"Miley," He says my name, soft and slow, but he's not her so it's not the same and I can't even pretend that it is anymore.
"Oh, hey - "
I see her and the words freeze on my tongue.
I am talking to Jake, he is here and he is smiling at me like I'm the only thing in his world. She walks past, blonde hair flowing behind her, blue eyes staring straight ahead; she turns her face to me, and she winks. She winks at me, one eye closing in a seductive (it's not meant to be seductive. It's never meant to be seductive) manner that I just can't resist.
"I'll, um, I'll talk to you later, Jake. I just remembered something really important."
"Oh, okay..." He says; I can hear the dissapointment in his voice but I don't care - I can't care because she has captured my attention and I feel like if I don't follow through with this then I will just burst into flames. I just need to talk to her; just need to hear her voice.
I place a cool hand on my forehead, trying to steady myself. The mere sight of her does this to me; makes me feel so irrational, so manic, and so completely unhinged.
"Lilly!" I call and she slows down, throws a look over her shoulder at me.
"Hey," I say, breathless, the thought of her being so close to me making terrible thoughts rush around inside my head.
"How's Jake?" She asks, and yes, I notice the hint of jealousy in her voice and it makes me hum with happines. Why are you jealous Lilly? Does Jake threaten you? Does he have something (read: me) that you would love to have your hands on?
"Oh you know, shooting a movie in a month, having lunch with Chad Dylan Cooper next week." I say in a snooty voice, she laughs, and I make sure to save the sound.
"Same old Jake." She says, shaking her head.
She's talking about something else now and we're walking down the hall; I have no idea what is going on around me because I am completely absorbed in the way her lips are moving. Slow, slow, beautiful; I want to kiss those lips. I want to whisper her name against them and I want -
"Miley?"
I watch her lips say my name and my eyes snap back up to hers.
"Are you okay?"
No. No, I am not okay, Lilly. I am not okay because you are driving me abso-fucking-lutely insane by just standing here. Your voice and your eyes and your mouth and your hands and your hips and your legs - they keep fucking with my head. I have no idea what I'm doing or where I am when I'm standing next to you. You make everything and everybody dissapear. And no, no, I don't give a fuck about Jake Ryan. I don't care about him at all, how could I care about him when you're all I can see; all I can even think about. Right now, you're looking at me like I'm crazy, and you should be looking at me like that because I am crazy. You are a girl, you are a girl and you are Lilly, but I can't get you out of my head all the same.
"No. I - I don't really feel good. I'll see you later."
Those are my final words, I leave her standing there with a confused look on her face as I march straight to the main office. I tell the plump lady wearing an ugly peach-colored shirt that I just threw up in the bathroom and I need to go home - I have the flushed cheeks and upset face for the lie to appear true. She grimaces and rights me a pass; I am old enough to sign myself out now.
I walk through the parking lot in a daze, and when I reach my car, I just sit in the drivers seat for a few minutes. I check my phone, out of habit, to find a message there waiting for me.
I'm worried about you. Are you sick?
xoxo Lilly
Hugs and Kisses. Hugs and Kisses.
If only, if only those little symbols meant more than they actually do.