrong her, anything to hurt her or earn such discrimination, yet her pain and sorrow brought sheer joy to Victoria, and fueled the evil grin on her face day in and day out. She was a monster.
"If she had really jumped, I'd be a murderer."
"Do you even hear yourself!?" Nathan suddenly retorted.
"I might as well of pushed her! It wouldn't of made the difference. I practically did!"
"You didn't force her tougne in all those guy's mouths! You didn't force her to drink that alchohal! That was her choice, her decision." He paused, and then grabbed one of her hands, which was wet with tears, his determined iries looking deeply into her almond ones. "She got herself into this mess, you had nothing to do with it. Stop blaming yourself."
Victoria avoided his azure eyes, instead looking down at her other hand, which rested on her lap. There was a long silence that occupied her dorm as her tears finally began to subside, letting the air dry the wet streams that fell down her cheeks. "I guess you're right..." She finally mumbled looking up at him, his hand still with a firm grip on hers.
Victoria took a deep breathe, recalling Nathan's comforting words, hoping they would fuel her courage again. You can do this. In a way, she wished she had brought Nathan with her, maybe that way she wouldn't be acting like such a pathetic coward. Though she was sure seeing Nathan would just get Kate in a depressed mood, especially with how unapologetic he seems over the whole situation. Not that Kate seeing her, the one who got her in the situation in the first place, would do her any better.
But she had to apologize face to face. She had sent a letter, but she knew that wasn't enough, her guilt still remained heavily on her shoulders, and she couldn't keep ignoring and hoping it'll go away anymore.
She knocked on the door with her free hand, a little more forcefully than she had intended.
"Come in!" A soft voice greeted, clearly belonging to Kate. Victoria seemed to sense obvious excitement in her voice, which she knew the moment she walked through that door was going to change dramatically.
She slowly put her hand on the handle and began to open the door.
Kate was sitting on a seat near her hospital bed, peacefully drawing something on a drawing pad, there was a small smile on her face, happiness in her eyes. Victoria was shocked, to say the least, the way they made it sound it seemed like Kate would be lying in her bed, eyes reddened from endless crying. Victoria was relieved to see otherwise, she'd have no idea how to deal with an hysterical Kate Marsh.
Finally, Kate gazed up from her drawing pad, and her smile dropped, and an expression replaced it which, to Victoria, seemed like a mix of absolute shock and complete and utter terror, now that was an reaction that was an reaction that didn't surprise Victoriain the least bit.
Kate remained silent, so Victoria decided to be the first to speak. "Surprise." She said in a monotone voice, presenting Kate with a sarcastic 'jazz hands.' "Aren't you just so excited to see me?"
What shocked Victoria more, was the fact Kate reacted with a giggle, letting a small smile curve on her lips. She couldn't be sure if Kate found it genuinely funny, or if she just felt bad for her, but either way, for Victoria, it was much better than the bitter silence she was expecting.
"Um, hi Victoria, didn't expect you to be visiting me." Kate admitted quietly.
Victoria nodded. "Yeah, didn't really expect myself to be here either."
A moment of slience went by before Kate returned to her drawing pad, Victoria thought it possible the fellow student was doing it to avoid eye contact with her, but she didn't mind, nor did she blame her.
"Thanks for that card." Kate suddenly said, eyes still on the drawing pad.
"Oh, yeah. Don't thank me, you deserve more than a card."
"It was really nice, Victoria, really. The fact your here now, I...I appreciate it. A lot." Kate smiled brightly, she could tell the smile was honest, and not forced, and in a way it made her feel guilty, yet reliefed and happy, it was emotion she couldn't explain.
"I'm here to apologize." Victoria said. "I've been hiding away, being a coward. But now-"
"Well." Kate interuppted. "Can I ask you something, then?"
"Anything."
"Why'd you do it?"
Victoria stood there, as frozen as a statue, when she said anything, she didn't mean that. Even she didn't know the answer for that. She bit her lip and looked to Kate, who no longer was paying full attention to her drawing pad, now it was on her bed along with the pencil. From her unkempt dirty blonde bangs, peeked honey hazel irises, the streams of sunlight that shone through the window brightened her eyes, they were innocent, but Victoria could see sadness hidden in the sunlit orbs, shimmering with very much justified mistrust.
Victoria couldn't take it, she looked away. The two's gazes had met for a brief moment, but in the quick time a plead had been made with her stare, a plead for an answer, a reason, anything.
"I know it's been hard for you." Victoria finally responded, after what seemed like an eternity of silent. "I know you want an answer but, I don't know. I don't know why I did it, i've been asking myself the same thing, by after all this time I still don't have an answer, and I still continue to do it."
"Do you have any idea..." Kate mumbled as her head fell, and her breathing hitched, she was starting to cry.
"Maybe I'm just heartless."
There was a pregnant silence. "I don't believe that, you're human, Victoria, and I know seeing me like this at least makes you a little guilty, if it didn't, you wouldn't be here."
Victoria didn't speak and a heavy silence clouded the hospital room, the only sounds that could be heard were the sniffling and moaning of a crying Kate. She had barely been there for ten minutes and had already made Kate cry, maybe it was a bad idea to come here, she was absolutely fine when she first got there, but Victoria, the one who inflicted all this pain and suffering in the first place, being there had to off done something to her emotional state, the fact she didn't even put that thought into consideration, she really was a dumbass, a very unempathetic, annoying, dumbass.
"Maybe I want attention, maybe I wanna be popular, maybe I'm jealous and insecure, any reason for a stereotypical school bully in a kids show. Maybe all of the above, I don't know." Victoria answered hecticly, completely frustrated. She wanted to help, she wanted to apologize, she really did, but she wasn't used to this, what was suppose to say? What was she supposed to do? Tear of guilt and frustration welled up in her eyes. "Listen Kate, you didn't deserve what happened to you, you were the last person who deserved that. You're so kind, and I miss seeing you around school, I don't deserve your forgiveness, or a spec of your pity, but I just wanted you to know, I am so sorry, Kate and I am so glad you didn't jump off that roof, I have no idea what I would of done if I knew I contributed to your suicide.
Kate frowned, her eyes were red from her tears, but her emotions had calmed down and she had the power to stare straight into Victoria's eyes. "I know, I can see you regret it, and...I-"
"No." Victoria stated boldy, a serious tone in her face, as she turned around, not letting Kate see her tears. "Don't say anything, I know that I'm bringing back dark emotions of you. I'll leave you alone. I-I'm glad to see you're better now." She walked slowly to the door, grasping the handle and opening it.
"Victoria!" Kate called desperately, rising from her chair and running to her.
"What?" Victoria said, not turning around, she could feel her tears intensify, and run down her face.
Kate pulled on the blonde's shoulders, weakly, yet enough to make Victoria know that she wanted her to face her. She swallowed nervously and took a deep breathe before turning around. The moment she faced Kate, she felt small arms wrap around here tightly, Kate resting her chin on her shoulder. Victoria stood there frozen, unsure how to react, she just let herself cry, sniffling and whimpering. It took her awhile until she had the courage to also put her arms around Kate, and return the girls kind hug.
I forgive you." Kate whispered.
"You shouldn't."
"But I do. You make yourself look much more vicious then you are."
With that, Victoria's crying intensified.
