Deep breathes, Barry.
In. Out.
In. Out.
He coached himself with his eyes closed, willing his heart to keep time with the slow breaths he inhaled through his nose and out his mouth. Barry's hand trembled slightly as he fumbled with the buttons on his shirt, and he honestly couldn't tell if it was excitement or nerves. If he was nervous, he couldn't figure out for the life of him why. He had been dreaming of this day since he was 11 years old. Still, the thought of Iris getting ready just down the hallway caused the butterflies to attack his stomach as mingling thoughts and emotions rushed through him.
Love. Adoration. Anxiety. Fear. Excitement. More Anxiety.
Cisco had blocked every attempt he and Iris made to sneak a kiss before she put on her dress. He went on and on about how he didn't want them "ruining the enchantment" and "his patience being greatly rewarded." Barry had finally relented, but he knew nothing could prepare him for the sight of Iris walking down the aisle, as she had so many times in his dreams. Each time, more thrilling than the last.
Only this time, he was getting the real thing. All over again, the thought would send his heart back into his throat while he practically vibrating with warmth and disbelief.
He just wanted to see her.
He knew the moment he laid his eyes on her, the anxiety in his gut would melt away, and he wouldn't care about irrational, invading thoughts or that he was about to wax poetry to the love of his life in the form of overly sappy vows in front of close friends and family. He would focus only on her, and she would make it go away. She always did.
But for right now, he'd just have to deal with the twists in his gut, while the chatter around the room drove him insane along with the slow tick of time.
"Dude, you okay? You're spacing over here." Cisco clapped a hand on his shoulder snapping Barry from whatever realm he had been transported to.
"Yeah, I'm good, Cisco." Barry cleared his throat, wiping his sweaty palms on his pant legs.
Cisco quirked an eyebrow at him.
"Actually, I think I might need a minute?" He sighed, letting his body drop into the chair behind him. Cisco saw that he was a bit beside himself and opted a smart remark for being a supportive best man. He smiled and called, "Alright, everyone out! The groom needs some time alone to throw up!" Making Joe's concerned eyes snap to him. Barry shot Cisco a dirty look while he escorted the men out of the room, leaving him and Joe alone.
"Son?" Joe quirked an eyebrow and immediately Barry stood to reassure him.
"Joe, I really am fine. It's just-"
"A lot to process, I understand." Joe finished, nodding. "I'll leave you to it." He enveloped him in his signature hug. "If you need me, I'm in the open area. I'll send someone in with some water." Barry smiled gratefully and Joe turned and left the room.
Barry was a solitary thinker, always using alone time to sort through intense thoughts and feelings. Iris called it brooding. He had gotten so he didn't mind her presence beside him during his introspection. Most times she was able to pull him from inside himself. She would look up at him with those devastatingly beautiful eyes and make funny faces until she got him to smile. It was just to let him know she was there, that it didn't always have to be hard. It was times like those when he felt extremely lucky to finally have her in that way. She made everything worth it, and he was going make the most of his time with her every day of their forever.
He basked in the quiet, letting it soothe him the best it could and thought of her, wondering if she was as anxious to see him as he was her. A smile played on his lips knowing she was more than likely about to shoot to the moon with excitement. She was fearless. It's why he always looked to her, even when they were kids. Yes, he had grown more confident in the last four years as The Flash, but from time to time he still felt his past-self peeking from behind the new red exterior more often than he'd like to admit. Niggling fear still swirled inside him, and he began to wonder if it was stemming from something deeper. Before he could continue the thought, a rapid knock on the door interrupted him.
He opened the door to reveal a small, young woman around Iris' height staring at him with wide hazel eyes. Most of her brownish curly hair was pinned on top of her head, and she donned the same black and white outfit as the rest of the caterers. Only Barry had been introduced to the team of caterers beforehand. He didn't recognize this girl. Barry decided not to think much of it, and chalked it up to her slipping past him without noticing. However, he did notice her death grip on the cart beside her. She still didn't say anything, just stared at him like a deer caught in headlights emotions he couldn't quite decipher reflecting in her lightly colored eyes. Did she know him?
Barry absentmindedly looked down and checked himself self-consciously. Deciding there was nothing wrong with him, he gently prodded, "Do you have something for me?" peering at the cart of beverages behind her.
"Oh! Y-yes, Mr. Allen?" She blinked, snapping out of it walking into the room as he moved aside to let her enter.
"You know, if you grip that any harder you'll break it off with your super-strength." He joked attempting to break the ice, picking up she was nervous. Maybe this was her first job.
She made a face, smiling a little. "So what'll it be?" she chirped. "We have regular and sparkling water, soft drinks, or are we needing something a little stronger?" she eyed him intently, a hint of humor in her eyes.
"Sadly, it wouldn't do me any good." he caught himself, "Being drunk at my wedding, of course." He rushed out, making her eyes light up with humor. He didn't know why he was self-conscious about the first half of his statement. It could've meant anything.
"So, you mean you're not some kind of meta-human whose metabolism won't allow him to be affected by alcohol?" she joked.
Barry froze and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline.
"I was only kidding!" she giggled nervously, afraid she may have given something away. "What are the odds of that right?" She groaned internally. Why would she even say that?
"Yeah, what are the odds?" Barry chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Water is fine."
She poured water in a glass and handed it to him.
"Why are you in here alone, anyway?" She asked watching him take small sips. "I thought people liked to be surrounded by family and friends before their wedding." Her voice was very soft. He could tell she was genuinely curious.
"Not if you're a nervous wreck like me."
She smiled looking down. She was a nervous wreck like him, she thought back to her kindergarten Christmas program when she had her very first speaking part. The first time she became the self-proclaimed "scaredy-cat". It was only two lines, but every second that ticked closer to her time to go on, the more she felt like was being eaten alive by her own fear. She cried and hugged her daddy's leg begging him not to make her do it. He could have caved, lord knows she'd made him do it before, but he insisted she be his brave little girl. Her being the daddy's girl she was, she wanted to make him proud. Her twin brother prided himself in being the more outgoing one. He got it from their mom.
"Why would you be nervous? I mean, you're marrying one of the best women in the world…" Barry quirked an eyebrow and her eyes widened for a millisecond, "I…assume?" she supplied.
She was definitely making this weird. It was just harder than she thought it would be to pretend she didn't know him, like she wasn't dying to see his face. She didn't think this through clearly, and if he found out who she was the consequences could be monumental on an existential level.
"You don't even know us," Barry said but the sparkle in his eye told the girl what she already knew. "We could've just met last month and be making the biggest mistake of our lives."
"I don't know… It's just the lightness of everyone I've come across today. If you're making a mistake, not one person here thinks so." Her eyes sparkled with something he could've sworn was pure admiration. "I feel like I'm about to witness something really special."
The girl gave him the most brilliant smile, and it could've been her youthful innocence, or that the way her smile reached her eyes reminded him of something so heartwarmingly familiar that his chest tightened with something he couldn't really place. Still, he ignored it. It must've been the nerves manipulating his emotions.
"So, do you cater weddings just to talk the groom of the ledge?"
"No, you were a special case."
"Really? On what grounds?"
"On the grounds of you looking as if you were going to faint when you opened the door." She sat down. "By the way, you still haven't told me why you're nervous."
Barry shook his head, sticking his hand in his pockets. He didn't want to believe that he was about to spill his guts to a girl he just met who looked at least 8 years his junior, but something in her kind eyes begged him to trust her. And somehow, even after the swirling thoughts of past betrayal and his circle being infiltrated so that he could be manipulated, he did.
Cautiously.
"Don't get me wrong, I am so thrilled." He sighed, sitting next to her. "But I guess I'm a little afraid too."
She nodded for him to continue.
"In my line of…work," He began, choosing his words carefully. "I have experienced a lot of scary, life-changing things. With these things, came a lot of mistakes that I am still paying for at the expense of myself and my family." Once he started, it was hard to stop the spilling of words from his mouth. "I have known Iris for over 15 years, and not once has she wavered as this unmovable source of strength and security in my life, even if she was angry at me." He chuckled, thinking of a confrontational Iris showing up in Star Labs demanding answers about his alter ego. But once she stepped into the new world he was building, she never left. She made it clear she didn't want to.
That was what worried him.
They had faced so many obstacles that threatened to rip holes in the fabric of everything they had woven together, and each time, it ended with him being ripped away from her. Yes, they'd come out stronger, but for how much longer? And when would be the final time she kissed him goodbye for him to never return? The 2024 newspaper article flashed in his mind as a reminder of what they still had to face.
"I just want to be there for her like she has for me, always. I don't know if that's guaranteed."
"Have you talked to her about this?"
"Briefly," He shook his head, and laughed. "She still hasn't shown me anything other than her eagerness to be my wife."
"Then, what's the problem? You said it yourself that she's always been there, so what? A wedding drives up the stakes?"
"Marriage is supposed to be a source of happiness for us both." Barry sighed, "It's just more to dangle in front of us to be snatched away."
"You think too much." She commented.
"Yeah," he sighed glumly. If he had a dollar for every time someone told him this, he'd have enough money to buy another planet to whisk Iris away to. "It's been known to get me in trouble."
"You're not really having second thoughts are you?" The girl looked at him so absolutely heartbroken it was almost comical. She must be the romantic type like him.
"No, of course not," He scoffed.
Not marrying Iris? He was positive there wasn't an Earth where he would give up the chance.
"I just have times when I wish things could be different than they are." He shrugged, but it was tearing him up inside to think about the possibility of leaving Iris hurt and alone again because of the life they led. Especially now that they were getting married. But also, leaving behind the life that had become such a big part of them didn't feel that good, either. The Flash was literally etched into his DNA now. He had the altered body chemistry to prove it.
"I bet she doesn't." She said. "You're not giving her enough credit."
"Excuse me?"
"If your lives are as…heavy as you imply, she's probably thought about this a zillion times, and is still choosing you. Some people were just meant to lead extraordinary lives. No one said it was always fair or easy for everyone involved, but somehow the people you love makes it worth it."
"You seem to know a lot about this," Barry looked at her warily. "How?"
The young woman looked at him, as if she were struggling with her words. She finally began speaking again, her voice quiet and hesitant.
"When I was five, my father disappeared. I didn't know much about his work; I only knew that it was dangerous and he saved lives. He's my hero." She was looking at him again with those shining, doe eyes. "My mother had to take on two rambunctious children, along with the weight of my father's responsibilities after he was gone."
She remembered the pitiful looks people gave them probably thinking her father had skipped out on them. Her mother handled it with so much grace, but we could see through the cracks. She was falling apart. She was embarrassed to show it, but she was tearing up at the thought of her mother crying into her hair when she thought she and her brother were asleep. She was too young to understand then, but she did now.
"I'm really sorry about that." He did know a thing or two about loss, it must've been hard for her.
"Don't be," She held Barry's eyes so intensely she might as well have been speaking to him. "It wasn't your fault."
Barry dropped his gaze to his hands.
"Your parents must really love each other, then?"
She nodded.
"Even before they said 'I do', they'd been through hell and back together. She'd suffered through losing him again and again with no reason to believe he would come back to her. To this day, she can still look me in my eyes and tell me it was the most exhilarating feeling to walk down the aisle to my father know she was finally securing her future as his wife." She swallowed hard, trying to blink away the tears.
"Did he ever come back?"
The girl hung her head, closing her eyes against the onslaught of sadness. Barry had his answer and he knew how she felt. He missed his father more than anything. He raised his hand and hesitantly placed it on her back feeling the need to console her.
"How is she able to keep her faith in him? After all this time?" Barry asked, doubtful. If anything happened to him, his wish would be for Iris to move on.
"She said that she would never give up on 'the impossible.'"
Her words struck Barry deep in his core, making him stand abruptly. His mind was transported to the endless conversations he'd had with Iris and Joe rooted in "the impossible." It was only a phrase, but it followed him even through the tragedies he'd suffered as a child. It was a phrase that had become so interwoven into their vocabulary, into his life, that he had long ago internalized that it was a marker for the hero he had become. There was no way her word choice could be a coincidence. Only someone who knew him would use it in the context she just did. Someone very close.
She knew it was irrational and she didn't intend to blow her cover, but the opportunity presented itself so perfectly. She realized this could be how she saved him. She knew he was a smart man. He could make sense of the things she'd littered before him and he could do something about it. Something they didn't try before. Anything. Sitting here talking with him for the past 15 minutes filled her with a desperation for the man that had unwillingly been snatched away from her before they were ready. She wasn't sorry. Not yet, at least. There was no way of knowing if it was enough yet, but there were two outcomes. She could've just screwed time or she could've saved her father from whatever oblivion he had been flung to for 15 years and counting. She hoped it was the latter. She'd just have to keep a close eye on the situation.
Please figure it out.
He stood there staring blankly across the room no doubt trying to piece together her connection to him. She smiled at him once more, wistful and sad getting another good look at him. She would hug him if she could.
Her time here up.
For now, anyway.
"Who are-" Before Barry could finish, the girl leapt for the door, telltale lightning trailing behind her.
What the hell?
He was aware she could be working for someone, but she didn't seem as if she wanted to harm him. He had been fooled before though. Clicking the pieces of the puzzle together made it even more difficult for him to process let alone accept. His mind was still struggling to pursue the train of thought, but the possibility presented itself. Was she related to him?
What if she was their daughter?
He immediately felt silly for thinking it given the little evidence, but he had learned to accept that in his realm nothing was off limits. The everlasting impossible always found new ways to turn his life upside down. It would also explain her acting as if she were in on jokes he never told and the unusual enchantment of his relationship with Iris.
She smiled just like her.
Barry's eyes widened in disbelief at the turn of events. He had fully intended to chase after her, but his mind was still playing catch-up with his body. While he was in his stupor, she had gotten a head-start. She was probably long gone, but he still needed answers. Right when he made the decision to take off after her, Joe and Cisco were running to the door.
"Barry? What the hell is going on?" Joe demanded, just as confused as he was. "We thought that was you!"
"I- Joe, I have no idea!" His brain was still spamming him with overwhelming thoughts of what had just occurred. He couldn't explain it if he tried.
"You have no idea who it could've been?"
"This is going to sound insane, but my daughter? I think-" He stuttered.
"Cool!" Cisco breathed, "All the fun stuff happens to you!"
"Excuse me?" Joe blinked rapidly, rubbing at his forehead. "How do you know?"
"It doesn't matter. I have to go after her!"
"Barry, wait!" Joe caught his attention by wrapping a strong hand around his shoulder, "Did she seem dangerous?"
"No, but she-"
"Was she in any danger?"
"I don't think so, but-"
"Then it can wait." Joe said, pointedly.
Barry opened his mouth to protest, but Joe intervened.
"Son," he leveled with him. "Right this very moment, you have a fiancée who is beside herself with excitement because she's marrying the man of her dreams in," he peeks at his watch, "Ten minutes. We both know we have to take these moments as they come. There'll just be something else tomorrow."
"You've seen her?" Barry smiled, already a little calmed at the mention of Iris. "She really looks excited?"
"Over the moon." Joe leaned in and whispered conspiratorially, "And beautiful."
A smile bloomed across Barry's face as he was once again encased in thoughts of Iris.
"Joe's right, man." Cisco said. "If whoever this girl is turns out to be a possible threat, she'll be back."
"Alright," Joe smiled. "It's time for you to take your places."
Barry nodded. They were both right. He and Iris deserved this day. They weren't separated from each other for six months for him to come back and skip out on his wedding to rush off after the unknown again. He had meant what he said about wanting to make the most of his time with her. Barry willed himself to push the girl's troubling story to the back of his mind. Whether it was referring to them or not, he could use it as inspiration. He would accept that he couldn't make the bad things in their life go away, but if everything crumbled to dust around him, he wanted her untouched. Deep down he knew it wasn't entirely possible because she was a part of him, but he decided he was going to spend the rest of his life trying.
It was time for him to marry his girl.