***** Hi, this is ShinraWepn! I just wanted to say, like, WOW! This is my first Earthian fic! I just got the DVD of it the other day and fell in love with Kagetsuya. Chihaya and my blonde dream-boat look so cute together! What's up, Chihaya?! Why are you going after Messiah and leaving your true love in the dust? Anyway, this fic started out like it wanted to be my customary yaoi but it turned into an angsty, shounen-ai instead. So, have fun and please leave a nice review. ^_^ *****
~Falling to Earth~
He was doing it again. Kagetsuya gritted his teeth and tried to convince himself that he didn't care, that it didn't matter to him one little bit if his partner wanted to stare at the stars all night long. He forced his eyes to focus not on his lover's back but the words of the article he was reading.
....and so, the Pope will be making his yearly visit to....
Damn that Messiah, the blonde angel suddenly thought with vehemence. It's all his fault. He's stealing Chihaya away from me and I'm powerless to stop him! It's because he had those black wings for a while. Is that it? Is that the attraction? Shaking free from those thoughts, he looked at the article again.
....and so, the Pope will be making his yearly visit to....
It's not like I don't try to understand, Kagetsuya fumed. It's not like I'm oblivious to how much it hurts Chihaya whenever he sees my white wings or the cancerous ones of the Lucifers. But dwelling on this isn't going to make things any easier for him. He's got to let it go. Adjusting himself in the chair, he looked back at the magazine.
....and so, the Pope will be making his yearly visit to....
Kagetsuya blinked. Was it just his imagination, or had he read this line before? Irritated at his inability to concentrate, he threw the magazine to the side in disgust and got to his feet, stretching. Chihaya had been standing out there for quite some time now. Maybe it would be wise to just call him in and go to bed. The thought of bed ignited some interesting mental pictures. The blonde angel smiled slightly to himself. Yes, that would be one way to take his lover's mind off of that bio-humanoid angel he was pining for. Opening the sliding glass door that lead out to the balcony, Kagetsuya stepped out into the cool night air.
* * * * * * * *
Oh, Messiah...Where are you? Chihaya sighed and leaned onto the balcony railing, staring into the sky with a look of longing on his face. I want to see you again. I can feel you calling out for me, but I don't know where to find you. The stars were no help. Their silvery color against a backdrop of ebony only served as a reminder of the transformation of Messiah's wings. How shocked and hurt he had felt when he had seen that. But then when Messiah had whispered his name and closed his fingers around Chihaya's...
The black angel curled the fingers of that hand into his palm protectively, as if afraid to lose something precious to him. Indeed, he could still feel the strong grip on his hand if he tried hard enough to remember, or how those inhumanly gold eyes had warmed when they looked at him. Kagetsuya didn't understand, not at all. He only saw Messiah as some sort of freak, a monstrous combination of bio-humanoid and black angel fit only to be pitied or destroyed if needed. "But I don't care what he says," Chihaya told himself firmly. "If Messiah is a freak, then so am I. He was made from my DNA. I'm responsible for him. We're a part of each other, and...well, we need each other, too. He's all alone out there with no one to love him. I can't just walk away."
The sliding glass door opened behind him. He didn't turn around. Strong arms twined around his waist, a chin resting on top of his head. The warm smell of cinnamon that was distinctly Kagetsuya enveloped him. Instead of exciting the black angel, as it usually did, tonight it only felt cloying. But it was nice to be offered some small measure of comfort, even if there was no understanding behind it. Still, he didn't lean back into the embrace like he used to. The chin on his head shifted and he heard his blonde companion breathing in the scent of his own dark hair.
"You're so quiet tonight," Kagetsuya murmured. "You barely ate anything during dinner. Was my cooking really that bad?"
"N-no," Chihaya stammered. "I've just got a lot on my mind, I guess."
"I see." Kagetsuya's voice seemed slightly tense. Chihaya wondered why before jumping to the conclusion that he felt slighted about his cooking.
"Really, dinner wasn't bad at all. You always cook so well. You make me so jealous." He wasn't prepared by the way his blonde lover stiffened and abruptly drew away. "What's wrong?" he asked in concern, turning to face his partner. Kagetsuya was looking off to the side, a strange expression on his face.
"Sometimes you make me jealous too," he replied before spinning on his heel and going back inside. Chihaya trailed after him, confused. He shut the door and locked it behind him, watching as his friend picked up the magazines he had read and stacked them neatly into the basket they used to hold them. "I'm going to bed," the blonde angel stated abruptly. "Are you staying up?"
Chihaya shook his head, a small frown on his boyish face. He walked past Kagetsuya into the bedroom, starting to tug off his jacket. "No, I'll join you." The lights in the living room were switched off and they were left in near total darkness as they undressed. The black angel had just finished tugging off his shoes and socks and was working on the buttons on his shirt when he felt Kagetsuya press up against his back again, taking hold of his hands. "What are you doing?"
"This..." The word was breathed into Chihaya's right ear before his earlobe was caught between nibbling lips. The smaller angel gasped, letting his hands be lowered to his sides. "Keep them there," his lover told him when he pulled away. Chihaya shivered as his shirt was tugged out of his pants, one long-fingered hand sliding under it and up his chest while the other continued to unbutton the garment. Within moments, the shirt was open. Kagetsuya tugged it down enough to expose the soft skin of his lover's shoulders. He started on the right one, first dribbling tender kisses before reaching the junction of shoulder and neck. Here he placed a strong, sucking kiss that caused Chihaya to gasp again. The black angel struggled against the confines of his shirt, wanting to break free and run, wanting to turn around and allow the taller angel to ravage him. He felt the shirt pulled tight and this time his gasp was one of slight pain. He understood the warning, though. He held perfectly still as the same process was repeated on the other shoulder, ending with a hard kiss that was sure to leave a mark.
"Kagetsuya..." he whined, not daring to move but afraid to do nothing. Why was his partner acting so rough?
"Be quiet, Chihaya," was the cool answer. "I want to touch you right now. Is that so wrong of me?" His voice trembled at the end as if he were fighting to control some strong emotion. Chihaya gave a little whimper as another hard kiss was placed on the back of his neck.
"It's just that...you're hurting me. And I want to touch you too."
"Hmm." The small angel felt himself being turned around to face his lover. He tilted his face upward to look into shadowed sapphire eyes framed by smoky gold lashes. Something unreadable burned in their depths. "I'm sorry," Kagetsuya apologized, gently fingering one of the red marks he'd made. The skin there was sensitive and the light touch sparked a flash of sensation, both pleasure and pain, through the dark-haired angelic boy. "I suppose I got carried away. You're so beautiful, Chihaya. I guess I just wanted to..." He broke off with an angry sigh, though whether it was directed at himself or his lover was unclear. He stepped back and finished tugging off the rest of his clothing. His partner just watched with a bewildered expression on his face, self-consciously letting the shirt fall from his arms. The blonde angel appeared to be ignoring his lover now as he pulled his pajama bottoms up long legs and over lean hips but left the shirt for Chihaya. Then he crawled into bed, facing outward, and closed his eyes.
Chihaya just stood there for several long moments trying to decide whether he should apologize for whatever it was he had done to upset Kagetsuya or to cry. Never had his partner acted so strangely around him. Divesting himself of the rest of his clothing, he slipped the rather large pajama top over his head. It ended high on the backs of his thighs and wasn't really made for covering anything, but it was soft and fuzzy which he liked. He got into bed next to his friend, balancing on the edge to put as much distance as he could between them. They lay in silence, just listening to the other one breathe, feigning a sleep that would be long in coming. At last Chihaya could take it no more. He rolled over and spooned up against Kagetsuya's back, kissing the blonde's temple softly. "We need to talk."
"Do we?" Kagetsuya didn't open his eyes, didn't move a single muscle. His tone was flat. "I don't think there is anything to say."
"Don't be this way," the black angel pleaded. "I really think we need to discuss whatever it is that's bothering you." Silence loomed heavily again and for one scared moment, Chihaya was afraid his lover wouldn't answer him. Then there came a soft exhalation of air and Kagetsuya rolled onto his back to look into dark amethyst eyes.
"What are we?" So serious was Kagetsuya's words that the raven-tressed angle could feel something akin to dread sneaking up on him. It was usually the blonde telling him to lighten up and snap out of his depressions. But now, their roles felt reversed. "What are we, Chihaya?" Kagetsuya repeated.
The smaller angel blinked. "Huh? I don't understand." His hands were suddenly gripped tightly as sapphire eyes burned into his.
"You know what I mean." Kagetsuya's voice was low but seemed tight, as if he couldn't seem to talk past clenched teeth. "What are we to each other?"
Chihaya fumbled for a response, a blush rising to his pale cheeks. He looked away, unable to meet the other angel's gaze. "Well, you're my partner of course. And you're my friend."
"Friend." The blonde repeated the word with a curled lip, pushing the hands he held away from himself. "Is that all this is, Chihaya? Friendship?"
"I...I guess." Chihaya lowered his eyes to the blankets and rubbed his hands together. Kagetsuya's grip had hurt. "What is it I have to say to make you stop being angry with me?"
With obvious effort, Kagetsuya got his emotions under control. Carefully this time, he placed a hand under his lover's chin and lifted the suffering face to look at him. "Just tell me one thing, and promise me you'll be truthful." Wordlessly, the black angel nodded. "Do you care for me, Chihaya?"
"Of course! Always."
The conviction of those words seemed believable, but... "Do you-" Kagetsuya's voice trembled. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Do you love me?"
"We've been through a lot together. You're more than just a friend and partner to me. I'd give my life for you without a second thought. But..."
"But I'm not what you need. Because I have white wings, right?"
Chihaya was stunned to hear such bitterness in his friend's voice. Raising one of his own hands, he took the one under his chin and maneuvered it into cupping his cheek. "What are you trying to say?" The hand he held against his face spasmed and Kagetsuya glanced away.
"Do you love Messiah?" The words were barely audible and the blonde closed his eyes halfway through. Chihaya drew in a sharp breath and stared with wide eyes. "You do, don't you." It was a statement, not a question. Tears filled his eyes as Kagetsuya drew his hand back and refused to look at him.
"I do." A sob worked it's way out of his throat. "I love him so much and I don't even know why. All I know is that I want to be with him. I know we can help each other." Tears coursed down his cheeks like trails of molten silver in the dim light of the room. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kagetsuya..." He fell onto the blonde's chest, crying his eyes out into the covers.
* * * * * * * *
He wanted to die. If angels could take their lives, he would do so without hesitation at this moment. It hurt. The pain was worse than a thousand swords, worse than bullet wounds, a horrible grinding pain that started in the area of his heart and worked its way outward. This declaration had been the last thing he had wanted to hear. But he had to know, couldn't stand being in the dark any more. Absently he stroked the dark head resting on his chest, wet tears trickling down onto his bare skin.
"Promise me," Chihaya sobbed desperately. "Promise me you won't hate me. I couldn't stand it if that were to happen. You're my only real friend. If I were to ever lose that..."
"I remember the first time we made love," Kagetsuya murmured quietly. "I held you in my arms and you asked if this was forever. I told you it always would be with me. I would never go back on my word to you. You will always have my friendship, Chihaya." His own eyes misted over and try as he might, he couldn't stop the tears from falling. "And you will always have my heart. Forever." They held each other that way until the tears had past, Chihaya finally nodding off from exhaustion. Kagetsuya continued to stroke the silky black hair, memorizing the feel of his love's body against his own, the smell of him. His hand wandered to rub the spots on the smaller angel's back where his wings would be in their angelic forms. He wanted to capture this moment for a time when he could no longer press Chihaya to him. He knew that day would eventually come. Right now, he would savor the time remaining to him. Messiah, you better make him happy or no pit dark enough, not even the boundaries of hell will protect you from me.
