Author's Note: Heh, slash. This is how I think Wade would have ended the situation…I just don't think that he would want to possibly hurt anybody that he cared about, let alone a friend bordering on romantic relation. Random note, my slash stories don't belong in the same universe, if you will, as everything else. These two are friends without ever having feelings towards each other in pretty much everything else. XD So, review, si'l vous plait. ^^
You love him, Irwin. No. No I don't. I shook my head, pinching the area between my brows to ward off the coming headache that I had come to associate with thoughts regarding my comrade. I only looked at him as a friend and he looked at me in the same light. Irwin. Why couldn't I agree with myself? Because I think that would be a start in unraveling this awful mess. Oh yes you do. You most certainly do have feelings for him, and you know it.
I sighed and closed my eyes for a long moment. I leaned back against the wet tree behind me and silently swore under my breath, producing no tones from my throat. Only a steady flow of cool air from my lips as they formed the syllables. We were resting and I had gently made it clear that I needed a moment alone. Thank God that I had…
Why was it that he had to always be so close to me? He was fond of me, yes, but I knew that he didn't understand how difficult it was for me to be around him. It wasn't that I had a desire for him sexually, although I did find him very attractive. I just…wanted to be on the same level emotionally for once. Everything else could wait. But Timothy Upham had no idea that I loved him.
If I told him, I would be permanently stuck with him knowing that---and I might wreck our friendship. But if he was the….same Way as me.... I sighed again, this time through my teeth, keeping the hand on my forehead.
"Wade, are you okay? You seemed a little off and I was wondering if…if there was anything that I could do for you." I looked up at the familiar voice. Ha, how ironic… Just tell him. Tell him that you love him.
The delicate features were positioned in a sympathetic expression. Upham shifted slightly, seeming to feel more than the slightest bit awkward asking me this. I looked away from him, turning my head in the other direction. I put my elbows on my knees and sighed. What was I supposed to say? Get the hell away from me? Because I think that would help.
You don't mean that. You know that the last thing you would do is hurt him. That's why you won't tell him. That's why. That's why. My own thoughts jeered at my weakness. I couldn't even look at him.
"No, nothing really. Nothing that you can do…" I dimly wondered just how dense he was. I was pretty sure that my affections for him weren't as well hidden as needed. Perhaps that was my cross to bear. That he would never know. That he was too naïve to know.
Unless I told him. Was it worth what we might go through? Did I really care for him that deeply? He tentatively set a hand on my shoulder and I sank my teeth into my lower lip when I felt the familiar pleasant shiver run down my spine at the contact. I'm disgusting…
"Ah—alright. I, uh---understand there." I looked up at him for a moment as he lifted his hand from my shoulder and turned to leave. For a long moment, the sympathy upon his face that I had seen earlier took on a new meaning---and I understood that he knew everything, despite how naive towards the matter I thought he was.
I sighed quietly. What was my cross to bear? The nails through my wrists were our time together, and my cross had to be the descision I made then and there to keep our friendship instead of a half-returned love.