Broken Pieces

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Okay, I know that most probably it'll seem confusing at first (I'm juggling with three different timelines here) but, please, give it a chance. It'll make sense by the time we reach the end. There are direct quotes from certain episodes in the story, if anything, that'll help you to establish the timeline. Also, the main plot is based on the episode "Mosley Lane" in Season 5 but I took the liberty and changed certain things in it.

Spoilers for "Demonology" (4-17).

Enjoy!

Chapter 1

"Thank you," Emily told Derek, spending an eternity looking into his warm brown eyes while the only thing that remained to remind her of the outer world was the flashing lights of the police cars shining in those same eyes.

She knew what he was about to reply. They'd already had that conversation.

"Always," the man said with conviction and in a tone that left no doubt in Emily's mind that he was feeling the same way. He remembered, too.

Still looking into his deep brown eyes, Emily found herself transported in time and space and, for all she knew, she wasn't standing on a street in Washington anymore but some other place… in a time long gone.

She was eighteen again. She felt that life was a big cosmic joke and she would have really liked to laugh into its face if she hadn't been so damn scared. Life had a twisted sense of humor for sure, forcing her into a situation like that for a second time.

It was snowing back then, too, and his eyes were shining with the reflection of the city lights. She could clearly remember that because she had spent an eternity looking into them on that street that wasn't in Washington, waiting for a reaction to the news she had just delivered to the boy she hadn't seen since the end of the summer.

"Thank you," she told him back then, her voice filled with relief and some endless gratitude. She could never really tell whether she'd been in love with him that exact day.

"Always," he told her without any hesitation and so much sincerity that she couldn't tell whether she had fallen in love with him that exact moment.

But even if, in retrospect, she couldn't tell her exact feelings for the man, who was only a boy back then, now she was sure that she was in love with Derek Morgan and if anyone asked, she had been in love with him for ever.

Derek turned away at last and Emily was left alone with her memories. Always, Derek's declaration echoed in her ears from eighteen years back and she had to realize that it had never rung truer than in the present. Always, he meant it with the same conviction like all those years ago.

After all those years, after the losses he had to suffer, he still meant what he had said to a lost eighteen-year-old girl.

Suddenly everything seemed so overwhelming, the past, the present. She remembered a fifteen-year-old boy who held her hand in Italy, being there for her, loving her and she saw the eighteen-year-old who held her hand in the falling snow, promising forever even though he himself couldn't grasp the enormity of it.

Lost in the memories, her heart ached with so much guilt and so much regret that she could hardly find her voice when she finally spoke up after Rossi had caught her lost in her thoughts.

"It's like the end of 'The Dead'… When Gretta remembers the boy she loved when she was younger… and she says… 'I think he died for me.'" And indeed, how appropriate that was to her current situation. But it wasn't only Matthew she had referred to.

He died for me, she had said while thinking about Derek and another cold day on an other dark street. She knew that she had killed something in him that day and while Rossi was quoting James Joyce, Emily had an epiphany.

She had killed his hope, crushed it on the pavement of the damp street and when she had finally turned her back on him and walked away, she had taken their "always" away, too.

In the wake of her newfound revelation, she felt relieved when Rossi left her on the street without any further questions concerning her present state and she welcomed the soothing coldness of the falling snow as she began to walk in the night, remembering Matthew, Derek, and the loss both of them had to suffer because of her.

"Emily?" She could hear the surprise in Derek's voice a couple of hours later and she didn't have to look up at him to envision the confused furrow of his brows as he walked up to her. She could just imagine how she must have looked all soaked through, shivering like a lost puppy on his doormat. She was actually sitting on his doormat, hugging her knees close to her body and resting her chin on them.

She was physically and emotionally drained and it even took her serious efforts to raise her eyes at the man who was towering over her.

"You never gave upon me," she stated in a low voice, still not fully comprehending the idea. Her eyes held his only for a second before they quickly shifted to a spot closer to the floor in front of her.

Only silence greeted her observation, mostly due to the fact that her choice of topic startled Derek. The wrinkles on his forehead deepened but then they disappeared. Emily saw none of it, though; she could only hear when he finally moved. Not long after that he appeared in her line of vision as he took his seat opposite to her on the doormat.

"No, I didn't." His voice was, like Emily's, hardly above a whisper but like earlier that day, it held no uncertainty. He was always like that, so damn confident.

"I left you," her voice cracked as tears flooded her vision.

"That you did." Emily winced even though Derek's voice was without accusation or reproach.

"You are not angry at me. You weren't angry at me." Her voice broke with her effort to swallow her tears. "I remember when we first met at the BAU, you were surprised but not angry. You didn't even call me on pretending not knowing you."

"I've never been angry at you. You chose to leave me, God knows why but you did. I was hurt when I couldn't find you after our conversation; I was hurt because you didn't let me be there for you… because you weren't there for me. But when I recall it, there was something in your eyes that night that made me accept your choice. And I've never given up the hope that you'd come back." He gave her a warm, encouraging smile and Emily found herself smiling with him.

"You are one hell of a believer, Derek Morgan."

"Well, you came back, didn't you?" Although his tone was playful, Emily knew that doubts still lingered in his mind. They had never really addressed their issues, never really tried to understand what had exactly happened that night when Emily walked out of his life. Apart from a brief discussion back in Chicago - at the insistence of his mother - not long after Emily had joined the BAU, they had never brought up the past. They agreed back then that they'd try to rebuild their relationship and they stuck to that. They got to know each other once again and they became good friends. They became best friends.

But she wanted more… she needed more. And it seemed that Derek wanted it, too. So she gave him a smile and nodded.

"That I did."

The smile that Derek gave him warmed her heart like nothing else in a very long time and she welcomed it.

Derek stood up followed by Emily's eyes.

"Come on," he offered her a hand. "We should go inside." His voice was thick with emotion and that didn't escape Emily's attention, either. Wordlessly she accepted his hand and let him pull her up.

Without any word they entered his apartment where an overly enthusiastic Clooney greeted them. A little smile appeared on Emily's face as she petted the head of the large mustiff who was over the moon because of the attention. Derek at last managed to drag him away and keep him occupied with some food.

When he returned to the room, he found Emily exactly where he had left her. There were no words spoken as, for the longest time, they just stood looking at each other. They couldn't even tell who made the first move but suddenly they crashed in a fierce hug, clinging to each other desperately. Emily was crying again and this time Derek didn't keep anything back, either. She was back. She finally realized what he had already known: they can't get through it without the other.

After their tears had dried, Derek gently guided Emily to the bedroom.

"We have to talk," she looked at him. There were so many things left unsaid, things that needed to be discussed before they could go forward.

"And we will," Derek reassured her as he went to get a T-shirt and handed it to her. "Tomorrow. Right now what we have to do is sleep. The last few days were trying and you need to rest." Emily nodded then started to get out of her cloths and put the T-shirt on. Derek followed suit and not long after that they were under the covers.

Without giving it a second thought, Emily curled up next to Derek like the last ten years hadn't happened.

"Good night, Princess," she could hear his deep voice as his arms pulled her closer to his solid body. She could hear Clooney settling down on the floor next to her.

"Good night, Derek," she whispered already drifting off to sleep as she reveled in the warmth of his embrace. They hadn't talked about much she wanted to talk about and she knew that working out their issues wouldn't be easy but the fact that he had accepted her back into his arms spoke louder than any words. They can work it out and then they can move on… together. Always.

"Hey there, kittens," Garcia's cheery voice reached Derek and Reid sitting in the bullpen even before the woman did. "We have a beautiful morning, don't we?"

"Aren't we a little too cheery for a Monday morning, baby girl?" Derek frowned from his position on the edge of Emily's desk as Garcia made herself comfortable in Emily's empty chair.

"One can never be too cheery, my darling," Garcia grinned at the somewhat grumpy man. It wasn't a secret that Derek was an early-riser – a fact Emily constantly complained about – but it seemed that Monday mornings made even the living example of "morning person" less than thrilled about the day.

"I take it you and Kevin had a great weekend." Derek smiled at his favorite computer genius.

"Great?" Garcia raised an eye-brow. "No, my friend, it wasn't great. It was extra-hyper-superbly mind-blowingly fantastic." Derek laughed out, enjoying that his baby girl was so happy.

"Mind-blowingly is not a word, Garcia," Reid pointed out matter-of-factly, completely missing the point, for which he got a glare from the woman.

"Good for you, baby girl," Derek smiled.

"That it is. But it's not so good for you," she narrowed her eyes. "You don't look like somebody who had a terrific weekend."

"Oh, he had a terrific weekend all right," Emily's somewhat strained voice could be heard as she walked up to them. When Garcia turned toward her, she gasped and jumped up from the chair to offer it to her friend.

"Oh my God, Emily, are you all right?"

"I was until Derek fed me something that made me throw up all weekend." And indeed, despite everything, she'd been quite well up until recently.

"And here it begins again," Derek sighed dramatically. "I honestly don't think that it's my fault that salmon doesn't agree with your stomach," he defended himself. "And anyway, I thought that you like salmon."

"Whatever," Emily grunted, trying to sooth her still upset stomach. "It doesn't change the fact that I spent my weekend on the floor of the bathroom."

"I told you I'd make it up to you."

"Oh, you will… but not by cooking."

"You should go home, Emily," Garcia voiced her concern as soon as she got the chance to speak up.

"Don't worry, PG. I feel better than I look. I should be over it soon."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"And you, Derek Morgan," she turned to her friend with a warning look. "If you ever try to poison my little cupcake again, you have to deal with me."

"I give up," Derek rolled his eyes exasperatedly while he stood up and, after collecting his things, started toward his office. He didn't get far, however, when JJ appeared.

"You know, JJ," Emily looked at the woman. "I really don't like when you're walking with that expression on your face."

"What expression?"

"The sorry-guys-but-we've-got-a-case expression," Derek clarified as he walked back to the little group and stopped next to Emily. JJ didn't say anything but distributed the folders among the others with an apologetic look.

"We've got to be quick," she told them.

"Child abduction," Reid opened the file. Derek's glance quickly found Emily.

"Yep, we are leaving in fifteen minutes. Briefing's on the plane." At that everybody began collecting their things and was ready to go in no time.

"Where are we going?" Emily asked in an unemotional tone as she, Derek and Reid walked out with JJ.

"Chicago," the blond woman replied before turning toward her office. Emily's steps visibly slowed and only Derek's hand on the small of her back kept her moving forward.

TBC

Thanks for reading!