Disclaimer: I do not own The Mortal Instruments.
"Clary..." his voice shouted after me, now more of an echo in my ears than something that can be real and touchable, and yet he's still there. I run through the streets car horns blaring after me, the rain cleansing my burning heart, the streaks of raindrops running along my skin leaving behind a tingling sensation that makes me shiver with seclusion. My feet are more driven by pain than my own mind and heart, and I can only hear the pitter patter of raindrops and the slap of my feet hitting the pavement.
The sound of thunder awakens the anger and hatred in me, driving me somewhat in a state of madness, the blooming of the storm awaking this part of me I'd tried so very hard to hold onto. The great boom of the storm sounds like a gunshot, and the bullets are aimed at me. This pain is beyond an ache, I feel like I'm dying.
I can't tell if the wet feeling streaking down my face is rain or tears, but either way I can still feel the searing pain aching my heart as if I was stabbed. And even that would've felt better than this-this horrible feeling. The memory of it all still stuck out in my mind, replaying in a torturous melody of emotions, heartache, and disappointment.
I never should have left the house I should have just stayed with Simon and never even left to go look for the arrogant bastard, but even in my head the thought sounded wrong. Too wrong. But yet how could he do this, run off to some pub and out of the blue start to makeout with some girl who -as far as I knew- he didn't even know! The picture of his lips on hers, hands tangled in her mass of black-red curls, and finally his eyes glancing up to match with mine. Hurt and broken.
The gray clouds above were like a self portrait of my insides, dark and gloomy, full of loud and wet emotions. I shook my head against the memories, the rain now stinging at my eyes leaving my eyes cloudy as if there was unneeded contacts in my eyes, that left my vision blinded. The way he suddenly had shot up and began to smooth himself out of the booth had he'd been "sitting" in, the red-black haired girl glaring towards me and back to him, her eyes translucent and infuriated.
He probably doesn't even know her, I thought again. Everytime I replayed the moment where his eyes caught mine, I felt a slight tingle crawl up my skin like spiders crawling on my back leaving goosebumps in their wake. The rain fell harder yet, and now the watery essence was no longer comforting, but painful, but I didn't care and I continued to run. My thigh was beginning to burn as if it was on fire, yet my footsteps didn't falter a bit. I could no longer hear the rumble of cars, or the sound of speaking passengers, only the thunder that vibrated the ground.
I demanded that my legs stop, but it was as if a force driven by an aching sadness had taken possession of my feet and forced to run farther. Now I knew it was tears that were running down my face, the bleariness of the streams making me blinder. The rain still ran, the sky a gloomy darkness that hid the sun from view. Just as I felt my legs were going to run off my waist a stump of concrete stuck out hidden by grass stumped my foot and I flew forward landing onto the gritty concrete.
Pain wrenched through my elbows and knees, along my thigh, and thumped on my forehead. The rain seared my skin, the hailing of thunder and lightning reminding me of how I used to snuggle up by my mother during storms like this. When the wind would blow with ferocious speeds, and the rain fell so hard it blacked out the windows, and the loud snapping of branches landing into the streets making my tears fall with the rain. I didn't feel any of that comfort now, only a deep pain in and out.
When I tried to pull myself up, the sight of blood made he shake slightly. My whole body ached now, only adding to the bone-grinding pain in my heart. My arms were skinned deeply from my wrist to the elbow, red streaks making my heart do flips. My legs felt the same, my jeans sticking to my legs, the deep redness that was seeping through the denim leaving me numb and scared. My hair fell around my head, the rain sticking it close to my cheeks and scalp, the sound of footsteps awakening me from my trance. I was slightly distracted from my moment of pain as my emerald green eyes met with sparkling golden ones that were the sun hidden by gray clouds.
I attempted to scramble back but my tender sores protested with great provision, and caused me to land back down on the spot. Jace's curly hair was plastered to his face, the curls stretched beyond their limits, his usually golden hair now dampened to a deep brownish-gold. His eyes were a mix of pain, worry, and fear, his body didn't falter though, his gaze still as hard as stone. His clothes, just like his hair, were plastered to his skin outlining his muscular stature, making me want to turn my head away. Luckily I'd warn my brown jacket.
"Clary, let me help you," he said lending a muscular hand. I didn't want his help, I wanted to be left alone, to cry away my pain until every drop of heartache was replaced with nothingness. Nothingness was better than having to feel this.
"No." I said colder than I meant, making my heart sputter. The rain was falling so hard now it was almost hard to look up, but with Jace I could still see him clearly as the moon in the night sky. Still there no matter what sadly. I began to try to push myself up again but then felt a trickle of liquid seep from a spot on my forehead, and when I put a hesitant hand to it red dappled my finger slightly. "Damn." I hissed under my breathe. I thought I heard Jace utter a laugh, but it could've just been the rain.
"Clary, don't be foolish. Now, if you will," he said once again holding out a hopeful hand. If he thought this was some act of valiance, an act of forgiveness, he was sadly mistaken. I shook my head, hoping he could see my head sway, and averted my gaze away from his piercing stare. I wiped a brisk hand on my knee leaving a red streak on the dark denim. The sound of thunder boomed around us and I wanted that comfort I felt with my mother, being able to crawl up to her on our ivory leather couch, and listen to her soft voice until the thunder was nothing but a distant sound, and I was asleep.
I was ripped away from this distant thought as I felt strong gentle arms grip under my knees and back, and lift me from the grainy concrete sidewalk. As my legs lifted from the ground I heard Jace whisper,
"Hear me out." I was about to protest, but knew it was no use, so instead I leaned against Jace's collarbone placing an inactive arm around his neck for support. His heartbeat was almost playing like my mothers voice, like a lullaby pulling me away from the fear of the thunder, but instead I didn't sleep. I couldn't. Not while Jace was holding me. I could feel the muscle beneath my limp body, and my heart fluttered slightly. The rain drenched my whole body, shivers occupied my small form as I felt Jace walking. I didn't even know where we were, all I knew is that we weren't anywhere near people we knew or cars and places we recognized. It was silent.
"Why-why were you kissing her?" I whispered with a flat tone in my voice. I was to filled with emotion to sound angry, sad, or anything. I didn't have the strength to raise my head, but my eyes traveled up far enough to catch Jace's gaze looking down at me, his golden ringed eyes that gleamed like gold coins. When he spoke, he sounded rueful and angry.
"Why were you there?" His jaw clenched but I could tell he wasn't angry, but hurt. When I spoke, my voice held some of it's old spite.
"Answer my question first." I might not have enough strength to move, but I can sure as hell be a total brat for Jace. Anything for the damn bastard as Issabelle would say. The rain still hadn't faltered, but I could still hear a laugh come out of Jace, making his chest vibrate slightly. I scowled.
"Always nice to see you again Clary. I'll answer your question, once we get somewhere warm. Your as cold as snow, and last time I looked, although I'm not a doctor, that's not a good thing." He heaved me up again, my head bumping his chin, and continued to walk. I closed my eyes, finding the reality of this all quite unbearable. The rain felt with strenuous speed, the sound like waves in an ocean, swaying with melodic beat. I'd never been to the ocean, but I knew it was beautiful, I just knew. I swayed back and forth in Jace's arms, and I felt somewhat at peace. The aching in my heart still throbbed with a searing reminding pain that left me clenching for reality, but the swollen throbbing on my head, arms, and legs kept me going strong.
Suddenly I heard the creak of wood and realized the rain was no longer falling, the sound only a distinct patter of water. I opened my eyes and saw that we were in what looked like an old abandoned house with hardwood dusty floors, partially boarded up windows, and cobwebs on every gray walled corner.
"Well, this shall work for now. Warmth is off the list," he said leaning me down onto the ground until I felt the hard cold floor beneath my feet. My entire body screamed with pain, and I winced slightly back, accidentally bumping back into Jace. Rain dripped from my doused clothes, and a gust of wind made me shiver deeply. I realized with a start I hadn't taken my arm off of his neck and nimbly released my arm, and crossed my arms over my chest in hope of some warmth. Jace shook the back of his head causing wet droplets to run around the room freely. I flinched away and began to do a quick scan around the room.
Everytime I took a step the floorboard would creak ominously under my touch. I almost forgot Jace had been there until finally I looked over at him, just catching his glance averting from me to the ceiling casually, causing me to scowl.
"Now, answer me." I said with full power bitterness and anger in my tone, making me sound almost like Issabelle, making me kinda want to take it back. He looked back at me with narrowed eyes and said between clenched teeth,
"Nope, you answer mine first stalker." He tipped up his chin as if he was some superhero, and placed his hands on his hips, his eyes never leaving mine. I just about smacked him on the spot. My gaze inspected his face slowly, wanting to take it all in, until my gaze rested on his lips. I couldn't help but feel that deep stabbing pain deepen as I thought of how that girl had been kissing him. Did he mean it? Absently I stood my ground, quickly releasing my gaze from him, and taking another look around the room.
"You said, you would answer my question once we got here. Now we're here, so answer me." I hissed, fuming with frustration, and pain. He stifled a laugh and his eyes darkened, and he began to take slow strides toward me. With each step I felt the metaphorical dagger only go deeper, and deeper, and until I realized I wasn't breathing. I exhaled. By the time he stopped he was only armslength away from me.
"Shouldn't you be more worried about the fact that I ran off, than that I was kissing some girl?" he whispered lowly. He was right, I shouldn't even care who he was kissing or why, but yet not asking would only make this dagger split my heart into two. To know why and who was less painful than not knowing at all. He sighed and shifted back and forth, waiting. I couldn't answer. "Clary Fray?" he whispered again, his voice as gentle as the summer morning mist. I bowed my head and hoped he would disappear, leave without an answer, and just hopefully go back to the Institute but yet I could still see his shoes where he stood. I wanted to scream at him, cry all the tears away, and hope in the end I didn't hurt anybody.
I felt a single finger lift my chin up and my eyes met with beautifully delicate golden eyes. His hair was beginning to puff back up like a lion's mane, and I felt a warmth envelope me. He shifted closer. When I tried to drop my head, he kept my chin held tightly but gently, keeping me there, imprisoning me to his eyes. I didn't need him here, I didn't need his approval, I didn't need anything from him. But that was just the thing. I didn't need, I wanted everything from him, but the coldness of the truth was as hard and cold as the silver metallic feel of a dagger.
I could now feel his warm breath on my face, my eyes locked on his. The pain in my heart was too much to bear now, too much to hold back, and tears fell freely now. The sound of the rain and thunder, and the flash of lightning made me feel as if I was in hell, and this one room and Jace himself was protecting me from it's unearthly dangers. He placed a lenient hand on the small of my back, making goosebumps travel along his touch, new feelings opening in that small touch. The feeling of his hand on my chin was electric, like some kind of powerful charge sparked when he was around.
Closer...
"J-Jace..." I whispered. I hated the way my voice sounded so weak and feeble, but I couldn't hold the slight tremor in my voice when I could feel his hand on my back bringing me closer to him. I hated how much I sparked at his touch. I was afraid, but thrilled at the same time, my emotions like a tornado storming through me. He eyes searched my face for something until finally they rested back on my eyes, his golden rings reassuring.
"Clary, please don't hate me for this." he whispered. He abruptly pushed me forward, and suddenly his lips were on mine, the feeling like lightning. The room was dark with the coming of night, no light to help me, except the lightning that surged around the room every minute or so. I felt the need swallow me whole, and I ran my hands through his hair, holding him close to me, kissing him back, throwing every pain I had in me at him. He held me so close that I could feel his heartbeat and the sound of rain falling so hard it was more like in the house than just outside. The hand that had been on my chin was now placed behind my head, deepening the kiss. The fiery feeling stretched throughout me and I felt more complete than I'd ever felt in my life. My heart thrummed against my chest, threatening to burst out of my rib cage, but somehow I kept it still.
My hands trailed down his face, finally ending around his neck. His lips were gently but held a burning want that I felt, and I felt the sorrow filled tears run freely now. I didn't think something like this could make me feel so alive, so thrilled, so happy, but it wasn't the kiss that made it special. It was Jace. Suddenly our lips parted, but we still kept close together, our breathes coming short and ragged. The night was too dark to see, but for a moment of lightning I saw the love in Jace's eyes, and the fiery passion that he held so dearly. For that moment of light I traced my right hand along his jaw, hoping to calm his fire-filled senses, like water cooling the fire in a forest. He leaned against my hand and once again the night was dark, the only feeling his hand against my hand.
I felt him drawing close again, hoping for more, and I accepted it with open eyes. Our lips concealed but instead of closing my eyes I let them flicker open for a moment to see the lightning spark the room with fluorescent blue-white light. The boards on the windows barely concealed it's light and when I saw Jace again, his lips on mine gently, his face was beaded with rain and his eyes open. The gold was replaced with a glowing yellow, the light sparkling beneath the light from the sky. My eyes fluttered shut, for I didn't to see, hear, or feel anything but Jace. I knew what we were doing then was wrong, but I didn't care, for in that moment, that perfect yet vile moment,
I felt more in love than ever.