Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me. This is a belated birthday present for my friend, ninetalesuk. Happy birthday!
…
Lucemon Wild 1st, Demon Lord of Pride, threw back his head and laughed, his black and white wings shaking with triumph as the fallen angel gazed down at his hated foes, the Royal Knights, who stared up at him with abject boredom and apathy in their eyes. "You are too late, Royal Fools!" Lucemon boomed. "The great beasts I have summoned are already on their way, and once they've arrived, this Digital World shall come to an end!"
"That's nice," said Magnamon, eyes glued to his cell phone as he texted his girlfriend. (Yes, he had a girlfriend. I'm surprised as well.)
"Yes, I'm sure," murmured UlforceVeedramon, who was engrossed in getting the high score on a game on his cell phone.
Lucemon's eye twitched for a moment, but he managed to keep a broad smile on his face… A smile which grew rather strained when he realized his fellow Demon Lords weren't following their lines. "Daemon!" He hissed. "You missed your cue!"
"No I didn't," Daemon, the ornately robed Demon Lord of Wrath, said. "I just don't see the point in indulging in your pointless script when this is all going to amount to nothing anyway, just like every other time we've tried to do this."
"This time won't be like those other times!" Lucemon insisted. "This time will be different!"
"You say that every time," Daemon pointed out.
"Yes, but I MEAN it this time!" Lucemon insisted.
"You say that every time, too," Daemon retorted.
Lucemon facepalmed. "Just… Just do it, okay?!"
Daemon sighed wearily and reluctantly glanced at his script. "'Fire shall rain from the skies. The evil dead shall rise to avenge themselves on their slayers. All which was imprisoned shall be set free. All cities shall crumble, and civilization will come to an end as the Digital World is engulfed in eternal darkness.'"
"Mmhmm, sounds fun," Dynasmon grunted as he checked his email on his cell phone.
"Enthralling, dear, do carry on," Crusadermon said absent-mindedly as she took selfies with her phone.
Lucemon gritted his teeth. "Barbamon!" he hissed.
"Hmm?" Barbamon, the fat and greedy Demon Lord of Greed said, glancing up from some rather…risqué photos his husband Gankoomon had just emailed him.
"Line!" Lucemon snarled.
Barbamon blinked, blushed, and put his phone away. "Oh, uh, right. 'And in that darkness, we, the Seven Great Demon Lords, shall reign supreme. All shall kneel before us or be destroyed.'"
"I'll kneel to you, but for only one-" Gankoomon began to say flirtatiously, only for Leopardmon to cut him off.
"You say that every time, it's gotten old," the feline Knight said.
"Oh, sorry," the brawler apologized.
"'And once we're finished reducing the Digital World to a burning cinder, we'll go to the Real World, and destroy that too!'" the crocodilian Leviamon, Demon Lord of Envy, said without prompting, much to Lucemon's delight.
"Why do you want to go to the human world so badly anyway?" the great red dragon Examon asked. "I mean, it's small and kind of dull compared to the Digital World."
"I used to live in the human world," Gallantmon said indignantly. "They've got lots of great stuff!"
"Like what?" Examon asked.
Gallantmon considered for a moment. "Well, the food's not bad."
"Laylamon, your turn!" Lucemon hissed.
"I don't want to," Laylamon, the sexy Demon Lord of Lust and only female member of the Seven Great Demon Lords said, crossing her arms and pouting.
"What?! Why not?!" Lucemon demanded.
"It never amounts to anything in the end. Plus, I'm tired of us saying the same things over and over again. It's gotten old. Can't we get some new material for a change?" She complained.
"No! What we have now is perfectly fine! Just do it already!" Lucemon snarled.
She turned up her nose and looked away. "No."
Lucemon growled and dragged a hand down his face. "Daemon, do something about your wife!"
"I'm not sure that's a good idea. Whenever I try to make her do something she doesn't want to, I usually wind up on the couch treating the poisonous scratch marks she clawed into my face," Daemon complained.
"I don't care! Do something!" Lucemon commanded.
Daemon sighed wearily. "One of these days, I've got to overthrow that guy… Or maybe see if I can reform and expand the Daemon Corps… Honeybunch, could you please just humor him? The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can go home and do something actually productive. We can watch the rest of the season of House of Digicards, if you like."
Laylamon tapped a claw on her wrist in thought for a few moments before sighing and giving in. "Oh, very well. If I must. 'We will pillage and plunder and destroy until there's nothing left and all of humanity has been exterminated or bent to our will.'"
"I kind of have to second Examon here. What's the point in conquering mankind anyway? Not to be rude, but they're puny and weak and not very good at hard labor or whatever it is you guys would use them for," Omnimon said.
"Maybe they make for good eating?" Leopardmon suggested.
"Hmm, I suppose that's a possibility," Omnimon conceded.
"Incidentally, you totally need to finish the season. I mean, that finale, just wow! Really, wow! I mean, seriously, who would've thought that-" Kentaurosmon started.
"Don't spoil it for us, you fool!" Laylamon hissed.
"Yeah, we want to be surprised!" Daemon agreed.
"Oh, right. Sorry," the centaur knight apologized.
"… Seriously? They take a stupid TV show seriously, but not our final victory over the Royal Knights and conquest of the Digital World?!" Lucemon asked incredulously. "Ugh… I hate you guys…" He waited for a moment, but Beelzemon, Demon Lord of Gluttony, who was actually on time for a change, did not say his lines. "Beelzemon! It's your turn!"
The three-eyed demonic biker laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his head. "I, uh, I know that, it's just…ah…"
"Yes?" Lucemon asked, certain he was going to regret it.
"It's been so long since I've actually had to say them that I… Can't actually remember what my lines are…" Beelzemon said sheepishly.
Lucemon facepalmed. "Unbelievable! Am I the only one who's taking this seriously?!"
"Yes," just about everyone droned.
"If it helps, I remember the lines," Craniamon offered.
"Don't tell them! Do you want to be here any longer than we already have to be?" Alphamon, the much-beleaguered leader of the Royal Knights, hissed angrily.
"Oh, of course, Sir. I apologize," Craniamon said, bowing his head.
"A-a-a-and af-f-f-f-f-ter w-w-w-w-we've d-d-d-d-done th-th-th-th-th-that, we'll g-g-g-g-g-go and d-d-d-d-d-destroy s-s-s-s-s-some other D-d-d-d-d-digital W-w-w-w-w-w-w-world, s-s-s-since th-th-th-th-th-there are m-m-m-m-many in other d-d-d-d-d-dimensions! W-w-w-worlds upon w-w-w-w-worlds, r-r-r-r-ripe f-f-f-f-for the c-c-c-c-c-conquest!" The goatlike Belphemon, Demon the Lord of Sloth, stammered, trembling and shaking, froth flecking from his lips as his bloodshot eyes twitched and rolled in his skull.
"Is he all right? He does not look well," Jesmon, the newest member of the Royal Knights, asked in concern.
"I force-fed him several pots' worth of coffee to make sure he'd stay awake and remember his lines," Lucemon said, glancing with a hint of concern at his lover. "I think I might have given him him a little too much, however…"
"I c-c-c-c-can t-t-t-t-taste p-p-p-p-purple!" Belphemon drooled.
Wonderful," Alphamon said, not actually caring. "Okay, let's get this farce over with so we can all get on with our lives. So, what super evil ancient horror are you going to unleash on us this time which we will send leaving in disgust at our ridiculous and humiliating antics, Lucemon?"
Lucemon grinned cruelly. "Super evil ancient horror? Well, they're certainly super, evil, and horrible, but ancient… Not so much. No, the beings I've called upon are actually fairly new to the world-ending evil business. They go by the moniker of… The Apocalypse Trio! Perhaps you've heard of them?"
Gallantmon stiffened.
"No," said Alphamon.
"Nope," said Omnimon.
"Never," said Examon.
"Nuh-uh," said Kentaurosmon.
"Nada," said Leopardmon.
"Yes! High score!" UlforceVeedramon whooped.
"Hmm? Did somebody say something?" Crusadermon asked distractedly.
"Doesn't ring a bell," Dynasmon said.
"Should we have?" Magnamon asked.
"That name means nothing to me," Jesmon confessed.
"I don't know them, but they sound like they might make for a good fight," Gankoomon said.
"I've heard of them," Craniamon said.
"You have?" Alphamon asked in surprise. "Wait, of course you have, you make it your business to know these things. What can you tell us about them?"
"That we may actually be in for some serious trouble for a change," Craniamon said. "The Apocalypse Trio is a trio of incredibly powerful Digimon that, as Lucemon said, are fairly new to the world-ending trade. They showed up out of the blue a few years ago and made a name for themselves by destroying eight and a half planets in a single day."
The other Knights started at this. "8 ½ planets?!" Cried a startled UlforceVeedramon.
"In one day?!" Leopardmon demanded.
"That is what I just said, yes," Craniamon said, looking somewhat annoyed.
"Wait, why eight and a half? Why not a full nine?" Asked a confused Gankoomon.
"They liked the food on the ninth planet, but it had a bit too much fat, so they decided to only destroy half of it," Craniamon explained.
Dynasmon nodded. "Perfectly sensible."
"I would've done the same thing," Crusadermon agreed.
"… Why are these two on our side again?" Asked a disturbed Examon.
"Because they're too lazy to be evil," Kentaurosmon said bluntly.
"Since then, they've skyrocketed up the rankings in the Cosmic Destructor's Union and made it to the list of top fifty world-enders faster than anyone in Union history, and they're expected to make it to the top 20, if not ten, very soon," Craniamon continued. "They're so powerful and dangerous that Lord Beerus, the legendary God of Destruction and one of the founders of the Union, has taken notice of them and promised to train them personally if they reach the top 10, believing they have the potential to be among the greatest destroyers of worlds in all the multiverse. And Lord Beerus does not impress easily!"
The Knights exchanged concerned glances. "Okay, this is starting to actually sound a little worrying…" Omnimon murmured.
"What's the big deal? All those other guys we've driven off were big bad scary guys, but we sent them running," Magnamon pointed out.
"If by 'sent running,' you mean they left because they were embarrassed by us, then yes, that's exactly what happened," Omnimon said.
"All the other world-ending Digimon Lucemon has summoned in the past were seasoned veterans and have enough prestige and experience destroying worlds under their belts that they can get away with turning down a job if they don't feel like it without taking a hit to their reputations," Craniamon said. "The Apocalypse Trio, however, has no such cushion to fall back on. They're still relatively new, and while they've made a name for themselves, with so many eyes and expectations riding on them, if they turn down a job just because they feel it's 'beneath them,' it could ruin their future standing in the Union. Even if they find us disgraceful, embarrassing, and not worth killing, they'll do it anyway, lest they risk throwing away everything they've worked for."
"Wait, then… Are you saying… We might actually have to fight them?!" Asked a horrified UlforceVeedramon.
"That is a distinct possibility, yes," Craniamon said.
"Awesome!" Gankoomon said, punching a fist into a palm. "It feels like it's been forever since the last time I had a real fight!"
"At last, I shall be able to prove my merit and fight for glory as a true Royal Knight!" Jesmon declared.
"No! We can't!" Crusadermon cried. "I just got my armor waxed! If we fight, it might get scratched!"
"Nobody cares," Leopardmon said bluntly.
"Sir, I'm a little worried," Omnimon said to Alphamon in concern. "It's been so long since we've had an actual fight that I'm not sure all of us can even remember how to do it! Calling us rusty would be an understatement!"
Alphamon considered this. "Craniamon, given our current status of combat readiness, what are our chances against the Apocalypse Trio?"
"At a rough guess? I'd say…1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 to 1," the smartest Knight said. "And that's rounding up!"
"That's… A lot of zeros," Examon said nervously.
"Ha! Nothing to worry about, heroes always win in situations where the odds are a million to one or even worse!" Dynasmon said unworriedly.
"We're heroes?" Magnamon asked skeptically.
"Well, if the Demon Lords are the bad guys, then by default we must be the good guys," UlforceVeedramon said.
"Huh. I guess so," the Warrior of Miracles said doubtfully. "I certainly don't feel like a hero…not for a long, long time…" His shoulders slumped. "I made myself sad…"
"So basically, we have little to no chance of survival?" Alphamon asked.
"I'm afraid not, Sir," Craniamon said apologetically.
Alphamon considered this for a long while. Then, abruptly, he started laughing insanely. "Ha. Ahahaha! AHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Sir?" Craniamon asked in alarm.
"The poor man. He is so overwhelmed with terror he's gone mad!" Crusadermom lamented, posing dramatically.
"Actually, no, I'm just really happy!" Alphamon said giddily.
Everyone stared at him in disbelief. "We're about to be attacked by a trio of villains who are among the most powerful and dangerous out there and are way, way, WAY out of our league, and you're happy?!" Asked an incredulous Examon.
"Ah, he must be delighted that we're finally going to have a good fight on our hands! I know I am!" Gankoomon speculated.
"As am I," Jesmon seconded.
"What? Oh no, it's not that, it's just that when the Apocalypse Trio kill us, that means I'll never have to deal with any of you ever again!" Alphamon said enthusiastically, tears of joy running down his face. "Isn't that wonderful? I can't remember the last time I've been so happy!"
Everyone sweatdropped as their leader laughed and sobbed ecstatically. "Wow. He really hates us that much?" Kentaurosmon muttered.
"That makes me sad," Jesmon lamented.
"I mean, okay, I can understand why he'd be sick of Dynasmon and Crusadermon, but, come on, we aren't all that bad, right?" Magnamon asked. Without warning, his armor exploded. "OH COME ON!"
UlforceVeedramon sighed wearily and dropped the barrel over his cousin's naked form. "Here you go, buddy."
"I think that kind of proves his point," Omnimon said Sheepmonishly.
"We may not be done just yet," Gallantmon said suddenly.
Everyone looked at him in surprise. The caped knight hadn't spoken since the knowledge of just who they were up against had been announced. "What do you mean?" Craniamon asked.
"I have a… History with one of the members of the Trio. We go way back. Way, way back," Gallantmon said seriously.
"Really? Why did you never mention that before?!" Asked a startled Examon.
"Either because you didn't ask or because I did mention it but none of you bothered to pay attention or remember," Gallantmon said bluntly.
"Yeah, like when none of you listened when I told you I was getting married to Barbamon!" Gankoomon accused the others.
"That's fair," Omnimon admitted.
"I never pay attention to anything any of you say because you're all boring," Dynasmon said.
"Hmm? Somebody say something?" Crusadermon, who'd been admiring herself in a mirror, asked vaguely.
"What history exactly do you have with the Trio?" Omnimon asked.
"Not with the Trio, just one of their members. We've known each other for a very long time," Gallantmon explained. "With your permission, I'd like to take point on this, Sir. I think I might be able to deal with this and make sure we all get out of here in one piece."
"Permission granted," Omnimon said.
"Wait, what? No! NO! Overruled!" Alphamon cried in horror, grabbing Gallantmon by the shoulders and giving him a desperate look. "Please don't ruin this for me! This may be my best chance! My only chance!"
"I'm sorry sir, but I must refuse," Gallantmon said apologetically. "I must stay true to my oath as a Knight."
"…WHY?!" Alphamon demanded. "At least half of the others haven't!"
"I told you, she came onto me!" Examon yelled.
"Which just makes it that much more important for me to remain faithful," Gallantmon said, gently removing his leader's hands from his shoulders. "I'm sorry, sir, but I have to do this."
Alphamon collapsed to his knees in despair. "Damn you… Damn you and your honor… Couldn't you just be selfish and petty just this one time? For me?"
"I'm sorry sir, but I cannot," Gallantmon said regretfully. He turned to face the Demon Lords. "All right, Lucemon. We're ready, or rather, I am. Bring forth the Apocalypse Trio!"
Lucemon cackled ghoulishly. "So, you think that you can face them all by yourself? You truly are a fool! Very well! If you're that eager to die first, who am I to deny your wish?" He pointed a finger skyward. "Apocalypse, Armageddon, Megido…the three Digital Harbingers of the End! Descend and deliver your judgment upon this pathetic, unworthy world! Come forth, the ravagers of nations, the bringers of death, the destroyers of worlds! We welcome you, the APOCALYPSE TRIO!"
The wind went silent. The sun turned black. Crowmon billowed about, squawking and shrieking and flying in strange, arcane formations. The earth trembled, and red clouds swirled into being to cover the skies, bathing everything the color of blood. Black lightning shot down from the heavens, striking the ground as explosions and pillars of flame erupted from the soil. Great jagged fissures zigzagged their way across the landscape, eerie green light shining from their depths as wailing spirits rose up and swirled through the air, screaming with the torments of the damned.
No, wait, that was Crusadermon. "My mirror! My beautiful mirror! It's RUINED!" she howled as she dropped her broken mirror to the ground, her cries of anguish drowning out the moaning of the tortured souls.
"…Um, am I the only one starting to get kind of worried here? This is some serious shit…" UlforceVeedramon said nervously.
"None of the other guys we've dealt with so far have made an entrance this big," Omnimon said uneasily.
"And they certainly haven't felt this powerful!" said the alarmed Kentaurosmon.
"This is gonna be great!" Gankoomon whooped.
"This is gonna suck," Leopardmon moaned.
"This is going to be BEAUTIFUL!" Alphamon cried, sobbing joyfully.
The Demon Lords were also reacting to the strange and ominous happenings. "My Yggdrasil… Can you feel that? Such power… It's incredible!" Daemon said.
"None of the other evils we've summoned felt anything like this," a spooked Laylamon agreed.
"This power… This malevolence… It's unreal!" Leviamon declared, before bursting into tears. "Why can't I have it?!"
"Guys, do… Do you think this might actually be it? Do you think we might actually… win for a change?!" Barbamon asked nervously.
"… I'm not sure how to feel about that. At this point, I'm not actually sure what we would even do if we did win," Beelzemon murmured. "I mean, I don't really want the world to be destroyed. I like it here. The kids love the neighborhood. It'd be a bitch having to uproot them to find someplace else…"
"Once we win, you can give them any kind of house they want!" Lucemon snapped. "This is it… This is what we've been waiting for all this time… At last, evil shall reign supreme! WAHAHAHAHAHA!"
The swirling crimson clouds parted to reveal a giant glowing Digital Hazard sign floating in the air, glowing an ominous black. The emblem, identical to the one on Gallantmon's chest but far more malignant, emitted a pulse of pure darkness, a shockwave that shattered the ground, buffeted everyone back, and killed every Digimon for miles that was below Ultimate level. (Magnamon was okay because UlforceVeedramon fell on him and shielded him with his body.) Three beams of pitch dark shot down from the outer triangles of the Hazard sign, striking the ground and unleashing a blinding torrent of darkness, sweeping over them and turning everything as colorless as a starless, moonless night…
And when the darkness dissipated, three new Digimon stood between the Demon Lords and the Royal Knights in a blackened, smoking crater mirroring the Hazard sign over their heads. The hatred and malevolence and sheer power rolling off their forms was enough to distort the air around them, and even the stoutest and brave-hearted of the Knights found themselves trembling in their boots, so filled with terror they found themselves unable to move, or speak, or even unclench their bowels to void in fear. Only Gallantmon stood resolute despite the immense pressure of the evil power bearing down upon him, his armor sizzling and glowing from the heat of the energy washing over him, the valiant warrior's golden eyes glaring fiercely at the fiends standing before him.
And what fiends they were! Apocalymon; a massive black and gold polyhedron with a pyramidal structure growing from the bottom, gruesome claws extending on DNA chains from the sides, and a gray humanoid upper body emerging from the top, clad in cape and mask. Armageddemon; a grotesque purple insectoid horror clad in black armor plating and chitin with six limbs that were as much tentacles as legs, a very long segmented tail, and a head clad in a fearsome black horned carapace mask, sinister green eyes glaring out at the world from recessed sockets. And worst of all, Megidramon, a nightmarish Demon Dragon covered in spiked red and white plates, a long tail making up its lower body instead of legs, wings that looked almost as if they were on fire extending from its back, fearsome blades sprouting from its forelimbs, a chestplate bearing the mark of the Digital Hazard, and a grisly visage looking like some sort of grisly, warped Guilmon from Hell. The Apocalypse Trio were aptly named, for if any Digimon accurately depicted the horrors of the end of the world, it was these three.
Lucemon was almost peeing himself with joy. The Demon Lords stared in awe and terror. The Royal Knights trembled in fear, except for Alphamon, who had a rapturous look on his face. And Gallantmon…
Gallantmon stood resolute, seemingly completely unaffected by the miasma of power and dread being generated by the three otherworldly horrors. Many of the other Knights looked at him in disbelief, thinking to themselves that Gallantmon truly lived up to his name, and was the bravest and noblest of all their order.
Apocalymon spread his arms, his tattered cape billowing behind him. "Denizens of this wretched world, heed me! We, the Apocalypse Trio, have descended upon this worthless pile of code to visit our wrath upon all who dwell here! Surrender now and we shall grant you a swift and painless death, a mercy that I guarantee shall not be visited upon all else who live here…for while their deaths will be swift, I can guarantee they will be far from painless."
Armageddemon chuckled as he looked over the trembling Knights. "I think they might actually take you up on that offer, Apocalymon…these are the saddest, most pathetic group of heroes I've ever seen waiting to welcome us. How pathetic they are, how craven and cowardly their terror! Why, only one of them has the fortitude to look us in the eyes!"
Megidramon stiffened and did a double-take. "Wait a minute… Those eyes… That bearing… it cannot be! Is that…you?!"
Gallantmon nodded slowly. "It is indeed. It has been a long time, Megidramon."
The demon dragon narrowed his eyes. "That it has, Gallantmon. Far, far too long."
Apocalymon and Armageddemon looked at Megidramon in surprise. "Megidramon, do you…know this warrior?" Apocalymon asked.
"I do indeed," Megidramon snarled, every syllable that dripped from his lips—along with his copious acidic saliva—filled with enough hate to break the world. "For a long, long long time." He glanced at his comrades. "Let me handle him, my friends. This has been a long time coming."
Apocalymon grinned and nodded. "Go right ahead, Megidramon. Far be it from me to deny you a chance to sake your bloodlust. Have fun, and do try not to make it too quick, like the last time."
Armageddemon snickered. "This should be fun…"
Lucemon giggled gleefully. "This is great! They're going to kill the Royal Knights, starting with that insufferable do-gooder Gallantmon! Oh, happy day! Kyahahahaha!"
The other Demon Lords didn't look as if they were enjoying this quite as much. "Guys, am I the only one who's feeling a little bad about this?" Beelzemon asked uncertainly.
"No, I'm not exactly happy about this either…" Daemon murmured.
Laylamon nodded in understanding. "I mean, we've been trying to kill them for ages… But we've never actually succeeded, you know? It's like… Like on some level, we've gotten to a point where we don't really want to kill them, because we don't really know we do with ourselves afterwards? You know what I mean?"
"Yeah, I think I do," Belphemon said.
"Plus, if they die, I'll be short a husband!" Barbamon agreed nervously, a part of him wondering if he should intercede. Would the Apocalypse Trio spare Gankoomon if he asked? Would Lucemon let him? Would Gankoomon allow himself to be spared, especially if his comrades were not? Oh, why did love have to be so confusing?!
Megidramon grinned, his face a hideous toothy smile, and pawed the ground, glaring at his adversary. "Come, Gallantmon! Come at me, as you did in the days of old!"
"With pleasure," Gallantmon said, tossing aside his lance and shield.
The other Knights gasped in horror. "Gallantmon! What are you doing?!" Asked a horrified Omnimon.
"You can't take on that abomination barehanded!" Said an incredulous Craniamon.
"I don't need weapons to deal with the likes of him. I never have before," Gallantmon said confidently, his cape billowing behind him.
Great tears rolled down Crusadermon's helmet. "Oh! Such courage! Such honor! Such nobility! Truly he is the greatest of heroes! Oh, Gallantmon, how my heart aches for thee!"
"Hey, what about me?!" Asked the indignant Dynasmon.
"Eh," Crusadermon grunted, waving dismissively at her husband, who started fuming. Leopardmon snickered.
Gallantmon clenched his fists, bent his knees slightly, and threw back his head, screaming to the heavens as a crimson aura exploded around him, shattering the ground. "HRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Megidramon spread his wings, threw back his head, and howled, a black aura exploding around him, shattering the ground. "HRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Gallantmon launched forwards, moving so quickly he seemed to be gliding across the ground rather than running, cape billowing behind him. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Megidramon sprung forwards, wings extended to their fullest, serpentine tail writhing behind him as he surged towards his opponent. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Gallantmon shouted as he drew closer.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Megidramon bellowed as he drew closer.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"AUUUUGH! Why are they both screaming so much?!" Leopardmon complained. "What is this, an episode of Dragon Ball Z?!"
Still shouting at the top of their lungs, knight and dragon leaped towards each other, drawing back their fists…
Which collided with a tremendous thunderclap in… A… fist bump? An incredibly epic fist bump, granted, one which rocked the heavens and earth, splitting the skies and clearing the dark clouds to let the sun shine back in, but still, that's pretty clearly what it was: a fist bump.
As everyone stared in disbelief, the fearsome demon beast and noble knight wrapped their arms around each other and fell back to the ground, laughing uproariously. "What the-" said the incredulous Armageddemon.
"Oh good! An unforeseen and quite possibly humiliating turn of events which will save us yet again, right on schedule!" Kentaurosmon said in relief.
"Thank goodness for deus ex machinas!" Examon said.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alphamon cried, seeing his hopes of finally being free from his endless torment crumbling before him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lucemon cried. "What… What are they doing?! Why aren't they killing each other?! Why does this always happen?!"
The other Demon Lords sighed in relief, then exchanged guilty looks, realizing this probably wasn't something they should feel relieved about. "Er, oh no, something has happened to conveniently stop a great battle of good and evil from taking place. Curses, foiled again," Daemon said unconvincingly.
"Why, why must this always happen to us, oh cruel fate?" Laylamon swooned dramatically.
"M-m-m-my n-n-n-nostrils are wh-wh-whispering t-t-to m-m-me," Belphemon chattered.
"Hahahaha! Oh man, that was awesome!" Megidramon guffawed. "Oh geez, it's been way too long since we did something like that!"
"It certainly has," Gallantmon agreed, wiping away a tear. "You laid it on a little thick back there, didn't you?"
Megidramon shrugged. "Hey, gotta give the customers what they pay for, you know? They expect a little drama from professional world-enders like us. And besides, I knew you'd appreciate that sort of junk. You've been into that stiff honorable knight thing ever since we were kids!"
"I am not stiff, I just take my duty seriously," Gallantmon protested, but good-naturedly, as if they'd had this argument many times in the past.
"Heheh, 'duty.'" Megidramon chuckled and fist-bumped Gallantmon again. "Man, this is great! I had no idea this was your world, I did not expect to find you here! It's been forever since we last saw each other!"
"Not since the wedding," Gallantmon agreed. "You've been dearly missed at the last few reunions."
Megidramon flinched at this. "Seriously? Even Dad?"
"He's too stubborn to say it, but deep down, he misses you," Gallantmon said. "He keeps all the articles about your atrocities in his office. Heck, they're starting to outshine my accomplishments! I think he's a little disappointed that I didn't join a more respectable group of Knights after I Digivolved. I don't blame him."
"Neither do I, if even half the stuff mentioned in your letters is accurate," Megidramon said. "Does Jesmon really-"
"We don't talk about that," Gallantmon said sharply.
Jesmon flushed. Gankoomon grimaced.
"And that thing with the megaphone-"
"True, unfortunately."
Dynasmon growled.
"And she really married-"
"We really wish she hadn't."
Crusadermon huffed.
"And the barrel thing, did you ever figure out why-"
"Still no clue."
Magnamon sobbed.
"And did Examon really-"
"He claims to this day she came onto him."
"SHE DID!" Examon shouted, blushing when everyone stared at him.
Megidramon laughed heartily. "Man, you really have thrown your lot in with quite the motley crew, haven't you? And here I thought my guys had their issues… Oh, speaking of weddings, guess what?" He extended a claw, revealing a comically undersized ring wrapped around its tip.
Gallantmon gasped and grabbed the clawtip in delight, eyes fixed on the ring. "No way! Then you and Kuzuhamon…"
Megidramon nodded. "Yeah, we decided to tie the knot. Figured we'd been dancing around the issue long enough, and now that I'm poised to make Union history and she's got a kingdom of her own, it seemed like now was the right time."
"She got a kingdom of her own, finally?" Gallantmon asked in surprise.
Megidramon smirked. "Yep. She's conquered nine worlds already, ruling with an iron fist backed up by her mastery of dark magic, the inhabitants bound in chains of steel and sorcery, their minds so broken and enslaved by terror and enchantment that they cannot even comprehend disobeying her and so heed her every whim and wish with a smile on their faces, the words 'freedom' and 'hope' utterly erased from their collective vocabularies."
Gallantmon laughed. "That's wonderful news! She's wanted to do something like that ever since we were kids. Does she fall asleep to the anguished and despairing screams of prisoners slowly being tortured to death in her dungeons? She's always talked about how much fun that sounded, and how she was sure it would cure her of her chronic insomnia."
Megidramon nodded. "Yeah, and she bathes in blood and devours the souls of virgins to maintain her flawless dark beauty too. I think it's a bit of unnecessary vanity…she's already super-hot-but she claims it's important for her image."
"Trust me, compared to some of the stuff Crusadermon does to stave off the inevitability of age, that's nothing," Gallantmon said.
Crusadermon gasped at this and glanced away with a huff. "Well, I never!"
"He's got a point," Leopardmon said. Crusadermon scowled at him.
"Hey, does Sakuyamon know? She'd love to hear this. Hey, we're both invited to the wedding, aren't we?" Gallantmon asked eagerly.
"Well, duh, like I'd turn my brother and best friend away!" Megidramon scoffed, rolling his eyes. "Who else would I pick to be my Best Man?"
"Your WHAT?!" Everyone else screamed, startling Megidramon and Gallantmon and reminding them they weren't alone.
"Of course he is. Of COURSE he is. I should have known this was too good to be true!" Lucemon moaned.
"Megidramon, what is the meaning of this?!" Apocalymon demanded.
"I would like to know the same thing, especially since it means I will probably not be dying today after all!" Alphamon said unhappily.
"You don't have to sound so sad about it," Kentaurosmon said.
"I do. I really do," Alphamon said miserably.
"Oh, uh, sorry. Guys, this is my big brother Gallantmon. I told you about him, remember?" Megidramon said to his colleagues, gesturing to the knight.
"Your-" Apocalymon blinked, then burst into laughter. "Oh, so he's that Gallantmon!" He extended a claw to Gallantmon, who shook it. "It's a pleasure to meet you! Megidramon's told us all about you, and read your letters to us whenever we were in need of a good laugh. I'd thought you were making most of it up, because I couldn't believe there was any way any group of heroes that could possibly be that incompetent!"
"Hey!" Some of the Knights said indignantly and defensively.
"If only," Gallantmon said ruefully, trying to ignore the smoldering gazes burning into the back of his head.
"Did Leopardmon really change his name to try and stop getting insulted by Dynasmon?" Armageddemon asked, intrigued.
"Yes, and it didn't work," Gallantmon said.
"It certainly didn't," Leopardmon grumbled.
"Haha, your second Mode's name is redundant!" Dynasmon guffawed.
"Gallantmon, explain yourself! Do you mean to tell us that you're brothers with one of the most dangerous Digimon in the entire multiverse?!" Craniamon demanded.
"Yeah, and that you've been writing smack to him about us behind our backs?!" UlforceVeedramon said indignantly.
"Oh, like you guys don't do the exact same thing?" Gallantmon retorted. A rather sizable number of Knights fidgeted and did not meet his eyes. "Anyway, yeah, we're brothers."
"Yeah, don't you see the family resemblance?" Megidramon joked.
"… You know, I can kind of see it, now that you mention it," Gankoomon admitted, after he looked at the two Digimon side-by-side for a few moments.
"Why, they're practically twins!" Jesmon agreed.
"We looked even more alike when we were younger," Gallantmon reminisced. "But even then, back when we were Guilmon, it was pretty clear where our paths in life would take us. Whenever we played games with each other or with our best friends-and later girlfriends—the sisters Renamon and Renamon, we'd always take the same roles. I'd be the brave and noble hero…"
"And I'd be the evil dragon trying to destroy all," Megidramon said fondly. "Good times, good times."
"And Renamon would always be the benevolent priestess or magical queen, while her sister Renamon would always be the evil witch trying to enslave all to her dark will," Gallantmon recalled. "Even then, we knew the paths we'd take when we got older. I started training to be a knight, my bro here got tutoring on being evil, and the girls each learned magic from different mentors and masters of magic. Despite us taking separate paths—two good, two evil—we swore not to let it ruin our friendship, and are still very close even now."
"Even closer, considering we're marrying each other," Megidramon joked. "Now we'll all be siblings-in-law! That's not weird, is it?"
"I don't think so, no. But yeah, we pretty much always knew that was going to happen, didn't we?" Gallantmon chuckled. "Even when we were surrounded by all those other beautiful girls at school, none of them compared to our gorgeous magical fox queens."
"Yeah, Sakuyamon's smoking hot…if she weren't taken…" Magnamon murmured.
"She's way, way out of your league, cousin," UlforceVeedramon pointed out.
Magnamon sighed. "Yeah, I know…"
"As fascinating as all this is, why didn't you ever tell us you were brothers with a member of the Apocalypse Trio?!" Omnimon demanded.
"I did! Loads of times!" Gallantmon insisted.
"Like when?" Dynasmon asked skeptically.
…
"Hey, guys, my little brother just Digivolved into Megidramon! Now he can finally fulfill his dream of joining the Cosmic Destructor's Union and becoming a great destroyer of worlds!" Gallantmon said.
"That's nice," Kentaurosmon said without paying attention as he focused on his cards.
"Good for him," Craniamon said distractedly as he tossed his hand down.
"RAAAAAAAHHH! YOU WIN AGAIN!" UlforceVeedramon shrieked, flipping the table over and sending cards flying all over the place.
…
"Alphamon, sir, my brother's just joined the Cosmic Destructor's Union with some of his friends, and I just wanted to be sure there wouldn't be any conflict of interest-" Gallantmon started as he entered Alphamon's office.
"Busy with paperwork. Come back later. Whatever you want, I'm sure it's fine," Alphamon grunted as he tackled the mountains of paperwork, mostly caused by Dynasmon and Leopardmon's fighting, which towered above him.
"All right! Thanks, sir!" Gallantmon said, leaving the office with a grin.
…
"Hey guys, my little brother and his friends have made it into the top one hundred of the Cosmic Destructor's Union's rankings. What do you think I should get him?" Gallantmon asked.
"Go ask someone else, we're watching the game," Omnimon said, not paying attention.
"A gift card's always nice," Examon said as he stared at the television.
"A gift card? Okay, thanks," Gallantmon said, walking off.
"Come on, come on, come on…YES! GOAL!" Omnimon shouted, throwing his arms in the air as his team scored.
"DAMMIT!" Examon swore.
…
"Gankoomon, you won't believe what just happened!" Gallantmon shouted excitedly as he barged into the junior Knight's room. "My little brother and his friends have made it into the top fifty at the Cosmic Destructor's Union, and I said-"
"AHHHHH! GET OUT! GET OUT!" Gankoomon, wearing absolutely nothing, screamed as he throwed pieces of Barbamon's discarded ornaments at the intruder as the Demon Lord, who'd been on top of him, started in alarm.
"Ack! Right! Knock first, knock first!" Gallantmon cried as he dashed out of the room.
…
"Hey guys, I heard my brother, the infamous Megidramon of the Apocalypse Trio, who's in the top fifty of the Cosmic Destructor Union and one of the deadliest Digimon alive, might be stopping by for a visit in the near future. That's not a problem, is it?" Gallantmon said.
"No, it's fine," Dynasmon said as he violently beat the crap out of Leopardmon. "AND IF I EVER CATCH YOU TAKING PICTURES OF CRUSADERMON AND I AGAIN, YOU'RE DEAD, YOU HEAR ME!"
"I don't care! It was so worth it!" Leopardmon cried defiantly.
"Yes! Pummel him, my love! Pummel him for great justice!" Crusadermon cried.
"…Wow, you guys are weird…" Gallantmon muttered as he walked off.
"Hahahaha! It's always great to watch someone else get it!" Magnamon laughed, and then paused. "Wait, did he say something about a brother?"
…
The Knights fidgeted awkwardly. "Well, this is embarrassing," Examon said.
"Why does this always happen?!" Omnimon demanded.
"So that's what it feels like," Gankoomon murmured.
"Wait, you knew he was coming? Then why did the two of you seem so surprised to see each other?" Asked a confused Kentaurosmon, trying to divert attention away from how bad communication between their members was.
"Or warn us?" Alphamon asked.
"I knew he was coming, but I just didn't know when," Gallantmon said. "But yeah, bro, why were you surprised to see me? Were you just playing that up for drama?"
"Actually, no, I honestly didn't know this was your world," Megidramon said apologetically.
"How could you not know that?!" Craniamon asked in disbelief.
Megidramon shrugged, looking embarrassed. "I just destroy stuff, I'm not the one who bothers remembering the names and coordinates of every world we visit. That's Apocalymon's job. I never really pay attention to mission briefings, especially since they pretty much all consist of 'go here, kill those guys, blow shit up, collect payment, move onto next world.' Rinse and repeat."
"I've told you a million times to pay more attention when we're getting assignments!" Said an exasperated Apocalymon. "If you'd listened more carefully, then we might have managed to avoid embarrassing ourselves in front of your brother, his friends, and our clients!"
"I feel your pain, man. I really do," Alphamon said sympathetically. "Most of these jokers never listen to a thing I say, either."
"Huh? Did you say something? I wasn't listening," Dynasmon said. Alphamon groaned, and Apocalymon shot him a sympathetic look.
"Well, uh… Then how come, if you paid attention to everything, you didn't know that Gallantmon here was my brother before we accepted the job? Huh? Answer that!" Megidramon replied defensively.
Apocalymon opened his mouth, hesitated, and sagged. "Fair point. I should've done more research before accepting the job. I guess I dropped the ball too."
"Wow. Apocalymon making a mistake. Now there's something I thought I'd never see," Armageddemon joked.
"Statistically speaking, it had to happen sooner or later, right?" Megidramon chuckled.
Apocalymon scowled. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, you two…"
"So! Now that this big misunderstanding's been cleared up and you won't be destroying our world after all, why don't we all head back to headquarters for a nice cup of tea and so we can share embarrassing stories about Gallantmon that I'm sure he neglected to mention in his letters?" UlforceVeedramon suggested, a rather vindictive look on his face.
Gallantmon froze, a horrified look on his face. "Now wait just a second, there's no need to-"
Megidramon perked up at this. "Embarrassing stories regarding my big bro? Oh, now this I gotta hear…"
"Yeah, I'm game!" Armageddemon said.
Apocalymon cleared his throat. "Ah, unfortunately, I'm not sure we're going to be able to hear all those stories, because… Well, ah, how do I put this…this is so embarrassing… We, um, still kind of have to destroy you all. Sorry."
The Royal Knights started. Lucemon, who'd been sobbing into the jittery Belphemon's shoulder, glanced up in surprise. "Wait, what? What are you talking about?" Said the confused Megidramon.
"We got hired to destroy this world, remember? We accepted a contract. According to Union law, that means we have to follow through and fulfill the terms we've agreed to," Apocalymon said uncomfortably. "If we don't, we can get in big trouble."
"But-but all the other Union members who've accepted a contract for this world broke it off, and nothing bad happened to them!" Megidramon protested while horrified looks began to return to the faces of the Knights and a horrifying grin formed on Lucemon's.
"All those Union members had more tenure and prestige than us. They could get away with breaking a contract now and then, so long as they didn't do it too frequently. We're still fairly new to the game and making a name for ourselves, not to mention there are a lot of eyes on us. Lest you forget, Lord Beerus himself has taken an interest in us!" Apocalymon pointed out. "If we were to break a contract now, when we're on the verge of making it to the top ten, our careers and reputations would be ruined. We'd never be able to recover. Our dreams would be destroyed. I'm sorry, Megidramon, but I cannot allow all our hard work to go to waste just to save your brother. And deep down, I know you feel the same way."
Megidramon gnashed his teeth for a moment. "… Shit! You're right." He sighed, sagging and giving his brother an apologetic look. "Sorry, bro, but I can't let family sentiment get in the way of fulfilling my lifelong ambition. You understand, right? No hard feelings?"
"No, no, I understand perfectly. It's fine," Gallantmon assured his brother. "I'd do the same thing in your shoes."
"Wait, what are you saying?! This isn't fine! It's the furthest thing from fine!" Screamed an incredulous Examon.
"He's going to kill us all, and you're going to let him?!" Omnimon yelled in disbelief.
"What? No, of course not. I'll fight him along with everyone else," Gallantmon said indignantly. "Just like he won't allow me being his brother stop him from fulfilling his dreams, nor will I allow him being my brother stop me from fulfilling my duties as a Royal Knight."
Megidramon nodded. "We both knew a long time ago that there was always a strong chance that we would have to fight each other one day because of our conflicting jobs, and promised each other not to hold back or hold any grudges, no matter what the outcome. But, ah, I feel like I have to ask – – just to be sure – – there's no chance that you'd be willing to maybe step aside, go to a different world…?"
"No chance at all," Gallantmon said.
Megidramon shrugged. "Yeah, I figured as much, but I had to try. I'm a little disappointed, but I respect you for sticking to your ideals. No holding back?"
Gallantmon nodded and picked up his weapons. "No holding back. Let's do this, brother. One last game of good vs. evil, winner takes all."
Megidramon grinned. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
Lucemon started laughing hysterically, tears of joy running down his face. "This is it. It's happening! It's really, finally happening! Oh, happy day! The Royal Knights will finally DIE!"
"Yay…" The other Demon Lords said uncertainly.
"Spiders! Spiders everywhere!" Belphemon screamed, scratching himself all over.
"Oh well. Guess we're going to die," Alphamon said cheerfully. "Since this is going to be the last time any of us speak to each other again, I'd just like you all to know… That while I didn't hate all of you, I hated most of you, and wish I'd never ever ever seen you before in my life. That's all."
"Gee, tell us what you really think…" UlforceVeedramon grumbled.
"All right! Finally, we're gonna get some action!" Gankoomon said enthusiastically, pumping his fists.
"At long last, we shall have the glorious, honorable battle I have waited for!" Jesmon cried.
"Yeah, a glorious honorable battle ending in our DEATHS," Examon said bluntly.
"Not something I'm particularly looking forward to," Leopardmon agreed.
"I am! To die beautifully in battle will make all of us—but mostly me—subject of heroic ballads and songs for ages to come, ensuring our immortality as warriors of legend! Truly, the greatest thing that could possibly happen to us!" Crusadermon gushed.
"Plus, since we died heroically, they'll HAVE to cut out most of the embarrassing and humiliating stuff about us," Kentaurosmon gloomily. "Never speak ill of the dead, and all. That's something to look forward to, I suppose."
"Wait, but if they destroy the world after they kill us, doesn't that mean there'll be nobody left to sing any songs or tell any stories about us?" Magnamon asked us.
They all considered this for a moment. "Crap," Dynasmon said.
"Do we really have to do this? Isn't there any way, any way at all, we can convince you to spare our world?" Craniamon pleaded.
"I'd like to, for Megidramon's sake," Apocalymon admitted. "As much as he says he's cool with it, I don't really want his brother's death on his conscience—but we signed a contract, and the rules say we have to abide by it."
"Plus, this world is kind of starting to become a bit of an embarrassment for the Union," Armageddemon added. "We would win a lot of brownie points for finally getting rid of it."
"Wait…the RULES say you have to obey your contract…" Omnimon said slowly. "But every rule has a loophole!"
"Hey yeah, that's right! We find loopholes in our rules all the time!" Magnamon realized.
"The ones we don't just ignore completely altogether," Leopardmon agreed.
"Only the stupid ones," Dynasmon sniffed. Alphamon groaned.
"Are you sure there isn't SOMETHING in the rules which would allow you to look the other way?" Examon asked.
Apocalymon considered this. "I don't think so…"
"Maybe not, but what can it hurt to check?" Craniamon said reasonably. "If there's a way out, you can leave us be without ruining your careers. If there isn't, then you can destroy us all and get another notch on your belt. It's win-win for you, really."
"And us!" Alphamon said.
"How would it be win-win for us?!" UlforceVeedramon asked incredulously.
"They leave, we don't die. They kill us, I never have to deal with you all again," Alphamon said. He considered this. "Actually, for me personally, I suppose it'd be a bit more of a win-lose…or is it lose-win? One or the other, I think."
"… If you hate living so much, why don't you just kill yourself?" Asked a disturbed Kentaurosmon.
"Because as much as I hate my life, I hate the idea of any of you outliving me slightly more," Alphamon said serenely.
Everyone stared at him, alarmed and disturbed. "… Have you considered psychological help?" Gankoomon suggested timidly.
"The last four shrinks I had killed themselves after spending an hour with me," Alphamon said bitterly.
"ANYWAY," Omnimon said loudly. "Why don't you check and see if there's anything in the rules that would allow you to spare us without losing face?"
Apocalymon considered this. "Well… I suppose there'd be no harm in just a quick look…"
"No! There would be! There definitely would be!" Lucemon cried in horror, a deep sinking sense of dread filling him. "Don't look! I forbid it!
Apocalymon scowled at the fallen angel. "You may be signing our paycheck, but that doesn't mean you're the boss of me! I will do whatever I please, and right now, that includes checking the Union regulations to see if there's a loophole I can exploit."
"YES!" Dynasmon exulted, as most of the Knights sighed in relief and Megidramon and Gallantmon gave each other cautiously hopeful looks.
"Woohoo," Alphamon said indifferently.
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Lucemon howled, getting a horrible premonition that he was about to lose, again.
Apocalymon pulled out a rather thick book, put on a pair of reading glasses, and started flipping through the pages. "Let's see here…no…no…no…ooh, that's interesting, but no…no…hmm, might want to bookmark that for later…oh? Hello, what's this…" He narrowed his eyes and reread a passage. His face lit up. "Aha! This might just be it! According to Cosmic Destructor's Union Bylaw 7326502-J, article 124, paragraph 47, 'If any Union member is contracted to destroy a planet that happens to be inhabited by a relative, spouse, loved one, friend, or close acquaintance of the Union member, and said Union member was not aware of this beforehand, the Union member may break the contract if they desire without facing any repercussions, levies, fines, or loss of face.'"
Megidramon and the Knights (save Alphamon, who looked largely apathetic, and Crusadermon, who wasn't paying attention) gave Apocalymon hopeful looks, while an expression of utmost dread and despair formed on Lucemon's face. "No…no, no, no, no…"
"Then…then that means…" Megidramon murmured.
"That if you really don't want us to destroy this world, we don't have to," Apocalymon said warmly.
"Why, that's wonderful news!" Jesmon said in relief.
"And…oddly convenient," UlforceVeedramon commented.
"Not really, Megidramon's not the only Union member who doesn't pay attention to the briefings when they get assigned worlds to destroy," Apocalymon said, causing the Demonic Dragon to blush. "As a result, an embarrassing number of Union members accidentally got contracted to destroy their own planets, or worlds where people they cared about lived, so changed the rules slightly to make sure that wouldn't happen anymore."
"Very sensible," Leopardmon observed.
"Maybe more so than some of OUR rules," Dynleopardmonasmon grunted.
"Do you even know what any of our rules are?" Gankoomon asked.
"No, because there STUPID!" Dynasmon shouted.
"So… We DON'T have to destroy this world?" Megidramon asked hopefully.
"Not if you don't want to," Apocalymon said. "This world is home to your brother, which means you get the final say. It's up to you."
Megidramon considered this, and then glanced at Gallantmon. "What do you say, bro?"
Gallantmon smiled, though it was a little hard to tell considering that his face was covered in metal. "We're probably going to have to fight each other for real one day… But that day doesn't have to be today." He chuckled. "Plus, if either of us were to die, the girls would never forgive us for it."
Megidramon winced at this. "Ooh, yeah, good point! We DEFINITELY don't want to make them mad. Especially since it might mean neither of us would be able to make the wedding!"
"And we can't have that," Gallantmon agreed.
"It's settled, then," Megidramon said, extending a claw. "The contract is broken. Your world is safe from us, now and forever."
"I'm happy to hear that, brother," Gallantmon said, shaking the Dragon's claw.
"HUZZAH! The day is saved!" Jesmon exalted.
"And once again, by us not doing anything," Gankoomon complained. "Lame."
"Be thankful we were able to resolve this without a fight. Keep asking for real battle, and one day you might just get one… And it might be more than you can handle," Omnimon warned the brawler.
"Ha, ain't nomon can beat me!" Gankoomon bragged.
"That's what quite a lot of the guys we've run into have said," Armageddemon commented. "Then we killed them, and they didn't say much of anything after that." Gankoomon frowned uncertainly at this.
"So that's it? It's all over?" Examon asked nervously.
"So it would seem," Kentaurosmon said.
"And once again, everything is dealt with in a contrived anticlimax. Whoop-de-do," Alphamon said apathetically.
"It's better than the alternative, Sir," Craniamon said.
"That's debatable," Alphamon said.
"No! NO! NONONONONO!" Lucemon screamed, tearing his hair out. "You can't do this! I won't let you! We had a deal! You have to do what I say! Kill them! Kill them all!"
"Yeah, no, that's not going to be happening," Megidramon said smugly.
"Our contract is terminated. We no longer have to destroy anyone you tell us to," Armageddemon said with a grin.
"Not only that, but once we get back to headquarters I'm going to see about getting you blacklisted from Union affairs permanently," Apocalymon declared. "You tried to hire us to destroy a world inhabited by a relative of one of our own, and while it's on us for not being more aware of that ahead of time, you also hired other Union members to destroy this world without getting our permission first, which is a severe breach of regulations, and grounds for some rather hefty penalties! When we're through, you'll never be able to hire a member of the Cosmic Destructor Union again!"
"Meaning you'll never be able to summon one of us to destroy your foes ever again," Megidramon gloated.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lucemon howled.
"Wow, you guys sure are big on rules," commented a surprised Examon.
"But of course. If beings as incredibly powerful as us were allowed to run amok doing as we pleased, it would cause mass chaos. We'd be destroying worlds left and right, until we eventually ran out of things to destroy, and no longer had a job!" Apocalymon said.
"Or a place to live. Even destroyers of worlds need places to hang their hats after a long day of work," Megidramon added.
"Having an ironclad charter and set of rules ensures we go about our world-ending in an orderly fashion, as well as guaranteeing that, when tomorrow comes, there will always be a new world somewhere for us to destroy," Apocalymon said.
"How very sensible," Craniamon said approvingly.
"Yeah, too bad it's being applied to mass genocide and planetary annihilation," Leopardmon grunted.
Apocalymon shrugged. "Just as people shall always kill each other for one reason or another, so too shall there always be those out there destroying entire planets. Since that's the case, we might as well be professional about it. Wouldn't want to leave the job to amateurs who would screw it up, after all!"
"Yeah, if Assassins can have guilds, why can't we?" Armageddemon pointed out.
"… I feel like I should argue with that, but I'm not sure how," Omnimon complained.
"I don't really care," Alphamon said bluntly. "Other than to note they seem to be a lot better at following regulations then certain other people of my acquaintance."
"Like who?" Crusadermon asked obliviously. Alphamon sighed.
"Then… Then I'll just look elsewhere!" Lucemon said desperately. "There are lots of other destroyers of worlds out there, ones not affiliated with your Union! I'll go to one of THEM instead!"
Armageddemon scoffed. "Ha! Good luck with that, pal! Those chumps aren't with the Union because they either couldn't make the cut, or are too unstable to bargain with. Call up one of them, and you'll either wind up with a pussy that even these guys can beat, or someone so unhinged he'll kill you along with everyone else!"
"I would suggest you try fighting your own battles, but given how often you've tried to hire from the Guild in the past, clearly that's not an option," Apocalymon sniffed.
"Hey yeah, when is the last time he tried fighting us the normal way, anyway?" UlforceVeedramon wondered.
"It's been so long since we've actually had to fight anything, let alone them, I honestly can't remember,"Gankoomon complained.
"Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time he's disciplined us by force instead of just yelling at us a lot," Laylamon mused.
"Maybe he's not as strong as he used to be?" Beelzemon suggested.
The Demon Lords considered this for a moment, and slowly turned to regard their so-called leader with thoughtful looks. Lucemon flushed. "D-don't be preposterous! I'm still as powerful as I've ever been!"
"Okay, then assume your Shadowlord Mode," Barbamon said.
Lucemon blanched. "R-right here? Right now?"
His peers nodded. "Yeah, it's been ages since the last time you did it. I've almost forgotten what it looked like. Why don't you show it to us, to jog our memories?" Daemon said smoothly.
"That is, of course, assuming you can," Laylamon leered.
Lucemon laughed nervously. "O-of course I can! I, uh, I just don't feel like it right now. I've got a headache, is all."
The others did not look convinced. "Uh-huh. A likely story," Laylamon said.
"I don't believe you!" Leviamon cried.
"T-t-t-typical. Y-y-you n-n-never t-t-turn into a m-m-m-monster wh-when I w-w-want you t-t-t-to e-e-e-either. You a-a-a-always s-s-s-seem to h-h-have a h-h-headache," Belphemon complained.
Lucemon turned red. "Well, maybe I wouldn't have a headache if I didn't constantly have to deal with incompetents like you all the time!" He snapped.
"Oh, sure. Real mature, blaming everyone but yourself for your failings," Daemon said sarcastically. "How typical." Maybe the time is finally right to make my own bid for leadership… He thought to himself.
"At least I'm not so ugly I need to hide behind a hideous and unfashionable cloak!" Lucemon sneered.
"MY MOTHER MADE THIS FOR ME!" Daemon bellowed, eyes flashing in rage, flames erupting around him.
As the Demon Lords bickered, Alphamon's eyes lit up. "I do believe I have just had an epiphany," he said quietly, almost reverently.
"How do you mean, Sir?" Craniamon asked.
"I think I've just discovered a reason to keep on living," Alphamon said, beginning to smile.
"That's wonderful, Sir!" Craniamon exulted.
"What is it?" Omnimon asked, a bit more skeptical.
"So long as I live, and continue to live, Lucemon will be miserable," Alphamon whispered joyfully. "And seeing him as miserable, if not more miserable, than I brings me joy. My dying would make him happy, therefore I shall continue to live, to guarantee that he will never have any solace from his suffering, for watching him be humiliated time and again makes me feel marginally better about my own rotten lot in life."
The Knights exchanged uneasy looks. "That sounds rather evil, my Lord," Jesmon said uncertainly.
"The line between good and bad isn't always that clear-cut," Alphamon said flippantly. "And besides, if I did turn evil, I already have the right color scheme."
"So!" Gallantmon said loudly, deciding to change the subject. "Now that's all thing care of, why don't we all head back to headquarters to show my brother and his friends around?"
"Sounds good to me," Megidramon said.
"Yeah, we'll get to see where all the magic happens!" Armageddemon said.
"And hear entertaining and humiliating stories about you and the rest of your order," Apocalymon said.
"Well, we have no shortage of those," Kentaurosmon said wryly.
"Hey, want me to invite Sakuyamon over too? She'll want to see you now that you're in town, it's been a while," Gallantmon suggested.
"That's a great idea! And maybe I should get in touch with Kuzuhamon too. If she has time, maybe she can come over as well, and we could have a double date, just like in the old days!" Megidramon said eagerly.
"Ooh, it's been forever since our last date night! Good call, bro!" Gallantmon said enthusiastically. He hesitated. "So long as we don't cause too much property damage, there's only so much I can afford on my salary."
"I make no promises," Megidramon said.
As the Royal Knights and Apocalypse Trio departed, Beelzemon glanced at his peers. "So… since the world will not be ending today after all, anyone want to come back to my place to watch the game?"
"Eh, sure, why not?" Daemon said.
Laylamon nodded. "We don't really have anything better to do."
"Yes! Social interaction!" Leviamon cheered.
"I'm gonna have to bail, I've got a thing with Gankoomon tonight," Barbamon said apologetically.
"That's cool, we understand," Beelzemon said.
"And how about you, 'boss man?'" Laylamon asked Lucemon.
"No, I'm going to stay here for a while and wonder where it all went wrong," Lucemon said bitterly.
"K. Have fun with that," Daemon said.
"I won't," Lucemon said bitterly.
"We know," Leviamon said.
They departed, leaving only the fallen angel and Belphemon behind. "Y-y-y-you g-g-g-gonna be okay?" the goat-headed demon asked his lover.
Lucemon choked back a sob. "I was so close this time. So close. But I lost, just like every single time before this. Would it be too much to ask to win, just once? Even in a small way? Is that really, really too much to ask?"
"Th-th-th-there, th-th-th-there," Belphemon crooned, hugging Lucemon and patting him on the back as he started crying. "It w-w-w-won't b-b-b-be a-a-a-alright."
Lucemon blinked. "Wait, shouldn't you say it will be alright?"
"Y-y-y-you h-h-h-hate it w-w-w-when I l-l-l-l-lie t-t-t-to y-y-y-you," Belphemon said.
Lucemon cried even harder. Alphamon, without knowing why, laughed and laughed and laughed…
…
The end! Wow, that took longer than expected. Ninetalesuk, hope you liked this!
And now, maybe I can get back to my other stuff, which badly needs my attention…