Note: This is a very short opening, it's kind of an introduction to why I think they didn't end up together in the episode. They both have a lot they need to get through so this isn't going to be easy. It's going to be quite long, bumpy and Brendan is also going to make an appearence. But that doesn't mean it won't be romantic or heartfelt. Remember this is wrote straight after the first kiss they shared so anything that happens after that episode probably won't be mentioned in here. Any mistakes are my own and I would love your feedback (of whatever kind!).
Doug was dreading Monday. He'd had the whole weekend off and found himself on the Sunday night, all at once, very nervous. He hadn't seen, spoken to or been any where near Ste since Friday and his heart ached at the thought. Ste thought he wasn't ready. Why couldn't he understand that he was just unprepared? All these thoughts and feelings had happened in a short time it'd be hard for anyone to understand them. He'd never felt that way towards a man before but now that he thought about it; he'd never actually loved a woman before. Of course, there was Becks and he thought he loved her but it was more that he cared for her. He still misses her; she was a great friend, she just didn't make him feel the same way Ste does.
Doug turned over on his bed a number of times before he realised that he wasn't going to get any sleep that night. He lazily made his way down the stairs, making sure not to wake anyone, and sat on the couch in silence. He needed space, time to think. He'd kept himself from remembering his kiss with Ste all weekend but in the early hours of the morning where Doug felt cold inside and out and alone; he needed this short memory of absolute warmth. As he closed his eyes the taste of Ste's lips flickered on Doug's and his stomach flipped over itself. His tongue wanted what his memory brought up. He bit his bottom lip as he felt the bottom half of his body stir. No-one had ever had this effect on him with just a memory alone, he wanted it again, he needed it.
…
Ste awoke with his mind spinning. That was the third night in a row that Doug had been in his dreams. He sat up in his bed and sighed at the time. It was only 3:00am and he certainly couldn't get back to sleep when he had woke up so urgently. His dream centred around Doug; they were happy, in a relationship and walking hand in hand down the village. The streets were empty until someone Ste didn't even recognise walked out The Dog. When this man walked past, Ste pulled his hand from Doug. He dragged him to the alley and pushed him against the wall. Not in passion or lust but in hatred and disgust. Ste wasn't gay, he wasn't a faggot or a poof. He had to gain back his masculinity; gain back what Doug had taken from him. His hand curled up into a fist and made its way to Doug's stomach. He doubled over gasping for the air that Ste had forced out of him. Ste couldn't stop. He loved the power it gave him, he loved how in control he could be. He looked at the helpless, defenceless Doug down at his feet as he begged for mercy. Suddenly, Ste understood why Brendan had done this to him; he understood why he'd done it to Amy...
Ste shook his head trying to get the still very vivid images out of his head.
'This is why,' he thought 'This is why I can't be with Doug. I can't do that to him, I can't hurt him...' His life had revolved around abuse and hurt. He needed someone who could take care of him; after what he'd done he didn't deserve to be taking care of anyone. Doug was vulnerable and needed as much support as possible and Ste would help him of course but he just couldn't be with him. It didn't matter how much he wanted to.