Found this buried somewhere in my folder. Thought I'd make an alternative route to the weird couple that could've been Shuuhei and Akon. This one portrays Akon with a bit Mayuri-ness to him. I think that's why I cut these parts out. Originally they were supposed to be part of the first one but I took them out and put them here. I'm glad I kept it because I get to have a bit of fun and you get to read it. I added some bits so that it flowed better. Enjoy!

I hated the dojo. The odor burned my nose, the disarray burned my eyes, and the imbecility of the Shinigamis burned my brain cells. Honestly, the safety of Soul Society relied on these uncouth, unhygienic, and unintelligent buffoons? Excuse me while I stuck a finger down my throat.

Was there even any oxygen in this building? I should bring a gas mask next time. No, next time I'm putting my foot down. Enough's enough. I'm storming back to Mayuri-sama and demanding that-

There's a naked man in front of me.

Well, I'm in the locker room so this was expected. Being one of the researchers for gigai construction, you'd think I'd be accustomed to handling-I mean, seeing naked bodies. Of course, I am. Just not with an ass like that.

The youth slipped on his shitagi and turned around. He saw me and froze.

'Um, can I help you?'

'Hm?' I couldn't tell what his face looked like. Maybe because I was too busy staring at his crotch. So he didn't wear underwear, huh?

'Are you from the 12th Division? Is there something you-?'

'Your ass.'

'What?'

I finally looked at his face, tinged red, and noticed his tattoo. 'You must get around a lot with that on your face.'

His jaw dropped. Then he scowled. That shade of red on his cheeks looked different from before...

Name. Hisagi Shuuhei. Status. Student. Hobbies. Punching people in the face if they complimented his tattoo. Which was what I did, really. Did I really deserve to be socked in the face for that?

Despite being a role model, Hisagi Shuuhei failed the entrance exam twice. How interesting. Hmmm, he was also quite popular with the women and was given the title of Most Eligible Bachelor.

This is all for records, of course. Why else would I hack-I mean, skim through student databases? Right?

'Are you stalking me or something?'

'What? I can't have a drink at my favorite bar?'

He scowled and quickly gathered the drinks at the counter to take back to his friends' table.

'I heard you're going on a mission to the World of the Living.' He halted. 'Quite a big task for an Academy student.'

He inhaled sharply before glowering at me again.

'You don't know me,' he answered simply before turning on his heel and marching off. My eyes were fixed on his back.

I know you're too young to handle it.

I looked down.

Still not bad.

I dreamt about a shapely ass that night.

'Shit,' I hissed as I glanced down at the patient in the cot. He almost got half his face sliced up. I knew it. He was too young for that. What the hell was he thinking?

He groaned as he woke up, looked in my direction, and groaned again.

'Why does it always have to be you?' he mumbled from under the sheets.

'Better me than facing death,' I stated without hesitation. His eyes blanked out and he turned on his side, facing away from me.

He ignored me until I left. I swear I heard a muffled sob under the blanket. Had I said something wrong?

He stared at me.

'What're you-?' he murmured as I sat the bottle of sake on his bedside table.

'For the other day. I didn't mean to offend.'

He stared at the bottle.

'Do you always apologize with sake?'

'Only 93.8657% of the time.'

He snorted. 'Remind me to never ask you that again.'

'Is it true that you knew Muguruma-taicho?'

'Muguruma-san? Well, I had to. We worked quite closely with the 9th Division at the time. Why do you ask?'

Hisagi fiddled with his obi, avoiding my gaze. 'He saved my life when I was a kid. He's also the reason I became a Shinigami in the first place.'

'Oh.'

Ouch. What was that weird twinge in my chest?

'What was he like?'

'Who?'

'Muguruma-taicho. I've always wondered what kind of person he was. Was he strict? Was he respected by his subordinates? Was he always helping people?'

Jeez, he was just a man. Why the hell was he making him sound so extraordinary? And would my chest stop hurting already?

'He was alright,' I muttered. Then I added in a low voice, 'You know he had his faults too.'

'Well, yeah, but...I admire him. Everything I am today is because of him. I owe Muguruma-taicho a lot and I would give anything to meet him. If it wasn't for-'

'Jeez, would you quit calling him "taicho"? In case you've forgotten, he's no longer a fucking captain so there's no need to show him any respect.'

I don't know what came over me. Why the hell did I just yell out like that? There was nothing to yell about. Or swear. But…why did it bug me so much that I suddenly snapped?

Shuuhei was staring at me, surprised. I stood up abruptly.

'I have work,' I deadpanned and walked away mechanically. What was wrong with me?

Shuuhei was waiting outside the 12th Division. He had a bottle of sake in hand.

'Up for a drink?' he suggested. I just stared. 'Look, I'm sorry if my blabbering upset you earlier. I didn't mean to do that.'

'You didn't upset me,' I said rather too quickly. He raised an eyebrow. 'I was overworked.' The eyebrow rose even higher. 'I wanted to kill Mayuri-sama?'

He chuckled. 'Whatever. Let's just not fight about something stupid. To be honest, I like hanging out with you.'

'Really?'

He looked up and locked eyes with me.

'Really.'

Shuuhei's drunk. It was so obvious. Eyes glazed over, languid smile that he never, ever wore (or gave me), body swaying, and-

His lips pressed insistently against mine.

His cries were breathy and high, and hitched every time I thrust forward. His legs were casually dangling in the air, knees by his ears, toes twitching whenever I hit his prostrate dead-on. He looked at me with lidded eyes, reached out a hand and gently stroked the side of my face. Something stirred within the pit of my stomach.

Must be the alcohol.

'Akon-san, about last night…'

'We were drunk, Shuuhei. So don't worry, I think nothing of it.'

'Oh. Alright then…'

Hm, was it just me or did his voice drop an octave then?

'Wanna grab some coffee?'

'I like you.'

I paused midway in drinking my coffee. Then I resumed drinking.

'That's nice.'

He stared at me. Then, he threw his coffee at me. I yelped as the heat scalded my skin.

'At least I know you feel something,' he stated coldly before stomping away. I glanced down at my robes. Damn, and I just had these cleaned…

'Look, there's no need to get mad about something so petty. I appreciate the fact that you like me. Really. But that doesn't mean I can't tell you that I-'

'Erm, Akon-san?'

'Yes, Rin?'

'Why are you talking to Hisagi-san's gigai?'

'…I'm simply testing its otic canals to make sure they aren't clogged.'

Rin raised an eyebrow. Would people stop doing that whenever I said something?

Looked like Shuuhei was having a party. I could hear boisterous laughter coming from his side of the quarters. One of them sounded like Renji. I would know since I spent an hour trying to perfect the pitch of his voice for his gigai. Damn, that was a pain.

'Oi! Someone close the window before Tosen-sama decides to lecture us on the rules of keeping the peace in the Seireitei!' someone yelled. Everyone laughed even louder. I guess they weren't aware that it took Tosen 10 hours to narrate the 329 Rules of Keeping Peace, not including the clauses and footnotes. In short, it would not be a fun moment.

A silhouette appeared in the open window. It paused and stared at me. Now I wasn't standing in front of the window like some peeping pervert. But I was close enough that if someone really looked in the shadows they'd know someone was there.

I looked at the figure tentatively. I began to open my mouth.

'Shuuhei! Where'd you hide the sake? You planning on getting drunk without us?!'

The man in the window turned around, baring the tattooed side of his face to me. 'Looks like you're already there, Tetsu!' he laughed, quickly shutting the window.

Although I could still hear voices, they were muffled and almost nonexistent in the quiet night. I tried to isolate his voice but I couldn't. It made me realize just how suffocating silence could really be.

'You know, despite being a scientist, you can be pretty damn stupid at times.'

'On the contrary, scientists spend most of their time coming up with theories that they can never prove and end up looking pretty stupid. So compared to an average scientist, I've got a higher success rate and IQ. But I don't think that's what you're here to tell me.'

I looked up from the monitoring controls. Shuuhei leaned against the processing board, amused. I also noted the lieutenant badge around his arm. Then again, I already knew that from hacking-I mean, looking it up in the officer database.

'Still the same, huh?' He sighed. 'Look, I know it's hard for you to express yourself. You're you and I'm me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and you would preserve yours in a jar with formaldehyde.'

Wow. He actually listened to me when I talked.

'But you got to be a real asshole not to realize that someone obviously likes you-'

I should probably monitor the reiatsu levels in the atmosphere while he talked. Apparently there was some unusual spikes on the southern wall next to the 5th Division barracks…

'-so that's why I'm here to apologize.'

My hands froze over the keyboard. Wait, what? Did I miss something?

'I should've realized from your reaction when I talked about Muguruma-san that something was off,' Shuuhei continued, completely oblivious to me staring at him with my mouth open. 'At first, I thought Mayuri-taicho had rubbed off on you. But I noticed you were always kind to me otherwise, and never turned down my invitations. Then that night when we…' he coughed, cheeks dusted pink, '…I'll be honest, I was thinking about…someone else. But you…I could tell you weren't. You were seeing me for, well, me. And it made me so guilty.'

He scratched his head sheepishly. 'When I confessed to you all those years ago, I was the one being the asshole. I wanted to goad you to acknowledge you liked me just so I could feel good about myself. I was an Academy brat who wanted to feel worth something. And your reaction just pissed me off because it made me realize how immature I was. Now that I'm a lieutenant and had some time to reflect, I realized I owed you an apology and hope that we can still be-'

'Hey, Shuu?'

'Hm-mmph!'

I shoved him hard against the panel, attacking his mouth viciously while yanking at his obi. I'd made sure to disconnect the cameras in this room. Well, maybe I should've left one on just in case I was bored in the future and wanted to look back on this.

But back to the matter at hand, I needed a plan: obi, hakama, bend over, fuck. Hard.

Suddenly, the room was bathed in red. An alarm blared above us like an angry cock. Excuse me if I've got sex on my mind.

'Attention,' buzzed a calm voice over the speakers. 'Rogue ryokas have been sighted near the southern wall. All captains and vice-captains must report to the meeting room immediately.'

Rogues? How could I have missed that? Did I not calibrate a function to notify me if there was a change? Or maybe I forgot to after I touched that exquisite ass?

'Duty calls,' Shuuhei said dryly. He adjusted his hakama. 'See you after?'

I just hummed, eyes glued to the screen. I heard him chuckle as he left. My chest twinged. I should start a personal project. Test what is it about the pitch in Shuuhei's laugh that made me want to fuck him. That would yield some interesting results.