As I have traveled it seems like I am more often than not running away from something rather than fighting it off. There is obviously something to be said for the brave warrior that fends off a dozen or so Orcs or Taurens but I think you'll agree that stealth escapes have their place too. But this story has neither of those things. No, I'm afraid this is a "how I got my butt out in one piece" story.
This is the usually case when you're an explorer and for me it often seems to happen with some stupid dino trying to chomp me. I wanted to tell you about a lot of these but I suddenly realized that many of them are so much the same in the end. That's why I picked the most unusual one to tell you about.
It was the first time that I had been charting the Wetlands and I was not enjoying the job as much as I usually do. After all if you've seen one insect infested swamp you've seen them all. That's why I when I happened upon a small enclave leading up into some hills I very grateful. I was still nursing a small burn I'd suffered from a whelp a few days earlier and I was hoping to find a semi quiet spot to have a rest and administer some salve.
I thought I had found such a spot and was just about to sit and bite down into a chunk of bread when I heard an unusual rustling from the trail ahead of me. I put my lunch back and sneaked up the trail as close to the sound as I could.
There, right in front of me was a large stone creature just roaming back and forth across the path. It was magnificent. I had never seen anything like it. I crept up for an even closer look, hoping that it wouldn't see me and attack. Alas, the angle I had didn't provide me with a very good view so I decided to move around to the right of a large boulder near the top of the hill.
What I hadn't counted on was that the bulk of the rock was obscuring the side of the cliff face. From where I was, the terrain seemed to go on forever and I was so excited at getting a peek at this creature I hadn't seen before that I was completely oblivious to the fact that there could be other dangers lying in wait.
I learned, as I usually do (as you'll find by these accounts of my exploits) the hard way. Keeping one eye on the creature and one hand on the rock I endeavored to plant my right foot onto the ground only to find that there was no ground to plant my foot on. What is more I found that my grip on the rock was no where near sufficiant to hold my weight because I wasn't expecting to have to hold myself upright to keep from falling head over heal backward over the cliff face...which, of course, is what happened.
The best thing I can say about that experience is that while the side of the cliff was steep it was gentle enough that I was able to roll down it instead of completely falling off of it. The worst thing was what waiting for me at the conclusion of the journey.
I hit the ground with a dynamic THUD. I tried to stand up only to find my right foot, the one that had just failed me, did so again by giving way under me sending me toppling to the ground. And if that wasn't bad enough I began to feel the earth rumbling all around me. It didn't feel like an earthquake. It felt like something else.
What the something else was had been hovering over me the entire time but I had no idea until a massive flash of teeth came hurtling in my direction. I rolled to the left just missing being impaled by inches and looked up, straight up, at my attacker. There, right above me, was a massive collection of bones and teeth in the shape of a dinosaur...an undead skeletonized dinosaur.
It struck again and again I rolled out of the way. I'd have to be impressed by it later, right then I was going to have to fight for my life. But how does one kill something that is already dead?
When you are first taught to fight you are taught to attack the vulnerable points. An instructor I once had taught me three rules for fighting. 1) Go for the eyes. If you're opponent can't see, he cannot fight. 2) Go for the lungs. If he cannot breath, he cannot fight. 3) Go for the legs. If he cannot stand, he cannot fight.
I examined my situation between dodging swipes of razor undead teeth. There were no eyes, there were no lungs, and the creatures legs were too massive to attack. I kept looking for a vulnerable spot all the while rolling this way and that. It was all I could do. My foot was injured, on fire from just the small maneuvers I was performing. There was no thought of running.
That's when I saw it. The weak spot. And I almost saw it from behind the set of massive jaws that were being hurled at me. I managed to roll out of the way one more time and pulled out my one handed ax and threw it at the great beast. It found its mark clean in the middle of the beast's skull.
Of course that did not stop it. It only made it angry. It lunged in retaliation. I pulled out my dagger, rolled out of the way and stuck the blade into the side of the jaw.
The creature threw its head back, tossing me into the air. I let go of the dagger allowing myself to sail through the air, right over the large bulbous skeletal head. Right toward my ax. I reached out and grabbed the handle reigning myself in. Then when the head flew back again I used all the weight of my good foot to dislodge my weapon and rolled backward until I was on the creature's spine – its vulnerable, weak, thin spine.
I locked my good foot under my right leg for support and began to chop fast and hard at the boney neck. The dino, sensing its eminent demise, shook and flailed, trying to dislodge me but to no avail. I continued to chop. The more it shook the harder I swung. Pieces of bone flew everywhere cutting up my arms and my face.
Finally, after a few minutes my diligence paid off. There was great crack, the head fell, followed by the rest of the body. And it all landed on top of me.
Once again I was lucky to be alive. I crawled over to the giant mouth that moments before would have torn me to shreds and retrieved my dagger. I wanted to bring back a tooth as a trophy but at the time I saw no practical way of getting anywhere with something that large, especially when walking was going to be such a chore.
I leaned back against the pile of bones to relax and catch my breath. Alas, it was all going take my breath because as I did I had the chance to scan the entire valley for the first time since I had fallen into it. The entire place was crawling with the same undead dinos as the one I was currently leaning against.
As night set in, however, I gathered my strength and began to stealthily limp through the valley. To my wondrous relief I found that undead boney dinos weren't very smart and easily avoided. It was only because I had fallen directly in front of the one that it had attacked me.
At length I made my way back to Greenwarden's Grove and then home to Goldshire where I don't mind telling you that I spent the next few days letting my foot heal, telling this story two or three hundred times, and consuming large amounts of Ale at the same time – which leads me to believe that some of the earlier versions of this tale may have been exaggerated to the point of incredibility.
On that note I would just like to apologize to a certain gnome, who shall remain nameless along with the circumstances of that evening. For the rest you, I hope that all of your travels are exciting, productive, and a lot safer than some of mine.