The Babysitter

"No, James! I'm not leaving that man alone with my child!" Lily argued.

"But Lily, Sirius loves Harry! And I don't want to have to cancel the reservations at the restaurant now! And it's just one night."

"Listen James, I love Sirius, but you do realize we are leaving him in charge of our house, and another human being who happens to be our child."

"I trust Sirius. And there's nobody else available. I would ask Remus, but he's having a hard time tonight. And it's only one night." James added. Lily sighed reluctantly.

"James, I don't know about this…"

"Do you really think that Sirius would hurt Harry? No, they'll be fine! One night. And you need some time away from the house, some time for James to sweep you off of your feet again." James waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Lily giggled. "I guess you're right. I'll go floo for him."

James' cough sounded quite fake. "I… er… kinda already did that."

"What? Without consulting me first? How could you? I thought we agreed not to keep secrets when we got married…" Here she goes, James thought. And so she did. For the next hour, Lily ranted to James about how he did the "wrong thing" in this situation and what-not. James tried his best to ignore her. Eventually, Harry woke up screaming and the doorbell rang loudly.

"That's Sirius, I'll get it!" James said hurriedly. Lily stalked off to get her baby boy, mumbling something about how that 'black haired moron' should never be left in charge of anything; especially her child!

"Good afternoon, Lily dearest!" Sirius exclaimed as he marched into the room, stole Harry out of his mother's arms and immediately threw him up in the air and catching him repeatedly saying "How's my favorite little devil doing?"

"Do not call my child a devil!" Lily reprimanded.

"Aw, Lily! You know he's gonna be just like his 'ole godfather when he gets older!" The look of pure horror crossed Lily face and she left the room mumbling to god about helping her through those awful days to come.

"Looks like it's time to go!" James was excited, but did feel a bit of a fool leaving Sirius alone with his child. "Just don't, ya know, kill him, or anything." James told Sirius.

"Would I kill my favorite little daredevil? Maybe I'll take him cliff-diving." When he saw the look of pure terror on James' face, he added, "In a year or so." James didn't look consoled.

"Time to go I suppose." James muttered, following Lily out the door.

Sirius looked to Harry, who was now sitting on the other side of the room. He had a look of utmost destruction. His smile was turned up in the corners and he had that gleam to his eyes like that of Sirius himself when he and James had turned Snape's hair pink for a month.

"Okay little dude, you're kinda creeping me out." He bared his two front teeth, or fangs, as Sirius called them. The other teeth hadn't grown in yet and he looked much like a vampire.

"Er… how about some food, little man?" Sirius asked.

"Foo! Foo!" Little Harry screamed.

"Okay then, what do you want, demon."

"Queerios! Queerios!"

"Queerios?"

"Queerios! Queerios!" Harry yelled louder.

"Okay… applesauce it is then."

"No!" Harry screeched louder than a screaming banshee.

"Okay, okay! No applesauce. Really, porker, what do you want?"

"Queerios." He looked as if he thought he was saying this quite clearly.

"Erm… okay. Let's go to the kitchen then you little magical being you!" Sirius pulled Harry up by his feet and carried him up-side down to the kitchen and placing him on the counter.

"Okay. Queerios… Queerios…" Sirius rummaged through the cabinets in search for the 'Queerios'. Quite suddenly, he heard something coming from behind him. When Sirius looked, Harry, who had turned on the blender, was about to stick his fingers into it. "No! Don't go near the food smusher!" Sirius yelled, grabbing his godson off of the counter just in time. "What are you, some kind of moron?"

Harry looked at Sirius, clearly intrigued. "Moron?" He said slowly. "Moron! Moron! Moron!" He started yelling.

"No! Bad boy!"

"Bad?" Harry looked as though he was about to cry. His little lip pouted in that baby like manner and his eyes glistened with little teardrops.

"No, no, no! Don't cry! You're a good boy, good Harry!"

"Harry no bad?"

"No, Harry's good. Really good!" The small human pondered this for a moment before smiling.

"Good Harry! Good Harry!" He patted himself on the top of the head. "Bad Sirius!" He exclaimed, pointing to his godfather.

"What? But… oh what ever. I'll make you some grub, little menace, you go play in the playroom." After searching the cabinets, Sirius found a box of Cheerios. "Oh! Cheerios!" He began to walk to the playroom when he saw just what little Harry was doing.

Harry had all of the cassette tapes and VHS tape-reels out on the rug and was slowly entertaining himself by pulling the shiny black ribbons from inside of the tapes. "What the fuck do you think you're doing you little moron?"

Harry looked at his godfather, processing what he had just said. "Fuck?"

"Oh god… oh god… what the bloody hell have you done, Sirius?" The man asked himself.

"Hell? Fuck, hell! Fuck, hell! Fuck, hell!" Harry began to sing as he ripped the tape apart.

"Stop that…" You know, it kinda looks like… fun. Sirius thought before sitting down and pulling some of the ribbon from the tapes as well. After a good twenty minutes of this, he looked around to see that he had made quite the mess. And another thing: Harry happened to be missing.

"Oh shit!" Sirius yelled, leaping to his feet and heading no where in particular. As he was walking by a nice little table, he heard some sort of infernal ringing. He looked over. It was the telephone. Sirius glared at it for a solid minute. When it didn't stop ringing, he picked up the receiver and shook it violently. "Make this fucking thing shut up!" Whilst shaking the phone, he accidentally hit the 'on' button.

The ringing had subsided. Sirius sighed with relief before he heard something that sounded oddly like little squeaky voices. He soon realized that it was coming from the telephone and as he put it near his ear he heard a clear human voice. "Hello? Would you like to buy some emergency bladder relief pills?" But the man's voice was not heard by Sirius, whom was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Oh my god! There's someone stuck in there!" He threw the phone down on the table and grabbed a knife. He then stabbed said phone repeatedly. When the phone was in little shards of plastic, Sirius sighed heavily and put the knife down. That was when he noticed little Harry sitting there with the utmost look of awe on his little, tiny features.

That look of awe soon vanished to a brilliant smile of the two fangs. "Again! Again! Again pafoo!" Harry began yelling.

"Oh, shit… what have I gotten myself into?" He asked himself.

"Shit?" Harry questioned.

Okay, we aren't JK. 5 reviews to get an update! lollipop and penguin-girl