I Won't Let You Fall

"TOKIYA!" I screamed as my fingers began to lose grip on the edge of the building I had hold of best I could. I was frightened but my body was in too much weightless shock to begin shaking. I tried to kick myself back through the window but it only made me slip more due to my panic. I didn't dare look down at my friends, everyone was on the ground with the teachers and the headmaster. All except Tokiya, he was currently trying to reach for me from our dorm window. I whimpered in fright like a scolded puppy. What if I fell? What if I died? What if I caused Tokiya to fall as well?! I shut my eyes tight and the people below screamed and yelled my name as my hand began to slip more. Tears streamed down my face and my neck, sliding beneath my shirt at times.

"OTOYA!" I looked to my side quickly to see Tokiya was fully out of the window and crouched, balancing on the same ledge I had hold of. My breath caught in my throat as his footing slipped slightly when the wind tried to knock him off. I could see my own fear reflected in his eyes as he slowly and gently reached out a hand to me. "OTOYA GRAB MY HAND!" he yelled above the wind so I could hear him. I kept my gaze locked on his hand but as I went to grab for it, panic struck me again and I just let my hand hang limp by my side, my fingers aching in the other. The people below screamed and yelled again but I ignored them. The only thing I could keep my eyes and thoughts on were Tokiya. Tears were slowly filling his dark blue eyes, ready to trickle down his pale, smooth skin. "I WON'T LET YOU FALL!"

"T...T-Toki..." I couldn't finish saying his name as another finger slipped. I shut my eyes tight but then felt myself being pushed against another. A source of warmth. Tokiya's unusual warmth that he had for me and nobody else. I slowly moved my numb hands up to wrap them round his neck, good and tight, before being gently and carefully pushed back into our dorm window. I took a deep breath of air and heard everyone scream louder than before. I turned quickly to find that Tokiya wasn't there anymore. I froze in place, everything turning to ice, unable to move, not even to blink. "T-Tokiya...?"

I finally forced the ice to crumble and raced down the stairs and out of the building, eyes locking immediately on the cold, lifeless, limp body that was Tokiya's. I ran to his side in a flash but before I could even touch his flawlessly pale skin one last time, Syo dragged me away along with Ren. "LET ME GO! LET ME GO! TOKIYAAAAAAAAAAA!" I screamed at the top of my lungs with as much air as my body would let out.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It's been 3 days since the funeral. 2 weeks since the day he died. And I caused it. I sat in the rehearsal room by myself, at least it felt like it. The others were there too, all studying me in silence as I still grieved for my loss. Our loss. Tokiya... He should still be here, with me. I let the tears begin to fall again, my shoulders shaking and my breathing getting uneven with each sob.

"Ikki, he's gone now, he wouldn't want you to grieve like this anymore. He'd want to see you still smiling, without him" I ignored Ren best I could until his hand put a soft weight on my shoulder, much like Tokiya's chin would when he hugged me from behind to cradle me in his lap whenever I got upset about my mother. I shrugged it off and turned to look away from them all, feeling Syo's presence on my other side before he pulled me to his chest from where I sat upon the piano's top.
"He's right, Oto-kun...he'd want you to be strong like always..."
"But I need him...I can't do anything without him... Just to go to sleep I have to listen to his voice singing...or talking to me through messages he'd recorded just for me..."
"He had other people he-"
I cut Masato off abruptly. "He wasn't just Tokiya! I wasn't just Otoya to him! I was his! He was mine! That's all! There was nobody else!" I sobbed harder. I loved him...

I got up and ran back to my room before things got worse. I slammed the door shut and sank to my knees, bringing them up to my chest and hiding my face, sobbing hard as possible. I tried to ignore the warmth that spread around me, coating me and trying to relax me. I knew what was happening. It happened every once in a while when things got really bad. I saw him, shrouded in white light, his soft smile that only I've seen. "Otoya" his voice sung softly in my ear, I could feel his lips press light kisses to my head. I dared myself to look up, to find myself huddled in his arms. Safe. I immediately nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck, letting him rub my back and rock me gently. "Otoya"
"To...ki...ya..." I mumbled softly in response, to show I'd heard him.
"Do you want to come with me?"
I looked up at him. "W-What...?"
"Do you want to come with me?" He repeated. "To the place where I am now, where I watch over you each and every day?"
I instantly nodded, not caring that it was just my imagination. I wrapped my arms round his neck and gripped onto his shirt. He was still wearing the clothes he wore the day the accident happened. I had that same shirt lying under my pillow as a keepsake when they took all his belongings away. I hugged it tightly each night while listening to his music, his voice singing like the angel he was, lulling me to a gentle sleep. I shifted slightly, reluctantly, and let him pet my head as my eyes closed. "I love you..."

I flashed open my eyes and found myself laying in bed. I must've dragged myself to bed and dreamt all that... I turned over to face away from the door and saw the shirt I always slept with close to my chest. I picked it up and breathed in what was the faint scent of Tokiya. He may be gone...but I'd always love him. And I knew that one day I'd see him again, and be able to tell him just how much I loved him... My angel... "I won't let you fall..."