I am actually insanely proud of this chapter. As you guys know, the first chapters of A Second Chance and Sink or Swim had been really bumpy and rough, but this was actually a really good chapter. I'm really proud of myself. It's long, a little over 3,000 words, but it's good. I really love this chapter. :D

But we all know that none of the future chapters will be [written] as good or as long like this. :D

Anyway!

Hey! Welcome back to the Second Chances series with the third and final installment: Who are You Now?

I left Sink or Swim on a pretty heartbreaking note, so let's see where this story takes us! :D

Enjoy!

Josh rolled onto his back and tucked his hands behind his head. Alex crawled his way up his body, placing random kisses on his skin until he reached his mouth; gently burning the feeling of his lips into Josh's memory.

"Baby," Josh murmured, and Alex pulled away slowly, close enough so Josh's vision was unfocused and they could feel each other's breath.

"Yes," Alex responded, sitting back on Josh's hips.

"I love you."

A grin broke out on Alex's face and he slid his hands up Josh's chest to his neck. "Really?"

"Yeah," Josh nodded with a small smile.

Alex leaned down and kissed him again. "I love you so so so so so so fucking much!" He pressed his forehead to Josh's. "My Corazón, you are everything to me. You're mine and I'm yours. I wouldn't trade you for anything—"

Josh's blue eyes shot open as he gasped from jerking awake so suddenly. He reached for his clock in the darkness of the room and angled it so the light coming through the sheet hanging over the window would reflect off the face of the clock. He groaned quietly, putting the clock down and switching off the set alarm, sitting up in the bed.

It was a twin bed, so his sheets hung off the side and laid on the carpeted floor, in Michael and Emily's guest bedroom. It was a plain white room and it didn't make Josh feel at home at all. The first night here, Josh had put the sheet on the window to block out as much light as he could, but there was a street lamp right across from the window, so it didn't really work. He had to sleep on his right side to block out the light at night, and it was just so weird to go back to that position after he had trained himself to sleep on his left side so he could hold Alex—

Alex.

Josh scoffed at himself when his eyes started burning.

He turned so he could sit back against the wall the side of his bed was pushed up against. He hadn't been able to cry for what felt like forever and suddenly all he could do was cry. While Alex was probably rolling in money. Maybe he used the money for his mother's cancer treatment.

Maybe his mother never had cancer.

Maybe she wasn't even his mother.

Maybe Josh was going to go insane thinking about this.

Josh had been having dreams, like the one he'd woken up from, every time he fell asleep since what happened between him and Alex. He didn't want to think about him. He didn't want to dream about him. He didn't want to cry over him. He didn't want to love him. But he did anyway.

When he broke up with Alex, Josh felt like he was dying. He didn't feel like he was dying anymore.

Alex had always made Josh feel like he was dying: when Alex looked at him with his dark-brown-almost black eyes and he felt like he was on fire; when he kissed him and Josh could feel something inside of him break; when Alex smiled and he felt like something was choking him from the inside; when his fingers danced over Josh's skin in the gentlest way and he felt like he'd explode; when Josh could see beyond that cheerful façade and see Alex crumbling inside and Josh wanted to die for him; when Alex cried and Josh could feel Alex's heart breaking in his chest and Josh wanted to take out his own and give it to him to make sure Alex stayed alive long enough to kiss him that night and then again in the morning; or when Alex held onto him so tight, because he was falling down a pit of despair or because he was as high as the clouds in the sky, and Josh felt like the world was burning around him.

But now he was just numb. He wanted to feel like he was dying. At least then he was feeling something.

He dried his eyes with the corner of his comforter and grabbed his backpack off the floor, where it had been leaning against the end of the bed. He had been nervous about going to school last night, so he stayed up until midnight packing, unpacking, and repacking his backpack. He even planned an outfit. But then he had decided he was being too weird about the whole thing and forced himself to go to sleep.

He wasn't nervous anymore.

Today was his first day of school, and he had woken up two hours too early. He had played the part of the 'new kid' enough times to know what to expect. Every time at a new school, Josh was either an outcast or he did his best to be a loner. He either couldn't make friends or didn't want any. This school was different. This time around there were going to be kids that had the same interests as him. He only knew two people here in London and he didn't have his family with him, so that encouraged him to want to make friends. But he wasn't very good at making friends, unless they force themselves on him.

Like Leo had.

Damn.

Josh hadn't said goodbye to Leo, or Danni, or Sarah, or anyone, come to think of it. He hadn't replied to any texts. He hadn't answered any phone calls. He hadn't called anyone back. He hugged his family and took off. He couldn't even look anyone in the eyes. Not even Gracie. And Gracie was one of the few people that had understood him the moment he couldn't understand himself anymore. Gracie was one of his rocks—his whole family was his rock—and he couldn't look at them or tell them that he would miss them and that he loved them all more than anything in the world.

Josh threw his duvet off of his legs and dragged a hand through his hair. He gathered up the things he needed for a shower and crossed the hall to the bathroom, careful to not make too much noise so he didn't wake up Emily and Michael in the next room.

Josh looked up from his coffee when Emily walked into the kitchen. She had purple glasses sitting on the top of her head, her light brown hair pulled up into a high ponytail. She smiled at him when she came in and put her purse on the counter. She put a kettle of water on the stove and tilted her head to the side when she looked at him again.

"Good morning, Josh," she said.

"Morning, Em," he replied. The corner of his mouth hinted at a half smile and he stirred his coffee slowly so he had something to do with his hands. "Thanks again, for letting me stay here."

"You're welcome again," she said as she got two mugs from a cupboard. She set them on the counter and took a box of tea bags out of the pantry.

"Did you know that when Michael was nine, he knew the lyrics to every Hannah Montana song?" He said after a few seconds of silence.

Emily looked back at him and smiled a little. "No I didn't."

"He used to run around the house singing them all." He grinned.

Emily laughed. "What else has Michael not told me?"

"For two years he wore his socks pulled up over the legs of his pants. I don't have any idea why."

She spun around to the kettle when it began to whistle, but her attention was still on Josh. "Tell me more."

"I've seen videos of him getting excited about potty training when he was wearing only a diaper and cowboy boots that were just a little too big for him."

Emily put her mug of tea on the counter and giggled. "Really?"

"Yeah, really, it's totally embarrassing, isn't it?"

Emily pressed her lips together to control her laughter and her emerald eyes flitted to Michael behind Josh quickly as a silent warning.

"Hey, dude," Michael greeted, pushing on the back of Josh's head gently.

Josh let his head hang forward for a second to hide his chuckles, the first time he'd really laughed in a few days, and then looked up again. "Hey."

"What're are we talking about?" He asked, his eyes darting between Josh and Emily for a second before taking the tea Emily had made for him.

"Josh and I were just planning a lunch date." Emily replied.

Michael looked at his younger brother. "Oh…I see."

"Hey, Michael," she began as Josh finished off his coffee and put the mug in the kitchen sink. Michael hummed in acknowledgement, pulling a box of cereal out of the pantry. "Do you know the lyrics to Nobody's Perfect by Hannah Montana?"

Michael's head snapped around to Josh but he was already rushing from the room. "Come back here, boy!" He called, heat rising to his cheeks, and he met Emily's gaze. "Darling, don't listen to him; everything he says is a lie."

"So you didn't pull your socks up over the legs of your pants or potty train wearing only cowboy boots and a diaper?" She giggled.

"You told her about those too?" Michael exclaimed as Josh walked into the kitchen with his backpack swung over one shoulder.

"Is that bad?" He shrugged. "Can I have a ride to the school?"

Michael looked relieved for the change of subject. "Did you eat?"

"I had an apple."

"That's not exactly breakfast."

"Says the guy that was thirty pounds heavier than a normal ten year old because for a year all you ate for breakfast and supper was microwave popcorn." Josh scoffed.

"I hate microwave popcorn." Michael grumbled.

"And you also hate the color yellow because of your yellow phase—"

"Could you stop talking now?"

Josh's eyebrows rose tauntingly and he walked out of the apartment without another word.

Michael looked back at his girlfriend, where she was leaning against the counter with her face in her hands as she laughed hysterically. "I'm not happy with you either." He said.

Emily looked up and crooked a finger at him. He sighed, walking up to her and when her arms wound around his neck, his took their place around her waist, crushing her against him. When she pulled away from him with a kiss to the tip of his nose, she smiled breathlessly. "I love you, Michael Clarke."

Michael's heart thudded heavily in his chest at the words that fell from her lips. "I love you, Emily Finley." He grinned, pecking her cheek and pulling away reluctantly. "I'll see you later."

When the Clarkes had moved to Mexico, Josh had realized that carrying your list of classes, looking up and down the hallways because you're lost, turning around to go the other way, walking into the wrong classrooms, asking for directions, and acting like you are new will immediately peg you as the new kid. If you acted like you knew what you were doing and where you were going, the other students generally didn't notice you. So that's why Josh had gotten his list of classes a week before the first day so he could memorize them, and he had gotten a hold of a map of the campus. He knew where he was going. He knew what he was doing.

Regular school classes were the first on the list, and then came the ones that Josh was actually interested in, so it was all about surviving until then. Biology wasn't going to start until the next day due to the teacher, Mr. Winston (Josh made sure he knew all his teachers' names as well), being called home for an emergency regarding his sister a few days prior. So his first class was History with Mrs. Howell.

Josh noticed that the classroom numbers were lowering to single digits and he took his earbuds out, stuffing them into the front pocket of his jeans. As he passed a stairwell, he saw two burly guys chuckling quietly, so they wouldn't be caught by a teacher probably, and pushing around a little guy with glasses. He stuttered out hardly coherent sentences while they growled insults at him.

Josh almost kept walking. But then he stopped as soon as he got past the stairs and hung his head with a quiet groan of annoyance as he turned around. He walked up to one of the bullies and tapped him on the shoulder.

He whipped around like he thought Josh was a teacher but then he relaxed. "What do you want?"

"Why don't you leave the kid alone? It looks like he's had enough."

"Nah, I'm not done yet—"

"I'm serious, mate, leave him alone."

The bully glanced at his friend and then they both shrugged. "We were bored with you anyway. We'll see you around, but your knight in shining armor isn't always going to save you, dork."

The kid shakily picked up his backpack and swung it onto his back, turning to Josh. He froze, opened his mouth to say something, and then turned red, rushing past him.

Josh rolled his eyes and checked the clock on his cell phone. He was three minutes late to class.

Josh wasn't having any problems with getting around school or appearing to be a regular, but he was having trouble talking to people. Everyone had their groups (nothing like the "T" Birds and the Pink Ladies), everyone had a friend, and then those friends had friends. Josh wasn't being cast out and he wasn't being a loner. He just didn't have any friends.

At lunch, he sat outside while everyone else was inside because it was 'too hot'. He sat on a bench near the side door of the building that sat on the west side of the campus, eating a green apple he had snatched from Emily and Michael's kitchen. He dug into his backpack as he finished the apple off, tossing it behind him into the pitiful garden of weeds, and luckily found some loose change. He picked up his bag and walked into the building, into the empty hallway, where he could hear the other teenagers in the cafeteria being a different kind of rowdy than Josh was used to back in Liverpool. They seemed too loud, but maybe they were too loud because he was alone.

He jingled the coins in his fist as he made his way toward the soda machine at the end of the hallway. Halfway there, someone stepped out of the cafeteria. He made it to the soda machine first and Josh waited behind him. The other student stooped down to get his drink and cracked it open as he turned around, and the contents of the soda burst from the can, sprinkling down onto him and Josh.

The other student, who, Josh just realized, happened to be the one he saved from the bullies, which had caused him to be late for class. The dorky kid blinked behind his glasses as his cheeks burned brighter than they had before as he stuttered out a quiet apology.

"What the hell?" A girl shrieked as she rushed from the lunchroom. "What happened?"

"The soda exploded." He mumbled in embarrassment, unable to look away from his grey high-tops as soda dripped down from strands of his dark brown hair.

"Again?" His friend sighed in exasperation. Her pale green eyes snapped over to Josh as he pulling a hand through his wet hair. "I'm so sorry about this. Um, do you have enough time to run to your dorm and change before your next class?"

"I live off campus." He replied, pulling on his blue V-neck as it started to stick to his skin uncomfortably.

The girl, who was an inch or two shorter than Josh, but more than a few inches taller than her nervous friend with the established habit of opening exploding soda cans, hummed thoughtfully. "Well, your jeans look alright. If you need a shirt, you can borrow one of my boyfriend's. You're about the same size as him. And you can use the showers in the boys' dorms. Simon, here, will take you."

"Wha—" Simon gasped, finally looking up to meet her eyes. "Haley!"

"Oh, shush, you soaked him in soda, the least you could do is give the poor guy a shirt." She scoffed, planting a hand on her hip.

"But why can't your boyfriend do it?" He whined softly, walking past Haley to put the defective soda can in a garbage bin behind her.

"Because he's going to his next class which is on the other side of the campus. You're his roommate; you've got a key. Look at him, he's miserable. Now, shoo." She spun on her heel and flounced back to the cafeteria doors, her honey-blonde highlights glinting under the hallway lights.

"Look…Simon, was it?" Josh arched an eyebrow, pulling his fortunately dry cell phone out of his jean pocket. "I can just get some clothes from—"

"No, I'm sorry, I can get you a shirt from my room. I-it's the least I could do."

"No, the least you could do is not give me anything and just let me dry like this." Josh stated, following the jittery guy down the hallway until they were outside.

Simon didn't say anything as he led Josh to the boys' dorms and unlocked one of the first doors on the first floor. He walked in and closed the door behind him, leaving Josh in the hallway, blinking at the door in surprise. Simon opened it again a second later, handing him a shirt. "The showers are at the end of the hall." And then he closed it again.

Josh looked down at the purple shirt and then reached up, rapping his knuckles against the wood. "This is a girl's shirt." He heard a groan on the other side of the door and then what sounded like a drawer slam shut. The door opened and Simon held out another, taking the girl's shirt from him and then slamming the door shut again.

Josh widened his eyes as he chuckled in slight annoyance. "Alright, then."

It wasn't the worst first day he's ever had.

That's probably one of the best chapters I've ever written in my life. I am freaking proud of this beauty. (Edit: I read this like five days after I first wrote it and now it's just meh.)

I'm going to see Cinderella today. ._. I haven't even seen the trailer and I'm too lazy to look it up...

Lyrics that inspired the title of this story:

"Don't wake me up if I'm sleeping this life away. Tell me that I'll never be good enough. Sometimes it hurts to think it could really be that way, I won't be that way. I'm tired and I'm lost, I don't wanna be found. I put my heart and my soul and strength in this now. So forgive me 'cause I won't forget that, yeah, this world has changed me. So you know when you ask me, who are you now? Did you say what you want? Don't go back to the start. I'm asking, who are you now? Did they break you apart? Won't you fight back for what you want? Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly. We're gonna work it out." -Who Are You Now?, Sleeping With Sirens

-Rachel