The Song in My Heart
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Gundam Seed series and their characters. If I did, then I would be the happiest girl in the world.
Author's Note: We always see Lacus Clyne as a strong-willed person, she stood firm and steady at all times. Her radiant smile gives warmth and her songs gives us hope...but do you guys ever wonder how she really felt? Beyond her smile is a face of pure sorrow as she craves for her freedom...
Please hear her voice, hear her calls, and hear her songs...
Power?
Am I looking for power?
No. This is not what we want. This is not what I want, but this is what I have now. As the new leader of PLANT, I have all the power I need, the power to protect my people, my nation, my friends, and my loved ones. But power can turn into greed, into hate, and then eventually it can cause war. War means more suffering, unnecessary sacrifices, bloodshed, and tears. No, this is definitely not what we want. I've seen enough in the past, too much blood had been spilled, too much lives had been lost, and too much tears had been shed.
Now, I sat inside my office, all alone with no one to talk to, no one to hear my voice, or my songs. It was quiet, so quiet that I could here my own breathing. My memories from my past began to roll inside my head like a movie clip. I could still remember the events of the previous wars. Yes, it is very painful and sad, and many of us had suffered. But even if it is hard, I was with my friends, Cagalli, Athrun, Kira and the rest of the Archangel crew. Together we've managed to endure all the hardships of the war, and conquer all the obstacles that fate had thrown at us... And back then, I was not alone...
Hello, my friends. My name is Lacus Clyne. I am the daughter of the former Chairman of PLANT, Siegel Clyne. I am an idol singer that had grown popular in the PLANTs. I've gained lots of titles back in the past, I was known as the "pink princess" and "the Songstress" of ZAFT. As a songstress, I used my voice as my means of approach, I've sung in numerous concerts and I was happy that I was able to put a smile on everyone's faces. When the war started, everybody was in total panic and chaos. Once again I used my voice to calm everybody down, I sang my songs as it reaches their distressed hearts. I may have helped my people back then, but there's one thing that even my angelic voice can't do – it's to bring their loved ones back. I stood strong and firm in front of everybody, yet deep inside, I cry silent tears as I hear everybody's cries and feel their pain.
Pain...
Tears...
And suffering...
Everybody was affected by the war, everybody was hurt and wounded...But there was one person, who had suffered more than we did...Kira...I could still remember the time when I first met him. I was sent to the ruins of Junius 7, I was in a civilian ship when suddenly, I ran into a major problem. Our ship was attacked by the Earth Alliance and I was shoved into a lifepod for my safety. By the sudden twist of fate, I was rescued by a mobile suit pilot and was brought on board the Archangel. Kira Yamato, the pilot of the Strike Gundam, he's the one who saved me when my lifepod wanders off aimlessly in space. He has brown hair and soft purple eyes, but his eyes seem to be filled with sadness as tears began to fall down endlessly, he continued to blame himself for Fllay's loss. I tried my best to comfort him, hoping that I could somehow ease his pain. As we continue to talk to each other, I found out that he is kind and gentle, and I began to privately have feelings for him. I also learned that both he and my former fiancé Athrun Zala shared a bond of friendship. But because of the war, they were forced to fight each other in order to protect their friends and beliefs. I couldn't do anything back then, except to watch him silently disappear from the distance while in Athrun's arms. It saddens me that we have to go our separates ways, but I will never forget the short time I've spent with him. How I prayed to that we could meet once again.
I was happy when my prayer was finally answered, Reverend Malchio visited our home and told us that he's bringing an injured soldier with him. I was surprised that the injured soldier turned out to be Kira. I was happy, yet at the same time sad. Because what I've witnessed had destroyed my very soul, Kira was lying motionless and unconscious, his body was wrapped up in bandages and a pain of expression was etched on his face. Everyday I checked up on him, sitting beside his bed, waiting for his eyes to open, watching him silently as his bandaged chest rise and fall. His face seemed to be more peaceful and calm now, maybe the fresh air and warm sunlight helped him a lot. At last, he woke up, and I was glad. The days raced on like the beating of my heart, as my feelings for him continued to grow. Time spent with him was beyond happiness. No words can explain how it felt during those times. It felt like those days would last forever. But I was wrong. If only we could have stopped time right there and then. Then the day I feared most would've never come. Kira decided to leave PLANT in order to save his friends in the Archangel back on Earth. Again, he cried and told me with a forced smile that he'll be back. The pain and anguish plunges deep into my heart, as I could do nothing to stop him. So I've decided to give him a new sword for him to fight – ZGMF-X10A Freedom. And with it I lend him my strength with a light kiss on his cheek. Once again, our paths went on different ways, but I'll always remember his words and I'll continue to wait for him till then.
Uncertainty...
Vague...
And doubt...
I could still remember the time when Athrun and I met at the stadium concert. He and I met in very unpleasant way. I could still remember the words I've told him before.
"What do you believe in and fight for, Athrun? The medals you're rewarded? Or your father's order!"
I saw the uncertainty in his emerald orbs while he pointed a gun at me. I wish that my words could reach his confused heart and make a difference in his point of view.
Sorrow...
Grief...
And lament...
I could still remember the time we've fought all together. When I've decided to go to Orb on the Eternal and join the Kusanagi and Archangel to form the Three Ships Alliance to finally stop this war. I saw Kira once again, and the first thing that came into my mind was to run into his arms and cry my eyes out. And so I did. I told him everything that has happened to me, every feeling that was locked up inside of my heart, the pain of losing my father and how sad I was when he left. I felt so secured while staying in his strong embrace, for the first time in my life, I finally knew how it feels like to be loved by someone.
Hope...
Faith...
And love...
I could still remember the ring that I gave him. It once belonged to my mother and with it I finally confessed my love for him. In return, he gave me a kiss on the cheek, it was light and featherlike, but it felt warm. Then he flew off towards the battlefield like hero in a fairy tale. I just pray that my hero will come back to me safely. I watched quietly at the bridge, as the heated battle continued all around us. My heart almost stopped when I saw Kira's mobile suit extremely damaged in the fight. Thankfully, he's okay, severely injured but still alive. I was so relieved that he's okay. And for that, I promised myself that I'll always stay by his side.
Calm...
Serenity...
And sadness...
I could still remember the time when Kira and I decided to live with Reverend Malchio in the orphanage on Marshall Islands. Our lives were happy and content. But I could still see the sadness in Kira's eyes, he tried to hide it with his smile by playing with the children at the beach. But the emotional scar in his heart will never fade away that no amount of time will ever erase. I was so near to him, yet it seems like we were so far apart. But still, I will stay with him till the end, till the my very last breath and till the very last beat of my heart.
Fear...
Terror...
And hesitation...
I could still remember the time when a group of soldiers was sent to assassinate me. I was so scared back then, but he was there to protect me. This incident made him decide to fight again. At first, I hesitated on giving him the keys, I don't want him to fight any more, I don't want to see his tears, he'd suffered enough and I can't let him get hurt again...No, I just can't. I looked at his purple orbs, and saw eyes that lit up with concern. He told me that he'll be alright, and he'll do it to protect me. Then I saw the children, they were scared and frightened as well, I can't let the children get hurt too. So, I gave Kira his sword back. I'm so sorry, Kira...I'm so sorry...
Separation...
Departure...
And distance...
I could still remember the time when I have to leave him again. I have to go, even if it mean leaving Kira again...I have to go, even if it hurts...I have to go, for both our sakes, and for the world's. I watched him chase after me in his Freedom, he insisted to come with me, but I said that the Archangel needs him more than I do now...its funny how destiny always seems to take us apart...Now I ask...why?
Confusion...
Reflection...
Mayhem...
And death...
I could still remember the time when the wheels of destiny have started to turn. The two Lacus' met at last, face to face. I thought I was looking at a mirror. She was so like me. Meer Campbell was her name, and every inch of her face was the exact copy of mine. I tried to convince her to stop working for Durandal. But she insisted to stay and play her role as what Durandal had given her. I know that she's a good person, but life certainly is unfair. I saw her die in my arms. She gave me her photo, and asked me to remember her, to remember her songs...and I will...I will Ms. Meer. Another life has been lost, and it's all because of me. Meer died because of me, she saved my life, even if she wanted to be me. I cried in Kira's arms, his strong embrace made me feel so frail that I wanted to fall apart.
Justice...
Righteousness...
And relief...
I could still remember the time when we've managed to stop this madness. Finally, it's all over. And we can finally have peace, where we can have a serene and secure community, with harmonious relationship with Naturals and Coordinators alike. A place where tranquil could expect harmony among others and ourselves.
But it all didn't end as much as we've planned. Kira and I have to take on different paths, to ensure that both our nations are to live peacefully. Kira became a commander in Orb, while I became the chairwoman of PLANT. I thought we can finally be together again, and live happily on our own. And once again, I was wrong. I subconsciously started to sing, but my voice just kept on echoing inside this hollow stage. I felt cold and alone. I need someone, I need him. I want to feel his embrace, I want to see his gentle smile, I want to see his purple eyes...I want to be with him...Kira...
No. I don't want power...
What I want...is Freedom...
The freedom to do whatever my heart's desire. To live my life, and be the master of my own life. I don't want my life to be lived, to be a slave, and be dictated on what I ought to do. I wanted to be free from these chains of misery. But I can't...to be free means that I have to put my people's happiness and safety at risk...I have to remain here, shackled in this cold lonely place...
Hear voice, hear my call, hear my songs...
Indeed, I may be a songstress, but even as a famous songstress there's one song that even I cannot sing – the song in my heart...
The End...