disclaimer: ....'sup Dan?

a/n: Just a fun project in between writing normal fics. According to my icarly fic guru, Mizufae, Queen of all Seddie, my bad!fic writing skills is way better than my normal fic writing and that I've found comedic gold. I can't help it! ...I'm just naturally silly! So here it is. The most out of character fan fiction you'll ever find with the silliest plot twists you can ever conceive-- I present you:

The Love Polygon: iCarly Bad!Fic Vol. I

Sam skipped as she headed out to school. Skippidy doo daah, skippidy yay. My, oh, my what a wonderful day, she sang in her head. She bent down to pick a daisy up from the flower bed that lined the gravel that led to the entrance of Ridgeway High. She looked from side to side, making sure no one was looking. As soon as it was safe, she took a deep breath and inhaled the lovely scent.

Sam was actually a very cheery person. Nobody ever had an inkling. That side of her only came out occasionally. Sometimes, she would show a bit of it to Carly. However, even her best friend never knew the full extent of how bright and sunny Sam actually was. To Carly, Spencer and Freddie, Sam was an angry child who needed to go to teen therapy sessions every weekend. True, she was going to teen therapy. But it wasn't for anger issues. It was something completely different.

They didn't know that she was only hiding. She wasn't hiding from herself, like some people with issues often were. She was hiding from the world. That teen therapist she was seeing? It wasn't for anger. She was helping her be true to herself... true to her heart. The problem was that, in her heart lay only one man. And that man's name was Freddie Benson. But how can she tell him that she loved him with a burning passion, a passion of a hundred gamajillion suns, when he was in love with someone else? To top it all off, he was in love with her best friend... Carly Shay. The perfect Carly. The one everybody loved.

Sigh. It was sad. Very sad indeed.

She stuffed the flower in her bag. She rolled her neck once. Now was the time to get in character. She closed her eyes and chanted: Meanie, meanie, don't be nice to Gibby. Hungry, angry, give him a wedgie. This was what she said to herself every day. She opened her eyes and started seeing the world as an angry girl should. She stomped up the steps and huffed and puffed. She looked to the left and gave a couple of 8th graders mean looks. Needless to say, they scurried away, frightened.

"Hey, Sam," a voice interrupted her huffity puffity walk. It was Freddie, her love. Her reason for living. The apple of her eye; the ice cream to her pie; the match that lit her fire; her one and only desire.

"What is it, dorkwad?" She asked. Oh how I wish I could ruffle your sexy, ruffly, puffy hair.

He smirked at her and gave her a sexy look. He had been immune to her insults. Which scared her, it scared her to no end-- this is scary-- because she had a feeling he was starting to think her meanness was cute. Cute, yes, but not cute enough to ignore his love for the wonderful Carly.

"I was just asking if you've seen Carly lately," he asked. ...See what I mean?

Sam's face dropped for a millisecond but she quickly recovered. "How should I know doofus? ...Why do you need her, anyway?"

"I need to see if our answers for Super Advanced Placement Theoretical Physics with Applications in Chemestrical Biology assignment were the same. I spent all night answering them," He said. He arched his back, contracted his arms then slowly stretched them upward and yawned.

Sam stared at his biceps, then she eyed his chest which was almost visible under his thin, v-neck white shirt. Why did Freddie suddenly get hot over the summer? And what's that? Oh. Em. Gee. She could see he had grown three strands of chest hair. It was enough to drive her crazy, crazy I tell you! I'm crazy for you, touch me once and you know it's true, Sam sang in her head as her eyes started to glaze over from looking at the wonderful Adonis in front of her.

"Sam?" His baritone voice interrupted her daydream of them dancing and singing in the rain. "You just spaced out, are you ok?" He gave her a concerned look as he touched her elbow ever so lightly.

Sam shivered under his touch. Luckily, Gibby just walked in and the sight of him quickly made her recover.

"Nothing, I was just thinking what kind of wedgie I should give Gibby today," she said in one deep breath. Without bothering to look back at his cocoa eyes, she shoved past him and stomped over to Gibby. "Ei, Gibbeh! I'm hungreh! I need your moneh!!" she practically rapped.

Freddie smirked at as he watched Sam threaten a frightened Gibby. He readjusted the strap of his bag and walked away.

As Sam grabbed the waistband of Gibby's jeans, she leaned in close to him and whispered, "Is he gone?"

Gibby craned his head and saw Freddie's blue backpack bounce up and down as Freddie hopped up the staircase. "Yeah," he whispered back. As soon as he did, Sam let him go. Gibby stumbled and almost tripped, but Sam grabbed his hand just in time.

"Sam, we should really stop this charade," He said as he dusted himself off. He lifted his shirt up a tiny bit to inspect his belly. When everything seemed to be in place, he tucked his shirt back in and looked at his attacker.

Sam rested her weight on the side of her foot. "What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

"You know. This 'I'm a bad girl, I hate the world' charade. We've been doing since... since..."

"5th grade"

"Yes, 5th grade. You should show the world who you really are," he gently brushed her bangs out of her eyes. "It's a shame that you have to hide the beauty and warmth in your eyes with hatred and anger. You know, people are starting to think you're a sociopath who's endured child abuse."

Gibby was probably the only person, aside from her mother, maybe, who knew how Sam really was. They knew each other since they were kids. Their parents were business partners. Sam's mom owned her multi-billion brassiere and lingerie company while Gibby's parents ran a very successful talent agency that provided the models. That was mainly the reason why Gibby was so comfortable in his own skin-- he grew up around the best and learned from the best. Because of his closeness to Sam's family and the way he didn't care what other people thought of him-- Sam chose him to be her accomplice in the mission to hide who she really was.

"Gibby, I can't. I can never let my guard down! I can never let Freddie know how I really feel!" She wailed as she gripped his shoulders and shook him with every other word.

Gibby took a deep breath and nodded. "Fine. I'll keep on playing along... for you."

She smiled at him as she let him go. "Thank you, Gibby." Sam leaned in to kiss her friend on his chubby cheeks. Right as she was an inch away, she spotted someone approaching them. She swiftly slapped him instead. "Sorry," she whispered, "see ya later, buddy." Then she was off.

Gibby watched her walk away, staring at her soft, wavy gold locks. It swayed from side to side, following the shake of her hips as she took one step after another. What does Freddie have that I don't? If you only knew Sam, how my cardiovascular system pumps blood through my body only for you. Every punch you take, every insult you make, every locker you break makes me adore you more and more.

Gasp! Yes people. You have gasped right. Gibby was in love with Sam.