"Enjoy it while it lasts," I quickly hurry into the lift, as if I'm trying to escape. I don't know what I'm even escaping. Robert, this hotel, my mind. I just want to escape it all.

I hear a reply from the newly weds but I don't even have time to register it.

What have I done?

Nick Tilsley. Nicholas Paul Tilsley. My Nicky.

He's not just the man I love, the love of my life, he is my life.

He's done nothing but support me, care for me, put my feelings before his and make sure I am okay.

And how do I repay him?

By fucking his chef.

Before I even know what I'm doing my hands are all over the place, repeatedly hitting the buttons of the seemingly tiny lift. It's so slow. Why is it so slow? I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here now.

I can't breathe.

Breathe. Breathe. Slow. Breathe.

Why does this lift need to have mirrors? I can't even bare to think about what I've done, let alone look at me.

How could I do this?

This top used to be one of my favourites. I made so many good memories whilst wearing it.

This is the top I wore when we decorated my Christmas tree. Well, it was more when we started decorating it. We got a bit distracted and it ended up coming off so we had to finish it the next day.

It was perfect. I couldn't believe my luck. I had the best man in the world and he was all mine. He loved me. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

That was a first for me.

I've been in love with men in the past and they've been in love with me. But, this was different. He was different. He is different.

He isn't going to cheat on me. He isn't going to leave me. He isn't going to hurt me in any way; emotionally or physically.

But I guess that's how it works with me and men.

It's just one bad year after another.

If they don't hurt me, I hurt them. And that's just what I have done.

I've hurt him.

Suddenly, the noise of the lift opening sounds through my ears and I see the doors slowly opening. I run.

I run and I run and I run and I don't stop.

I just need to run, to get away. Maybe if I run, maybe if I go home, maybe if I have a shower, maybe, just maybe, it will be like it never happened.

Who am I kidding? Secrets like these never stay secrets for long. And when it comes out, it's going to be another name added onto the long list of lives I've ruined.

What have I done?