…My SOLDIER's…
PLEASE READ BEFORE STORY
A/N: Well hello there! CreateInsanity here, bringing you her first Final Fantasy Fan Fiction! I must admit it is a very angst filled story, but a lot has happened over this week and I feel that this helped me get a little of it of my chest. I won't go into great detail of what happened, just that someone died and that upset me very much. This fan fiction sort of turned into therapy… And it did make me feel better to set my mind on this and forget everything else for a while… Please leave a little review if you can, I do enjoy reading people's feedback. Constructive Criticism is more than welcome, but no flames please, it's been a bad enough few weeks as it is.
WARNINGS: Suicide/ Yaoi coupling, but no actual action/Angst.
I hope you enjoy it and just in case some of you like to listen to music while reading, I wrote this to a song called My Skin by Natalie Merchant, I think it helps with the overall feel of the story, feel free to listen to it while reading… Enjoy X
Zack woke with a yawn, keeping his eyes closed as he smiled in the morning sunlight. Snuggling into the pillows one more time he sighed happily and rolled over, spreading his arm out in the search of one of his lovers. The pads of his fingers were met with long hair. Sephiroth's hair. It took his half awake brain a minute to realise that this was odd, normally Cloud slept between them. Opening his eyes slowly, his mind was thrown further into disorientation as the summer sun hit his sensitive eyes. Wincing he looked to Sephiroth, seeing no Cloud he pushed himself up on his elbows and looked over the sleeping silver haired male, still no Cloud.
The ravenette frowned slightly as he got up out of the bed, careful not to wake Sephiroth. Walking towards the bathroom he peered inside, finding nothing there he headed to the kitchen.
He searched the whole house for his young blonde lover, growing increasingly worried when he found no trace of the little Cadet. Checking every room again he made his way back to the bedroom, checking to make sure Cloud had not been in here the whole time. But no, there was no blonde hair on the bed, the vibrant colour putting even the morning sunlight to shame. There were no bright blue eyes peering out from under the quilt or some hidden area in the room, those eyes that could make even the ocean jealous of their stunning colour. There was no porcelain skin, or lean figure, or small but sincere smile... There was no Cloud.
Zack Fair suddenly started to panic, which believe it or not did not happen often and normally caused those around him to spiral into the same state. Jumping back on the bad the spiky haired man called his older lover. Being the General, Sephiroth woke straight away and looked to Zackary. Seeing the wide eyed and worried expression and the fact he could not feel anything else on the bed but Zack, he two began to feel the first stages of panic rise in his chest.
"Where's Cloud?" They both asked the other. Both men jumped out of the bed and ran into the apartment, looking everywhere, once again, for their little rain Cloud.
It was no secret that the two SOLDIERS where very protective of their young lover. He was the glue in their relationship and it honestly didn't feel right without him. There sole purpose was to make the blonde happy and their biggest achievement was making him smile. Both men had instantly fallen for the Cadet as soon as they had set eyes on him at the Cadet's Instigation Ceremony and the rest had been history, being together now for a year there loving and possessive nature towards Cloud had only grown.
Walking back into the kitchen, Sephiroth's striding suddenly faltered as he spotted a folded piece of plain paper stuck to their fridge. Stopping in front of the object he gentle prised the paper out from under the magnet and looked at the front of it as Zack came up behind him and read over his shoulder.
My SOLDIERS...
Those two words where written on the front of the paper and with a deep breath Sephiroth unfolded what appeared to be a letter. It was obvious Cloud had written it, by the fact that no one could quite copy his elegant handwriting and My SOLDIERS had been a kind of Pet name for the two courteously of Cloud. Now with the letter flat in his arms and Zack reading quietly over Seph's shoulder, the two began to read.
I guess this is it...
But don't be sad; think of it as setting me free.
That's all I ever wanted.
To be set free.
But don't cry for me, please.
Be happy and know that I love you both... I have always loved you.
Take care of each other and love each other, because I never deserved the love you gave to me.
To Sephiroth...
You Sephiroth... are the most, good hearted man I have ever met.
Behind that cold, quiet demeanour I have found the real you.
That kind, friendly, loving, funny man, who deserved nothing that happened to you.
When you think of me from now on Seph...
Remember the good times.
...I don't want to give the love you gave to me back, but I must.
So here it is Seph.
Give it to someone who can make you happy... because if I'm honest…
I think I was always a lost cause,
I have fallen too far, and no rope, of any length can pull me back.
Just know this...
I love you so, so much.
Stay strong.
My kind, beautiful and loving warrior.
The Demon of Wutai is not a fitting title for you.
You're the angel…
Who stole my heart…
To Zack...
You Zack... Were the first friend I ever had...
The first person who believed in me... liked me.
Our friendship and our relationship was the most cherished thing in my life.
And I'm so sorry you're effort's went to waste.
You were the Big brother I always wanted, the friend I never thought I needed and the lover I never imagined I could have.
You are funny, kind and love everyone you meet.
And I'm so happy I managed to capture even a small part of that love.
But again I give it back, because deep inside I know…
I never deserved it.
Take it and cherish it…
Then give it to someone who will make you happy.
Because that's all I want from you.
Is for you to be happy and see you smile.
Because you have no idea how much I adore your smile…
Keep smiling…
My excitable, and utterly precious puppy.
I will always love you…
For the past year, you two have been the sole reason for my existence.
And it has been the best year of my life…
I cannot physically describe how much I love you both…
But know…
That I do,
Have,
And always will…
Love you.
You may wonder of my reasons.
Darkness is a myth.
There is no Darkness in my world,
It's exactly the same…
No, it's the feeling of knowing I'm not good enough
And the fear of waking up and finding that you two don't love me anymore…
Or maybe…
Never did.
So I'm going now.
And I'm gonna leave the world behind,
With the knowledge in my head that you both loved me…
Whether that knowledge be fiction or fact.
I have said the word Love so many times in this letter…
Because I believe it's one of the only emotions I have ever truly felt…
And one more time now…
I love you...
Stay strong.
Stay smiling.
And know…
That I love you.
Goodbye… My SOLDIERS…
Love,
Cloud.
X
The paper fell out of Sephiroth's hands and fluttered to the floor. Tears streaming down both the men's faces, they shared a glance and ran to Cloud's favourite place.
Running up the hill at the back of Sephiroth's apartment, they ran to the spot, to the sole blossom tree, resting on top of the rich green grass. The pink petals fluttered and swirled in the breeze. Creating an entirely too beautiful scene for the heartbreaking sight that met the two men.
For there under the carving they had marked there those few weeks ago, was Cloud. He sat underneath the heart that had been etched into the wood, with the initials SCZ in the centre. A small smile lit up his now deathly pale white skin, a startling contrast to the crimson blood dripping out of the wounds on his arms and decorating the green grass with specs of agony and heartbreak. His unnaturally spiky blonde hair swayed in the breeze as peacefully closed eyelids shut of the beautiful eye's from the world.
Stumbling towards his lover, Sephiroth fell to his knees beside his precious blonde Cadet and reached out a shaking hand to check for a pulse.
No reassuring thrum of life met his fingertips.
Pulling in a gasping breath, the General began to weep for his long lost lover. He felt Zack approach Cloud's other side and collapse on the other side of the blonde. They stayed that way for hours, weeping, crying sobbing and screaming for the one person they had strived to live for, the one person who had proved to them that they were not monsters and given them a reason to live to the best of their ability. The amount of guilt was excruciating as they realised they had failed to return the favour.
Eventually; Tseng had come to find them. The Turk shedding a tear of his own at the bloodied corpse which was all that remained of the young cadet he had come to call a little brother.
And as they were being led away and there lover placed in a body bag behind them…
You could hear their hearts break…
THE END… Or is it?
CreateInsanity X