This popped into my head after listening to M83-Wait. I haven't written anything resembling fanfiction in many years, take it easy on me ;) I'm not exactly sure where this falls in the timeline.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
It was one of those nights. One of the nights where he felt less like Eobard Thawne and more like the Harrison Wells he had taken this body from. Team Flash had left for a karaoke bar after they'd finished their work tonight, and of course he had no interest in joining them.
"Doctor Wells, we're all going out to sing karaoke tonight. Are you interested in coming with us? It seems like you could use a night out," Caitlin suggested once the others had left the cortex.
"No, no. I'm fine, Caitlin. I've got work to finish here. You go enjoy yourself." After a look of apprehension came over her, he added, "Please don't feel the need to stay on my account." Caitlin was such a sweet girl. He hated to think of her mental and emotional state when she would find out the truth about him in the near future.
"Well, call me if you need anything. Really." Their eyes were locked for a passing moment when Caitlin felt compelled to hug him. She knew something was off today, but if he didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't force it. She knew things had been hard for him since the explosion. It didn't help that he still had those nights where memories of Tess kept him in the lab late, where Caitlin would stay with him just to keep him company. It was a warm friendship they shared. She bent over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and Eobard patted her back as a return gesture.
"Thank you Caitlin. Good night." He nodded and she stood up and pulled her purse higher on her shoulder, ready to leave the building. She gave him a small smile before turning around.
Eobard wheeled himself over to look down at where the particle accelerator had exploded and stood out of his chair to lean against the railing. He had known this would happen, planned for it even. But there was just enough Harrison in him to be deeply affected at the realization of just how devastating the event had been. A whole city was still dealing with the aftermath of Harrison Wells' dream coming to an explosive halt. While people outside the lab watched in horror as fire came from the roof of the laboratory, the scientists on the inside fought to ensure no lives would be lost due to this disaster. Ronnie, sacrificing his life while Cisco and Caitlin sat helplessly on the other side of the door from him-they were the ones who sacrificed most, he thought. Absolute devastation due to the destruction of his small empire.
It was such a large scale event, and only one man was responsible for it. The weight of what happened had not passed him by. It was nights like this where he truly felt how messed up this whole situation was. This whole 15 years. All because of his enmity with one man. One Barry Allen- this Barry Allen who had no idea what he'd done that was so terrible as to convince Eobard that murdering his mother would be necessary.
He placed his head in his hands for just a moment before he slammed his fists against the railing with a yell of frustration. Eobard hated these nights. Hated when he cared too much. 'They've all been dead for centuries to me,' he constantly reminded himself. But Harrison Wells was far from heartless, and since he had taken his body, his memories, his thoughts, he couldn't help times like now where Harrison mostly took over in him. He turned and sat back in his chair, taking a moment to breathe before he straightened his posture and cleared his face as much as he could of emotion.
He wheeled himself all the way to his van and drove home. When he arrived, he entered and parked his chair at the couch before standing up. He went to his mini bar and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. Very rarely did he drink- it didn't affect him after all. But there was something cathartic about drinking, even when it had no effect.
On his way to the couch, he picked up the his home remote and turned on a slow, heart wrenching melody he'd left in there for nights like this. He dropped himself onto the couch after placing his glass of whiskey on the coffee table. Eobard looked up through his transparent ceiling, remembering the conversation Harrison and Tess had on the beach, shortly before he took their lives. As much as Harrison had adored Tess, she seemed to always love him more. "You, Harrison Wells, are the only star I see," he recalled. Tears began brimming in his eyes. It was a full moon tonight and all his lights were still off. A perfect view of the sky. The Harrison in him so wished for the comfort of his wife once more, but the Eobard in him hardened and reminded himself of the objective. The whole point of it all. To get back to his time. His life.
He sniffed and rubbed off the tears that had fallen and removed his glasses, tossing them onto the coffee table. A loud and unwelcome sound attacked his ears when someone rang the doorbell. Who would be coming by his house at this hour? Though still in his grief, adrenaline began pumping, not knowing who had come to his home. Eobard used the remote to turn off the stereo and returned his glasses to his face. He pulled his handgun out of a drawer in the foyer and quietly walked back to his chair. He wheeled himself to the door with the gun in his left hand, right hand ready to open the door. He cracked it just enough to see that Caitlin Snow was standing outside his door, seeming relatively nervous. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion and curiosity, and he placed the weapon under one of his legs to open the door more fully.
"Why Caitlin, hello. What are you doing here? I thought you were out with everyone," He posed his question.
"I, uhm. I thought you might need some company," she said with a questioning tone. "You really didn't seem yourself tonight and I thought a little company might cheer you up a bit. Is it a bad time? I can go if it's a bad time." She didn't fail to notice the tinge of pink around his eyes and suspected he had been crying at some point tonight. Her heart clenched.
Eobard's face softened and a small smile erupted. Once again, he was surprised by the wonderful Doctor Snow- her never ceasing loyalty and caring. If he didn't let her in, she would continue to wonder after his wellbeing and suffer unease until she saw him again the next day. It couldn't hurt to let her in for a short while, just to calm her suspicions. He wheeled back, opened the door, and nodded his head in the direction of his living room. Caitlin carefully stepped over the threshold into the foyer and walked to the couch, placing her purse next to the armrest. Harrison used the remote to turn on the lights. While she was removing her coat, Eobard wheeled himself over to his mini bar.
"Care to join me for another drink?" He pulled out a fresh tumbler and took the lid off the whiskey.
Caitlin hesitated. She wasn't really a whiskey drinker, but maybe tonight she could be, just for a short while. After her thoughts ceased, she nodded, "Yes. Sure, Doctor Wells."
"Please, no formalities here. Call me Harrison." He finished pouring her glass and wheeled over to the armrest where she was standing. He handed her a glass and gestured toward the couch, "Take a seat."
"Okay…Harrison." She was much better acquainted with calling him Doctor Wells. But she liked the intimacy this first name basis offered while not in the office. She sat down next to the armrest to be nearer to Eobard in his chair and placed her hands in her lap. She twisted her ring a couple times around her finger before looking back up at Eobard, only to watch his eyes flicker up from her hands as well. He showed a tight smile and Caitlin chose to speak first. "I know you're not okay tonight, Harrison. I left for the bar and got all the way to the parking lot, but I couldn't go enjoy myself knowing that one of the people closest to me was silently dealing with something. So, here I am."
Eobard's eyes never left hers while she was speaking, and once more, the weight of his lies hit him. The damage he was doing to these people. Sure, the timeline wouldn't be interrupted because of the amount of betrayal and mistrust they would feel, but every person just has their one life. And he was screwing with theirs. To make things worse, Caitlin was not necessary for his plans at all, but out of her loyalty and good heart decided to stick by her boss through thick and thin. And for some reason, it hurt. Caitlin saw pain wash over him again and couldn't help reaching over and placing her hand over his that was resting in his lap. Harrison looked away for a moment to collect himself and took a deep breath before looking back at her again, his lips once again forming a tight smile.
"I appreciate you, Caitlin. Your friendship means more to me than you might know. It's just one of those nights, that's all. Thinking about everything that happened." Caitlin's mind immediately jumped to his paralysis and how his life was now completely different, and she removed her hand from his. Her eyes didn't hide her thoughts, so he noticed she was now staring at his legs. He chuckled darkly, looking anywhere but her face, and removed his glasses, pretending to wipe them clean with his shirt before returning them to his face. That was just one of the largest lies he was keeping from her and everyone else. Cisco was then at the forefront of his mind. A man he had recently discovered seemed more like a son to him than simply an employee. Then Barry, and the fact that all his grief, all over the murder of his mother and imprisonment of his father, was directly his fault.
Caitlin scooted closer to the edge of her seat, not knowing what to say or do. So she patiently waited, watching for the moment his eyes would return to hers. She didn't have to wait long before he looked back up at her, darkness easily coming off him in waves. It didn't seem like just sadness of grief. It seemed like there was more that he was hiding. More than his paralysis, more than the accelerator explosion, more even than the death of his wife. Her eyes scrunched in confusion at what darkness might lie underneath the surface of this man. All she could think to say was, "I could stay with you, if you want. I have nowhere to be." 'No one to be with', she thought to herself, and at that, her own wave of sadness began to wash over her.
As if reading her thoughts, Eobard watched her shift her eyes downward and couldn't stop himself from reaching out and lifting her face to look back at him. "Caitlin, that's all my fault. I'm so sorry. You have no idea," he cut off. No idea how sorry he was, but also no idea of just how much he was hiding from her that would cut her so deep. She watched as the darkness seemed to spill over in him and her vision shifted from his face down to his lips. Her lips parted in thought and the sudden urge to kiss him flitted across her mind. Eobard saw where she was looking and returned the gesture. It's not as if he hadn't thought about it before. The thought of kissing her.
Neither realized that they had moved forward until their faces were mere inches apart. Eobard's mind returned to him and he quickly gathered himself in his chair, suddenly more sober minded, with the realization of what almost happened. He wheeled himself backward, just a bit. He could not let himself think that way- get attached that way. He couldn't further complicate the already fragile timeline he was dealing with. During his current thoughts, Caitlin had snapped back and remembered herself, and suddenly felt regret and remorse at even the thought of another man so close after Ronnie's death. But Eobard was too busy with his own thoughts to notice. He placed his head in his left hand, his fingers rubbing his eyes under his glasses, and eventually pulled his face upward while Caitlin was still almost in shock at what had almost happened.
"Caitlin." He pulled her attention to himself once more. He couldn't let her be distracted by this at the lab. He couldn't let this drag her further in her own hole of despair. He couldn't let this separate them and their friendship. He needed that, he thought. She eventually looked up at him to see his face resting on his hand, seeming to be more collected than herself. She started to speak, but her beat her to it. "I'm sorry. I don't know what overtook me. Please, don't let this put a wedge between us. You're very important to me, and I don't want to hurt you. He wheeled back to where he was before and placed one of her hands in both his own. "Thank you. Thank you for coming by. I think I will be fine for the rest of the night. Forgive me?"
"Doctor Wel-Harrison. Of course I forgive you. It was just as much me as you." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I just want you to be okay. I don't like to watch you hurting."
'If this is what happens to have someone care about my hurt,' he thought, 'maybe I should reign these emotions a little tighter in.' He didn't consciously know, but this moment hardened Eobard just a little further. Took away just a little more away of his willingness to open himself to others. His resolve strengthened to not let these nights happen. "I appreciate your concern, Doctor Snow." He saw shock pass over her at the use of her professional title, but he had to do this. No, he wouldn't withdraw from her. He would continue the relationship they had before this night, but these nights could no longer happen. They were a distraction. He could not take distractions, the timeline was much too fragile.
Caitlin was more hurt than she showed, but she collected herself anyway. She was strong. This was just one of the many things she would have to power through. She knew he was pushing her away. She thought coming tonight would help that, but she knew now that she was wrong. A resigned sigh escaped her lips. She couldn't stop herself caring about him, but he didn't have to know that she still cared. She would keep her concern better reigned in, she didn't want to push him even further away after all. "I hope your night gets better, Doctor Wells." She dropped the informality as well.
"Trust me, it has." He wasn't lying. Her visit did help him in some way. But it was time for her to go now. He needed to be alone. "I'll walk you to the door."
He started to move that direction when her hand placed on his stopped him, "No, I know where it is. Have a good night, Doctor Wells." She picked up her purse and walked to his front door, not waiting for a response.
He heard her heels clicking on his sidewalk before he returned the sentiment, "You too, Cait."